My New Love

Chapter 10

Tomorrow I go back to school. I wish I didn’t have to. I’m not in the mood to deal with Jonathan or the “wicked witch of the waste”. I should make up a name for Jonathan. I think I may nickname him the slum queen. Sometimes Jonathan acts like a little girl. I find it completely hilarious

            I’m still thinking about Carson today. He’ll probably be on my mind for a while. I miss him so much, but I really want to try to get him out of my mind. It’s still painful thinking about him.

            I ignored everyone yesterday. I had ten text messages from Nicole, two from Jess, six from Becky, I had one from Jonathan, and I had one from Alex. I’m a little surprised that he sent me one. I wonder if Alex is worried about me. All of my other friends are because I didn’t respond. They probably forgot what day it was. I never told Alex about my brother.

            My friends are sending me texts about hanging out today. I don’t respond to any of them. I don’t really want to hang out with anyone actually. Jonathan sent me another text telling me he wants to talk. I don’t think he understands that I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t even want to be around him. I would think he would understand that by now.

Alex sent me a text yesterday saying, “I hope you’re doing well. Do you want to hang out tomorrow?”

            I need to be alone today. I’m still grieving since it’s only been three months. I probably won’t get over this anytime soon. My friends really don’t understand what I’m going through. They won’t understand unless they lose someone important to them. I will never wish that on either of them. I don’t want them to suffer the same pain I am.

            As I’m walking around I have two things on my mind; my older brother and Alex. I don’t know why Alex is on my mind. I guess it’s because he sent me a text yesterday. I never expected him to ask me to hang out.

            I feel my phone go off in pocket and check to see who sent me a text. It’s from Alex. My cheeks are turning red. The image of him kissing me is replaying in my head again. “I see you...I’m at the park as well. Do you want to hang out for a couple of hours? I didn’t receive an answer yesterday.”

            “Sure, where are you?”   

            I feel a hand grab my shoulder and I almost start screaming. I realize that it’s just Alex. He sticks his tongue out at me. My heart is racing in my chest again. Why did he have to scare me like that? I want to slap him, but I don’t. “I’m right here. Are you alright? Your face is all red. Are you getting sick, Aubrey?”  

            “N-No, I’m not getting sick. I’m alright. I promise.”

            “Good, do you want to hang out over there,” he asks me pointing towards a huge oak tree. I nod because I don’t really have much to say. I’m still feeling depressed. I always feel depressed when Carson’s anniversary rolls around. It might have only been a few months, but Carson was one person I could rely on. He made me smile when I was down. I loved my brother so much. He was my best friend.  

            Alex is being pretty quiet himself. I wonder what he’s thinking about. I look into his dark eyes. I can tell that something’s troubling him. There is pain rooted deep within his eyes. I wonder what’s going on with him. He’s normally cold towards other people, but he isn’t cold towards me anymore. I wonder why that is.

            “Hey Alex, I’m sorry for not responding yesterday. I was having a bad day yesterday.”

            “That doesn’t sound good. What happened?”        

            “Well yesterday was the three month anniversary of my brother, Carson. He committed suicide. I miss him so much. He was one of my best friends. I know that most people don’t think of their siblings as friends, but I do. He always listened to what I had to say. Mason is one of my best friends too. He listens to what I have to say all the time. He’s having the hardest time accepting my brother’s death. He and Mason were really close too. I cry every time I think about him. I think about him a lot, but I tend not to cry in school,” I respond with tears starting to form in my eyes.

            “I’m really sorry that happened to you. I don’t know how it feels to lose a sibling. I don’t have one so I can’t comprehend what you are going through. It’s a very hard time for your family. I can see why you’re upset. Mason is younger than you so he will definitely have a harder time accepting his death. He probably feels betrayed since your brother decided to take his own life. Your whole family probably feels that way. That must be hard on all of you,” Alex responds. His voice sounds a lot tenderer than it usually does.  

            “It’s extremely hard. The thing is that I found him that day. It was really hard seeing him that way. I found my brother’s suicide note. I didn’t read it until later in the day. He wanted all of us to read it. It was really painful to read. I felt horrible that he was suffering, but we weren’t able to help him. He didn’t express himself that often,” I respond. I’m trying so hard not to cry right. I don’t want to cry in front of Alex. I would feel like a weakling. Alex is a strong person.

            “Don’t hold it in. I can tell you’re about to cry so go ahead and cry,” Alex says while pulling me close to him. I can hear his heart beating in his chest. I start blushing since I’m in his arms again. I let the tears start to fall. Alex rubs my back like Carson used to when I was upset. Carson would kiss my forehead and tell me that it was alright. Alex rocks me back and forth a little bit. Somehow that soothes me until I feel tired. I try to stay awake, but all of a sudden darkness surrounds me.

            ~

            I wake up a couple of hours later in Alex’s arms. He has a huge smile on his face.

            “Did you have a nice nap,” he asks while smiling and ruffling my hair.

            “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!”

            “It’s alright, Aubrey, you don’t have to apologize.”

            I relax a little bit more and we lay back in the grass side by side. “You know what I miss, Alex?”

            “What?”

            “When my brother and I got into arguments we used to wrestle. Eventually he would pin me down. We had a lot of fun. Carson would always win our wrestling matches. I didn’t really mind unless he kept me pinned for hours. Sometimes he would get lazy. Mason pins me every once in a while, but that’s pay back for when I used to pin him. He used to steal my diary all the time when we were younger. I miss everything my brother and I used to do. It’s not the same without him.”

            “It would be fun have a brother or sister. I would probably do the same thing to my sister,” Alex says while sitting up.

            “Are you about to go home, Alex?”

            “Not yet, I want to have a little bit of fun first,” he says while grinning evilly. Alex climbs on top of me and pins my hands above my head. I start blushing a little bit. After a few seconds Alex starts laughing. My brother’s laughed when they sat on me too. I don’t understand why it’s so funny. I let Alex enjoy himself. ”You’re actually pretty comfy.”

            “Thank you,” I respond.

            “I’ve never had a sister to pin down before. So I figured why not. I’m a little older than you so can think of me as a brother if you really want to. I don’t mind,” Alex says and smiles again.

            “Are you kidding? That would make me really happy. Wait, what are you going to do? Pin me every chance you get?”

            “Exactly, I’m going to pin you every chance I get,” he says winking at me. At least I know he’s joking with me. Alex starts tickling me with one of his hands and keeps me pinned with the other. I start laughing and squirming underneath him. Alex eventually loses his grip on both of my wrists. I throw him off me and get on top of him. Alex is kind of surprised. He smiles up at me. He lets me stay on top of him.

After a little while Alex sits up underneath me which causes me to sit in his lap. He pushes me back onto the ground and gets back on top of me. He pins me down again. He makes sure I’m not able to escape this time. Alex gets comfortable on top of me.

             He lets me up after a half hour or so. We talk about Carson for a little bit. Alex opens up to me a little bit. I’m really happy that he’s letting me in. I have a pretty great time talking to him. “I have to get going, Alex. My parents will be worried. I’ll see you tomorrow. You really made my day! Thank you so much!”

            I run off, waving goodbye and Alex waves back. I’m going to enjoy having Alex as a friend. He really is acting like a big brother to me. I don’t mind having someone cute to talk to anyway. Wow, did I really just think that?