Heartless love

What is love? I'll tell you what is love, love is like a math equation… You either pass it or fail… I looked Xander in the eye wanting to say that, but I just couldn't …” Xander once I walk out, I'm never coming back… I said sadly. “ Okay, Xander said coldly. I ignored everyone and walked out of the house… I walked home, it didn't take long… Furthermore, I grabbed a bottle of White Walker, including the wine in the fridge, and made my way towards my room… Tears streaming down my face and I begin to laugh… Not only that, but I gulped the booze, and it tasted like white pepper and lemon, which I'm pretty sure my taste buds is asleep. The burning sensation has its goes down my throat felt good. What's wrong with me, why me, staring down my face? I feel the Sadness, angry, guilt, rejection within MYSELF. Why did I fall in love with Xander so quickly? I fall down on my knees and began to cry… Xander made me feel complete, now I feel incomplete. I'm beautifully broken, I'm a beautiful disaster. Likewise, I took a massive gulp of the booze. Drowning my sorrows in alcohol, that's the only thing I can do right now because Xander is refusing to talk or even look in my direction… I don't care about anything anymore I already lost everything I wanted? Xander's love came blindly, no warning, it just creeped up on me silently, like a creepy spider. I didn't go looking for this love, this time it came to me. Furthermore, I put up a wall and Xander broke it down, the wall I built up for years he broke it down. I found myself caring about Xander without even trying. From non-stop conversations to unseen messages and to being blocked. Xander and I had a beautiful bond which is now gone forever. Couple more drinks and everyone is going to know what I actually feel, I rose to my feet really slowly and making my way to my window… while making my way I bumped into everything, but I finally got there. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably, I couldn't stop it this time. Suddenly, I felt someone touch my shoulder, I froze” Leah are you drunk, Ben muttered angrily. I was so relieved it was Ben, yeah, I whispered. Is he really worth it, Leah Ben muttered? There was a Dead silent in the room which was very uncomfortable. This is not love, this is not supposed to be love, love is a nuisance, love is a plague, love is a freaking problem, and it's the last thing I wanted right? I growled, I just feel like drowning myself in alcohol, Ben, I muttered. Ben grabbed my arm roughly, and I hissed in pain, “what the bloody hell Ben “I screamed, look at yourself Leah, just look at yourself , he said sadly. My eyes are blood shot red, my nose is dripping with unpleasant thick liquid coming out of it, my face is pale, All I can see is sadness. Ben cleared his throat. “Just say it, Ben, I muttered. “ You killed your happiness, Leah, by loving someone more than yourself, Ben screamed. “Sit down Ben I said coldly. “2018 changed me, 2020 broke me and 2021 opened my eyes I said coldly. “Leah, what do you mean, Ben muttered. “Well I fall in love with three people in my lifetime, I took a deep breath and continued, the first love Liam, second love Hunter, third love Xander. These three people taught me lessons I will never forget, Ben, I said. “Well lucky I brought more alcohol, Ben chuckled, well, go on Leah, Ben screamed. “Let's start from the beginning, I muttered.