Secretly Dating!

Secret 13

"CONGRATULATIONS sa engagement!" Masaya kong sabi nang lapitan ko sina David at Shey. Ayoko sanang lumapit dahil maraming tao nang nakapalibot sa newly engaged couple. Ngunit baka isipin ni Shey na affected ako sa engagement nila, which is true, pero I never intend to show it to her. Lalo na kay David.

I thought I would get over with David soon. But seeing them together so happy and blessed, I feel like emotional healing might take longer. I don't want this feeling. But it's getting on my nerves. It's nerve-wrecking. And I feel bad about it because instead of releasing blessing for them, I released nothing but pain. It didn't seem right. It didn't feel right. To think that this one-sided love started from assuming things. Now it's complicated.

"Thanks, Aryen." Ang ngiti ni Shey ay abot langit, ever. Good for her. Nakita kong sinapak niya si David sa braso habang kinikilig, sabay sabi sa akin na, "Eto kasi walang pasabi. I never thought he would propose in public."

"Naman, para romantic." Natatawang sagot ni David.

"Sorry, Shey ha, pero pwedeng sapakin ko to?" Tanong ko.

"Hahaha, okay lang." Sagot niyang nakangiti. Kaya naman sinapak ko na si David sa balikat.

"Alam ko about sa proposal, David. Kung sinabi mo na ngayon pala yon ay may naihanda sana akong regalo. Bakit di mo ako pinaalam?" Tanong ko sa kanya na may pekeng ngiti sa mukha. Nakita ko ang reaksyon ni Shey sa sinabi ko. Somehow it seems like she doesn't know that David and I used to be bestfriends. But it doesn't even matter now.

"Sorry, days were busier lately." Tanging sagot ni David.

"Aessh." Mahina kong hiyaw. Tapos binaling ko na ulit ang atensyon ko kay Shey. Nang makita ko ang masaya niyang mukha, I couldn't help but pray happiness for her. Even though I'm hurting inside, I couldn't show it to them. Just then, I remembered I brought a camera with me (kinukunan ko kasi ng litrato ang mga bata sa Sunday school for documentation purposes), so I took it out from my bag.

"Shey, picture naman tayo, nang mahawa naman ako sa beauty mo, hahaha."

"Baka ikaw na nga ang sumunod nito, eh." Natutuwa pa niyang sabi sabay hila sa braso ni David palapit sa kanya. Tinapang gulay. Isasali pa ata niya si David sa litratong gusto ko with her! Sabi ko a picture with her, hindi kasali si David! Oh well. Hinila ko si Nhads na in time namang dumaan sa harapan.

"Nhads, kunan mo ako ng picture sa engaged couple natin."

Nhads just stared awkwardly at me, then to the camera, then to David and Shey. Then back to me. Aba, kaloko ata tong si Nhads, ah! Mukhang may ibig ipahiwatig.

"Okay lang kung ayaw mo."

"Oo, kukunan na nga. Eto naman hindi makahintay!" Kaloko niyang ngiti. I regretted na si Nhads ang inutusan ko. Alam kasi niya na may gusto ako kay David ever since the incident in David's house. Well, I just have to show it to him that I'm all right after all.

Pumuwesto na agad ako sa tabi ni Shey tapos nasa gilid niya si David. Magkahawak sila ng kamay while I made a peace sign with my right hand.

"Say Baymax!"

In one, two, three, the camera flashed and we all smiled in the picture.

Except that mine was fake.

AFTER the service, I didn't go home yet. I stayed in the church, gaining to myself a regret that I did. Inabutan kasi ako nang alas kwatro ng hapon, at alam niyo ba anong nangyari the whole afternoon? Pinagpyestahan lang naman ako ng mga kaibigan ko. Tanong dito, tanong doon, kung okay lang daw ba ako or not. They meant about the engagement, you know!

Partly, sinadya ko rin na magstay. Kasi ayokong ipakita sa mga nakakaalam na affected ako sa engagement ni David kung uuwi agad ako. In fact, only few knows about our closeness. Si kuya Grey, ate Clarice, Nhads, my spiritual leaders, and some of my friends in the cell group lang ang nakakalam. Syempre, hindi ko sinabi sa kanila na may gusto ako kay David. It just happened that way. Siguro inobserbahan lang nila. Or someone spill it out to them...like Nhads for example. I wouldn't be surprised though. He has a big mouth.

I will get tired of explaining to them one by one that I am not affected. So the best solution is to tell the truth, affected nga ako. But I told them in a way that I don't sound hurting, para hindi sila mag worry. Pero makulit sila. Affected din sila because we're friends. Eventually, they invited me to have a dinner with them. Samahan daw nila akong magluksa. Wow. Friends nga naman! Pumayag na lang ako.

Nauna nang umuwi si ate Clarice, kanina pa. Si kuya Grey naman susunod lang daw sa amin. Kaya right now I'm stuck here in McDonalds with Nhads, Jude, and Marta. As expected, they interrogated me and all. Since when daw ako nagstart nagkagusto kay David and all that stuff. Si Nhads nga ang puno't dulo nito, confirmed talaga.

"It's okay if you want to cry, Aryen." Sabi ni Marta habang kumakain ng french fries. I just gave her an awkward stare. I don't even want to cry. I don't even have the strenght for it. Not now.

"Bakit naman ako iiyak? Like, hello. I know about it all. And I pray for their best."

"Wee?" Kaloko talaga to si Nhads. Ang sarap tirusin.

"Okay lang yan, Aryen. Dadating rin yong sayo." Sabi naman ni Jude. "Baka ikaw na ang susunod na i-engaged."

"Naku, matagal pa. Like 10 years?" Sagot ko habang tumatawa.

"10 years? Ang tagal mo namang mag move on."

"Hindi sa ganon! Just self-proclamation."

"Sus, baka next month na agad. You will never know. God works in perfect timing."

"I don't even want to think about marriage." I told them and they widened their eyes at me. I sighed. Mukhang ako ang magwo-worry nito para sa kanila, eh.

"For sure dahil yan kay David."

"Hindi nga sabi." Diin ko.

That dinner ended up. At hindi nila ako nagisa, no matter what they say. I mean, they werent' able to make me let it out, the suppresed pain. I didn't cry. Why would I? Why would I cry if I could still hold it in?

Palabas na kami ng McDonalds ng tumawag si kuya Grey. He said he was sorry that he couldn't make it sa dinner. Pero susunduin daw niya ako sa labas ng establishment. "Guys, mauna na kayong umuwi. Hihintayin ko pa si kuya Grey."

"Uyy, ano yan, knight in shining armor mo si kuya Grey?" Tanong ni Marta.

"Malabo!" Suway ni Jude kay Marta. "Si ate Clarice naman ang damsel in study ni kuya Grey, eh."

"O sya, sya, mauna na kami, Aryen. Pakisabi na lang kay kuya Grey na next time dapat manlibre na siya. Kahit fries lang. Haha. Baka kasi i-engaged na siya kay ate Clarice tapos hindi pa siya nakakalibre sa amin." Sabi ni Nhads bago sila tuluyang umalis. I just waved a hand.

"Bye, Aryen! Iiyak mo lang yan kay Lord mamaya!"

Napailing ako sa ulo sabay ngiti.

Maya-maya, dumating na din ang sasakyan ni kuya Grey. Bumukas ang front door windows at iniluwa nito ang gwapo niyang mukha.

"How's it going?"

"Kuya Grey..."

"Well, get in." Sumunod naman ako agad. Pagpasok ko sa back seat dun ko napagtanto na nasa passenger's seat pala si ate Clarice. Nakangiti itong humarap sa akin sabay abot ng isang Starbucks coffee. "Coffee?"

Nang makita ko ang concern look ni ate Clarice, dun na ako bumigay. Kinuha ko ang coffee cup sa kanya at tahimik ko itong ininom kahit mainit pa. Remembering the engagement earlier, I finally went to tears. Pinaandar naman ni kuya Grey ang sasakyan, siguro para hindi ako mahiyang umiyak. Kasabayan ko na kasi ngayon ang tunog ng makina.

"Everything happens for a reason, Aryen. Just let God work in your heart." Narinig kong sabi ni ate Clarice.

"You're still young, Aryen." Boses yon ni kuya Grey. "Let it go."

Everything happens for a reason.

I always wanted to believe that.

TIME flies so fast. Months go by and the next thing I know, I am walking on the stage. It's our college graduation. Finally, I'm done with my bachelor's degree, majoring in Literature. I thank God for everything kasi despite of the recent happenings in my life, I am still able to cope up with my studies.

My spiritual leaders, especially ate Clarice and kuya Grey, has helped me to move on with David. Of course, they're just the vessels that the Lord has used to encourage me again and again. It isn't easy to attend the same church of the person I loved who is engaged with someone else. Do you think it's easy? Even with faith? No, it's not easy. But you have to keep pushing through because of your faith. Hindi naman ako pumupunta sa church because of them, I go to church because of my faith. That's why, kahit nasasaktan akong makita sina David at Shey, I keep on praying that it will go away.

I still believe that God will heal me. In His perfect time.

Every Sunday ko silang nakikita. Pag may event ang church nakikita ko rin sila at nakakasama sa mga ministry outreaches. It wasn't easy. But there were people who helped me to overcome it. Until such time I finally graduated from college.

Hinandaan ako ng family ko. But I didn't invite David. Even though I told him he should be there. After all, it wasn't good for him to come. Even though we're still brother and sister in Christ, we're not the friends we used to be anymore. Because we can't be close friends when I'm a woman and he's a man.

There's a boundary now.

Two years later, I busied myself in work and ministry in South Korea.

And a new beginning has yet to unfold.

New beginning nga ba? Huehue.