Silver Spoons; One's Journey Through Addiction

Hey Baby, There are so many things I want to say to you. So many things I want you to know. The first is how ridiculously proud of you I am. I know you feel helpless and out of control, but you made a choice and it wasn't an easy one. It would have been so much easier for you to stay the way you were and keep getting high, but you chose to fight. Fight for me, for us, for your family and friends,but mostly for yourself and the life you can have. The life you deserve. It's going to be hard, and everything is going to change, babe, but you're still making the choice to fight, and nothing can make me happier than that. You just need to remember that you're unstoppable. You can make it through any battle because you're a man of steel. A Superman in every way. I know this is obvious, but I'm going to say it anyway because I like saying it and I hope you like hearing it. You know I've got your back, right? I don't know where this is headed or what it will take to get there, but I do know that you won't have to face it alone. I'm going to be right there beside you, always. As long as you want me. And when you can't handle what life is throwing at you, I'll be the there to step in and take some of the blows for you. You should also know that I don't want you beating yourself up over the little things that make you feel guilty or ashamed. You will have plenty of time to work those things out later. For now you just need to focus on getting through the withdrawals so you can start getting healthy and strong. The last time I saw you, before you left, it broke my heart. When you cupped my face in your hands, your eyes looked so pained as you started to tear up. Your voice quivered as you told me how sorry you were for putting me through all of this. Seeing you so close to breaking and knowing all of the hurts you were thinking of, it was so hard for me to keep from breaking down. I wanted to wrap you up in my arms and just make it all go away. Instead, I just looked you in the eyes and told you that, whether you were going to be on the top or the bottom, I was going to be with you. You just smiled and wiped your eyes, saying "Thanks, Beautiful," before giving me the first of many goodbye kisses. I guess I should tell you everything that's happened here in the three days you've been gone. Oh yeah… nothing exciting has happened in the past three days, baby. Just the same old, same old; routine work dealing with people I don't like, family (again, people I don't much care for), more work, then going to bed early so I can get up to do it all again in the morning. I might be going out with Emily this weekend if we can decide what it is we want to do. I don't think I can handle going to the movies.You were always my movie date. I'm betting as soon as the lights go off, I'll start missing how we used to cuddle. The way your arm would wrap around my shoulder as I laid my head on your chest, and your hand would rest on my thigh as I put one of my legs over your lap---so much so that, before either of us knows what's happening, I'll be halfway across Emily. Knowing that crazy b***h, she'll probably throat punch me so I don't forget who I'm with ever again. Maybe the movies is a bad idea after all. Might be safer if we just do the girl thing and get our nails done and go out shopping or something. Either way, I'm sure it will be a nice distraction. I'd be lying if I said I'm not gonna need as many distractions as I can get, cause I already miss you, Superman, and I'm sure it's going to get worse the longer you're gone. It's all your fault, you know… If you weren't so awesome, maybe it would be easier. But no, you just had to be so amazing that without you, everything seems so ordinary. And ordinary is pretty dull once you've gotten a taste for the amazing. I knew I was done for within thirty minutes after we started talking. I probably should have run then, but you roped me in instantly. I like to think it was because my life was so boring up until that point, but I really can't deny it..you just hooked me right from the start. And considering the fact that it was over the phone, I'm not really sure which one of us that says more about. Since you've been gone, all I think about are those phone calls and the day we met. It always seems to happen the same way; I lie down to try and sleep, but I start worrying about you and hoping you're ok. I really don't know much, if anything, about addiction or rehab, but I've heard the first few days are pretty rough. They say going through withdrawals is one of the worst experiences you can have. I try not think about you being sick or in pain with no relief in sight, so I remind myself that I'll be able to talk to you after you make it through the first few days. It amazes me how much I can miss something as simple as the sound of your voice. I tell myself I can go as long as it takes for you to get the help you need. I also tell myself that not being able to see you isn't a big deal. But not being able to talk to you is harder than I imagined. I guess I didn't realize how much we talked to each other until I wasn't able to. So I lie there and try not to worry or miss you. Sometimes I miss you so much I actually start to feel sorry for myself. But eventually my subconscious comes to the rescue and before I know it, I'm thinking about when we met. I don't know why it always happens that way, but I"m not complaining. Maybe it's like a personal reward for making through the day, like catching your favorite episode of your favorite show on television after a long day. And when the show starts, I just lie there, close my eyes, and let it unfurl. I see it all as clearly as if it were playing on a screen in my mind, and it brings me comfort; it helps me relax, makes me smile, and---best of all---allows me to fall asleep with visions of you in my head. It's really the best way to fall asleep. Well baby, I should really wrap this up and try to get some sleep. I've got to get up super early tomorrow, and lord only knows how much time you actually have to sit around reading letters. I hope you're doing alright, and if you need anything, just let me know. Know that I'm missing you and that I love you. Like...lots. Tons, even! And I always will. I love you, Superman. Hey, Beautiful. I can't believe I'm lying here again. But since I am, and since I have some time on my hands, I wanted to use that time to write you. I miss you something fierce. More than I thought I would. All I want is to be back home, getting ready to come by and scoop you up for some fun. Right about now I'd be watching your sexy ass make its way to my car. You'd get in and, before you'd even close the door, you'd be leaning over to give me a kiss. I always loved how that was the first thing you did. You never put your bag down, or adjusted your seat, or checked yourself in the mirror. Nope, as soon as you touched the seat, you would lean over and give those sweet, soft lips up to me. It's like you knew how badly I wanted a taste and couldn't bear to make me wait. Maybe it's because you know how badly I always want to kiss you, or maybe you want it just as bad as I do. Either idea makes me happy. I must be the luckiest guy in the world. I miss going to the movies with you. The scary ones were the best since they let me enjoy my favorite activity with my favorite person wrapped up in my arms. I can almost smell your hair now. I know you think I'm just trying to be sweet, but the smell of your hair is one of my favorite smells ever. It smells clean and fresh with hints of shampoo, bits of vanilla, and something else that I can't quite place. But it reminds me of candy apples and younger days. I think that's why I love the smell so much; it reminds me of home and makes me feel safe and warm. It reminds me that you are close and that you always will be. I miss that smell when I'm lying alone in bed here, but sometimes I swear I can catch a whiff if I concentrate hard enough. I'd give anything to be next to you with my face buried in your hair, instead of lying here with my face buried in a pillow. Being away from you is harder than I thought it was going to be, and it scares me. I just started here, and I'm already ready to get the hell out. Damn…they're calling us down for a meeting. I guess I'll write more when I get a chance. Sorry about that, Beautiful. That's kinda how it goes around here; most of the time I'm so bored I seriously debate ramming an ice pick into my eyes just for something to do. (Although I think they frown on that kind of thing here, so I'll try to restrain myself.) But as soon as you've got a minute to yourself, they're yelling for you to come down for something or other. Anyway, the first few days pretty much went by in a blur of vomit, sweat, pain, and general unpleasantness I'd rather not describe. I really thought I was going to die at first. Then, after a day and a half of it, I was praying to God and all his Super Friends that one of them would let me. I'm feeling much better now, though. I'm mostly just sitting around waiting to go from the "Intake/Detox" unit to the "Rehab" unit. The typical stay here is about five days at most, but it looks like I'm going to be stuck here a little longer than expected because there are no open beds in "Rehab". (Must be the excellent room service.) The worst part of being stuck here in Intake is that there really aren't any programs here. No groups, no meetings, and no one to talk to since most people are off working through withdrawals. So most of my time is spent bullshitting with the nurses and staff. Of course it goes without saying that they all love me here and let me get away with a little more than the other patients. So I'm happy to report that I get to make phone calls sooner than we thought. But hey,that's just one of the many perks to being as awesome as me. It's not all bad here, though. Since it's just 'Intake and Detox', we all get our own rooms. And since the staff just loves me, I was able to bring my iPod in, so I can at least catch up on some Netflix or something if I end up with free time. Don't worry though, Beautiful. I'll be sure to write to you before I get too lost in movies. I can't promise I'll have too much to say or that they'll be long letters filled with exciting stories, but I promise I will always take the time to write you and let you know how much I love and miss you. I still can't believe you've been here for me through all of this. I've done a lot I'm not proud of, and I know I've hurt you more than I can stomach. But I promise, if you loved me before, the new me is going to knock your socks off. You'll see, Beautiful. Who I've been isn't the person I really am, and the person I really am is going to treat you so much better. You're really going to love the new me. I'll finally be the guy you deserve. I know this is all scary, but when I get home, everything will be better. I promise. Well, they're calling for lights out now, so I guess I'll finish this letter first chance I get. I love you. * * * So, today was a good day. I finally got to talk to you and hear your voice. It felt like I hadn't heard your voice in ages, and I can't believe how much I miss you and how far away you are. That was the only part I didn't like. You sounded so small and far away, and I don't like it when you're far from me. And when we got off the phone, it made me miss you that much more. Because now I have to wait until they tell me I can talk to you again, and we both know I don't like waiting or having to get permission. I was frustrated and starting to get mad about not being able to do what I want (which is mostly to just come home and be with you), when--wouldn't you know it?--I walk in and see your letter sitting on my bed. It was a nice little escape for me to be able to lay there and read everything you had written. I almost forgot where I was for a while, caught up in the idea of you sitting next to me, head bent and hair pulled back, hearing your voice speak the words as I read. I can see it all so clearly. It makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time. You always know just what to say to make me feel better. Whether I'm in need of a laugh, comfort, or support, your words always do the trick. They make me feel like I can make it through not just this, but anything else that may come my way. They remind me of the good in me, and I feel foolish for getting so angry earlier. I'm glad you think of me as you lie in bed, cause I'm thinking of you too. Not just when I go to sleep. I think about you all the time. The day we met is ingrained in my head forever. It was the day I got to meet my own personal angel, put right in my lap by God. You were so beautiful and I was so nervous, and it was one of the best days of my life. I'll probably be thinking about that day as I go to bed, and that probably should have been a while ago. I guess I'll call you as soon as they let me. I'll be thinking about you in the meantime, Beautiful. I love you to death. The blooms were full and vibrant when he came into her life. A chance encounter that hit her like a whirlwind and left her both unprepared and completely intrigued. It was a meeting that promised to leave them changed, and the impression he left on her heart would certainly be permanent. Almost every story we hear makes that kind of person seem so commonplace. As if we are all just steps away from our own happily ever after, but that's not the case. We meet a lot of people in the course of our lives and form lots of relationships. We fall in love, learn of betrayal, lies, and heartbreak. Then we learn hate, obsession, and how to pick the good ones from the bad. But love- a true, deep, unselfish love where you care for the other person, where you know them so completely and love them for all their strengths and flaws- that doesn't happen every day. Once you have that emotional and spiritual epiphany where you desire and strive to be a better person simply because they make you believe you can be and because you know they deserve nothing less than the very best version of you. That's when you know you have loved someone to the point of being changed to your very core. And that, that doesn't happen to just anyone. By a chance encounter, two strangers began to talk over the computer. A simple misspelling of an email address brought them together. In a few weeks time, email became texting, and texting became phone calls. They were the kinds of phone calls with just enough conversation to keep her up until almost three a.m. The more she talked to him, the more he intrigued her and she left not wanting it to end. She found herself just wanting to know what he would say next, and she could honestly say she had never experienced anything like it before. There were just so many things they had in common. They shared the same interests, opinions, and outlooks. Even their differences seemed to compliment each other. Her humor was more 'laugh-out-loud,’ while his was very dry. They both enjoyed scary movies and thought aliens were really just human time-travelers. They loved a healthy debate on any topic, and a night out messing with strangers struck them both as a pretty good time. It sounds cliche, but they just clicked. For the next few weeks they talked almost every day. They shared jokes and pictures. They laughed and flirted. It was inevitable that he would ask her out on a date, and who in their right mind could expect her to say anything but 'yes'? They made plans to go out to dinner, and before they could settle on a restaurant she blurted out, "Ya know, with all the pictures you've sent me, and how well I feel like I already know you, I doubt I’ll able to wait ‘til the end of the night to find out if you're going to kiss me. I may have to grab you and plant one on you as soon as you show up." "Oh really?" he replied. "I don't think you really have the guts to do that." She heard the dare in his voice and jumped on it. "Oh yeah? I think I most certainly do. In fact, I think that's exactly what I'm going to do." "I'm happy you said that. ‘Cause now you gotta do it. If you don't, you’ll be a liar, and nobody likes liars," he teased. Suddenly, she felt slightly less confident. "Well we've never really met in person. You've only ever seen pictures of me. You might decide I don't look as good in and wont want me mauling you," she said shyly. "I think I hear a little girl chickening out. I'll tell you what. I'll be sure to give you a green light so you know you're in the clear. But you're the one who brought it up, so now if you don't see it through we'll both know what a chicken you really are." "Well I guess that settles it, then. Nobody calls me a chicken!" she laughed. "All right then," he replied. "And don't worry your pretty little head over me not liking what I see. I've seen about twenty different pictures of you from every angle possible, and you are beautiful." * * * The week before their planned date, she got a text that she was dreading might come. [We have a problem for date night.] Determined not to seem too disappointed, she replied: [Well that's not the best news to get, but maybe I can help find a solution to this problem?] Not even five minutes later her phone binged in alert. [I was hoping you'd say that, since you're the only person that can really help.] Like always, he got her curious and she raced to send a text asking what the problem was. A smile spread across her face as she read his reply. [I really don't think I can wait any longer. I want to see you like yesterday. I really think you should find a way to squeeze in some time for me sooner. I promise you won't regret it.] Still smiling, she figured out the earliest she could see him and told him to stop by her place the next afternoon. From the moment the last text was sent until he showed up at her door she was a huge ball of nervous excitement. She busied herself with countless mind numbing tasks to make the time pass quicker and to shut out the apprehensive voice in her head that was nagging her; convincing her that every picture she sent him was just from a flattering angle, and that he won't really like what he sees. As much worrying and fussing as she did, when the knock finally came at the door, she couldn't be bothered to worry how she looked a minute more. In fact, her looks were the last thing on her mind. Because, when she opened the door, standing in front of her was surely the sexiest man she had ever laid eyes on. Somehow this man possessed every physical trait she had ever found desirable in a man. He was tall. His legs were thick and muscular. He had the broad chest and shoulders that athletes spent months trying to achieve. Yet they still looked soft and comforting. His hair was auburn and wavy, with an adorable tendency to fall across his forehead and curl behind his ears. The only thing that seemed to come to mind when she saw his strong jawline, full sexy lips, and piercing blue eyes was "yum.” She didn't stand a chance. For a second, she was lost in how completely sexy he was, and for a fleeting moment she thought there was no way she could ever hold his attention. Fortunately, there wasn't much time for that thought to grow. A huge smile broke out across his face as he walked inside, shut the door, and eliminated the space between them. He leaned in close to her ear and, barely above a whisper, said to her, "Damn, you're more beautiful in person than your pictures had me prepared for." Seconds later she was against the wall with her arms around him and his fingers in her hair. Their lips devoured each other. It was a kiss like she never experienced before. It was electric and she could feel it course through her entire body. As he pulled her hair, she began to suck on his tongue, causing him to lift her up so her legs had no choice but to wrap around him. Realizing she could easily get carried away and end up naked on the floor at any second, she decided to put the brakes on it. With all of her resolve, she stopped kissing him. She actually felt shy and a bit embarrassed as she looked at the ground. Wiping the corner of her mouth, she looked up at him. "It's… Uh… Really nice to meet you." Chapter 2 Hey, Beautiful, I can honestly say I'm happy to be writing you this letter. I've finally finished detox, and for the first time since I got here, I feel good. I feel like myself. I haven't felt like hell or gotten sick in over a week. It's the easiest step in this whole thing, but for some reason it's the part I dread most. Maybe it's because I never made it much further than this in all my past attempts. s**t, last time I was here I was already planning my next high before I was even finished detoxing. Before they even finished my intake paperwork, I had already decided which dealer I'd call, where I'd go, and what I would tell people I was doing. This time is going to be different. It really is. I know you've heard that before, and you probably don't want to hear it again, but I'm serious this time. I mean it. I can promise you it's going to be different because it already is. I always looked at this place as a joke. What with the 'role-playing exercises', practicing how to handle "trigger situations". And the classes...oh god, the classes.. I couldn't handle them straight. These stupid classroom setups to teach us how to recognize triggers, how to get out of them, and how to replace them with "positive behavior”It's like sitting down to learn our ABC's or some s**t. It was ridiculous, a joke, common sense dumbed down for us like we just learned English this morning. It was worse than the therapy and group sessions. It was just another task that I had to play nice just to get through. That's all it ever was really; putting my head down, keeping my mouth shut, and slapping on a winning smile so I could get it over with and get back to my life. Now it's different. Today I'm moving from the Detox wing to the program. I'll have the meeting with the staff to set up my treatment plan and goals. I have to think of what to tell them, and for the first time I've decided to go with the truth. The straight up, hard to swallow, no part left out truth. I know it seems silly to say I’ve decided to tell the truth, but I spent a lot of time last night just thinking on how I looked at things last time I was here and how I look at them now. I realized it was crazy that I wanted to get through this part and get back to 'my life'. Because I have no life. It's nothing but going from one high to the next, hoping everything and everyone leaves me alone. When I'm high, it's the most amazing feeling in the world and all I want is to be left in peace so that nothing and no one can ruin it for me. And when I'm not high, everything is so unbelievably grey and insignificant that all I want is to be up on top again. And that's no life. That's what I finally realized. That's how I decided to tell the truth, and that's how I know that this time is going to be different. Because I'm different. I don't want this life anymore. Now don't let that pretty little head of yours get to worrying I meant a thing about you. I might not have much of a life,I haven't in years,but I do have you. You're one of the only good things I've had going for me in a very long time. Even at your worst, you're still my sweetest thing. You're what I miss most here. What I want to see, touch, smell, and taste. Nights are the absolute worst. When I lie here and think about you, I miss you so damn much. Before I know it, I start thinking about your sweet face… holding you… having you… doing all manner of dirty things to you.Some nights I think about what I'd like to do with you once I get home. Some nights I remember all the things we've already done. Like that bet we had… Remember that, Beautiful? We hadn't been seeing each other for very long, maybe just a few months,and I couldn't get enough of you. I had to see you as much as possible, and whenever I saw you I just couldn't keep my hands to myself for the life of me. I was at my friends house, just me and four other guys watching a boxing match on pay-per-view. There wasn't another girl in sight, but I still had to have you there with me. I told you I wanted you to meet my friends, but it was more than that. I wanted to show you off. I wanted my friends to see what a hot, funny, amazing girl I had gotten. I wanted them to be a little jealous that you were there for me and not them. So I was feeling a little arrogant and cocky, and I told you that I was going to be your best. Not just the best guy you were ever with, but the best in every category. The sweetest, most reliable, stand-up guy around.But more importantly, the best s*x,especially the best head of your entire life. I was going to be your Number 1 in every way possible. Out of all the things I expected you to say, I wasn't prepared for you to match me, let alone turn it into a bet. You vowed to be the best head of my life and proposed we make a wager out of it. So the bet was made. If I gave you the best head of your life, you had to wear those black leather thigh-high boots with the high-heels to bed. If you gave me the best head of my life, all you wanted was for me to rub your feet while you sipped on a glass of freshly made iced coffee. After inspecting your feet and deciding that even they were f*****g cute, I consented. But I vowed to keep it at a very high standard, and you swore to do the same. Best bet I ever made in my life, because I came up a winner all around. I couldn't be forced to choose what was better or what I love more; the taste of your sweet p***y, or the way you worked my d**k. I have to admit, your oral game is off the charts. I've never had anybody work my c**k the way you do. It wasn't until the first time I went down on you and you came so hard you actually blacked out that I knew I had won my end of the bet. I had never made a woman pass out from doing that before. I'm not gonna lie, it went right to my head. But last night as I tried to go to sleep, all I could think about was when you were trying to win, too. I'm not sure where we were going, but half way there we both decided not to. Instead we pulled over, put on the radio, and laid back to look at the sky. It wasn't long at all before we were kissing. You started to suck on my earlobe and kiss down my neck. You have this way of damn-near biting me, and its so rough and hard, but never leaves a mark. It gave me chills. I grabbed the back of your hair and pull you back so I can kiss you back. The sweet taste of your tongue and wetness of your lips make it hard to pull away. I want your p***y to be that wet, that open to me when I'm done with you. As I kiss you, I break off and trace my tongue down your neck, all the way down to your breasts. I can taste the sweat on your skin and feel you quiver all over as I come up and again press your lips to mine, harder this time. You know exactly what I want, but you won't give it to me just yet. I ask you how badly you want me. "More than anyone," you whisper. I ask you if you want it rough. "As rough as you can make it," you reply. Hearing you talk like that is enough to send me over the edge. I kiss you and you begin to suck my tongue and I'm rock hard and almost paralyzed with pleasure. I grab you by the hair and guide you along all the places on my neck that I want you to kiss. I'm groaning as you go from one side of me to the other. "Harder?" you ask me. "f**k yes," I groan, and you start sucking and biting so enthusiastically I'm surprised I wasn't bleeding. Not that I would have stopped you, even if I were. It hurts in just the right way, and I love it. I'm frozen and helpless to regain control of the situation. I think you must have sensed it, because suddenly you took over and grabbed me by the back of the head. I suck in my breath as I tell you nobody turns me on like you do. I can feel your hand sliding up my thigh before taking what you want. With one hand, you quickly undo my belt and unzip my pants as I bust out of the opening. At first you just take the tip into your warm, wet mouth and suck on it slowly but hard. Eventually you slowly slide your mouth down the whole shaft. You start to gag slightly as you take all of me into your throat, and the sound turns me on and makes me even harder. Instead of returning to the head, you run your tongue all over my c**k. You even drag your tongue across my balls before taking each one into your mouth while furiously working my shaft with your hand. You go back and forth from one incredible technique to another, going faster and harder until I'm about to explode, before slowing back down and going through it all over again. I can feel every muscle in me tense up, my stomach tightening as my whole body twitches and I moan out your praise over and over. My hand is tangled in your hair as you speed up again, and I can feel it… It starts in my toes, and shoots upward. Like electricity, it fires through my body, pleasure overtaking me until I can't take it anymore and I explode in your mouth. I don't think I've ever c*m so hard in my entire life until I was with you. Most of the time, it was just decent or 'ok' s*x at best. But with you it's phenomenal s*x sprinkled with the occasional 'just amazing' sessions. That's what I'm having to do without here, and the memories tease me when I'm lying alone in the dark. It hasn't been easy, and I still have 28 more days to go. I don't know if I'll make it. I miss the sight of you. The taste. The scent. The look of satisfaction on your face as I lay you onto my chest and we drift off together. I miss you, Beautiful. Every day, in every way. I love you too much, always. Hey, Baby, Reading your letter last night really helped to lift my spirits. Believe me, they needed some lifting in the worst way. I know I do a good job of putting on a brave face, and I can act like I don't miss you at all, but I do. I'm kinda glad I've always been someone to keep things to myself. It's made it really easy to keep people in the dark about what's going on with you. People in my life at least. When it comes to that, I've always been thankful. I wish I could say it was for some great, stand-up reason, but it wasn't. The truth is, I never told people what was going on with you because I knew they would try to convince me to leave you. They would say it's "too much baggage" or "too much to deal with". They'd say I couldn't trust you, that you would lie, steal, and use me. Every fight or mistake would be a 'shady sign' that you were just a "junkie who would ruin my life","better to cut you out like cancer instead of dealing with all the heartache". They wouldn't mean to be so harsh. They would rationalize that they were looking out for my best interest, just playing devil's advocate out of love. They would only offer insincere reassurances that it would work out, that you'd get better, or ---even worse--- the critical "I told you so" every time things looked bad. It was never because I was ashamed of you or embarrassed by you. It was never about that. It was never about thinking I was strong enough to take all of it on myself, or taking on everything for the both of us because one of us had to carry the burden. It was never any of those. It was simply because it was me and you together, and I didn't have room for anyone else's opinions. We were the ones in this together, and that's all I needed, because you're my Superman. It's hard keeping it all to myself with nobody to really confide in. Nobody to listen to me vent. Nobody to give unbiased support. Maybe someday I will change my mind and open up about everything, but for right now, I see it as a fair trade-off. I can't really confide in anyone, and that's hard..but at the same time, I don't have to explain anything or have either of us come under any judgmental criticism. Hell, even now all I need is a couple random excuses here and there as to why you couldn't make it and most people are none the wiser. Because of all those things though, it's really easy for the day to end with me getting into bed with low spirits and missing you. I miss you so much that I can barely breathe, and you've only been gone a few days. The ironic part is that knowing where you are--knowing you're safe and that I don't have to worry about you--doesn't really do much to help me breathe any easier. I know I sound like I'm babbling because of all these overlapping emotions, but they've just been stirred up together with everything else I've been feeling, and if you can get how I'm feeling, then maybe you can understand how much better your letter made me feel. I do believe in you, baby. I always have. More importantly, I do believe that this time will be different. I believe that you can do anything. You're my Superman and you always will be, and there's nothing you can't do. As soon as I read the letter, I knew it was something you were incapable of writing the last time you were there. The brief phone call we were allowed a few days ago.The tone in your voice and the honest way you spoke told me something was different this time around. I knew it in my heart that you've changed. That makes all the difference, baby. It made me feel like I can make it through the month without you. It made me miss you less (and somehow more), and let me know everything was going to be alright. And yeah, baby, I remember that bet. I remember the first time you made me c*m so hard I lost consciousness. Hell, I remember ALL the times you did that to me. And that's a lot to remember. More than that, though, I remember having to pay up as well. How could I not? That's the first time I was ever happy to pay my debt. We had made it back to the house after your favorite combo of dinner and a movie. You had laid back on the couch and taken control of the remote when I excused myself to the bedroom. As soon as I got back there, I stripped down to the matching red lace bra and panties and put on those black leather boots you love so much. You know, the ones that lace up the side. Over that, I wore your button-down black dress shirt with the thin white stripes. You had left it behind the week before, and as I threw it on, I made sure not to button a single button. I walked back out into the living room to find you engrossed in the TV. I got pretty close to you before you noticed I was in the room again, but once you saw me, your mouth hung open and your eyes went wide. I went to take a step closer, but you put your hand on my hips and stopped me. Looking up at me, you asked me to just stand there for a minute so you can admire me in this outfit. I stand there as your eyes slowly go from my toes to my face. You looked me in the eyes and said "You are so beautiful. Everything about you is sexy. I can't believe how lucky I am," before letting your eyes continue making their way over my body. I had started to wonder just how long you were going to be staring at me when suddenly your grip tightened on my hips and you were pulling me on top of your lap, kissing me. In an instant, you flip me onto my back and run your tongue up my neck as your hands start to explore my every inch. You jerk my bra halfway off and begin to suck and nibble your way down my neck. As your mouth finds its way down my body, your hands are moving up my thighs, caressing their insides. You rip off my panties like they're nothing and your fingers start bringing my body to life. At the same time, your mouth is moving from one n****e to the other, building me into a frenzy while every inch of my body is glistening with sweat and anticipation. Finally, I can't take it anymore and I'm left a twitching, wet, lump underneath you. I barely had time to catch my breath before your lips are back on my breasts. You didn't stay there long though. You make your way all the way down, slowly,tortuously. You throw my legs over your shoulders, grabbing my ass in your hands. I can feel my boots stick to the sweat on your back before I lose focus and can only concentrate on the waves of pleasure washing over me. It takes over my body so completely that I lose some of my senses and I feel like I'm underwater. It's almost shocking when you rip the shirt off of me and pull me onto your lap. All I have left on is my red bra and those boots that stick to our bodies like sweat. You pull my hair so hard that my head snaps back causing my back to arch even further as I ride you as hard as I can. You grab my throat and squeeze as we both give ourselves over to riding the waves of euphoria and are left disheveled and spent in a thick film of sweat. That's what I think of when I remember that bet, and it's been in my head since I started reading your letter. You'll be happy to hear that I've already decided to use this time without you to think of a new, even better bet for when you get back. I mean, that was a pretty good bet..not sure if I can top it, but I will certainly give it a try. Although I have to admit, when it comes to you and s*x I try not to think about it too much. Thinking about it makes me ache and long for you in a way I never would have thought possible. I know your touch so well that all I have to do is close my eyes and my body recalls it as well. Then my skin practically comes to life with a yearning I can't quell on my own. Nobody turns me on like you do. Nobody ever has. You're the only man I couldn't resist. Which is why I think you're the only person I've ever tried to force myself to resist. I think right from the start, I knew you could have gotten anything from me. From the very second I saw you at my door. Do you even remember that anymore? Do you remember what happened after that? We had officially "met", and went right back to kissing. Things got hot and heavy pretty quickly, and we both had to keep pulling away and forcing normal conversation.Before ending up all over each other again. You had your hands set to pull off my clothes, and I had started to let you..but I forced myself to stop you. I told you point blank that I wasn't sleeping with you that night. Instead of arguing, you smiled and said you didn't want me to sleep with you. Not until I wanted you physically and emotionally. You wanted me to want you with every fiber of my being, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Because that's how badly you wanted me, and you wanted things to be even. Damn, you were slick right from the start, Superman. You knew just what you were doing and it worked. We must have hung out half a dozen times between then and the first time we were together. Every single one of those times, you did your best to torture me. I made it through a couple days of hanging out casually and three actual dates. Each time with you pushing me further and further, until I couldn't resist you anymore. I wanted you bad enough to burst.Which is exactly how I feel right now. So before it gets any worse, I'm going to try and shut down those thoughts. I'll talk to you soon, baby, and I'll be thinking of you until then. I love you, Superman. Always. Looking out the window of the building to the grounds below, she could almost smell the collection of flowers in bloom, a fragrance that perfectly summed up late Spring. Soon it would be summer and the smell of flowers would change to a heavy, sticky-sweet aroma that would hang in the air. The air, both thick and heavy with humidity,would almost drown you in the sickly over-fragrant pull of every plant in bloom. But for now she could enjoy the crisp, light fragrance of the roses, lilies, and irises. Her thoughts were about four hours away from where she was right now. She had another half an hour at work, and if she was lucky she could just stay there unnoticed until it was time for her to sneak out the door. After that, she had a few hours to get home, shower, and get ready for dinner with him tonight. Although, truth be told, most of her time was spent trying on and discarding half of the clothes in her closet, before putting on whichever outfit suited her current mood. Tonight was his turn to decide the date. Which probably meant dinner and a movie. She used to think he was pretty unoriginal, or put little effort into coming up with plans, but she quickly found out this wasn't the case. He just really loved going to the movies. Getting swept up in the story, the characters, the effects. The funny, tragic, or awe-inspiring. A dimly-lit world where everything lulled you into a fantasy; a ticket to escape, if only for a little while. Where people and stories can remind you of yourself, but leave you safely shielded from the outcome or any ill effect. If you're lucky, you could even walk away with some insight or personal perspective. Perhaps you can walk away relating to a person, or maybe the struggle they face is similar to your own and you can walk away with something new to consider. Or- wonder of wonders- you relate to nothing and are able to simply enjoy the entertainment. But for that short time, you can keep your own troubles and worries at bay and get swept away in a good story. These were the reasons he loved the movies, not because it was the simplest suggestion on a list. They relaxed him, and when he was relaxed, he was happy. When he was happy, he was the most fun person she knew to be around. So the question wasn't how she should dress, or what should they do. The question was where they would end up for dinner and what type of movie they would see. Not like she needed help deciding what to wear. She almost exclusively wore skirts around him. He loved it when she wore skirts and had no problem letting her know. He would stare at her legs unapologetically whenever given access to the view. As soon as she would slide into his passenger side seat, he could be counted on to stare where the cross of her legs would reveal the top of her thighs, like he was drinking her in. Before he'd even have the car in drive, his hand would be resting on her leg. As soon as he made contact, she could guarantee that his hand wouldn't let go of her until they were forced to get out of the car. Sometimes he would leave his hand resting there, but that was a rarity. More often than not, he would have his hand roaming and caressing her legs as he drove. Common sense always told her that she should really tell him to stop and focus on the road, but the one time she tried, he had cut her off. He told her that not only was he an excellent driver, but a great multitasker. With that in mind, the rational part of her brain was quickly silenced as it let the pleasure quash all complaints. He would continue to work his way up her thighs and between her legs, igniting a fire in her that only he could tame. She would find herself with her head thrown back in the reclined seat while the outside world sped past her, the careless abandon of an orgasm sweeping through her body. Sternly, she quieted her body down and forced her mind to think of anything but him. With a small sigh she put her focus back on work and set herself to finding something to keep her busy until she could finally punch out. * * * His day did not go how he planned at all. By noon he was ready to write off everyone and everything he had to deal with. His boss had already screamed at him enough and let loose with such a tirade of foul s**t that he was already debating on just walking out. And after that fiasco, everything else seemed to follow suit. Everything from his lunch order coming out wrong to him tripping and almost breaking his ankle. Top that off with seemingly every person he knew popping up to bring some kind of c**k-suckery his way, and he had definitely had it. Knowing he couldn't take much more of this type of day, he began to plan out an escape in his head. He could easily pluck an excuse from his preexisting long list of made-up emergencies that would not only ensure his early exit, but virtually guarantee him a consequence-free day off tomorrow. Then he could stop off on his way back home and grab a quick pick-me-up. After that, it would be smooth sailing. He could be holed up alone with his feet up and a movie on as he relaxes, immersed in the sweet relief of an escape that allowed him to be cut off from every person, most of them insistent of bringing his day down. He needed to make a decision and stick to it because his mood and his day needed salvaging. Honestly the day was so bad, given the option, he wouldn't want to see her tonight. He'd actually already thought about canceling tonight and spending the night in his own little refuge. He told himself it would make him feel better and give him the strength he needed to get through the next day. It was what he wanted more than anything right now. But when he thought of letting her down or disappointing her, even slightly, he felt himself cringe. He didn't want that. He actually feared the day it might happen. If he could let her down so early in the game, then why would she even want him around? He knew she could replace him, and the part he didn't want to admit, was that she could do so much better than him. The last thing he wanted to do was make her realize that very same thing. He had s**t to offer her. Hell, he had s**t to offer himself. It was more than looking at himself in the mirror and not liking what he saw. It was more like every morning he was face-to-face with a stranger. He'd wash his face every morning when he rolled out of bed, and he'd be touching noses with this ghost of who he once was. Sure, he still looked the same, but he was a shell of that man. Even he knew, beyond a doubt, that nobody deserved less of a man; a half of what should be a whole. He knew he would inevitably let her down, because he let himself down every single day. But for some reason, she didn't see what he knew was there. She saw something better, something more complete. She saw the person he used to be, and she made him think it was possible to be that man again. He reasoned that, if he worked hard enough at showing her that version of himself, eventually he could really become that person. That better version of him could take over and the act would become natural, until that better version became the whole. The more he thought on it, the more he realized that he didn't want to cancel, but he knew if he was going to be able to make tonight, he would have to bail now. It was the only way he would be able to give her the only version of himself that he wanted her to see. If he left now and gave himself time to do what he needed to do, he would get where he needed to be and, hopefully, be good enough for her. With his mind made up, he quickly finished what he was doing and made his way into the next room. He had to quickly take care of the task at hand. Seeking him out, he made his way around everyone else that stood in his path. As soon as he spotted the back of his head, he shouted out, "Hey, boss," as he quickly made his way over. * * * The sky darkened and the night rolled in. She spent the past couple of hours in a damn near ritualistic trance of cleaning, shaving, exfoliating, lotioning, spraying, spritzing, and styling. The end result left her feeling both pleased and sexy. From the new lingerie, outfit, and shoes to the smell of her smooth skin and dark cranberry lips, she felt she looked her best. As she anxiously waited to see his headlights pull into her driveway, she absentmindedly popped a piece of gum into her mouth. His car hadn't even come to a complete stop before she was making her way to the passenger side door. Lifting the handle activated the interior light which shone down on him. He always looked at her like he was undressing her, and tonight was no exception. She wondered if she would ever admit it out loud- or even silently for that matter- how much she liked it. A single look from him had the power to make her feel like the sexiest, most desirable woman on the planet. As she went to get into the car, she glanced down and saw a single rose sitting on the seat. There was something else caught on the flower, but she just picked it up and waited until she had settled into her seat and closed the door before inspecting it any closer. When she opened her hand, a large candy necklace with a matching candy heart was nestled in her palm. Etched across the heart was the words "kiss me." She looked over and saw his bemused expression. "Well?" he asked her. "Well what?" "Can I get my kiss now, duh," he said, openly mocking her tone. Leaning over, she kissed him, trying to keep it short and sweet. As she pulled away, she saw him open his eyes and look her up and down before telling her, “That's better.” With a broad smile, he added, “You look gorgeous tonight as always, Beautiful.” She couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. "Right back at ya, good lookin’.” * * * The next two hours went by fairly quickly as they shared a large barbecue chicken pizza and a bottle of wine. Telling each other about their days, they each notice that the once stressful parts of their day became funny, and the daunting problems ahead of them seemed far away. He held her hand across the table as she spoke, and when he spoke he saw her rapt with attention, smiling at him in silent encouragement. She barely had the door shut behind her when he reached across the car for her. He couldn't help it. He had held himself back and properly restrained himself the entire time they were in the restaurant. Now that she was in the car with nobody in sight, she was fair game as far as he was concerned. God, he loved the way she kissed, and it was so easy to get lost in it. So often you have to change the way you kiss from person to person. Small tweaks and modifications to match their rhythm or style. Not her. He didn't have to try to accommodate her, didn't have to change a single thing. Her, he could just kiss. As he pulled back from her, he couldn’t keep himself from spilling, “God, I love kissing you. I could do it all day.” Barely looking him in the eye, she asked, “How would you feel about all night instead?” His small grin turned into a full, broad smile. He looked over and said, “That’s something I’d feel pretty damn good about.” His words floated silently in the car, because as soon as he said them, he got very quiet, an odd look settling on his face. Not quite sure what his silence or the corresponding look meant, she turned her attention to fiddling with the radio. They drove along without speaking as the sound of 90s music filled the car. Pulling into the driveway, she felt certain that when she’d look at him, she’d see the familiar sly grin, or his broad smile. All she saw, however, was the same strange, forlorn look. She was filled with doubt, convinced he changed his mind about wanting to be here with her after all. Not willing to suffer the humiliation of a polite and painful rejection, she decided she had nothing to lose and cut to the chase. “Something going on I should know about, handsome?” A confused look spread across his face. “Why would you say that?” “Something is definitely going on,” she replied. "It's written on your face. Believe me, whatever it is, it ain't the end of the world. You should at least tell me." He regarded her slowly, almost warily, and responded with a raised eyebrow and a puzzled gaze. "Ya know, if you're having second thoughts about being here with me, it's cool. I can just thank you for dinner and be on my way." The odd look that had been occupying his face was immediately replaced by a serious one, as if he were truly paying attention for the first time since they left the restaurant. “No, Beautiful, it's nothing like that. I'm just nervous is all.” A sad sincerity set upon his face as he looked her in the eye and said, "I just don't want to disappoint you." She had to keep herself from breaking out in peels of laughter. Not only did she know she would come across looking like some crazy, heartless super villain, she was also aware that she was in a position to damage his sensitive ego, and she didn't want to do either. Composing herself, she responded. "b***h, please! You satisfy me more just from kissing me than most of the men I've been with ever did in bed." Seeing relief openly show on his face, she teasingly added. "Besides, if it's really bothering you, we don't have to do anything at all." "You can stop with that madness right there, beautiful. We don't need to go to that extreme. I mean really,” he teased. "That's just ridiculous." "Good to know." * * * Throwing her bag in the corner, she turned around and was face to face with him. He said nothing, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her softly on the lips. He began kissing her tenderly and he felt the gentle sway of her body trying to keep her balance while standing on her tip toes in an effort to reach his mouth. He found this both endearing and a turn on. Without warning, he switched from a soft, tender embrace to an urgent and forceful one. Grabbing her around the waist, he lifted her up and found her extremely pliable as she wrapped her legs around him. Reaching his hands up into her hair, he pulled her face into his and kissed her deeper and harder. She didn't stiffen or melt by his advances. Instead, she seemed to match his intensity as she kissed him back, tightening her grip on his neck as her thighs squeezed even tighter. He walked them a few steps to the couch before they both fell on top of the pale, overstuffed cushions. He was on top of her, kissing her neck as one hand went up her leg. He caressed her thigh with one hand as the other roamed over her breasts. In one fluid motion her panties were on the floor and soon forgotten. The moisture from his kiss lingered on her skin as he slowly worked his way from her neck down. He worked every inch of her body as the pleasure engulfed her from the toes up. Even though she could feel an orgasm building and working its way up through her body, he didn't stop. He continued to caress, lick, suck, and nibble on her until she exploded over and over again. By the time he began to kiss her thighs again, she was already a shaking and sticky mess. Tracing her throat with his tongue, he made his way back to the side of her neck. Unable to conceal her desire, she dug her nails into the flesh of his shoulders and practically panted as she begged him. "Please?" That's all he needed. As a groan built in his throat, he pulled her dress over her head with one hand and slid himself into her, starting a slow in and out motion. Her moans filled the room. Before long he rocked her back and forth with more force. As the steady rhythm began to take hold, she grunted in his hear. "Harder." He happily obliged as he went harder, faster, and deeper. She grabbed onto his hips tightly while raising her own. Feeling his body begin to twitch, she let go in total abandon until her muscles convulsed in the throws of release. As they lay together, tangled up in each other on the warm floor, she did her best to slow her breathing and calm the muscles in her body. The nerve endings in her skin were still in overdrive as everything slowly tried to recompose itself. He cradled her head in his arm and told her everything any girl would hope to hear; how beautiful and sexy she was, how amazing it was, how he loved every inch of her body and couldn't get enough. Listening to him talk almost took her away to somewhere else. To a time when she hoped and believed in men like that, and wondered if he could really be cut from a different cloth than all the other guys. She decided right there on that hardwood floor to give that man a chance. She already knew he was different but now she was willing to admit it