My Dreams *Lucid*

Have you ever felt the pain of rejection? The feeling of deep hurt in your heart? The emotional pain that affects you physically? I know how bad that hurts...... I dreamt of being rejected by someone I love, there were two of them actually, I'm not sure if it's friendship or romantic relationship but there is only one thing am certain of and that is I ended up hurting myself in every aspect of my life. I was living in a house with my friends, and the first scene showed that I am talking to two of my guy friends, Juan and Arjie. I have known them for a long time and I have grown fond of them, I love them and it may sound stupid but I love both of them. I don't know the details but at that end of that conversation I felt like I was stabbed in my heart and tears started to flow from my eyes. I was watching myself clutching my chest and crying nonstop, and hurriedly walked out of the room without strength in my body and ended up falling in a small amount of flight on the stairs, but I was able to get myself up and ran to the comforts of my room. I cried and cried that I literally felt the pain in my heart while I was sleeping, it hurts really. I then lulled myself to sleep as I cry it all out, then woke up later that day feeling numb, empty, exhausted and with empty tears, went out of my room limping going downstairs, I saw the two guys in the living room watching TV, they saw me and eyed me with pity, regret and hurt in their eyes but I never minded them as I walk my way to the kitchen. My heart, it really hurts and I really wanted to be gone and take my life at that moment. I began to cry silently, hitting my chest to fight the pain I feel deep inside, as I felt myself slowly losing consciousness and then fell on the floor scratching my head on the counter, and that made me awake, I tried to stand and tried to walk and go down the dirty kitchen but I instead fell down the stairs again tumbling down and down but every time I hit the ground it slightly overpower the pain inside my heart. I feel my whole body ache, my head throbbing and I can't move and feel my legs, I slowly touched my head and felt wet, looked at my hands and saw blood. Hurried footsteps reached my ears and one of my close girl friend Isha approach me, asking what happened, but before I could say anything black patches started to cloud my eyes and felt myself fall in a deep endless pit into the darkness. I am just falling endlessly then I saw a light approaching, I slowly opened my eyes and I'm in my room with Isha beside me and a Doctor, He told me that I was unconscious for a day and that I have severely damaged my knee caps and that it will heal in a great amount of time. Knocks broke the silenced, Juan and Arjie entered the room asking the Doctor questions after questions. I just closed my eyes and drift to oblivion. weeks passed and I talked to the doctor if I can enter therapy or something and if I can try to walk, He said okay so I tried to walk. I was empty, nothing really mattered at that moment and I slowly stand up and I saw the two person I loved enter the room, I started walking but seeing the two guys and knowing my body is in this condition, everything hurts too much, it really hurt. I endured every aching step, every step felt like death holding tight to me and just waiting for me to burst and breakdown. I walked holding tight to the door as I put weight on my legs it hurts so bad. I cried. I cried and shouted the pain of my legs, the pain in my heart, wanting to just end it all. but in the end I uttered a word that somehow gave me a bit of comfort, "Mama"(Mom). I then woked up in real life crying feeling all the pain, that exact killing pain in my heart and also the one on my legs. This dream shows how hurt I am really inside. At that time I was really tired of everything mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was striving real hard to pass my subjects it kinda feels like am climbing up a mountain, and that kinda explains why my legs hurt. And also at that time I liked someone, and He kinda doesn't want our relationship to change and I feel dejected. and the last one "Mama", I haven't seen my mom in person for 2 and a half years already and I am missing her so badly. The thought of suicide always runs through my head but I ended up crying because I have this kind of thinking. but I just want everything to end.