The Exhibitionist (Filipino)

Kabanata 6

"I told you, Brit. Something's wrong with me."

I told my best friend as I laid my back on the headboard of my bed.

"You're getting normal, b***h. At least, look at the silver linings." tila parang baliwala naman niyang tugon sa akin. Napairap na lang ako sa hawak kong telepono.

"This is not who I am. He's destroying me, Brit. Come on, how can I be glad with this?" tapos ay napahinga na lang ako ng malalim. "Loringe's Lounge, tonight. Come, or I'll come drag you there, dressed or naked."

"You little b***h, see you in a few." matawa-tawa na lang niyang naisagot sa akin matapos ko siyang pagbantaan.

I need to confirm something.

Given the fact that he owns that bar, he should be there.

I need him to be there.

I want him to see that he can't destroy me.

I will not change.

Never.

He can't be the cause of my destruction, if ever in the future, it turned out to be my end. I'll make sure it will be another person; just not him.

"Miss Mill, aalis po kayo?" bumukas ang pinto kasabay ng pagdungaw ni Fe sa aking dressing room. Napasmirk ako nang marealize na naka-undies lang ako, dahilan para humarap ako sa kaniya na agad niyang ikinaiwas naman ng kaniyang pagtingin.

She's awkward.

"Can you help me choose my outfit, Fe?" I asked politely and smiled innocently at her.

Agad siyang naghawi ng kaniyang buhok, tila kinikilig ang kaniyang ngiti. Gusto kong humalakhak, but I suppressed my laughter.

Nagmadali siyang naglakad patungo sa akin at saka tinitigan ang katawan ko, mula sa dibdib ko at patungo sa aking tuhod tapos ay ngumiti siya bago bumalik ang tingin sa mga mata ko.

"Kung nabuhay akong lalaki, Miss Mill, magkakagusto ako sa inyo." nasambit niya bago tinanggal ang tingin sa akin at saka nagtungo sa aking cabinet.

Napangisi ako bago naupo sa upuan doon na ginagamit ko sa tuwing magsusuot ako ng sapatos.

"Why, is it a problem that you're a girl? I mean, do you need to be a boy just to be allowed to love me?" tila kunwaring naguguluhan ko namang tugon sa kaniya na ikinatigil niya sa kaniyang ginagawang pagkuha ng mga hanger ng damit tapos ay agad siyang napalingon sa akin.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya. Tila sa takot o hiya. Tapos ay bigla siyang umiling sa akin.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya para malaman niyang wala lang sa akin iyon. Na hindi siya mawawalan ng trabaho dahil doon.

Ngumiti siya pabalik.Masayang ngiti, na tila nakakuha ng pag-asa.

Oops. Not that fast, sweet summer child.

My words should hurt like hell.

You can't smile taking them all—without pain.

"I kissed a boy before going home. I meant that deep kiss, you know, hands all over each other. He was sweating. Dying for me. He's drooling allover. I meant, my mouth can be contained with all his saliva, can it?" panimula ko sa kaniya. I made sure my eyes are glistening and at wonder.

"He caressed my breasts like there's no tomorrow. I mean, Fe, we're at the freaking locker room and there was a professor anywhere near that room. We can get caught any minute—God, it's thrilling."

It was a lie, Max's hand rested on my hips, and only there, but the best satisfying lie is always what's based on truth. I saw her shoulders sag. First reaction. That's a bad news to her. As I suspected.

You can adore me, Fe. But you can't expect me to return your feelings.

"Boyfriend niyo po, Miss Mill?" tanong niya tapos ay unti-unting lumingon sa akin.

I laughed at her face and shook my head no.

"You'll see us making out on the living room if he's mine. We're not together. It's just a random thing." tapos ay napakibit na lamang ako ng aking balikat as if wala lang para sa akin ang bagay na iyon.

Nakita ko ang palihim niyang paglunok na para bang hindi siya natuwa sa kaniyang narinig, o gusto niya din maexperience. I want to laugh at her face.

"Ikukuha ko na ho kayo ng outfit," sagot na lamang niya at saka na muling tumalikod.

Now, she's deciding to forget me.

No, not yet sweet silly child.

You can't just forget me.Not that easily.

"Can you get me a pair of undies, I actually want to change." muli kong sambit sabay ngiti sa kaniyang nakatalikod na pigura.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang kaniyang paglingon o pagsagot. Agad ay naghubad na ako ng aking undies na suot.

Wait for it, Mill. It's the reason why you love fooling around with Fe's emotion.

She's too pure and struggling with identity crisis—or maybe not. She doesn't even know she's head over heels for you.

I stood up as she turned back to see me, holding a pair of new undies.

Her jaw dropped when she saw my naked figure before her. Her eyes glistened with wonder.

"Give me that." utos ko sa kaniya tapos ay ginesture ko siya na lumapit. My pointing finger curled, like calling a dog.

She's too stunned, but she walked towards me anyway.

"Anlaki ng dibdib ninyo." nasambit niya out of nowhere. I smirked at her and grabbed my boobs with both my hands.

"No, they're too small." pagtanggi ko bago ko binitawan ang dibdib ko, I let it bounce back. Tapos ay kinuha ko sa kamay niya ang naka ziplock pang undies at saka iyon binuksan at isinuot.

"Paano niyo nabubunot yung mga buhok niyo sa baba?" tapos ay natawa siya habang nakatitig sa babang parte ng katawan ko. Napatawa na lang ako at napailing.

"I undergo Brazilian waxes, silly." I told her and then isinuot ko na rin ang panty ko.

I looked at Fe, still occupied with thoughts about my body. I can't help but smile.

In the end, it's still me.

I'm still me.Destroy, my ass—they can't stop me.

I'll give that Cunt what he deserves.