You Found Me

"I found you!" Teagan screamed while pointing his finger at me. "How?! That's not fair you cheated!" I pouted, crossing my arms while stomping my foot on the ground. The poor flowers and grass getting crushed under my shoes.   "Did not. I'm just good at this game." He smiled pulling me along with him towards our friends who were also caught.   "I'm never playing hide and seek with you ever again." I huffed, obviously not meaning it.   He laughed. ~  I woke up, staying still with my eyes wide open. Not wanting to move nor did I had the urge to go back to sleep. 'Teagan' , I thought to myself. 'Where are you'  It's been 5 years since I last saw him. Up until then we were always close, along with Jaxson who we met when we were 7. We were inseparable, always causing trouble and running of into the fields playing throughout the day. Teagan disappeared often, he wouldn't tell us why or where he goes, but despite him going some place else he always came back. We didn't think that one day he'd never come back. I don't know why but that dream, memory rather, is the only vivid one I remember. The rest are a blur yet I still feel a close connection to him. We were thirteen when we last saw Teagan, that much I remember but the events circulating that day is also a blur and I have no idea why. The faint faces and voices are the only thing stuck in my head, Jaxon was screaming but I couldn't hear his voice clearly as Teagan kissed my forehead.  Jaxon and I stick close together. We had our differences, I was more of a loner and he was a social butterfly, but always had time to spare just to be with me. Maybe because he knows what happened to me. What child never should have gone through at such a young age. I realized it too late, Teagan wasn't anywhere to be found when I did, only Jaxon was there to hold me.   "Li! Are you still alive in there?" Speaking of the devil.   "The door's open." Jaxon came in with a grin I knew far too well. Sensing what he had in mind I groaned and covered myself with the blanket. "No." My muffled voice came out.  "Hey I haven't even said anything." He laughed jumping on the bed on top of me.  "Get off! Do you think you're not heavy? I'm dying under here."   "The guys wanted to know if you're coming with us to the party. Summer is ending you know that right? Let's at least celebrate the last day." Jaxon rambled on not moving from his spot.  "I don't like people."   "You like me." Somehow my heart churned at that.  "Who said you were human? You're the devil you hear me? Devil! Now get off." I pushed him with all my might and he ended up falling off the bed with a loud thud.   "Really? Look who's talking." We both laughed and continued to talk about what would happen at the party.  At some point of Jax rambling on, I started to zone out. I didn't hear anything he was saying, I stared off into the wall with eyes open wide. "Hey! You okay?" I didn't notice him getting so close. Our faces were inches apart and he had a look of concern.  "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." I cleared my throat suddenly feeling so dry and thirsty.  "You having those dreams again?" I had nightmares about what happened to me back then and Jax was aware of that. I didn't tell him about Teagan though. He was mad, he and Teagan were close too and for him to just pack up and leave without saying anything hurt him. It hurt both of us. Every time I'd mention him his mood would suddenly go down and it would stay like that for days. So I avoided bringing him up. Something must have happened between them that I'm not aware of, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find out what it was. I just couldn't get answers from anybody.   ~  The rest of our friends were already there at the party, Jax had to be a little late since I wasn't entirely excited about going to a place that might just trigger a panic attack. Despite being a loner, Jax has helped me a lot and I feel like repaying him in any way possible.   "Your hair Li! It actually suits you, keep it long." Mae hugged me and ruffled my hair making it messier than it already was. "Yeah I don't really care much about my appearance Mae but thanks I guess." I smiled taking a seat beside Clara who was ignoring Jax blatantly flirting with her.   "I agree. Here try tying it up in a bun." She handed me a hair tie and fumbled to open the camera on her phone.   After failed attempts to do so, Clara laughed and tied my hair herself. "Right I forgot you were stupid."  "Clara!" They all yelled simultaneously.  "What? You guys need to stop treating him like a baby."  Clara can be little blunt sometimes, what she says are funny but not when it's directed to you. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't feel like what she says about me aren't really jokes.   "We're supposed to be looking out for him remember?" Dominic raised his brow making Clara roll her eyes.   'Looking out for me? What does that even mean?'  Before I could ask them about it, Clara cut me off as the others went along with her, avoiding eye contact with me.  "See, You look better with it. You look normal for once. Smile!" She took a photo of me awkwardly smiling since I felt a little uncomfortable.~ The party went on a blur and a few people complimented how I look, it always ended up with me turning red and awkwardly thanking them. I wanted nothing else but to go home but the look on Jaxon's face along with the rest of the group having fun was enough for me to stay. What Dom said earlier still fresh on my mind and how they were avoiding to talk about it. I quietly joined them sitting on the farthest part of the couch starting to zone out. They didn't seem too notice me. Clara all of a sudden said something that made me come back into reality, sending shivers down my spine. "Teagan is being surprisingly active, he commented 'cute' on my post about the picture of Li, seriously he's hopeless."  I felt my hands getting cold on what she said and my heart was beating ten times more faster than it usually was. "That's all he said?" Dominic asked taking a sip from his cup. "Wait, you guys have contact on Teagan?" Mae asked. It seems she was just as confused as me. "Of course we do, don't mention it to Li though." Those words hurt more than anything else. It was Jaxon speaking. All this time they already knew where he was but nobody bothered to tell me about it. "Why?" Mae pried. "Why? Because we can't that's why and we're stuck babysitting him." Jaxon sounded like a stranger, it didn't sound like him at all. "It's not our fault he's weak." Clara rolled her eyes. "That's too far Clara." Dominic said with a voice deeper than ever. Everyone else seemed to agree with her though. I felt tears pricking my eyes and the urge to leave as stronger than ever. I blended in with the crowd as I left not saying a word to them. 'Why? Why didn't they tell me. I didn't expect this coming from Jaxon.' Thoughts were running around my head as my eyes were getting blurry and blurry every second. The one thought that seemed to burn in my mind was 'Why didn't Teagan say anything' All this time they were aware, yet they didn't say anything. Despite seeing me suffering so much. Now I felt like an i***t talking about where he might be and how he'd come back. Jaxon out of all of them knew what I've been through and for him to lie straight into my face hurt so much. When I arrived at my house, I avoided my mother who was sitting on the couch watching a show with her other child. The moment I reached my room, I bawled my eyes out wanting to scream. I gripped my hair in frustration wanting to replace the pain in my heart. My phone ringed multiple times but I ignored it. Eventually getting annoyed, I threw it across the room smashing it into pieces. 'I hate this' My eyes focused on a shard of glass from my phone and I sobbed. 'I promised Jax I wouldn't do it again.' But then again he's been breaking the promises he made with all this time. Wiping my face, I slowly stood up and locked the door. I took off my clothes wanting to jump into the shower. The memories of what happened to me came resurfacing again. How I was treated. How I was ignored. My own father doing things they never should do to their child. The more I remember the more I felt dirty. I scrubbed my skin so hard they turned red. 'Get it off me'  'Get it off' 'Get it off please' 'Someone get it off' I cried even harder than before. The lies Jaxon and the others said were all coming back to me. 'Why?' I had so many questions in my mind yet I didn't know who to trust anymore. I didn't even know what to think. I staggered back onto the wall letting the tears fall from my face. A familiar clang of a piece of metal echoed through the small bathroom. I looked down to see the tiny blade I was all too familiar with. 'I swore to myself I wouldn't do it again.' All of the memories came back to haunt me. My head was so filled and voices were taking over it, telling me to do something, anything to distract myself from what I've been through. I was all alone. No one to hold on to, not even a shoulder to cry on. I even thought maybe I was overreacting , but what they did triggered so many things I have tried so hard to push back into my mind so it wouldn't resurface. I didn't know if I was mad, but I knew I could never bring myself to hate them. We were all getting along so well but why does it suddenly seem like I don't know anything about anyone at all. All my life I only tried to please people and did things out of my comfort just to make them happy, but what I get in return is this. 'Why is this happening to me?'  I asked to no one in particular, hoping a random whisper would give me an answer. As the floor was getting a darker shade despite the water flowing through, I rested my hand beside me. Feeling numb and void of anything. 'I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this' After what felt like hours but only was a few minutes, I was finally clothed and laying still on the bed. I racked my brain for possible answers to why they could have hidden something so important to me but I just couldn't. Tears kept streaming down and I wanted nothing more but to sleep, but the moment I do those nightmares come rushing in, perhaps it would be worse. 'I don't know what to do anymore' I heard small taps coming from the window and hushed yells. They took turns calling out my name and throwing small things to my window. Knowing it was them trying to get me down, I turned to my side and switched off the lights hoping they got the message that I didn't want to talk. The bright moon was illuminating my room, it was the only thing that was making the room still slightly visible. I stared at it while the thoughts in my head continued to run, as I was slowly closing my eyes, a sad, broken and loud howl can be heard perhaps throughout the whole city.