Have You Ever

I envy those who know what they wanna do or who they wanna be soon because they know where they are good at. I envy those who know what to do to achieve what they want. Coz I, I don’t have any idea what should I do next after being a student. Of course, I want to have a job and to earn money but I don't know where should I go? What field should I aim for? I studied business for four freaking years but I don't have the capital to establish the business I want. So what should I do with my life?   Have you ever thought that being an ordinary human can be this difficult? Well, maybe it’s just me. Or maybe you're just like me? Hope it’s not just me.   Despite this crazy stuff I have in mind, there's this one thing that pulls me back and keeps my sanity... it’s my diary s***h journal.   But it’s not just like any diary because I don’t write in it daily. And most importantly, I am writing such events or experiences as if I’m talking to my future companion in life. To someone who I would spend my whole life with; to someone, I can’t live without. Who is he? Well, I don’t know either. I just keep on believing that there is someone who is meant for me. I just knew that he’s somewhere out there.   Until I met him.   I thought he just came to me naturally as if the universe gave to me what I’ve been waiting for. It’s as if everything falls into the right place at the right time. Or so I thought.   Have you ever felt such ecstasy that you felt so afraid ‘coz someone might wake you up from that kind of dream-like situation? Have you ever felt such euphoria that made you feel so afraid at the same time ‘coz it might come with thousands of tears? Have you ever felt so in love that you thought it’s for keeps? And have you ever wished that it was all just a bad dream?   Have you ever?