You without me

Not so fast

The tears just keep coming, Christian must have heard enough to know my dad will be here soon because he’s stopped his approach, now he’s just standing there 10 feet away watching me. I think this might be the least confident he’s ever looked. Though he’s never seen this much emotion from me, so I guess I can some what understand.

We’re part of the richest circle in the country. We are taught from the start to bite our tongues and keep our emotions in check. Well most people in our circle are. Im the youngest of 3 kids, and the only girl. And I’m the spitting image of my mom who died just before I was 2, so my family has always treated me like a princess and let me express myself and my feelings. Something I learned to contain on my own in my life as Christians wife. My dad was furious when I told him

I was marrying Christian. It meant there had to be distance between us because neither side wanted to make it look like their respective companies were aligning. They’re each other’s biggest competitors after all. So only my family and Christian know where I really come from. Everyone else thinks Christian and I met overseas and got married. Most think I’m a gold digger, but it’s never bothered me because I know the truth.

“I just don’t understand where this is coming from.” Christian says as he cautious walks towards me. I look up at him, and by the look on his face, I think this is the first time he’s really seeing me. Seeing how being his wife has affected me. I can sense a small amount of guilt in his eyes, but then it’s gone.

“I want to be loved Christian, and it has taken me too long to realize I will never get that from you. I have only ever asked you for two things, and you didn’t give me either of them.”

“What did you ask? I don’t ever remember you asking for anything.” He said, with what I think might have been shame.

“The day we signed the marriage certificate” that’s all I was willing to give him. It’s not like it would make a difference now anyways. I saw headlights and crossed my fingers that it would be my dad pulling up to take me away and save the day. But no luck. It’s not like he’s just in the neighborhood, so it realistically couldn’t be him, but I’m not sure I’m fully living in reality right now.

“We can’t get divorced right now.” He says firmly. “I need this, I need to be married, there is a board meeting coming up, and they are already questioning my commitments.”

“I don’t care about your reputation with the board. As far as I’m concerned they should question your commitment.” I wipe my eyes, take a deep breath and lean against the brick pillar supporting the gate.

“I’m tired Christian, I can’t do this anymore. Be there tomorrow. You know where my dad is going to stand in all this, you are the only person that knows the backing I have. Marry Alexis and pretend I never existed if you have to, but we are getting divorced.”

“MARRY ALEXIS?! Is that really the solution you’re going to offer to make me look committed? Marry my dead best friends wife, that’ll look great. I may not be the greatest husband, but I would NEVER betray him like that!” He yells. He’s pissed now. Like it’s a crazy thing for me to think. He spends most nights with her. She constantly sends me texts about how she will always be the one with his heart even if I’m the one wearing his ring, along with pictures of them in bed together.

I’m sigh and close my eyes. I’m done engaging. We’ll get divorced, it can be messy if he doesn’t want to cooperate, but it is going to happen.

“What will it take for you to call off your dad, and come back in the house? We can figure something out.”

“Too late” I hear a voice I’ve missed more than I even realized. My older brother James, I didn’t even hear the car. I jump up and push the button to open the gate and dive into his arms. Any composure I had gained since calling my dad has crumbled. James catches me and holds me so tight. God I missed him, and I feel so stupid and guilty for giving up the people who love me so much, for a life of loneliness and longing.

“I missed you baby sister.” He whispers and holds me even tighter.

“I missed you too” I gasp out between cries. Then I see my dad standing behind him and jump in his arms.

“Daddy” I cry again just like I did on the phone. He just holds me close. “I’m sorry I was so stupid. I’m so so sorry.” I’m bawling now. Soaking his jacket I’m sure. Suddenly thankful I don’t have makeup on, I pull away a little, but give in quickly when my dad pulls me even closer.

Why on earth would I give up my family, who loves me this much, for a man who doesn’t think of me at all. I feel so small and full of regret.

“Get in the car baby girl” my dad says and gestures toward the open door pushing me gently. “We’ll handle this and James will take your car home.”

I do as he says. Thankful to be done and going back to a home with love. I still leave the door opens so I can hear what’s going to happen.

“I don’t know what you did, nor do I care, my sister is coming home with us, you will be divorcing her, and staying out of her life.” James firmly tells Christian. I can hear in his voice that he’s hoping for a fight. “I have never seen her so broken and frail. You think we haven’t heard the rumors? That we haven’t been keeping track? That girl is our world, and you’ve spent these years treating her as nothing, I hope the rest of your life is as miserable as the last 6 years of ours has been.”

Guilt swarms me. My family has suffered, and for nothing. Gran was so sure we were going to be a great match, and man did I want her to be right. I think back to the first time I met her.

I was only 17. I had gone on a hike on my own, feeling suffocated by my older brothers acting like I was made of glass. Just trying to get some fresh air and space. I was only 20 minutes in when I see an old woman sitting on the trail huffing and puffing to catch her breath.

“Are you okay?” I asked her, I was really worried, I didn’t know much as far as first aid.

“Just got too far ahead of myself,” she huffs out like that cleared anything up.

“Do you need some water?” I took my backpack off to grab a bottle for her.

“I knew I was forgetting something” she laughed out, still so out of breath.

“I don’t want to be rude, but what are you doing out here alone?”

“At this age… blah blah blah, you know that’s the speech that sent me on this death walk.” She glared.

(End flashback)

I laugh to myself thinking about it. She always had so much spirit.

“She’s my wife! You think I don’t get a say in what happens in my own marriage?” Christian says to my dad and brother.

“We gave you six years, we let you two be, but now that she called us, now that we see how you’ve broken her, you are damn right I’m not giving you a say.” My dad yells, then he turns his back on Christian and leans into the still open door.

“Where are your keys so James can get your car, do we need to send someone for your things?” He asks me.

“Christian pocketed my keys, my bags are already in the car.” I whisper with my head down, but my dad puts his finger under my chin and pushed my head gently so I’m looking at him.

You followed your heart, it didn’t work out, but you went for it, and the only thing I’ve ever done that’s close to that brave, is let you.

It’s okay Olivia, we’re here for you, we forgave you years ago, we’re here now.”

For the first time in a long time, a real smile forms on my face as I look at the man who has always loved me. “I love you daddy” I say quietly.

“I love you too honey” he smiles at me, then turns to Christian. Give James her keys. Nothing more needs to be said tonight. To my surprise he complies and hands my brother the keys then he looks over my dad toward the car I’m sitting in

“This isn’t over, I’m not going to just go along with this.” He says in my direction.

That angers me, and having my dad and brother at my side strengthens my resolve, I step out of the car and look straight at him “tomorrow at 8 AM, Christian, this doesn’t need to be messy, but it does need to be over.”