The Exhibitionist (Filipino)

Kabanata 7

"How can the owner be missing?!"

NAISIGAW ko na lamang ang mga salita nang dahil sa frustration ko, pagpasok ko sa aking kuwarto.

How can he be not there? How can he not open his bar?! What's his problem, anyway?!

I'm not the type to be frustrated but I can't help feeling that way.

It's making me crazy.

As if to startle me and make me even more unruly as I am becoming, my phone rang.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards my vanity table to reach out for my fuchsia pink cased phone.

The case is really great. I ordered it online from Riverdale merch. It says Pop's at the back, and it's just so adorable. Anyway, I picked up my phone and looked at the caller.

Why is Brit calling me?I swiped for the answer button and held up the phone against my ears.

"What?" I asked directly that made her startled as well.

"You seemed frustrated. Well, I caught your prince charming, though. If it can ease your hurt feelings—"

"f**k you, I am not hurt." pagputol ko agad sa kaniya na ikinatawa naman niya.

"Okay, fine. Don't be so obvious, Mill. He's at this Hospital, San Juan Medical Hospital. You know that right? Same hospital, where your mother was brought." pagtutuloy naman niya sa kaniyang balita.

Duh? It's not like I would know where my mother was hospitalized. It's not like I know anything back then.

Pero nangunot agad ang noo ko sa narinig ko sa kaniya. Hospitalized si Max? At bakit napaka layo niya? Bakit nasa San Juan siya? That was like a three-hour drive from here.

"Wait—who's hospitalized?" tanong ko agad sa kaniya na ikina-what niya.

"Gaga, it's your cunt. Are you even paying attention to my every word?" sagot naman niya na ikinakuha ng atensyon ko.

"Why's he at the hospital?" gulat kong tanong, pero narinig ko lang ang tawa niya na ikinaikot ng mga mata ko. "I don't need your laugh, seriously, bitch."

She just laughed even more.

"f**k you." I emphasized every word before hanging up, and then I went to my shoe cabinet and picked up a sneaker.

I can't think of a reason why he's at a hospital.

A hospital.

I'm wrinkling my nose just by saying the h-word. It's disgusting and creepy in a way that made my body chill.

* * *

"Saan po ang punta ninyo, Ma'am Millicent, at gabi na ho?" agad na bungad ng katulong naming si Gustava.

Huminga ako ng malalim at saka tumigil sandali para sagutin siya, "Where's Frank? I need the car. My friend is hospitalized.

"Nangunot agad ang noo ni Gustava sa narinig sa akin.

"Ma'am, ayaw niyo ho sa mga 'ospital diba? At saka, ano hong nangyari kay Ma'am Britney?" umepekto agad ang curiosity na sambit ni Gustava.

"Not Brit. Another friend. Max. Call Frank immediately, please." matitipid ko namang naisagot sa kaniya. Wala na siyang nagawa kundi ang tawagin nga si Frank, ang aking driver.

* * *

"Sigurado ho ba kayong kaya ninyong pumasok, Ma'am?" tanong ni Frank nang iparada ang kanilang kotse sa parking lot.

"I think I can." ngiti ko sa matanda. It's been years after Mom's death. It's not like I can't handle this now that I have already grown up.

"Sige po, hintayin ko na lang kayo dito." magalang na sagot ni Frank sa akin na agad kong ikinatungo sa kaniya bago ko tinahak ang daan patungo sa loob ng 'ospital.

Hospital is the most disgusting place for me.

Every staff doesn't cry with you whenever you lose someone—they're ruthless.

Whenever I look at their faces, I see grim reapers.

Taking lives with no emotions—that's what hurts the most.

No attachment.

It's horrible in the way that you wouldn't want to die because you'll just be like a trash to them. Ready to be picked up once done.

I'm not a trash, though.

I'm the most precious living person here.

They can't just take me away.

But the hate—it's much more irritating than becoming a trash of someone, once you die. I don't like hate. It takes up a lot in you. In my case, it's 70% hate, and 30% human.

I can't live with that.

I even tried to forget that. Minsan, success. Minsan, wala, better luck next time. But when I stepped foot at the hospital, and all the foul smell for me came haunting my nose and my memories—all of the hate I consumed and became part of me, suddenly they want to burst out; they want to eat me alive.

I can smell the lingering scent of the ethyl alcohol, the anaesthesia, the drugs, the familiar hospital presence. Nagtitipon-tipon silang lahat sa tapat ng butas ng ilong ko. Waiting for me to inhale them. And as I tried to catch my breath, dahil hindi ko kayang magpigil, there's this black that knocked me out.

Black that pulled out my unconsciousness, and I know I'm nowhere alive.