hello it's me

    this morning the weather is really nice, I'm sitting alone while looking at the kids playing with their friends. today is Sunday, so I decided to go to the park to get fresh air. My job is a little bit stressful because as a secretary of one of the biggest direct selling companies, my boss is always busy and I, of course, have to follow him where ever he goes. Seeing many kids running around, people joking and the birds chirps help release my stress. I have a boyfriend but today I don't want to disturb his Sunday because I know being an architect is also tiring.              Kian and I have been together for five years, we will get married next year after we have enough savings to hold a grand wedding. that is our dream for our future so that's why we both work hard to earn money. his family and mine are close and their relationship is good.       "Alice,'' I hear someone's calling me from far away and that's my best friend, Clara. She runs closer to me like she never sees me before.      "Hey what's going on with you?'' I'm staring at her from head to toe because today she's wearing only her nightgown and went to the park. It's not like her. Then she sits beside me. I'm pretty sure that must be something big happen to her because I can see her tears falling down her cheeks.     without saying anything she hugs me and said'' I"m pregnant,'' well at first I think that is only a joke from her to me but after I see the pregnancy test, and It shows two red lines. I can't stop gaping. All I know that my best friend doesn't have a boyfriend, all she knows only working and working because she is a workaholic woman. Then who's the father?     I don't say a single word to her but I hug her tightly, caress her back gently in order to make her calm. I don't know what to say because I still shocked by the sudden news. She is crying in my embrace. Even though she doesn't say anything, I know that she is really sad. I give her a bottle of mineral water and ask her to tell me the whole story.     ''sorry,'' that's the first word that comes out of her mouth. I don't know why does she say sorry but I nod without saying anything.      ''are you okay?'' I ask her who is still crying. of course, she isn't okay and that's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. fool me asking her that.      ''will you promise that you won't be mad at me if I tell you the truth?'' she's looking at me with teary eyes. Again she makes me, even more, confuse by saying that words.  ''wait, why should I get angry with you? I have no reason for that.'' I cut her words          ''because after hearing what I say you will get angry and maybe you won't want to be my friend again.'' she sighs deeply and starts to tell me everything.          hearing what she said, I feel like I'm on the edge of a very deep abyss. I can control myself not to cry but this is about me how can I not cry? what do you feel when you suddenly hear that your best friend is impregnated by your boyfriend? This Sunday morning is the worst day ever in my life.          ''Are you sure that was him who did that to you? can you give me proof it was him?'' I still hoping that Clara misunderstanding someone else as my boyfriend who has been with me for five years. I can't believe this. I walk away from Clara who is still crying, I suddenly don't know the way back home. Along the way I can only cry, I hope it's only a bad dream so I hope when I wake up everything will back to normal.          the nice weather turns out to be a drizzle and I'm walking in the heavy rain. Hoping so bad this is only a dream. I pinch my self and it hurt. Finally, I realize this is not a dream when a car hits me and I fall down. I wish the rain helps me to forget what happened today. unfortunately, I don't get serious injury only small scratches on my elbow.          arriving home, I take a warm bath and try to be strong. I phone Kian, my boyfriend. ''can we meet today at the dinner time?'' I ask him in a low voice hiding my sadness.          ''yes, of course. I'm about to call you, I miss you so much and it's Sunday. no need to wait until dinner time because I'm going to your house now,'' his voice always makes me calm. I really love him and so does he. during these five years, never once in my life, he makes me sad. I really want to hear his explanation. That doesn't mean I don't believe my best friend but I just make it clear so I can make a decision for our sake.          I'm waiting for him for almost twenty minutes but I feel like I have waited for him for almost years. I'm nervous and also curious about what had happened between him and Clara. I rush to open the door when I hear someone knock it. It's him and I can't control myself not to hug him.'' hey, what's going on? we just met yesterday right? missing me so bad?'' he caresses my hair and kisses my forehead.          ''do you have something to tell me about?'' I dare to ask him.          he nods and smiles at me, curves his lips, showing his dimples,'' I miss you, Alice. he plants a soft kiss on my lips. his kiss is always hot and it successfully makes me feel better and forget about Clara's pregnancy for a moment.              I'm crying because I feel soon I will lose this hot man and also his warmth, I slowly push him away from me, and I ask him to sit. I'm still waiting for Clara to come because this afternoon before I phoned Kian, I phoned Clara first and she willing to come.          finally, Clara comes and the three of us are sitting together. Kian looks s little bit confusing,I can see from his movement, he always plays with his finger every time he feels nervous.          ''Kian, tell me honestly what happen between you two?'' I try to be calm         ''what do you mean?'' he frowns his eyebrows          ''she is now pregnant and she said it was because of you.'' I can't hide my anger anymore. I feel like there is a time bomb on my body that can explode anytime.             Kian stands up and tried to hug me but I push him away.'' are you kidding me? how can I do that with her when I have you to sleep with?              ''but you rape me when you got drunk two months ago at the cafe xx,!!!!! if you still doubt my words you can ask your friend to check the CCTV,'' Clara cut of his word.              ''Are you sure that was me who rape you?, stop this nonsense Clara, I know that you get jealous of our relationship when you never have a happy relationship like us. See now your best friend shows her true color and she uses this low trick to break us.'' Kian points at Clara angrily. I'm confused. I don't who should I believe. One is my best friend and one is my boyfriend.                  ''stop this, I can't handle it anymore.'' I cover my ears with my hands.                  ''let's do the DNA test,'' Kian looks so angry. I'm shocked by his words. I'm suddenly being afraid, if it is really his what should I do?                 ''sure, I'm not afraid because I'm sure it was you who rape me.'' after saying those words Clara leaves me and Kian. I don't try to stop her because I know I can't do anything to help her. Leaving me in silence, I sit on the couch with tears keep flowing unstoppably.                  ''do you believe in me?'' Kian sits beside me and hugs me from the back. I can feel his warm breath, he makes me face him. "look in my eyes, do I look like a lier to you? have I ever made you sad or lie to at you?'' he shooks my shoulders.                  I don't know whether I should believe him or not, at least until I know the result of the DNA test I will try to believe him. ''it's getting late, better you go home and take a rest,'' it sounds that I chase him away but I do need resting after this hard day.                   he looks at me in disbelief,'' I did go to cafe xx two months ago but I didn't remember that I rape her, I got up at the VIP room because I was too drunk and I didn't see her in that room, I was alone, please, believe me, Alice,'' he kneels in front of me who is still frozen hearing what he said.                  '' I will believe you, but if the test says if the baby in her womb is yours you should be responsible for her,'' I squat down and caress his hair.                  it is already a week and the test result come out. Clara, Kian, and I are gathering in my house ready to see the test result. I am nervous since the beginning because I'm afraid of losing him as my boyfriend.                  ''bang like a thunder hit, the test result hit me. the baby is his because the test says it 99% matches him. God must be joking at me.                  ''see? am I wrong?'' Clara screams loudly at Kian who is still froze on the spot. He almost gets slapped by her but I hold her hand.                  "calm down, get angry won't solve the problem" The one who should be angry is me. Why should be her? I sit down and try to be calm. "Kian the test shows the baby is yours, what will you do now? even though I pretend to be calm but my tears can't stop flowing. Kian doesn't say anything, he stands up and leaves both Clara and me. I know what is his feeling right now.                  ''sorry,''Clara hugs me                 ''it's not your fault, it's an accident. Believe me, he will take responsibility for your baby. He is a responsible man,'' I try to strengthen her, but I also need someone to strengthen me.  Clara goes back to her house and I? I don't know what to do. I decide to go out, to get fresh air but it's like the sky knows that I'm sad, today the sky is covered by clouds. I go outside, walk alone, eat my favorite food but everything that I do can't help me feel better.              "Alice, can we talk?'' I hear a familiar voice behind me. When I look back, Kian is standing beside me and maybe he follows me from the beginning but I didn't notice his existence. I'm too sad to realize that.              ''We have nothing to talk about Kian, everything is clear now.'' I walk away from him but he pulls me to his embrace. ''please listen to me.''             ''Why should be her among the other woman? why should be my best friend?'' I start to cry. Hitting his chest but he still hugging me, doesn't care about me who keeps hitting him.              '' I was drunk at that time and I didn't know how could I ended sleeping with her?, ''I know that he tells me the truth, I can see it through his eyes. Clara did drunk, they did that when they were drunk. How can I blame drunk people because they won't remember anything?                  ''let's stop here Kian, I don't want to hear anything from you.''I leave him speechless. It's heartbroken when you know the one who will marry your best friend is your own boyfriend. he shouts at me but I ignore him.                  ''I need time to accept this reality, I need someone to talk about.'' I'm crying alone at the park. I don't care what people think about me, they don't know what I feel right now. Actually, I have so many things to do at the office but I told my boss that I wasn't in a good condition so I need some rest and my boss gave me two days for resting.                  ''I think I should move to a new place and start a new life so I can forget everything,'' talk to myself without realizing there is someone beside me who is staring at me.                    ''All you need now is a new mindset, not a new place, even if you stay in outer space but your mindset is still dull, you only make it worst,'' a strange man is sitting beside me while reading a book. He hands me a tissue so I can wipe my tears.                  ''you don't know anything so just mind your own business,'' I look at him but sadly I can't see his face because he is wearing a mask.                  ''One thing, you got dumped right?'' his face is so close to mine and I even can smell his perfume. so sweet masculine scent. I really want to open that mask of him but I'm afraid.                  ''whatever, '' I ignore him, and without realizing I lean on his shoulder. He doesn't say anything he just let me cry, keeps handing me a tissue while staring at me. He looks so gentle and I don't know to feel a little bit better after crying. the day is getting dark but I still sitting at the park with this strange man. He is quiet and busy reading.              ''it's getting dark, why don't you go home?''He asks me, without even looking at my face.              I sight,'' at this moment I really don't want to go home, I just wanna sit here. If you want to go, you can'' I lean back to the bench, but he doesn't move. he accompanies me until almost midnight.              I maybe fell asleep on his shoulder because when I get up I find myself in a hotel bedroom near the beach. I don't know how long I sleep so I ended here. I look around trying to find the man but I don't find him. When I look at the table there is a letter. I open it and it was from him.              ''you look so tired because you sleep soundly on my shoulder, I don't know your house so I decided to take you to this hotel. This hotel has a beautiful view and it can help you to release your stress. I have booked the hotel for 3 days, resting and enjoy your day here,'' It was him who wrote the letter.          ''ah fool me, why didn't ask for his phone number so I can say thank you to him.''I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are swollen because of too much crying. I set my phone off so nobody disturbs me when I really need my time alone.