Phoenix Falling

Chapter 9

“Liam.” I said quietly.  He looked into my eyes holding my gaze.  His thumb stroking the palm of my hand.  We were lounging on his deck in the sun.  Two weeks had gone by and we still hadn't told my parent's about the baby. Everyday I wanted sit them down and let them know what was going on but I just couldn't. Not with Liam's letter's on my mind. They broke my heart every time I read them. 

         “I read your letters” I said, quietly. He peered over his sunglasses at me. 

           "Oh?" He said it like a question. I nodded. 

        "They broke my heart." I confided. 

        "Mine was broken when I wrote them." He whispered, and to my horror a tear slipped from behind the lens of his RayBan's. f**k. I did that to him. I jumped up. Sliding to my knees in front of him. 

        "Liam, I could live a million lives and never be able to fix what I did. I don't know how you can even stand to look at me. How you can ever forgive me." I cried, tears sliding down my face now. I took his hand's into mine and brought my lips to them. Then I whispered. 

        "I'm sorry." I meant it more than I had ever meant anything in my life. He squeezed my hands and pulled them around his neck. Then he brought his lips to mine. He kissed me softly. His tongue gently parting my lips. God, such a good kisser. How had I ever thought anyone else could make me happy after being kissed like this? He continued his lips melding mine to the shape of his. His arms snaked around me pulling me into his lap. His hand slid to the base of my back and he held me tight. When we finally broke apart I was breathless. 

        "Olivia, you did what you thought you needed to do. Now the world is right. You came back to me. We should move on." He said, pulling his glasses off so he could look me in the eyes. 

        "I ruined our lives." I whispered quietly. He shook his head. 

        "No baby. If anything we will appreciate one another more now than ever before." He said, bringing his lips to mine again. He calmed my anxieties with his mouth. I could feel my inhibitions leaving me with every movement of his lips. I clung to him. My life seemed good. Except one issue. He had yet to make love to me and god how I wanted him to. When we broke apart again he looked at me. 

         “Let’s go out tonight.” He said happily. I smiled.

        “Are you asking me out on a date?” I asked him with a completely straight face.  Returning my straight face with one of his own he said. We hadn't done that either. With My mom and Harry and Heather staying at Tim's we had been spending a lot of time with them. Not having too much time alone. Except the fact that I hadn't slept one night in my own bed since the Connor issue had blown up. 

       “Well if you don’t want to go with me I guess I’ll have to find myself some different ball and chain.” he said giggling.  I smiled at him but my mind wavered to Anna.  I felt the little pang of jealousy in my gut.  I suddenly felt an intense desire to make him forget about her. The feeling in my core came almost instantly.  Deep in the pit of my stomach.  It was like the feeling of when you ride a rollercoast down a steep hill.  That feeling of swoosh.  It was stronger than what it had ever been before.  I wondered if he felt the same way about Connor? did he get a punch to the stomach just like I did? The idea of him being inside some other woman. It made me almost instantly sick. 

I leaned into him and planted my lips onto his neck directly below his ear.  I wish he would let me make love to him. I hadn't made love since he left. He also hadn’t defined our relationship.  What are we are we exclusive?  I wondered as I continued my assault on his body.  Kissing the tender skin softly.  He let out a low soft growl and wrapped his arms around me.  Then he brought his lips to mine again.  Kissing me gently.  The feeling growing inside me.  My body physically began to ache with the need.  I wanted him right here right now.  I kissed him harder. Pulling at his clothes.  He wrapped his hands around mine pulling them off of his clothes and whispered into my mouth. 

         “Olivia, not here love.” His eye’s wandering to the neighbouring houses.

“Fine.  Let’s go upstairs.”  I said starting to rise.  He pulled me back down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me.  He rocked back and forth gently and kissed the back of my neck trying to wash away the hurt of rejection.  

“Later baby.”  He said into my hair. Ouch. I thought to myself. But then again, the idea of him being with Anna made me physically sick and here I am. I have another mans seed germinating inside me. How can I expect him to want to be with me? I sat quietly brewing on this idea until he said. 

"Well, shall we go across the road so I can play with your sister?" I nodded happily. Glad that he had broken the silence. Tim was sitting in the living room. 

          “Hey kids how are you doing?”  He asked us cheerily.

“Oh, were good." Liam said smiling as he sat down on the floor to play with Heather. It made my heart happy.  

"Were going on a dinner date tonight ok?” I said asking him.  He nodded.  

“No problem kid, your mom and Harry are going out too. I’m babysitting your sister.”  He said smiling at her in Liam's arms.  I smiled, it was kind of cute that mom and Harry felt fine leaving her alone with him.  It was nice to see them getting along.  Liam made a scrunched up face. 

"Weeooo this kid needs a diaper change." He said, rising to take her upstairs a change her. He had jumped into helping with her like she was his own. 

“Olivia.”  Tim said as Liam headed out the door. 

“Yea dad?”  I questioned him. 

“Hold on to him this time kiddo.  He called me so many times when you sent him that letter.  I swore I wouldn’t get involved but you are so happy again.  It was an overnight transformation.”  He said, I smiled, 

“It was a transformation in seconds dad.”  I said.  When Liam came back down he handed Heather to Tim. 

"Chuck want's to go to a bonfire." He said looking at me. 

"Ok, let me go change." I said running up the stairs. When I came down Liam had already gone outside. I blew a kiss at Tim. 

"See you in the morning daddy." I shouted cheerily from the foyer. 

"Love you kiddo, be safe." He called, I put my shoes on and could hear him from the living room talking to Heather.

"Your sister came back to us. Life is such a wonderful thing Heather." He said happily. I smiled to myself and closed the door quietly. 

I grabbed a hoodie out of the front closet and walked over to Liam’s.  He and Chuck were just coming out the front door as I walked up the stairs.  

He led me to the driver’s side of the truck and gave me a boost up.  Chuck was sitting in the passenger seat by now so I sat in the middle.  Liam threw his arm around me as we backed out of the drive.  

“Hope you like partying country style.”  Chuck said laughing at me. I smiled but I really had no clue what country style meant.  Liam drove us into the backwoods of the Arizona desert.  There was a bonfire a huge bonfire and around it about twenty people.  All of them wearing camo.  Country music was blasting from one of the many pickup trucks parked around.  Everyone had a beer in their hand.  They were chatting happily.  Maybe I could get used to partying country style.  Looked healthier than the partying I had done for almost a year. Liam handed me a can which I noted was the Budweiser prohibition edition and I sipped it quietly.  He was thoughtful bringing me non alcoholic beer.  He introduced me to a couple and struck up a conversation with them.  The girlfriend whose name was Tess started up a conversation with me. 

“How long have you and Liam been together?”  She asked me sweetly.  

“Awhile off and on.”  I said, I didn’t want to get into it but I didn’t want to lie to her either.  She nodded.  A slow song came over the radio and Liam grabbed my hand and walked a ways away from the group.  Pulling me to him we swayed back and forth together.  The sun was still bright in the sky but it was romantic no matter what.  The fire burning in the background.  He held me close.  His arms wrapped around me.  I rested my head on his chest.  Breathing in his manly musky scent.  My heart felt full in this moment. I honestly enjoyed myself so much I forgot about our date. We spent our time laughing and singing campfire songs until the sun went down and the fire got bigger.  I sat on a log on the ground.  Liam on one side and Chuck on the other.  I sure felt protected with my massive Marines at my flanks.  I knew that this was where I belonged.  When I found myself yawning into my hand.  Liam leaned down. 

           “Ready for bed?”  He asked me.  I nodded.  I assumed he would drive me home.  But instead the guys threw together a huge pile of blankets in the box of the truck. Liam lifted me up in the box and tossed his phone up beside me then he and Chuck found a bush to relieve themselves.  I set his phone up beside me and crawled under the blankets.  It lit up as I laid down.  The name across the screen shooting me in the heart. 

Anna

Fuck.  f**k. f**k.  What should I do?  I wanted to read it.  But then I didn’t want to read it.  I did not want to be a green eyed monster.  So instead I flipped it over on his pillow and laid down. It taunted me from there though. I knew well and good they had been sleeping together. He didn't confirm that. But how could he not need some sort of relief? I had been with someone. I couldn't very well blame him. Liam helped Chuck up into the box and then jumped in himself and crawled in beside me.  I watched Liam closely as he looked at his phone.  He typed a reply to a text.  f**k.  But then he put the phone down and curled up beside me pulling me into his arms.  Chuck scoffed from across the truck.  

“Sure leave me over here to be the third wheel.”  He said pouting.  I laughed and Liam grabbed him by the arm dragging him closer.  They wrapped me like an Olivia sandwhich.  I chuckled.  But deep down I was slightly hurt that Liam wouldn’t be making love to me tonight.  Damn Chuck. I had grown to love him too but he was currently putting a kink in my plans. We must have been tired, because there wasn’t much talking and it didn’t take long for Chuck to drift off to sleep snoring gently and rolling away from me.  The moon light shone down onto Liams face.  His eye’s were closed, his lips parted slightly.  I made my move then.  Kissing him gently on the mouth.  To my surprise he wasn’t asleep. He kissed me softly back.  His lips forming gently to mine.  I softly pried his mouth open with my tongue.  He tasted of beer. Probably why we were sleeping here. He wouldn't ever put me in danger. He allowed me to keep kissing him and I pulled myself closer to him.  His hard muscles wrapping around me as he pulled me tighter.  I kissed him harder.  Desire igniting in my belly.  He kissed me passionately back.  I ran my hands down his chest.   He hadn’t kissed me like this since the Connor blow up. It had been so soft, so gentle, so safe. This was passion. This was lust. This was heated and sexy.  I hadn’t really thought of us as dating, he had said we were a we again. But what had that meant? We had been sleeping in the same bed. Polite kisses and touches but he kept turning away from me at the last minute.  We hadn’t made love, I wanted to make love.  It hadn’t been the same.  My fingers traced the shapes of his muscles all the way down to his belt.  I needed him so bad.  But that was where he stopped me.  His hand’s grabbing mine and bringing them to his lips to soften the blow of rejection. 

             “Love, we aren’t alone and I’m not much of an exhibitionist.”  He said kissing me once more on the lips.  He wrapped me back up into his arms.  His chin on the top of my head and I laid there. He was right, Chuck was less than a foot away. Not very appropriate. But being turned down never got easier.  I lay there in the dark pouting until sleep finally possessed me and I drifted off to sleep.