wilderness experience by blessing ihotu

There were two occasions in my life that I actually contemplated committing suicide. I had given up and wanted to put an end to it all. The first was shortly after the launch and presentation of my self-published story', 'The Kiss of Jezebel' where some invited guests gave me dud cheques and took applause and my books away. It was only a few months before then that my plan to travel to Spain was thwarted. . I reasoned that I was only destined for failure. I had sunk lots of money into the book launch but nothing came out of it. What then was left? Death knell sounded endlessly in my head. I just wanted to leave. I was frustrated. . I decided to travel to the village and kill myself there. Dying in the village would at least save my relatives in Lagos the pain of taking my corpse home in an ambulance. I reasoned. . But this plan didn't come to fruition. At Ojota, I bought a copy of Robert Schuller's book, 'Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do.' I read it all through the journey and finished it before we got to Onitsha. By the time we got to Enugu, I had had a change of mind. The information contained in the book had saved my life! . I read the book the second time in the village and armed with a new orientation, I decided to return to Lagos and try again. But something also happened. I met my wife along the line and married her days after! A story for another day . You don't know what a frustrated being can do until you taste the bitter gal of frustration yourself. . Back in Lagos, Mike and I struck a deal and made about two million naira. Mike was a good friend of mine who knew a lot about oil and gas. Pity, he died months after in Port Harcourt after sustaining injuries from an auto crash. . I left for Kaduna to stay with a classmate of mine. There, I opened a school. There, all my money went down the drain. There, the thought of committing suicide came up again. . I still remember that afternoon when I walked out of Finbank at Kakuri with all the money I had in my bank account; ten thousand eight hundred naira in all.! I had a rent renewal to make at the school building. That, I could not handle. There was staff salary. That too, I could not handle. . There were so many things, strings of debt I could not handle. Again, I presumed I'd failed and dementia and pessimism were leading me to just one direction; to the gallows. . My hopeless feet led me into the premises of St Gerald where I demanded to see the parish priest. I still wonder why I went there that day. . I was ushered into his office. He was probably in his late fifties; the priest. . When I began my frustrated tale, he listened with rapt attention. . "I am tired of this life," I whined hopelessly. "In fact, I want to commit suicide today. I just came to tell you before doing it. As you already know, I have every justifiable reason to kill myself because life hasn't been fair to me." . Heaving, the old man smiled. "My son, this obviously is a wise and noble decision you are about to take..." . "Huh!" I gaped obviously stupefied and flummoxed. . "Oh yes," he went on smoothly. "You mustn't hesitate in killing yourself because this experience of yours is the most terrible I have ever heard of. You must make it quick." . "Huh?" I gaped again. . He went on again smoothly; "I don't know how you plan to do it but I have a faster solution..." . I watched him open his drawer. A small bottle the size of a day-old snail came out of it. . "Here," he said calmly. "The content of this bottle can snuff out a life in less than a minute. All you need to do is put a little of it into your food and the job will be done soon after after eating it. I can let you have it..." . My hand did not move as he stretched the poisonous substance to me. At that moment, I was already beginning to sweat like a fish and it seemed as if I was sitting on a keg of gun powder. I was trembling too. . "I...I..." I wanted to say something but words couldn't form from my dry lips. . "Alternatively, you could take a dive into the road and let the heavy traffic take care of the situation. Death is the simplest route anyone could take..." . Sheepishly, I threw; "But I thought you were going to tell me not to. I thought you'd give me words of encouragement." . "Why should I when your mind is already made up?" He replied rather sarcastically. "See, young man, I have seen faces of men who really meant to commit suicide, men who lost containers bearing millions of dollars on high sea. Men who lost all their loved ones in accidents. Men who lost spinal chords or limbs. I have seen death on those faces. But on yours, I see nothing but fear and foolishness." . He cleared his throat and continued painlessly. "You are a very lucky being trying to make a mockery of your Creator. Look at you! God has given you a beautiful body. You have legs, hands and eyes. You are brilliant with a sound rational mind.You have an entrepreneurial spirit and I can smell success all around you. People who aren't half as gifted or lucky as you are, are out there making exploits. Yet all you think now is suicide. Let me tell you something, a baby falls many times before it could finally walk unaided. Be like a baby. You have fallen, yes, but you can dust yourself up and stand up and walk again. And if you fall again, do the same until you have done it for at least three hundred times." . "But don't you suspect witchcraft in my case?" I mumbled helplessly. . He nodded approvingly. "Yes, I suspect witchcraft. There is a witch hunting you and that witch is you!" . That afternoon, I had a change of mind again over my suicide plan. And since then, the priest's words have been floating in my head. I moved on with a better heart and a more determined spirit. And here I am! . THE WILDERNESS EXPERIENCE by adoyi blessing ihotu.