The Ghost’s Repentance and Walls of Ice
493 Words
The medication Dr. Levent prescribed made Selin feel disconnected from herself. Not enough to make Murat disappear—he was as present as ever—but enough to dull the sharp edges of her emotions. She felt like she was watching her life through frosted glass.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Murat said one evening as Selin stared blankly at the television, not really watching anything.
“Like what?”
“Numb. Half-alive.”
“Isn’t that what everyone wanted? For me to stop feeling so much?”
“Not like this.” His presence moved closer. “Selin, maybe they’re right. Maybe I should go. Really go. Let you heal properly.”
Selin turned to where she felt him, and for the first time in days, her eyes showed real emotion. “Don’t you dare. I’m taking these pills, I’m playing their game, but I’m doing it so we can stay together. If you leave now, all of this was for nothing.”
“But look at what it’s costing you—”
“My choice. My cost. You don’t get to make that decision for me.”
They sat in silence for a while. Outside, Istanbul continued its endless rhythm. Inside, they existed in their impossible bubble, held together by stubbornness and love in equal measure.
“I need to tell you something,” Murat finally said. “About Ceyda.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“You need to. Not for me—for you.”
Selin waited.
“It was one time. One drunken, stupid mistake that I regretted the moment it happened. I was going to tell you. The day of the accident, I was on my way to confess everything, to beg your forgiveness. That’s why I was distracted. Why I didn’t see the other car.”
“So you’re saying your guilt killed you?”
“I’m saying my betrayal of you is what killed me. And now I’m spending my afterlife trying to make it right, except everything I do makes things worse for you.”
Selin felt tears sliding down her cheeks—the first real tears since she’d started the medication. “You can’t make it right, Murat. You can’t undo it. But you’re here, and I’m here, and somehow we have to figure out how to live with that.”
“Can you forgive me? Ever?”
“I don’t know. But I can choose to be with you anyway. Forgiveness and love aren’t always the same thing.”
It was the most honest they’d been with each other since his return. No games, no deflection, just raw truth.
“I don’t deserve you,” Murat said.
“Probably not. But you’re stuck with me anyway.”
And despite everything—the betrayal, the impossible circumstances, the medication dulling her senses—Selin smiled. Because choosing him, flaws and all, was still her choice to make.
- Writer
