The Exhibitionist (Filipino)

Kabanata 1

MY mind can't stop thinking about him.

Yung lalaki na biglang naghagis sa akin ng jacket noong umuulan.

Hindi mawala sa isip ko ang galit sa mga mata niya. . . imbis na desire, just like what everyone else's would be once they see me. It's like he's from another world.

It's a little disturbing actually-and yes, very offending.

He made me feel like I'm a laughing stock. That I'm not beautiful, and that I don't deserve to live.

The day after that incident, whenever I come across hungry frozen faces staring at me, all I'm seeing is his eyes.

His glaring eyes at me, without desire. Without hunger in them.

And instantly, I just suddenly lose my confidence.

I don't feel like stripping off anymore because he's stuck in my head like some songs I can't pass a day without singing.

He's that kind of guy.

But I can't let him control me, though. He can't destroy who I am.

"Hey, Mill!" bigla ay may tumawag sa akin dahilan upang mapalingon ako agad, at mawala, kahit panandalian lang, sa isip ko ang lalaking iyon.

Si Britney. Siya ang matalik kong kaibigan. Hindi siya nag-aaral sa university kung saan ako nag-aaral, dahil tapos na siyang mag-aral. Halos limang taon o isang dekada rin yata ang tanda niya sa akin. Bata pa lang ako nang makilala ko siya, tapos ay naging matalik na kaming magkaibigan.

"Hey, Brit." ngiti ko sa kaniya nang nakapameywang bago ko hinila ang sarili ko paupo sa beach stretcher sa gilid ng pool sa manse kung saan ako nakatira. Actually, this place is my grandmother's. She's the one who's taking care of me.

Ini-adjust ko ang hot pink shades ko para makita ko siya nang malinaw. "You didn't inform me you'll visit."

Agad ay nameywang din siya na parang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko sa kaniya.

"Duh? I was texting you like forever!" nguso niya sa akin at agad na itinhrust sa harap ko ang kaniyang phone. That's one thing why I don't call Brit 'ate' or accept that she's so much older than I am, because she doesn't act that way. She's like 25 or older than that, for f**k's sake, but she acts like a teenager like me, and mind you, I'm just 19, and a college sophomore.

Naipaikot ko na lang ang mga mata ko, tapos ay tinuro ko sa kaniya ang recliner sa tabi ko, "You can sit, Brit. Nahiya ka pa." I said chuckling, tapos ay inabot ko ang special blend ng Red Iced Tea kong ginawa ni Gustava, isa sa mga katulong namin.

Nameywang muli si Brit sa harap ko na tila hindi iyon ang pakay niya. Napangiti na lamang ako sa sarili ko bago ako tuluyang tumayo galing sa pagkakaupo ko sa recliner at saka humalukipkip sa harap niya.

"Okay. Where are we going to hang out?" tanong ko agad sa kaniya. Mabuti na lang at natuyo na ang katawan ko. Kanina pa ako umahon sa tubig, mula nang bumaba na ang araw.

Agad lumapit sa akin si Fe, ang isa sa maids namin na alalay ko. Siya iyon katulong namin na may 'identity crisis' or so I think, because it's obvious that she's attracted to me. Well, hindi naman ibig sabihin no'n ay papatusin ko siya, because I'm not a lesbo, anyway, I just like to tease her.

Inabot agad niya sa akin ang pair ng thin camiseta at jean shorts.

I winked at her for acting immediately when I haven't even given her a task yet. That's one of the many things I like with Fe.

She's so used to this-to me, there's no need to ask her to bring me some, whenever I'm at the pool and Brit suddenly came, she already knew that I will, at some point want to go out.

I pulled on the purple camiseta. I already liked how the straps of my violet swim wear suits the purple tank top. God, what I'd give with all shades of violet. I really love that color, my favorite one. I hopped in on my jean shorts which incidentally or not, is in color lilac, I tucked in the front hem of my tank top on the waist band on my jean short before I slipped in on my violet sandals.

"You've done a great job, Felicity." I told Fe, I don't even know if Felicity is her real name, or Felicia, or Felicidad, whatever, I wouldn't even want to know. I noticed her staring at my boobs.

She raised her head, her eyes met mine. Unti-unti siyang napatango. Namula pa ang mga pisngi niya.

"Vivian po ang totoo kong pangalan." she said, her voice a whisper.

I love how she does that shy act. I think she's really attracted to me.

She thinks I'm hot.

Well, not that I care about her feelings, but at least, I can attract even girls. f**k that cunt.

That good for nothing Jacket guy. Just who the hell he think he is?

* * *

"So, you drove me on a bar-without telling me, my very good friend? And without asking me to change in some bar outfits, just. . . how could you?" napairap na lang ako kay Brit nang makapasok kami sa Loringe's Lounge. Pero hindi niya iyon pinansin. Hinawakan niya lang ang kamay ko at agad akong hinila patungo sa dagat ng mga tao.

"Come on, you're gorgeous whatever you're wearing, Mill." nakangising bulong niya sa aking tainga. "It's actually erotic that you're wearing bikinis underneath." I rolled my eyes at her failed attempt to wash away my insecurity.

But I'm thanking God I can still hear her despite all the loud noise and music I'm hearing pagpasok na pagpasok pa lang namin sa loob ng bar.

"I'll meet with Potie," bulong muli ni Brit sa akin, "See you in a few." and then I felt her hand let go of my arm. Suddenly she was taken away by the crowd of people, away from me. Napairap na lang ako.

Of course, she'll meet with her boyfriend. I'm just one of her props. Props needed para may kasama papunta. Girls. And to hell with me, because I never learn.

Agad ay may naggrab sa puwetan ko at saka iyon inisqueeze hindi pa man gaanong nakakalayo si Brit sa akin. Napangisi ako. May maganda pa naman palang bubuo sa gabi ko. Pero agad kong sinampal ang kamay ng kung sinong lalaking hindi ko pa nakikita paalis sa puwetan ko.

Not so fast, boy.

Hindi na ako nagbother na lingunin siya. Dumiretso na ako sa isa sa mga kiosk para umorder ng drink. I'm sure mas maraming lalapit sa akin doon.

"A lady's drink. Whatever's your special." I called out on the bar tender while I was reaching for one of the high stools.

"You're not getting any."

Tila awtomatikong naiangat ko ang tingin ko nang marinig ko ang nagsalita.

It was him.

That guy who made me not stop thinking about him.

That good for nothing jacket guy.