Journey of a Dancer

The hardships

Whole time the only thought that occupied my mind was the offer given by my friend , the chances of getting what you always wanted that and it is one step closer of achieving my dreams . I was so happy that I ever been in all of my life the idea of being trained gives me goosebumps and now it is not the idea but the actual reality given to me , i was feeling so blessed like God heared my birthday wish and finally gave me what I need . Dancing has now become my passion for which i am ready to face any challenge. The time went now I am in front of my house and now my legs started to shake I felt weak and couldn't breathe, now that i know that I am going to fight a battle where the opponent is my own family frighten me although I knew this is going to happen someday but when it is actually happening , I wanted to give up even before trying . After a lot of convencing to my own self I went inside the house to talk to my mother , and like for the three times i said mother then become quite this happened for two more time after which mom become irritated and shouted what you want to say just say it already ,so i did that i wanted to join a dance classes and to achieve my dream if becoming a dancer. For a moment there was only silence then she started laughing telling me to stop this joke but i was not joking I was dead serious I told her than she also become serious keeping a straight face while telling me to stop this though as this is prohibited thing for us , this would make not only me but my family shameful as well . But i was adment to my desicion of persuing the dancer profession and know I try to make my mom understand that this is never and will never be about family,this is totally about me ,my preference, my choice of choosing the job i like because I am going to work there for my whole life and if I am not enjoying my job i will never excellence my job so what is the benefit from it . But if i choose my dancing profession then I will be happy and would be enjoying it rather than taking it as a burden on myself . I tried to make my mom understand but she is not ready to leave the old ways of thinking and keep saying the same thing about no do something else family would never get agree and all we did fight for hours but all fruitless as she did not understand a single thing . Then I tell her I am going to talk it out with my grandfather she said have you gone mad father in law is going to scolded you so hard that you would end up crying i said i know all this but nothing can stop me if i want this that means I will do anything to have it . She said do whatever you want so I went to my grandfather's room yeah finally gathering the courage to move forward I did and my grandfather was watching television I came and said I want to talk about something important so he said continue then I tell him I want to join a dance class and want to become a dancer , he looked shocked and then turned off the television and calmly looked at me , and said dear you are born into a family which possess a great history of men who has done great work not someone who has become a dancer to defame the Lineage so kindly follow a path of fame and continue the to make lineage proud and study but no i said this is not about lineage but my own thought, my own freedom of becoming a person I want to be , choosing the profession I love not something chosen by you all but grandfather did not looked convinced he said stop being stubborn kid and get rid of this defaming thought and when i tried to protest he become angry and said me to go to my room . I went to my room crying, squishing the pillow between my hands i cried and only cried for hours , sometimes i am not able to understand why God give me opportunity when he know i would never be able to utilise the opportunity, it felt like someone just ripped my heart off all my courage and confidence went to ruin seeing that no one is supporting me or even trying to understand my situation I felt weak infact my mom , she is also not ready to understand the feeling of happiness when you do something you love, she like any other family member of this house , acting in the same way as other i wish my cousins would be here they would definitely support me , understand my condition, my feelings, they know how much i wanted to be a performer, the passion for this hobby of mine is so much that I am ready to do anything, so i did i first time raise my voice against my family members only to be silent again because according to them all I am doing will only bring disgrace to this family and the name of it's lineage. After sometime mom entered the room and tell me that she already warned me what i want to do will never be approved by my family and said even if she agrees for my happiness other would never especially grandfather and she remind me grandfather is the one paying for everything from basic necessities to luxury so if he would not agree then from where will the money would come to pay off the dance fee as father does not do anything we are so much dependent on grandfather's income so we have to agree to what he is saying as it is better for us and also told me now to stop dreaming about dance since grandfather already said a strict no and if i keep on thinking about this then I will always be crying and be sad . Listening to all that what my mom said didn't make me feel better and it only did was to discourage me , my dream is crashing now , it feel like sand is slipping out of my hand no matter how much I am trying to hold onto it . Is mom right instead of holding onto this sand , should I just let it go because I cannot hold sand in my hands it is the same way that i should let go of my dreams as it any way not working out . Thinking about all this is making me sad so I decided to just sleep as I am too tried to fight with my negative thoughts, with my family members. In the morning I wake up with puffy eyes because of crying all night long , good thing is that today is Sunday so no school, i freshen up and mom serve breakfast in front of me but I am not feeling hungry so i just leave it there and went inside my room thinking about my life about my dream of becoming a dancer , should I really let it go like that all the dream that i have seen should I just let it go like that without even trying I mean yes I did try but it was only a day and i still have a month and half in my hand . True we can't hold a sand in our hand but can keep it in any utensils so i can give my dreams in my heart no matter how many times I have to try , also knowing that no body is going to motivate me I have to do it myself and i will do it anything to be free anything to be what i wanted to be. Again I feel the rush and go to the kitchen telling my mom that i will convince my grandfather for letting me join the dance classes and again she tell me the same thing that it would not work and grandfather would become angry don't do all of this stop it but no i am self motivated so her demotivational speech is not going to affect me at all i directly go to my grandfather's room and tell him that I am dead serious about joining dance classes he said stop all this drama be mature dancing is not our lineage but I am not going to be quite so i said I don't care anymore I am done being a kid who couldn't live her life normally I want to be happy kid like others and dancing is the only thing that can give me happiness now if it is not for dancing i will not do any other jobs . I said and went back to my room because if i stayed there he will again start his same old tradition thing and I am in no mood to listen to that anymore after sometime I listen that my grandfather called my mom to have some talk a while later she came back being angry and telling me to either stop all this or it will be worst I asked what grandfather said and she told me that he is the one paying if i wanted to learn dance then do it but from that moment onwards he will not pay for anything used by us even for our basic necessities and without money we will have nothing and now the choice is yours so that is why mom is saying that stop all this thing. I felt little sad that even after making him understand that it is my happiness that matters the most he is still not ready to understand it let alone accept it but it is either fight for it or forget it forever and i will fight for it so again i directly went inside my grandfather's room although I heard mom trying to stop me but I paid no attention to it, I'm determined for this thing so i tell my grandfather to stop threating us you are just thinking of us as prestige to your family not us as a individual doesn't we have our own dreams our own feelings, you made my mom marry my dad even though he is like this she sacrifice everything for this family and you want me to do the same not am i your own grandchild , the only kid in this whole house then can't you do anything for my happiness . He said that keeping the prestige of our lineage is the only thing that can bring happiness but now I am totally done with all of his words i said no this will not bring me the happiness that I am craving for i wanted to do , something for my own self , why you are only making us feel like a burden on you , why does you only wanted me to or any other family members for that matter like you wanted them to do . Are we not human beings, don't we have our feelings, our own way of thinking beyond the family, does our family is only limited to your happiness of family happiness, sacrifice is the only option for us , we also wanted to do something apart from doing anything for the family , mom has done lots of things for the family asked her is she actually happy with it or just faking it for you all no body is happy or will be happy if they only had to sacrifice so better please let me do what I am craving for not what you want please think about me atleast this time as your own grandchild. After saying all this thing I went to my room and locked it because i am frustrated I need peace where i can think about how can I convince my family about my passion, what i can do to make them understand that this is not something which will bring disgrace but this is a form of art which is appreciated by everyone except my family. These things continue for a while where everyday I had a serious debate over my passion with my grandfather but nothing seems to be working and to make it more worst now my uncle and grandmother also jumped into the conversation and started opposing my idea of joining the dance class but i didn't bow to their old ideology,every single day after coming to the school I do the same we fight I went to my room and cry mom try to make me understand that this is only hurting me and that i should just come over it but no i said i started this fight now it will only end with me getting what i wanted otherwise I wouldn't stop that's it. One month passed like this but still i didn't stop because i know one day i am going to win and suddenly a miracle happened my grandfather called me in his room and said that he has thought about what i said and he realised that he is not actually wrong not that I am wrong he just wanted to keep up the prestige of lineage while i want is a internal happiness by doing what i want so none of us are wrong and he said that i can join the classes but on one condition that is whatever dance i will learn it should not be too sexy or vugular, learn normal dance that too no partner dancer or without being touchy with any boy and also that i should learn with only girls mean to join a girls batch and the teacher should be lady or girls only if I agree to all these conditions I can join the classes and I agreed to all these conditions at the moment,I went to my mother and told her this news she was so happy and confused at the same time as grandfather gave the permission netherless she was feeling so emotional and hugged me tightly saying that she is happy for me that i am going to get what I have always dreamt for and also said she is sorry that initially she scolded me and become angry but it was only because she just didn't want me to get hurt and cry but now she is impressed by my everyday efforts, after that she went to the kitchen. Honestly i was more happy than anything i still can't believe that grandfather agreed to it it still felt like a dream so i just pinched myself to wake up if it is just a dream but no it was not it is reality my actual reality where I won and got the prize, the prize which cannot be measured in terms of money or any materialistic things , the passion for dance is just beyond this world the pleasure I get from dancing is not a worldly pleasures, it is a heavenly pleasure. The very first time i played the song in my television where i danced in my room for the first time yes , as earlier i used to dance in the washroom so nobody get to see me but now I can dance freely without any obstacles I am free to presue my passion so i did move my body with the flow of beat, the rhythm of music which is so sweet than any chocolate, the power of this art - dance something which can touch the heart of everyone without even letting anyone noticed it that is the power and how everyone gets mesmerized by the performer with it's grace, elegant way of moving, doing the steps and the hidden beauty in it and also it gives mental peace, the relief you get from stress is just so worthy, Dance is truly an work of art..