Love, Toni

"I don't think I feel it anymore." For a moment, Clairo Yu thought she had misheard. The words hung between them, suspended in the cold evening air, impossible to grasp and even harder to believe. "What?" she asked softly. Across from her, Toni Corvin sat rigidly on the wooden bench overlooking Evergreen Lake. Her gaze remained fixed on the water, refusing to meet Clairo's eyes. The silence that followed felt heavier than the words themselves. "Toni." Still nothing. Clairo laughed nervously, waiting for the punchline. The correction. The "that's not what I meant." Instead, Toni exhaled slowly. "The excitement isn't there anymore." Every sound around them seemed to disappear. The distant chatter of students. The rustling leaves. The water lapping against the shore. Gone. Only Toni's words remained. The excitement isn't there anymore. Clairo stared at her. This was the same girl who had called her at three in the morning because she couldn't sleep. The same girl who had memorized her coffee order. The same girl who had spent an entire afternoon helping her look for a book she had accidentally returned to the wrong shelf in the library. The same girl who had kissed her forehead and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere." Her chest tightened. "You're joking." Toni finally looked at her. And somehow that was worse. Because there was no cruelty in her expression. No annoyance. No anger. Just exhaustion. "I wish I was." Clairo felt her heart begin to race. "No." Her voice cracked. "No, you don't get to do that." Toni looked away again. "You don't get to say all those things and then suddenly tell me you don't feel it anymore." "I know." "Do you?" The question came out sharper than she intended. Toni flinched. A tiny movement. But Clairo noticed. She always noticed. "You told me I was different." "I know." "You said you liked talking to me." "I did." "You said—" Clairo stopped. Her throat burned. Because she remembered every word. Every promise. Every text. Every late-night conversation that had convinced her this was real. That Toni was real. The tears came before she could stop them. "Toni..." For the first time, Toni's expression cracked. Pain flashed across her face. Gone as quickly as it appeared. Clairo almost missed it. Almost. "If there's something wrong, tell me." Silence. "If I did something, tell me." Silence. "We can fix it." At that, Toni let out a bitter laugh. Fix it. If only it were that simple. Clairo reached for her hand. Toni pulled away. The movement was small. But it felt like being stabbed. Something inside Clairo shattered. Neither of them spoke. The sky above them had turned a deep shade of blue, the last traces of sunlight disappearing behind the campus buildings. Summer break starts tomorrow. Students were packing. Leaving. Moving on. Clairo had imagined spending the summer counting down the days until she saw Toni again. Now she couldn't imagine making it through the night. "I don't understand." Toni swallowed. Neither do I. The words sat on the tip of her tongue. But she never said them. Because the truth was worse. The truth was that she understood exactly what was happening. She cared too much. And that terrified her. Every day with Clairo felt like standing closer to the edge of a cliff. The higher her feelings climbed, the louder the voice in her head became. Leave first. Before she leaves you. Before she sees too much. Before she realizes you're too much. The voice had won. Again. "I'm sorry." Clairo laughed through her tears. A broken sound. "I hate when people say that." Toni's chest tightened. She wanted to reach for her. To take everything back. To tell her she didn't mean any of it. To tell her she was scared. Instead, she stood. And that was when Clairo knew. This was really happening. "Toni." For the first time that evening, Toni looked directly at her. And Clairo wished she hadn't. Because Toni looked heartbroken. As if she were the one being left behind. "I'm sorry, Clairo." Then she walked away. Clairo sat there long after she disappeared. Long after the campus lights flickered on. Long after the sky turned black. She stared at the empty path where Toni had vanished. Waiting. Hoping. Praying she would come back. She didn't. And somewhere, miles away from the lake and the girl she had just broken, Toni would spend the entire summer writing letters she would never send.