Past Obsessions

Chapter 2- Alex

“Son of a b***h!” I snapped as I tossed the controller down. Another round of my game had gone wrong, my teammates leaving me exposed and ultimately taken by a rival team. As fun as these online bouts were, I had grown to hate the inefficiency of others.

I growled and turned off the game before walking to my kitchen, picking up the mail. ‘Alex Kensington’ they read. I flicked through, already knowing they contained a bill for this or that, and so I tossed them into the trash.

“Not today,” I muttered tossing them in the trash and moved deeper into the kitchen. Plucking out a box of eggs and the frying pan, I spun it in my hand before placing it on the hob. I added a little oil and turned on the heat. I cracked the eggs into a glass, then whisked them briskly. I returned to the fridge, pulled out a pack of bacon, tossed it on the side, and then pulled a knife and chopping board. I made light work of dicing the bacon before adding it to the pan, which hissed and crackled from the heat. I stirred it until it broke apart and began to cook.

I added a little milk to the eggs and then returned to cooking the bacon as it continued to cook in the pan. Finally, I added the eggs to the mix and immediately began stirring them. I had long learned the art of making good scrambled eggs, keeping them moving—something I did with practised ease. The eggs began to cook and subsequently break up into the scrambled eggs I preferred. I took time to ensure the liquid had fully cooked through before transferring it to a plate. I salted them and then scooped up the plate and headed back to the front room.

I settled on the sofa, flicking on my preferred streaming service and returning to the crime procedural I’d been watching for the last few weeks—the simple things that kept my days occupied. The show was, as ever, a mind-bending series of mystery and intrigue as the team solved crimes. It at least kept me engaged for the most part.

I picked up my phone, browsing the usual set of apps before tossing it back down. I had pretty much extracted myself from the rest of the world over the last year, instead focusing on what had become important to me: settling into the new flat and ensuring it felt as comforting as possible. My life had been turbulent over the last year, from being evicted to having to fight for somewhere to call my own. Life was finally beginning to settle for me.

I picked up my phone again opening the Gallery app, flicking through the various pictures I’d taken over the last few days. I had finally found a passion for photography and had begun to venture into the world with that in mind. I also had camera equipment and a green screen, which I used either for work with models or for my streaming, which was the other half of how I filled my days now.

I knew I’d have to upload them to my PC at some point to work with them, but for now, I was content that they had been taken. I wondered when that passion had begun, a soft smile tugging at my lips at the memory before I closed the gallery and set my phone down again, returning my attention to my show. A rather surly-looking man was being handcuffed, obviously the bad guy of the week. I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

I glanced up from the TV, my eyes settling on the display of small figurines I’d collected over the last few years, finally having a place of pride. Among various other nerdy items, I was finally happy with the expression of my inner self. The flat was largely simply furnished. My TV stand held the big TV, and my console also served as a media center. In the middle of the room was the cupboard upon which sat my figurine display, and on the walls hung pictures that were representations of my children. Another sore spot in my life, but things there also were looking up. Off to the side was a door that led to the kitchen, small in size but serving my needs.

The bedroom was a fair size, with my double bed and a wardrobe. It also housed a desk and my PC, which was set up for streaming. I streamed up to six hours a day and had a semi-loyal following that enjoyed watching me fail miserably. I could also remotely access my console, so, as I said, I could play what I wanted, where I wanted. My life was simple; I had to make it that way. In keeping it simple, I had found growth and balance, both of which I had lacked over the last few years. Perhaps longer, but I was finally in a good place.

My musings were snapped back to reality by the ping of my phone, a tone I hadn’t heard in a while. A frown crossed my face as I looked at my phone, almost as if I expected it to repeat that specific tone, the one chosen with its recipient in mind. Slowly, I picked up my phone and unlocked it before dragging down the notification. My heart leapt into my throat at the sight of a single word: 'hi'. The text itself wasn't what threw me; it was the sender—Alice. My mind raced for a moment before the dark anger boiled from within, frustration quickly erupting as I slammed my phone down and sat staring at the TV for moments. Finally collecting myself, I sent my reply:

ME: What do you want, Alice?

The moment I hit send, I regretted the choice. I knew the tone the text conveyed was angry, and I knew she knew me well enough to sense that.

ALICE: I broke up with Adam...

I couldn’t help but smile at that. I had, after all, been right; it was all a matter of time. I knew he would hurt her, and she’d have no one to turn to. However, I was in no mood to placate her tonight. I was still hurt, after all.

ME: What do you want me to say? I told you so?

ALICE: Alex... Please, I just... I’m sorry, forget it.

My heart felt as if it would break or tear through my chest. I knew that tone, I knew she was hurt, and I knew I had to do what was right.

ME: I’m sorry, but it’s been a while, and you were very clear you want nothing to do with me.

She had attacked me with a long slew of text that emotionally tore me apart. She had attacked every weakness and vulnerability she knew I feared, that damage had been hard to move on from for me. I had wanted to respond, I just never did. Instead, I did as she asked and faded from her life, though I’d wondered over the last year if she was okay. I had stayed away.

ALICE: I know, I just didn’t know who else to turn to.

ME: So why me?

ALICE: Because you’re my safe place, the only one I can come to. Please, you promised?

I had, it was one of the very first things I’d ever said to her. No matter what happened, I wouldn’t abandon her like so many others. I would be there when there was no one else. I had also always sworn I was a man of my word. Sighing, I replied.

ME: And when have I ever not meant it?

ALICE: Never, but you seem done with me, I can tell.

I wanted to be, I wanted to watch her drown in the misery she had caused me. To realize that good men did exist but if you pushed them away then you had no one to blame but yourself. I couldn’t, though. I knew I was still in love with her, and I always would be, there’s was the kind of love that never faded.

ME: You know that’s not true. I’m here, aren’t I? Just... I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Adam. You deserve better.

ALICE: I know, and you are here, but you made me a promise. Does it still stand?

If she needed me, I’d be there. I hadn’t forgotten that promise, and right in that moment, I cursed my soft nature when it came to her. But she deserved that chance, and so I replied.

ME: I’ll see you tomorrow.