Moth to Her Flame

“I know people do not believe in love at first sight, but do you ever meet someone for the first time and it feels like time is still but your heart is fluttering too fast? Yeah. That’s how he made me feel. I still remember the day we met like yesterday. A friend of mine,Jamal was throwing an house party. As usual, I was hanging with the only familiar face I knew in the room. He checked his phone with the arm that was around me. It was a text from someone, “Kirk”, the contact name said. “I’m outside”, said the text. He sighed deeply, looked at me and pleaded with his eyes “please get the door”. I opened the door and made eye contact with him and everything stopped.“isn’t he at the door”, Jamal sounded like he was talking from afar. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, “Cass?”, I broke off eye contact with the handsome boy with eyes that are so slanted and tiny but yet would literally suck you in“Ah,my guy”, went Jamal. Then to me “Let him through”. I just did this awkward laugh topped with a little “oh”, because I had no idea what just happened or what to even say. I just turned around and went back to my seat. In a few minutes. People started trooping in. Soon, someone is who was obviously in charge of the get together was asking everybody to put their phone away so the party could begin. Apparently we wanted to do introductions. I started looking around the room, just drinking faces in and our eyes met again, I felt something drop in my stomach, then he smiled at me and waved. I don’t know if I was so enthralled with the beauty of his mouth and the two dimples beside it or because I was so awkward or maybe I was ashamed he caught me looking. I don’t know. All I know is I turned my head from him so quickly,I almost got whiplash. I whipped out my phone and I was reminded to keep it again. Everyone was settled now. And the introductions began just as red solo cups were being passed around. It got to my turn. I got up and a voice goes “Is there anyone in this room who doesn’t know who she is”. With eyes wide, I turned towards where the voice came from. Then I heard his voice,“I don’t know her, I’ve just seen her around a few times”. He spoke in a low volume, soft and raspy. I slowly turned to look at him, He was looking up at me, elbow on his knees,chin on his knuckle, I spotted a ring I didn’t notice before, black,imposing on his ring finger. It was a sculpture of something, I couldn’t tell what from this distance. Bringing my eyes back up to meet his, It didn’t feel like my heart wanted to fly out of my chest this time although I did shiver a little, “Hi everyone, I’m Cassandra but you can call me Cass/Cassie if that’s a mouthful” “Hi Cassandra”, echoed everybody except him. He gave this little smile, nodded and turned away. Introductions were now done. It’s time for games. It was a game where someone picked at random would call on you. If you didn’t respond on time or didn’t know the name of the person you were calling on. You had to drink. Also, you couldn’t call a name that has already been called per round. It went on like 4 rounds, I was called a couple of times and I missed it everytime, my mind was far far off. I can’t even remember what I was thinking of. My mind does that you know?,it wanders. I made sure to call people that were maybe left out or forgotten because they wouldn’t be expecting it. Until he went “I call on Cassie”, ending the pronounciation in a whisper. I liked the way he called my name like he was sighing. People were having a field day with how I kept losing. While my drink was being poured into my cup, I looked at him and he gave a mock bow. After this, the m.c decided almost everyone was drunk enough, It was now time for truth or dare. Personally, I didn’t fancy this game, but I liked to watch people or maybe even give them that little push to have fun. After taking sips from another cup that was handed to me, I got up and turned out some of the lights so the room could be a lil darker. I heard some whoops,of course, you’re all welcome. As I made my way to my seat, someone grabbed my wrist. It was an acquaintance, I couldn’t remember her name but I remembered her face. She looked pretty like the last time I saw her and I told her. Soon I started spotting other familiar faces,waving at me or waving me over. By the time I got back to my seat, he were seated there, his face illuminated by his phone screen. When I walked up to him, he looked up at me through his lashes. Why does God give men such thick extension looking lashes? I was getting a little tipsy and of course I was feeling sexy. I folded my arms and went “You’re in my seat”. “Oh, I’m sorry.”, he said lighting up his face with a smile. “I went to get some more alcohol and a lady was in my seat and this was the only available seat so I took it”.“so, what do we do now” “I was thinking you could sit on my lap and we could get to know each other better” “Oh”, I said taking my seat in his jogger clad thighs. “I was actually thinking of sitting your face”. I immediately widened my eyes in shock and we both started laughing. “ I don’t know where that came from, I’m so sorry”, I said still laughing. He was smiling but not showing his teeth but his dimples were so deep.”It’s fine, it’s fine”, he said showing teeth. “Besides”, he said leaning in and looking up at me “I know I won’t be able to breathe under all of that ass, but with that face and mouth, I’d let you do anything to me “. Something throbbed and it wasn’t my heart. I just smiled at him and looked away. I started thinking of how he might think I’m weird while looking around the room. People were dancing, kissing, talking all around us. Under the influence by Chris Brown came on. Seeing him mouth one of my favorite songs made me giddy and I pulled him up for a slow dance. My back was to him, I placed my right set of acrylic nails lightly neck and was slowly swaying my hips from side to side. Suddenly, I heard him whisper into my ears,” you don’t know what you did, did to me”, “your body language”, he said drawing me closer. He put his right arm around my waist, then clasped my cold tiny hands in his free palm. He put his head in the crook of my shoulder and we were moving our waistlines in sync, he was still whispering the lyrics in my ears. I wondered if he could feel my goosebumps where our hands touched. When the chorus was done, I turned 180 degrees , wrapping my hands around his neck, then I put his hand around my waist and we continued dancing. I remember realizing that his eyes were actually closed, I touched his face and he fluttered them open. He looked so ethereal in that blue light, it was also while looking up at him like that. that I figured i was getting really drunk. I could hold my alcohol,usually.I didn’t drink so much, why was I so euphoric? I wonder if he still thinks of me. If he remembers the night in clear detail like I do. Does he remember when his hands slid to my butt and he apologized and put his hands back up and I put them back there? Did he know his face lit up like I’d just given him money?. Does he remember putting his head on my shoulders, grabbing my ass and moaning when he squeezed it? Did he think I was easy? Could he tell that I just didn’t care and was just having fun?. I just felt really comfortable with him that’s all. Of course my eyes started to wander and I saw people looking at us. Especially the guys. A few looked mad. Probably because there were occasions they tried to touch me at a party and I lost my s**t. Yeah. I get really defensive when I’m drunk after I got raped.. But that night. maybe it was just the spiked alcohol(I never confirmed from Jamal), or his beautiful face or the lights. Chemistry? Maybe. Our reverie was broken when Jamal called him for something. He whispered softly “I’ll be back”, kissed my cheek and sauntered off. “Cassss”, “Jamjam, awesome party, what’s up?” “A friend of mine is going home and he lives in your area, is it cool if he drops you off” “Of course,of course” , I sang throwing my phone in my bag. “Where is he?”. Jamal took my hand and led me outside. I didn’t think about him until I got home. I remember feeling dismayed that he didn’t collect my number before I left. I figured we’d probably meet another day. I know for a fact that Jamal would never give out my number. He treats me like his baby sister. I sighed in disappointment as I slowly peeled off the short black gown I was wearing, stepped in to the shower after which I sat in front of my mirror. As I rubbed each oil/cream/serum into my skin, even if I was looking into the mirror, the whole scene with him just kept playing in my head,over and over. I focused on my reflection,smiled at it because it looked beautiful, then slowly stood up watching myself move,peeled off my robe and climbed into bed naked. It was a while before I could sleep that day. I just kept on thinking about how unreal that day was. How it seemed like one of scenarios I daydream about. Then I had a jarring thought, “what if he was doing all of that because he hoped I’d sleep with him that night or at least do him some s****l favors?”. My mind started doing what it does best. Overthinking and over analyzing everything. Before long, I was beating myself up for being so easy. You know what else I’m really good at. Getting over things. “Well”, I thought to myself, “he didn’t do anything, so what’s the bother? It’s not like I kissed him or anything. I might’ve kissed him if I’d spent more time with him. He was really really cute. He is really cute. But nobody is cute enough for me to have a one night stand. It just wasn’t my thing. A little voice in my head went “I think if he got you alone, you would have seduced him or the other way round”. I chuckled to myself as I remembered our dancing. Yeah,probably. I yawned long and wide, a teardrop falling from my eye. It was time to sleep. That last thought before drifting off was that Kirk could be a nickname not a name.”