Lost Without You (I Thought You Loved Me)

The Deal That Changed Everything “I thought I would never see you again.” His speech is like a sharp dagger, slashing through the barricades I’ve constructed around my heart. It’s been a year, and I should have forgotten him and moved on with my life, yet here he is—standing in front of me, looking every bit as terrible as he did that night. I can’t breathe. The sight of him takes the wind out of me. I turn my back to him, attempting to stabilize myself. I don't know what he wants. But I sure as hell know I don’t want to see him again. The memories—his touch, the way he made me feel so alive, so wanted—they threaten to devour me whole. And the worst part? I let it happen. "Why are you here, Alexander?" My voice trembles despite my best attempts to keep it steady. He takes a step forward, his presence intimidating, taking up the area like a shadow. “You know why I’m here, Sophie.” I detest that he still uses my name like it signifies something. It’s not a reminder of all I’ve lost. Everything he took from me. "You abandoned me. Without a word. After that night." The words burn as they escape my mouth. "That was never my intention," he replies, his voice low, full with sadness. "But I didn’t have a choice." My heart lurches at the agony I hear in his words, but I put it away. I’m done with him. He doesn’t get to apologize. He doesn’t get to reverse the harm. Not anymore. "Choice? You didn’t have a choice?” I chuckle cruelly, whirling around to face him. "You had lots of alternatives, Alexander. You opted to walk away. You decided to leave me wondering for a year—wondering whether I was simply some... mistake." He flinches at my remarks, and for a fleeting second, I see something in his eyes that makes my chest constrict. It’s remorse. Real, raw regret. But I can’t let myself fall for it. Not again. “I was selfish. I was wrong.” His words linger in the air, heavy with the weight of reality. “But I’m here to make it right, Sophie. Please, hear me out.” I want to yell at him, to tell him that nothing he says matters. That he doesn’t get to stroll back into my life after treating me like nothing more than a brief moment of pleasure. But I can’t. I’m not that lady anymore. "Make it right? How exactly?" I wrap my arms across my chest, trying to look unaffected, even though every inch of me is screaming to hurl myself into his arms, to feel the way he made me feel all those months ago. “I need you,” he continues, his voice lowering to a low, desperate whisper. "I’m offering you a bargain, Sophie. I’m providing you a chance to obtain all you’ve ever desired." I gaze at him, bewildered. A deal? A chance? My brain is spinning, trying to grasp what he just said. What could he possibly want from me? After everything? “What kind of deal?” I inquired, my voice tinted with mistrust. I take a step back, refusing to let him get any closer. I can’t afford to be weak again. “A marriage contract,” he adds, his eyes locking with me, his expression difficult to decipher. "I need you to marry me. Not for love. But for the future of both of us. For the sake of the empire I’m fighting to safeguard." I blink, contemplating his words, my mind struggling to find a way to make sense of this crazy. “You want me to marry you?” I chuckle in astonishment. “After everything that happened? You think I’ll just join up for more of your games?” “This is not a game, Sophie,” he shouts, his features tightening with rage. “This is the only way I can ensure that everything I’ve worked for doesn’t fall apart. I need you.” "Why me?" I ask, my voice trembling, though I hate that it is. "Why come to me after everything? Why not find someone else?" He pauses, as though the answer to that question is one he’s been battling with for a long time. “Because... I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped desiring you.” The confession hits me harder than I anticipated. It’s not the words, but the honesty in his gaze that pulls me in. I want to throw it all away, to believe that this may be my shot at atonement. But the memories of his treachery are still fresh in my memory. Still raw. “And you think a contract will fix that?” I challenge myself, my voice shaking. “Do you think signing a piece of paper will make me forget what you did? What did we have? Or didn’t I?” “I’m asking you to take a chance, Sophie. Not only for me but for yourself. For the life you deserve.” The life I deserve? I’ve spent years establishing my own life, setting up walls so high that nothing could get through. But now... now I’m standing at the border of something I can’t quite identify. “You’re offering me a life of luxury and power,” I continue, my tone chilly, “but it won’t erase what you did. You can’t purchase my forgiveness.” “I’m not trying to buy your forgiveness,” he answers, his voice softening, “I’m asking you to trust me.” The words strike something deep inside me, something I’ve been trying to suppress for months. A part of me still desires him. Still wants to think that he’s changed. But can I risk my heart again? “Trust you?” I repeat, shaking my head, my thoughts a swirl of bewilderment. “You don’t even trust yourself, Alexander. How can I?” He takes a step closer, and this time, I don’t back away. His presence is smothering, yet it’s also exhilarating. He leans out to touch my face, his fingertips brushing across my flesh, sending a bolt of excitement through me. “You don’t have to trust me,” he adds, his voice low, as though we’re in a universe all our own. “Just trust the deal. Trust the future we could have together. Trust that I’ll make this right.” I close my eyes, the tension thick in the air between us. I want to say no. I want to go away and never look back. But the attraction is too great. The yearning, the hunger, the recollection of how he made me feel—it all threatens to devour me whole. “I won’t be your pawn, Alexander,” I reply, my voice low, deadly. “I won’t be part of some power play to secure your empire. Not again.” He steps back, his mouth tightening as if he’s waging an internal conflict. “Then what do you want, Sophie?” His voice cracks, just slightly. “What is it that you need to believe me?” I stand there, stuck between what I desire and what I know is right. “I need you to prove that you’re not the same man who walked away from me.” For a long while, he doesn’t say anything. Then, his lips twist into a cruel smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I will, Sophie. I will prove it. But I need you to stay.” My heart beats fiercely in my chest. Every instinct urges me to run, to defend myself. But the words reach my lips before I can stop them. “Fine,” I respond, my voice wavering with a mix of dread and excitement. “I’ll stay. But don’t believe for one second that this implies I’m forgiving you.” He nods, but something is menacing behind his gaze. Something that tells me this arrangement isn’t simply about business. And I’m about to discover the hard way exactly how far he’ll go to obtain what he wants. The door slams shut behind me as I tread into his world once more. But this time, I’m not the naive girl I was before. I know better now. And I’ll make sure he knows it, too. The sound of a phone ringing breaks the uncomfortable stillness between us. Alexander picks up, his expression deepening as he hears. "It's happening," he mutters under his breath, the seriousness of his words setting in. I take a step back, my pulse racing. “What’s happening?” He hangs up the phone and catches my gaze, his face inscrutable. “Everything is at stake now, Sophie. You’re not simply marrying me for business anymore.” I feel my stomach plummet. “What do you mean?” His eyes lock onto mine, and his words hit me like a freight train: “Someone knows we’re together. And they’re coming for us.”