WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT WHEN CARMA'S INVOLVED?

VEINTISEIS

For a week I remained in the hospital after suffering a miscarriage. I called Alixxander and subtly told him our child had died. Details are not important, and it’s not something that I care to discuss. He didn’t need to be by my side holding my hand. He located me at the hospital and that upset me. If someone recognized him, it could screw up his pending divorce. He left and I was satisfied. Doctor’s orders were plenty of rest. It was a good thing I had tons of work waiting for me at home.

How about getting up to speed at work? Let’s start with Carma. She flat out refused to sign the divorce papers. Mr. Driver, her new council, dropped off a list of demands. I saw no point running them by Alixxander. None of them were going to be fulfilled. Carma is nothing if not predictable. I called Mr. Driver to issue a warning about his client and her love of making a spectacle in front of the press. I made it crystal clear. If I was forced to respond, I wouldn’t have held back anything. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy. The talk with Alixxander about his relationship, I'd been avoiding hearing the gory details.

Switching to a lighter subject. Arianna, the woman from the grocery store, we’d been on a few dates. Nothing too serious. Coffee and lunch. Our connection was speedy. Because of that, we always spent longer than we should have occupying a table every time. It’s rare to find a person that shares common interests and goals in life. From the get-go, I told her I was a lawyer, and my free time was rarely there. Her chosen profession was an ER doctor. Though she looked younger than me, I was surprised to learn she was older than me by eight years. It wasn’t in my best interest to share my pregnancy with her. I’m not sure why I hid it. I never had to worry about disclosing it in the future. My dilemma was solved the hard way.

Keeping Arianna at arm’s length while I was in the hospital was easy. I told her I was out of town. Once I returned home, I kept telling her how swamped with work I was and that I was not feeling well. Dating a doctor is a good thing until you say you aren't feeling well. She constantly offered to come over to check me out or bring me chicken soup. I liked that sweetness about her. I didn’t know what it was. I wasn’t comfortable sharing my address with her. It felt as if offering to bring me soup was a ploy.

Seconds after ending the video call with Arianna, there was a knock on my door. Ten days later and I still moved slowly because of the cramping issue. Nothing to fear. It was normal. Alixxander stood on the other side with food and flowers. Stepping aside, he entered. What was I going to say? Get bent. He headed for the kitchen, and I followed him.

“You should be resting. I can handle putting flowers in water and plating the food.” All I could muster was a weak smile. We were in an awkward stage.

Watching him work his way around my kitchen made me sad. Growing up with a man like mi padre, failure was never an option. God forbid if my sisters, or I wanted to try something and then decided halfway through we didn't like it, or we lost interest in it. We were made to stick it out until it ended. Season, semester, however long the program lasted for. Unlike my sisters, I excelled in everything I tried, whether I liked it or not. There I was, almost thirty, staring at a man that made me feel good most of the time. Yet I felt like a failure because my body could not hold onto the one thing it was created to do, bring new life into this world.

“Why are you crying?” I didn't know I was. Using the sleeve of my sweater, I wiped my face dry.

“It's nothing.” He placed two giant plates of fried seafood, French fries, and onion rings on the table and pulled out my chair. Having a seat beside me, I could feel his body heat.

“Harmoney, I didn't come here to upset you. Nor did I come to console you. I want to know where you are in my divorce.” One of us had gotten over the loss quickly. Men aren't the carriers and nourishers, so they don't share the same connection.

On that note, I thought it was an opportune time for him to tell the tale about his relationship with Carma. I needed to know everything. He started from the beginning, beginning. He fell in love with Carma during his raging hormone years. When he shipped off to college, was when he met her at a frat party. His two older brothers told him he didn’t stand a chance. That’s where that bet came in.

It wasn’t until Travis showed up to a fundraiser with Carma’s rival on his arm. After that, she magically became interested in one of the Savage men. They dated for a year before Travis proposed. They got married, and he discovered she faked the relationship to make the other chick jealous. Refusing to consummate the marriage was how Román was able to get the marriage annulled. A year after that, Carma saw sucker written on Alixxander's forehead. My words, not his.

The pleasure was written on his face as he explained how overjoyed he was that she reached out. Knowing she made Travis wait for a year and then some and still didn't give up the goods after marriage should've been the only clue he needed to know she wasn't worth anyone's time. Alixxander admitted he didn't expect to jump in bed with her after the first date. A month after officially going steady, he found out she was screwing her ex. Later, it was Evan and everyone else except Alixxander. For him there was an inexplicable pull to remain faithful to her and have her in his life.

It was the same day in and day out. She would go out with friends, ditch them, and go to an unknown location to get freaky. I asked if those friends would talk to me. If they were no longer friends with her, they would. For someone as famous as her, she had few friends. I think she passed herself around to their boyfriends and voilà, presto change-o her friends went from a solid to a vapor and disappeared. From then on, he didn't particularly care to be in Carma's presence. But still tried to force a connection.

After witnessing Evan and Carma fcking in the house he paid for, he said he all but lost it. Soon, he learned from a drunk Evan it wasn't their first time. That's when he decided to take off for Vegas. Using cash was the only way Carma wouldn't find him or so he thought. He didn’t remember the wedding. I assumed the s*x was so bad he didn’t remember that either. There was not a single fact he could tell me other than him waking up with a ring on his finger. A ring he donned when we fcked. A ring he still wore.

Having the name of his hotel was a start. The story didn’t sit right with me. Not from his end, because he was useless. I had plenty of questions. Why did she bring Evan? Did she expect something to go down between Alixxander and Evan? She wasn't supposed to know where he was, so how did she find out? Many people believe she tricked him. Was it because she was already pregnant? Alixxander's attachment to her was still present, and I didn't want to ask questions that would start a fight.

After a break, I walked out of the bathroom and he caught me off guard. “Who's Arianna?”

“The woman I have been seeing.”

“Cool. Was she the reason you kicked me out of the hospital?” I hoped we weren’t going to argue over her.

“I never told her I was pregnant, and she didn't know I was in the hospital, if you must know.”

“Admitting you had s*x with a man would get in the way of your lesbianism. So would a pregnancy.” That was beyond fcked up to say.

“I'm sorry you had to drudge up those bad feelings, but don't take them out on me. I'm doing my job.”

“First, Carma fcks everyone except me. Then I am blindsided by you and all that you are. Next, I lost you and now our baby is gone. You moved on while I paid for s*x. Harmoney, I want us to be a couple. I am angry for all the reasons I named and more.” He kissed my cheek and left.

I don’t know what upset Alixxander. No one else makes his decisions. If he wanted to better himself, then he needed to smarten up and do better. I told him that already. Hiding my pregnancy from Arianna was wrong of me. Starting off a relationship by lying always comes back to bite you in the ass. Calling Arianna back, I asked her to dinner, so I could come clean. Alixxander may make stupid choices, but he was honest with me ninety-five percent of the time.