The Vampire’s Past

3. Sean

3

Sean

I try to close the door behind me quietly and almost trip over my own feet as I stumble inside the studio. f**k.

I drank way too much tonight. I went out with Darren and that Devin guy he always hangs out with. We went to a straight bar and Darren made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone that I was gay but I also had to be his wingman. So, somehow, any girl who would hit on me, I’d try to hook up with him.

Yeah... Talk about a challenge.

I don’t know why Darren wanted to go there so badly. The girls were wearing too much make-up to hide how tired they really were, their skirts were too short and their shirts basically didn’t exist. And I’m pretty sure that quite a few of them would not join you for a chat unless they’d taken a look inside your wallet first.

Girls are not my thing, but paying for the company of someone also isn’t something I really would be interested in. But that’s just me, it seems that Darren was fine with it, even though he didn’t have much luck. I suspect he didn’t look rich enough.

Luckily, Jeff and Evy were willing to lessen the strain and also came over. Evy had been really interested in talking to me more. She’s a small-town girl, so since I’ve lived in the big city for a while, I apparently was all sorts of interesting. Evy isn’t really someone to go outside of her comfort zone much, so anything I told her, she loved.

It was fun to talk to her, to hear some updates about people in our old class or our teachers. It was strange to hear about these people again after so long, but at the same time, it felt good and safe.

Jeff had been glaring at me most of the evening and when Evy went to the toilets, something she had to do often, he leaned in closer, telling me to not think too much of her friendliness and that he was definitely married to her.

It seems that ever since I’d seen her at the registration office she’d been talking about me and about wanting to see me again. And it had really not sat well with Jeff, making him feel a little prickly.

I promised him that I really had no interest in Evy, and that she still seemed totally in love with him. I actually congratulated him on still being together with her, after so long, and that made him look a little less annoyed. And when Evy came back, everything seemed to calm down and the rest of the evening was much more fun.

That was, until Darren hit on the wrong girl and her boyfriend took offence with the annoying guy he was. That was a very interesting way to end the night. Having to carry Darren out of the bar, blood running down his face and still cursing loudly.

For me, that was also the end of everything. It was fun, until it wasn’t anymore, and now I’m home in an empty studio. Drunk, alone and really wishing I wasn’t alone right now.

Jules’ face pops into my head, his beautiful dark eyes and the way he sometimes almost smiles. I reach down, moving myself in my jeans a little. Yeah, he’s sexy. But he’s also distant, and I don’t know if that will ever change.

I sigh, letting myself fall back on the couch. Too tired and in need of sleep.

Probably dreaming of Jules. Again.

The classroom has become somewhat familiar in the two weeks I’ve been here. I’ve started to recognise some of my classmates now and Darren has gotten a little less annoying lately.

Although I’m not sure if that’s because of me or if that’s because he really needs to pay attention to the classes, or he’ll fail.

The professor comes in and we start the class. We’re really getting into things now, which I like, but it’s not that easy.

But when Jules doesn’t come in when he normally does, something starts nagging at me. I don’t know why, but it feels strange not to see him come in and all.

When he does come in, much later than normal, I can’t keep my eyes off him. He’s different.

I don’t even know why I keep staring at Jules. He’s not my normal type. I’m usually into guys who look a little more like me, taller, broader... not as effeminate. Not that I have anything against it, it’s just not my type to be attracted to.

But with Jules... His slender body, his dark eyes, his long hair. It’s all making me hot, it makes me want to touch him. It makes me want him. When the light catches on his hair a certain way, it makes me wonder how it feels. How would Jules’ hair feel running through my fingers?

Fuck.

Darren pokes me in my side, making me glare at him. “If you keep spacing out staring at that dude, you’ll miss the whole class.” He points to the board in front of the class and I realise I’ve missed almost a full board of notes. Crap!

I quickly start copying from the board, my hand going as fast as it can, trying to get everything written down before the professor has to erase parts of it for new notes.

But my eyes keep drifting off to the side, to the lone figure at the front of the classroom. To the man who keeps showing up in my dreams.

I shake my head. I’m here to study. I’m here to finish my degree, to get a better job and get the hell out of here again. That’s why I’m here.

I’m not here to pick up guys, and dating classmates is always a bad idea. But I guess that I can’t always deny my body, I can’t deny my instincts. And my instincts tell me that I really want Jules, no matter what.

On Tuesday, Jules is late again, I don’t see him before the break, but then he’s sitting where he always does, playing on his phone, a cup of coffee in his other hand. Sitting there like nothing happened, like he was just in class like normal.

I don’t know why or what happened, but in these past weeks, I know that Jules may be a little late to class, but he at least usually shows up for some of it...

I saunter over to him, keeping my eyes on him as he keeps focusing on his phone. Well, I guess that if I needed an excuse to get closer to the guy... This could be it.

“Hi.” I lean against the wall next to him.

Jules startles, but then looks up, his eyes tired. “Hey.”

“You weren’t in class.” Obvious Sean is obvious.

Jules shrugs, going back to his puzzle game.

“I could lend you the notes from the first half. We could go over them in the cafeteria after class?” Now or never.

“Thanks, but... if you’re okay with it, I’d prefer to take them home instead.” He looks up at me again, and how is it that I want to touch him?

“Sure. That’s okay too. I can give them to you at the end of class.” One last chance? “Do you want to hang out some other day? Getting something to eat or something? Come over to my place, play games? Just low-key.”

Jules doesn’t look at me now, but I can see his neck flush. He’s blushing!

I wasn’t being too forward, was I? I just don’t want to let this chance go by.

“Ehm...” Jules lets out a breath. “I... Ehh... I don’t think that’s a good idea. Sorry.”

“Oh.” Well, that’s too bad. “The offer always stands. Don’t worry about it.” It just means that I have to take things slowly. ‘Not a good idea’ doesn’t mean no, right?

Jules nods, not looking up again. He seems really embarrassed or awkward, and I didn’t mean to do that...

What is it with me and this guy? Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

“You okay though?” I don’t even know what to say to him now.

Jules nods, glancing up at me for a moment. “I’m good.” Though, that look in his eyes... I don’t know if I believe him. But it’s not like I can do anything about it. It’s not like I can just force him to be more open with me.

“Okay.” I take a breath. “I should probably get back to the others.”

He nods again. And I don’t know if I’m imagining things or if his shoulders really sagged a little as I said it.

“I’ll give you the notes after class. Can’t have you flunk out, can we?” I try to joke, but it feels a little empty. What is it with this guy?

I glance back one last time as I walk off. He’s back to looking at his phone. Am I just imagining things or are we having some sort of friendship thing starting here?

I let out a little laugh, rolling my eyes at myself. Friendship, right. I’m just a nuisance to a poor guy who is just trying to get by.

“What you laughing at?” Darren glares at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, really.” I shrug. “Just thinking about how I’ve not changed in the last years.”

Darren rolls his eyes at me. “You can say that. Still an airhead.” He grins, slapping me on my shoulder. “Hey... What are you doing this weekend?”

Uh-oh...

Every break between classes, I go over to Jules. I talk to him, just about nothing, really, but I keep doing it. I keep trying to get through to him, make him ease up around me.

Jules doesn’t really say much, often just a few words. Most of our conversations are me interpreting his shrugs and nods. But he’s started to smile around me, and that’s progress, I guess.

He doesn’t seem as suspicious of me anymore and seems to actually enjoy having me around. Maybe?

As I walk after him out of the classroom, I want to reach out.

Jules really doesn’t look like himself today. I don’t know what it is exactly, but he looks distracted or disturbed by something. He seems tense.

Instead of grabbing a coffee, Jules walks to the chairs he always sits at during the break, taking out his phone.

I stop, pouring two cups of coffee and then going over to him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I hold out one of the cups for him.

Jules looks up, his eyes unfocused, his mouth a thin line. He looks paler than normal, if that’s even possible. He nods at me and then takes the cup, looking back down at his phone.

“You want to talk about it?” Can’t hurt to try.

Jules shakes his head, not taking his eyes off his phone, but when I look at the screen, he’s not actually doing anything, just scrolling through the college website.

“You want me to leave?” Not that I want to, but if he’s in a bad mood, maybe he just needs to be alone. I know that he’s a loner, but he does seem to appreciate me being near, usually anyway.

Jules shakes his head again and it shouldn’t make my heart beat like it does. Jules jolts for a moment, his eyes finally going over to me. I don’t know why, but he seems... curious. But then he starts scrolling through the phone again.

Well, that’s something, right? He may not want to talk, but he doesn’t mind me being near him. That seems like a good thing.

The silence is comfortable, not actually awkward.

I look around, at the others. The guys trying to show off to their classmates, the ones talking loudly, the ones trying to appear as more than they are. And I’m sitting here, in the quiet, just enjoying being with a strange guy. And I like it. I don’t know how, but it seems that being near Jules also changed me a little.

“I think it’s time to get back to class.” Jules’ voice surprises me. He stands up, his eyes on me, before he steps to the side.

I also stand up. We’re pretty close together now.

I don’t know what’s going on with him, but he seems even more closed off from the others than when I first saw him. I may have gotten closer to him, but he seems especially distant today.

I reach out, I don’t know why, just my hand on his arm. He looks like he’s about to disappear.

Jules flinches for a moment, but then leans into the touch a little, his breathing quick. I don’t know how to read the emotions flashing behind his eyes.

But then he steps away, turns around, and goes back to the classroom.

And the moment is broken. Whatever it was. It’s now gone again.