I CAN’T DO THIS
1150 Words
Liar.
Liar!
I want to scream the word at him, but I can’t. I’m not even certain I heard him correctly. It has to be a mistake.
He didn’t just say West’s plane crashed, right?
Yes.
I nod and force a smile.
I heard him wrong. It’s all a big mistake.
“Alright, Xander,” a painful laugh rips through my throat.
“Did West put you up to this? Where’s he hiding? He’s inside, isn’t he? Plans to surprise me and all.” I wave it off with another strained chuckle.
Xander doesn’t share in my humor.
A heavy lump forms in my throat.
I can feel it, the exact moment hot tears flood my eyelids.
“No,” I shake my head.
He lets out another tired exhale.
“Mia,”
“That can’t be true! He promised he’ll be back! He promised! I…I spoke to him just this morning. You can’t be…no!”
I scream at the top of my voice, as though it’ll bring him back, like he’ll hear me from wherever he is and return home, come back to me.
“Hey, hey,” Xander reaches for my elbow. His fingers gently brush my skin as he holds me.
“Stay calm, Mia.”
Stay calm? Is he insane?!
“Your son is dead! My husband! And you’re…you’re asking me to stay calm! He’s been killed! They killed him!”
Xander frowns. He doesn’t let go like I want him to. Instead, his grip on my arm tightens.
“He’s not dead, Mia.”
“Stop it.”
“His body wasn’t found amongst the bodies. He’s alive, somewhere. I have faith in my son. You should have some faith in him too.”
I shoot him a glare. My heart slams against my ribs. I look away from him.
“I can’t. I can’t do this.”
“Listen to me, Mia!”
His harsh tone forces my attention once again.
He almost seems sad. Does he even have a soul?
“I know that this is a hard truth to swallow.”
“Do you now?”
“I do. Believe me, I do. I’ve had my own time to pick everything apart, and I know what you’re feeling right now. But West…he would want you to be strong and vigilant.”
“And how would you know that?” I fire at him.
If he gets to be the bearer of the worst news of my life, he can take a hit, or a hundred.
His eyes darken as he pulls away.
“He’s my son.”
I scoff.
“You could have fooled me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You barely came home for three years!”
There it is. Everything I’ve ever wanted to say to him would come out now. There’s no holding back. I’ve lost West, I’ve got nothing to lose anymore.
“He looked up to you! He missed you almost everyday, but you made yourself impossible to reach.” My vision is blurry, my hands and lips are shaking violently.
I’m trying to hold myself together. I really am.
“He stepped up and went on this trip, knowing there’s a high chance he might be killed on sight, just to make you proud. And now…he’s…he’s….”
I can’t believe it. I can’t say it.
“I know you hate me, and I’m not sure why. You never thought I was good enough for your son, and I’m not sure why,”
“Mia…”
“But you should have been there with him, for him. Now, I…”
I break into tears again, unable to utter another word.
“I’m sorry, Mia. It’s…”
I can’t bear to hear him speak one second longer. I push the door open and storm out of the car.
My whole world has crumbled to my feet.
I drag myself to my front door and punch in my passcode. It makes a soft clicking sound, and I push the door open.
The house is too quiet. Decorations are all over the living room. Flower petals on the ground, balloons taped to the roof, garlands on the chairs.
I did this all for him.
The charcuterie board is still on the center table. I had it all planned out, his welcome back party would have been…the best thing he’s ever experienced.
Now, it’s all gone.
I might never see him again.
My heart shatters all over again. I fall to the ground and let out a wild scream.
It doesn’t stop the invisible blades from piercing my heart, cutting me open, and bleeding me out.
All of a sudden, warm large hands wrap around me from behind.
Xander.
“It’s going to be alright, Mia.”
I can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat pressed against my back. His fingers reach for the loose strands of hair on my face. He swallows hard, loud enough for me to hear, as he tucks the strands behind my ear.
“Look at me.”
I’m in no position to move an inch of my body, so he turns me towards him by tilting my shoulders.
His dark eyes stare at me with a kindness I’ve never witnessed in them before.
His thumb caresses the skin of my face, brushing my tears away.
My lips part slowly.
“I am sorry, Mia. I really am. I couldn’t protect West like you want me to, but I’m here now, to protect you.”
I hate him.
“Don’t be.”
“I am. Listen to me.”
I’m done.
“Mia,”
I force myself to stare at him.
“There’s a traitor in the pack. Someone betrayed West, betrayed my son. And I have every reason to believe this person, whoever they are, doesn’t plan to stop with him. You’re his wife. They might be coming for you too.”
I blink at him.
Once, twice.
He’s not joking. He’s not…
I raise my hands up to my head, burying my face into my arms.
“Oh my God…”
“Mia, listen.”
“I can’t do this!”
He still doesn’t stop speaking.
“You have to remain indoors as much as possible. Never, and I mean, never open the door for anyone who isn’t me. We will change the passcode into something only you and I will have knowledge of, for security reasons.”
This isn’t happening.
He pulls away and rises to his feet.
“I’ll be here until I’ve gotten to the root of this matter, and I’m sure you’re safe. If you need anything, let me know.”
Slowly, with teary eyes and quivering lips, I tilt my head up to look at him.
“Right now,” I sniff back my tears.
“Right now, I just need to be alone.”
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