You without me

The start

Christian stares at me for a few seconds, and then turns around and heads to the house. My dad gets in the car next to me and closes the door, then puts his arm around me and pulls me close to his side. I feel comforted and safe for the first time in so long.

I used to feel so trapped in my life. I was the only girl l, and then woman, in my family since my

mom died, my grandmothers both passed long before I was even born. My dad and brothers were very protective of me, too protective. It made me feel suffocated, but now, I see it was love and fear the drove them. They didn’t want to lose me the way they had my mom.

Gran came into my life right when I needed her, she gave me the strength to tell them I needed to live my life. But man do I wish I choose a different path to live it. I think back to when Gran first mentioned Christian to me, the pride and worry on her face as she showed me his picture.

“Christian has a big heart, he just refuses to use it, or show it. He thinks life is all about work, the next dime to the next dollar. That’s no way to live. I think he could use someone like you in his life to remind him about the real purpose.”

“Gran, I just turned 18, I’m sure if he wanted to find someone to marry he’d have a line through the entire state of women who were a better match than me.” I told her, blushing at her idea that he would ever want me.

“Nonsense, there is no better match for him than you. If you can’t get in that big heart of his, no one can.”

(End flashback)

Gran was wrong though. She realized that just before she passed away. I remember the tears in her eyes as she apologized for the sham of a marriage, and she made me promise to only give him one more year.

“You’re almost 26 darling” she said, “don’t give him another Birthday. Go home and be loved. He doesn’t deserve your heart, and you don’t deserve his indifference.”

I sigh and my dad pulls me tighter.

“What happened? You’ve put up with so much, from what we’ve heard, and I know what we’ve heard barley scratches the surface.” He asks sadly.

“Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary. His PA Devin called me in the morning and told me we had reservations at the The Hall. I was so excited, it was the first time he was taking me out for an anniversary. He had come home to eat the meal I made him on two of our anniversaries, all the others were ignored. This was the first time he was taking me out for one.” Tears start forming in my eyes again and I look out the side window away from my dad. “He never showed up.” I whisper.

God, just thinking about it I feel so dumb. I sat there for hours. All dressed up, like a teenager being stood up for prom. I waited until 11 even though Devin told me the reservation was for 7. Then Alexis sent me a picture of them together. That was it for me. The final sign that I would never mean anything to him. I don’t know why it took so long for me to understand that.

I close my eyes and lean into my dad. It’s over. I’ll be happier without any of those people in my life.

Christians POV

I walk inside and slam the door. “What’s her f*****g problem” I think. This is the last thing I needed tonight. I don’t know what I thought she needed to talk about, but it wasn’t this. What right does she even have being so mad? She knew we were getting married because I needed a wife, and Gran thought she was the perfect fit. I thought she was right until tonight.

I did notice Liv seeming more withdrawn. She quit texting or calling me, asking if I was coming home for dinner or not. When I was with her she didn’t try to sit near me or really even talk to me. I thought that was because of Grans death. They were closer than anyone in our family has ever been. The weirdest pair of best friends, but they seemed to make each other happy.

I hear James pull out in her car.

“Damn it!” I yell and lean against the wall and press my hands against my head. I think about what she said earlier, as she was sitting by the gate, I had never seen her look so broken and fragile.

“I only ever asked for two things and you couldn’t give me either.”

What was she talking about? The day we signed the marriage certificate.

I’d just gotten back from dealing with another of Alexis’s meltdowns. Man that woman was so much drama. She was worried that if I followed through with marrying Liv it would put a wedge between her and I. That Liv wouldn’t be okay with her and I being so close. I assured her I wouldn’t let that happen. It took hours and I was late to my own damn wedding.

Well wedding is a stretch. We signed the papers in the judges office, Gran and Jules, Livs best friend, we’re the only ones there. Gran gave me her scalding look as soon as I walked in. She knew I was with Alexis, she hated her. She told me many times over the years she was always going to stand in the way of my being happy with Olivia.

Being happy with Olivia wasn’t really something I cared about though. I need to get married to show the board of directors that I was settling down. I was perfectly happy as a single man. I looked over at Liv, she was beautiful. Wearing a flattering white dress. It stopped just below her knees and fit her closely enough to show her shape, without being too tight. But when the light hit it in certain places it looked more sparkly lavender than white. Class with a bit of sparkle, the perfect way to describe her.

“Are we ready?” I asked ready to sign and go to our little reception, its really just to show the board my wife.

“Almost” Liv says, “I have two requests before we do this.”

I shoot gran a look, suspicious she’s behind this, but she looks as shocked as me, and maybe a little worried?

“Firstly, I know that we aren’t getting married out of love, but I want it to be a real marriage.”

Okay, we’re sitting here in a judges office to sign official legal documents, can it be more real than that? I look at Liv and she just sense my confusion.

“I mean, I want us to be an actual couple, live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, all of it.”

“Ohhh” I drag out, thinking “well, I supposed that’s fair”. It’s not exactly what I was planning on, but it is a fair request.

“Second, I want you to agree not to sleep with other people. I won’t be made a fool of.” She said the last part sharply. Gran looks proud, Jules has looked like she’s fighting the urge to pull her friend out of here the entire time I’ve been here.

“Okay, I can agree to that.” I’m not so sure I’ll love it, but I’m really not s*x driven like most of my friends. It’s nice when I do it, but I don’t seek it out.

(End flashback)

Damn. Now I remember, I guess I haven’t followed through on the actual relationship part, but I’m a busy man, since getting married the board put so much more trust in me, which meant a lot more work. Until lately at least. Now they seem to think that “I’m not respecting my wife and marriage, which is disrespecting my position with the company”. They all love Olivia, and wanted to have a lunch with us together to see us together as a couple to see for themselves.

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and pull it out to see Alexis calling me, I really can’t deal with her right now, so I press ignore and then pull up Devins contact. He’s my PA, but really he manages most of my life. I think he talked to Liv more than I did. Maybe he’ll know what’s going on.

“Hello” he answers

“Devin, I don’t know what the hell is going on, Olivia just left, she wants to get divorced.”

There is the long silence he does when he’s trying to speak carefully

“Well, how did your anniversary dinner go last night?” He asks slowly.

“f**k!” I shout, pissed at myself. “Alexis called me freaking out, thinking she had a stalker or something. I went to her place to calm her down and see what was going on and ended up crashing.”

“Look, I know you’re my boss, but I’m off the clock, so I’m going to be blunt. Let her go. Alexis always comes first for you and Olivia has put up with that for way longer than she should have.”

“I CANT LET HER GO! You know that the board is riding me about this marriage as it is!” I’m so pissed off about everything, and the other line beeping is about to set me off. Alexis is calling again.

“You’re going to have to figure out your priorities, but I’m betting it’s too late for Olivia.” He says carefully.

The beep beep beep in my ear is driving me crazy. “Look, I have to go, we’ll talk more tomorrow.” I switch over to Alexis’ call.

“Chhristann” she slurs, great, she’s f*****g drunk “I need a ride”.

“I was just at your house, what the hell Alexis!?” I’m so exhausted I can’t handle this.

“Yoou wen home, an I needed a drink” She snaps like she’s the one that should be annoyed here.

“I’ll order you a ride, go home and sleep it off” I say tiredly into the phone, about to hang up when I hear her yelling.

“IM NOT GETTING IN A CAR WITH SOME STRANGER IN THIS STATE! YOU COME GET ME! Christian please” she whines the last part like it’ll make up for the yelling.

“I’m tired Alexis, I need to go to bed, you can get in the car I order for you, or you can walk.” I say as I hang up and pull at my tie. I need a sleep before I can try and get Olivia to give up on the idea of a divorce.

As I head to the room I realize it feels foreign, like when you get home for the first time after a long business trip. When was the last time I slept here, I wonder, as I head to the shower. I guess it’s probably been over a week. Between work and managing Alexis’s every crisis I don’t have much time for anything else, and I end up so tired I crash at her place before I make it home.

Olivia really does deserve better than me. Unfortunately I’m too selfish of a man to let that happen.