Dream on Dreamer

    My earliest childhood memory in unlike that of anyone I know. The average person would talk about the first time they rode a bike or maybe an innocent childhood memory with friends or family. My first memory was a dream. As a child I could see a lot of death in my dreams and my parents had worked with adolescent psychologists and therapists for years to try to figure out how an innocent child with no trauma could have such a mental affinity for death. See, my first dream that I remember I was walking through a night street that looked cracked and tattered as if it was part of a treacherous earthquake. My innocent 5 year old self was walking these empty streets alone at night. I walked aimlessly and I came to a fountain. From the distance I could see the corpse of a dog. As I got closer, it was my family's household pet Lego. He was a mini pit bull and still alive in my waking life. I couldn't help but sit and cry as I held his dead body in my arms. Setting him down and closing his eyes, I continued walking down the street. Fear coursed through me at what else I might find if I kept walking but I couldn't help but keep moving forward. Death started lining the streets on the sidewalks with unfamiliar faces but my heart ached more and more. As if every face had a memory behind it. This feeling in my gut stirred and ached within me with each person. I saw my parents dead in the middle of the road and I ran for them. With tears in my eyes I begged them to wake up and I told them I would do anything if they would just wake up. They just laid there completely motionless and devoid of life. Nobody could hear me and this all felt so real. "you have to keep walking honey, everything is going to be okay" I heard a voice say in my ear that sounded like my mom.      It took all my strength to lay my parent's bodies back down and keep going. I turned back and said "I love you" as I walked forward. "you're doing great son" I heard my father's voice echo as I walked the street too afraid to look at the corpses lining the sidewalks. I saw the road come to a cliff in the distance and I found myself walking slower as I saw a shadow at the edge of the cliff. This figure had no conceivable form and his existence in my head was such an enigma that even outside of the dream, I failed to recreate him time and time again through drawing or writing. As I walked closer, he spoke to me: "This road is your life and the people here are everyone you know and everyone you ever will know." it gestured to the road behind me. "there is no going back and this is the point" he stood above me. "who are you?" I asked with a quiver in my voice. "I am the you that you will run from your whole life, I am the filth in your soul you will never wash, and I am the dirt that you shovel out of your own grave with every step you take. I am death." his voice was dark and ominous. My mind let words slip out "Mr. Dirt". He chuckled at the notion and it almost humanized him. "I can tell this is going to be an interesting lifetime with you my friend.", "friend?" I asked. "yes. I will be your first and only friend and I will be there always." Mr. Dirt spoke. I let out a smile and hugged him. The darkness embraced me "come with me child. it's time to begin the real journey." Mr. Dirt opened a portal and I woke up in tears. The tears were silent and still.