Breathe My Angel

Epilogue (Part 1)

"Bro, is it true that you're going to stay here?"

I looked at Razen. We're now here in my condo and he's here, loitering.

"Yeah? What about it?"

He just shrugged before drinking on his shot glass, "Nothing, I just thought that you're going to study aborad."

"Hey bud, Khyro nga pala. Ikaw, anong ngalan mo?" My dorm mate asked.

"Icerael."

Someone opened the door, kaya napalingon kami doon.

"Hey bud! Khryo! You?"

Hindi sya pinansin nito at nag patuloy lang sa pagpasok sa drom namin. He put all of his bags sa kama na nasa itaas ng kama ko.

"Taurus."

1st year College is damn frustrating. Adjusting to a new surrounding and new people, sucks. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko naging kaibigan si Khyro because he is so loud, unlike Taurus, is just like me. Quiet.

"Who's she?"

Khyro looked at the direction kung saan ako nakatingin.

"That's Hope De Sanjose. Taga Engineering iyan"he answered before looking at me, " Type mo? "

I have him a disgusting look, kaya tumawa sya. Taurus didn't bother because he is so busy with his phone.

"Alone?" 

Nakita kong nag angat ang tingin nya sa akin, at kung paano sya nagulat. 

Cute. 

"Icerael? Nandito ka pala?" Obviously. 

I nodded my head, "Yeah, naimbetahan ako ng kabarkada ko." 

"Buti napagtyatyagaan mo sya. I know Alydia and not be mean, but she is kind---" nagulat ako nang putulin nya ang sinasabi ko. 

"Malandi? Yeah, may pagkamalandi nga sya. Actually, hindi lang naman sya ang may pagkamakati when it comes to boys. Tatlo sila. Habang ako at yung isa naming kaibigan, total opposite." 

Good thing you're not like them, Hope. 

"Jeron! Pare! Halika dito ipapakilala kita sa---" 

"You? Ikaw yung nakatapon sa akin kanina diba?"

I didn't bother asking them about what happened, dahil hindi ako ganong tao. Pinapakinggan ko lang silang dalawa, until Khyro and I went inside. 

"Dude, yung crush mo natapunan ko kanina. Sorry" Khyro whispered. 

Uminom lang ako sa baso ng alak ko, and didn't say anything. Nakita kong lumapit sila Hopr and her two other friends sa amin, and Alysia, the one who kissed me accidentally kanina, welcomed and introduced them to us. 

Habang umiinom kami, hindi ko inaalis nag tingin ko kay Hope. I'm checking her if she's okay, or not. Nang mahalata ko ng mag papast out sya anytime soon, I talked to her friend, Gail. 

"Take her home, she's about to past out." 

After that, tumayo si Gail habang akay si Hope na lasing na ngayon. 

"Pare, nakita ko yun" Taurus teased and I just tsked.

Sinandya ko kinabukasan na abangan si Hope at ihatid sa Engineering building. Hindi ko alsm kung bakit, but I just felt that I needed to do that. 

"I-uh, can I take you outside? Dinner? My treat."

Fuck Icerael, anong pumasok sa kukote mo?! 

"Ang speed mo naman Icerael. Hinay-hinay lang."

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nya at agad namna nyang binawi iyon. I know what she meant by that, hindi ko lang inungkat. 

"Wait lalabas tayo ng campus?" 

I glanced at her side, "We'll eat in UP Town. If it's okay with you?" Please say yes. 

Hope Asea De Sanjose is not my cup of tea, well somewhat. I want someone who is serious, and doesn't cuss a lot. Nakakarindi kasi sa tainga kung minuminuto nag mumura ang babae, plus ang panget tignan. 

Pero ika nga nila, don't judge the person based on what he/she is showing from the outside. Hindi mo alam kung ano ang tinatago nila. 

Para sa akin, Hope is like a puzzle that I want to try to solve. Gusto kong makita every details of her. I know that deep inside of that angelic, funny, and smiling face, she's hiding something else and I want to know it. That's why I want to go with her sa Bicol. I felt that when I go there, mas makikilala ko sya. 

"Tangina. Ganon mindset nila. Talagang wala silang balak na kumayod para may sariling pera sila. Baliktad nga eh. Mga anak ang nag tutustos sa magulang, hindu yung mgaulang ang nag tutustos sa anak. Parang gusto lang nila magkaroon ng pamilya, pero iaasa nila sa iba pagdating sa financial. Nakakatangina lang."

Simula nang ipakita nya sa akin ang totoong sya, nag bago ang pananaw ko. Unti-unti, nakikita ko sarili ko na nahuhulog sa kanya. 

"I don't know if I have a standing, but I want to court you." 

Si Hope yung tipong tao na expect the unexpected. All this time, she's a soft type of person that this world doesn't deserve. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 

New Years Eve iyan, at sa buong buhay ko, iyan ang pinakamemorable na nangyari sa akin. 

"May plano ka bang sabihin iyan? O itatago mo lang ang anak ko?" 

I saw how she pursed her lips, afraid to cry in front of me. Parang sinaksak ng pulit ulit ang puso ko nang makita ko syang umiiyak. 

I can't stand to see my girl crying in front of me. 

Simula nang malaman kong she's pregnant with my child. Ginawa ko ang lahat para makasama sya at mabantayan. I was even ready to sacrifice my studies just to be with her in Albay. 

[Hi Icerael! Kumudta ka dyan? Break nyo ngayon?] 

Bullshit. Kilalang kilala ko sya to the point that I know that she's crying right now habang kausap ko sya. But I need to pretend that I don't know, para hindi sya mag alala. 

"I'm fine. How are you? Are you okay?" 

[Oo naman noh, okay na okay ako.] lie. 

[Okay nga lang ako. Sila nanay, ayun s-susportahan naman daw nila.] another lie. 

I know na hindi agad sinuportahan ng pamilys ni Hosea ang pagbubuntis nya, kaya as much as possible I will go there every week kahit sabihin nating magastos sa gas. 

I'm willing to sacrifice all, just for the sake of Hosea and my child. 

"I'm tired of hearing De Sanjose as your surname, can we changed it into Monteferrante?" 

Kung pwedeng mag pakain ako sa buong Pilipinas pagkatapos kong isuot sa kanya ang singsing, ginawa ko na. 

"Your patient has Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection, and hindi po gumaling iyon." 

Halos tumigil ang mundo ko sa marinig galing kay ate Heaven. f**k! No! She's not dying! No! 

"Hija, bibigyan kita ng pagkakataon mamili. Ikawo ang anak mo?" 

"Yung anak ko po, doc." 

Fuck! "No!" 

I don't care if the doctor and ate Heaven is looking at us. Wala akong pakielam sa kahit ano. Ang gusto ko lang mabuhay ang mahal ko. Iyon lang! 

"I will give birth to our baby. To our angel. At sinabi ko sa sarili ko na pag dating ng araw na ito, pipiliin kong mabuhay ang anak nayin. Hayaan mong makits nys ang mundo, baby. Huwag mong ipagkait sa kanya ang karaoatan na mabuhay." 

Tangina! This is between her and my child! Bullshit! Ako nalang! 

"God knows kung gaano ako katakot mamatay. Ayoko pang mamatay, Icerael. Ayoko pa. Gusto ko pang makatapos ng pag aaral. Gusto ko pang maging ganap na engineer. Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin, pero as mother, I'm willing to sacrifice all of it, mabuhay lang ang anak natin" Tangina Hosea, huwag namna ganito! 

"I love you, I love you, I love you keep that in mind" I manage to say those words kahit hirap na ako. 

"I love you too, and mahalin mo sana si Hilary gaya ng pagmamahal mo sa akin" I will love our daughter Hosea, gaya ng pagmamahal ko sayo. 

The moment that the door of the delivery room closed. Napasuntok ako sa pader dahil pagkatapos nito, wala na si Hosea.

Nawala na ang pag asa ko.

"Mr. Monteferrante, ano po pangalan ng bata?" Hindi ako kumibo because I'm still mourning about my soon to be wife! Bullshit! 

"H-Hilary Jace, doc" good thing nanay answered for me. 

The moment I saw Hosea in the morgue, and the moment I saw Hilary in the nursery room, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. 

"Mr. Monteferrante, you're late again." 

"I'm sorry, mam" tanging nasabi ko nalang. 

I'm now on my third year here in law school, at hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko pa bang magtapos. I don't know how can I manage waking up in the morning, because I know myself that I'm already dead, in the inside. 

"Icerael! Son, don't! Please don't, please" makaawa ni mom sa akin while she's crying. 

She found me inside the bathroom, drowning myself. 

Agad nya aking niyakao to console me, and agad akong umiyak sa bisig nya. 

"Mom, I can't. The pain is still the same. Hindi nagbabago, pero mas lumalala pa ata" I said while I'm crying in my mother's shoulder. 

"Don't finish your life, Icerael" she hold my face and caressed my cheeks, "Hosea will not like that, besides your daughter needs you," she looked outside the washroom and I saw my three daughter, looking at me innocently, while her hands are inside of her mouth. 

Napaiyak nalang ako at sinubsob ang buong mukha ko sa palad ko. 

"I know you're going through a lot, but Hosea left someone behind for you to continue your life. Huwag mong sayangin ang buhay mo, Icerael. Maraming tao ang ipinagkait mabuhay, and here you are, wasting your life" I heard dad said. 

After that day, naging pursigido ako na makatapos ng law school. Hanggang sa grumaduate ako. During my graduation pictorial, sinama ko si Hilary sa picture ko. Good thing pinayagan ako ng dean na dalhin ang anak ko. Besides, sya naman ang rason ko kung bakit ako nakapagtapos. 

"Monteferrante, Hilary Jace D. Our school Valedictorian of this year." 

Agad na nagpalakpakan ang mga tao, including me of course, that's my daughter, habang kinukuhanan ko sya ng picture Digicam ng anak ko. 

"Good afternoon to all of you. Una sa lahat po, hayaan nyong humingi ako ng paumanhin kung aantukin kayo sa speech ko ngayon" my daughter said and I heard a lot of laughters, "Hindi po kasi ako sanag na nag sasalita sa harap ng marami. Una po, gusto kong mag pasalamat sa Panginoon dahil sya ang nag bigay sa akin ng lakas habang nag aaral. Pangalawa, gusto ko pong magpasalamat kay dad na gumabay sa akin, kay mommy na nasa heaven ngayon" tumingala si Hilary at tinaas ang medalya nya, "Mom, I know you're proud if me habang nandyan ka. Malamang nag papakain ka dyan sa mga anghel." 

"And lastly, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends and the deans who helped me a lot. Kahit na sabihin nating madalas akong palabisita sa guidance office dahil sa gulo, still I want to thank you all." 

"Today, we're going to end our high school life at mag wewelcome na tayo sa panibaging chaoter ng buhay natin. Ang college life. I hope to see you all soon. Sa law firm, hospital, tv shows and many other more. Congratulations to us!" 

Nag palakpakan ang lahat.When they sang their graduation song, pumwesto ako sa may gitna para makuhanan ng video ang batch nila na kumakanta. 

"Dad!" 

Agad akong sinalubog ni Hilary ng yakap nang makita nya ako. 

"Congratulations!" I said and then give her the bouquet of sunflower I was holding. 

She giggled, "Thanks dad." 

Nagulat ako nang sinabit nya sa akin ang medals nya, "This is for you, dad. Thank you." 

I got emotional pero hindi ko pinahalata iyon. Niyakap ko nakang sya bago kami lumabas ng auditorium nila. Kinuhanan ko sya ng picture sa University logo nila sa labas at nag picture din kaming dalawa, with the help of one stranger. 

"Now lets go to mommy, she's waiting for us dad" masayang sabi ni Hilary habang sinusuot ang seat belt nya. 

I nodded my head, "Yeah, she's waiting for her daughter." 

"Mommy! Finally! Graduate na po ako ng high school!" Masayang sabi ni Hilary at nilapag sa puntod ni Hosea ang toga, certificate at medals nya. 

"I know you're proud of me, mom. I love you." 

Pinagmamasdan ko lang ang anak ko habang kinakausao ang ina nya. I can't help but to smile habnag nakikita na unti-untin lumalaki ang anak namin ni Hosea. 

Baby, I know you can see this and I know you're proud of me and your daughter. 

Maybe my Hope died and I nearly die because of that, pero si Hilary, ang anak ko, ang nag bigay sa akin ng dahilan para mabuhay ulit. 

This is Atty. Icerael Jeron Monteferrante, saying, 

"Case is close." 

-The End-