How Does It Start

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME  Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Whether in movies, books or in reality, I think relationship looks cringe and traumatic at the same time. Like falling for someone because of some stupid chemicals produced by our brain. We always tend to questioned ourselves about love. Like on how can people really tell if they are in a stage of love? Does it have criteria like in a contest? Symptoms like illness? Some people do crazy and stupid stuffs. I can't understand them because I've never been there. I can't imagine doing things like that. There's no possible way that I would do it. Why are they doing those things? Is it really like that? I don’t really know. We, single people, whether we admit it or not we became bitter every time we sees a couples doing their own thing. Not because we don’t have that certain person they have, but we’re jealous of how does it feels like to be love by someone unconditionally. To care and to be cared. And also, even when you say it or not, we became selfish in our own way. Is this how love really is? Many thoughts start lingering in my mind. Fighting with what ifs. Asking answers to the wall. Letting myself drowns and flow with the raging water of doubt. Like a dangerous passage way. That behind those magical and colorful sides that coats its door, is the poisonous thorn inside it. Once you go through that door, you’d experience various form of pain that can hurt the both of you. A confusing maze. Different choices of path. No one knows who to trust. Blurred destination. Get stuck at the dead end. Sometimes, you two decided to take your own way but ended up being together again.  And also, an amazing roller coaster ride. A thrilling one. Full of excitement and scary at the same time. But worth it to risk But I guess it turns out that love can really do change one's perspective, thoughts and especially a whole person. It could make things go other way around. Making impossible turns to possible. As I type down the last sentence for the new chapter update from my story. I sipped on my warm coffee that turned into cold one. I immediately send it to the editor na magrereview n'on. I tie my hair at ginawa na ang mga ibang bagay na dapat ko pang gawin. Niligpit ko ang mga papers na nasa mesa ko and place it on my drawer. It’s my day off sa coffee shop na pinag-papart time job ko kaya I have time to update my story. I also visit the coffee shop that I’m working on even na day off ko. Sometimes, the smell of the aroma of the coffee helps me to get ideas. It’s weird but yeah, it helps me a lot. It’s already 4:00 am. Naalimpungatan kase ako kaya I’ve decided na i-update 'yong story na ginagawa ko. Sakto pagkatapos kong mag-update magpo-proceed na ’ko sa pag-jojogging para after n'on ay mabisita ko si Nicole. She’s my co-worker sa coffee shop na pinagtatrabahuhan ko, nag-promise kasi ako sa kanya na tutulungan ko siya sa report nila this incoming Wednesday. I browse on my social media account saglit until I saw a familiar face. Very familiar. “Kamusta na kaya ‘to ngayon? Naalala niya pa kaya ako? I hope he’s happy now,” I said to myself. Habang nag-jojoging ako hindi pa din mawala sa isip ko 'yong nakita ko kanina. There’s a part of me na gusto ko pa din siyang makita. Kahit papaano kinoconsider ko pa din 'yong pinagsamahan naming dalawa. Kung hindi kaya nangyari 'yong gulong 'yon masaya kami? Babalik kaya sa dati ang lahat? Although, I know na nandoon pa din 'yong sakit. It’s been ages since no'ng nangyari 'yon but parang kahapon lang siya naganap. I can still feel his hand touches my skin, already enough to lose my sanity. But alam ko namang hindi na uli mangyayari 'yon. Napabalik ako sa reyalidad ng biglang tumunog 'yong cellphone ko. I suddenly wipe the single tear that escape from my eye. From: Nicole Hey Avy, huwag mong kalimutan 'yong lakad natin mamaya a? I really need this talaga. Please bear with me muna. Salamat ng marami! Labyaa! Mwuaah :* Napangiti na lamang ako sa message niya. Hindi ko naman siya tatakbuhan. Syempre I’m happy na nakatutulong ako sa mga kaibigan ko and she helps me din naman sa mga problems ko so I should give back the favor. Nagmadali na ’kong umuwi para makapaglinis na ’ko at makapunta na agad sa lakad namin ni Nicole. While I was in the shower, I try to erase him on my mind pero hindi ko magawa. Para bang dinikit na siya sa utak ko at wala ng bagay ang pupwedeng makaalis n'on. Ayokong bumalik na naman ako sa dati. Ayokong hanap hanapin ko na naman siya. Ayokong makita uli ang sarili kong hinahabol habol siya. Yung sa isang iglap lang handa na namang magpakatanga sa kanya. Konting salita lang, ito na naman ako handang yakapin siya ng buong-buo. Tanggapin ng walang pag-aalinlangan. I want to save myself from drowning but how could I do that? “No! Please! Umalis ka na sa isip ko puwede ba?! Huwag mo na uli akong baliwin ng katulad ng dati! Ayoko na!” I frustratedly shouted to myself habang umiiling. Nagsimula ng tumulo ang mga luha ko kasabay ng pag-agos ng tubig ng shower papunta sa katawan ko. I can’t lose my sanity again because of him kasi sa oras na bumalik ako, I know di na ’ko makaaalis pa. Mahihirapan na ’kong buuin uli ang sarili kong minsan ng nawasak. I need to do something. I need to divert my attention away from him. Tama! I let myself become busy. Kung nakalimutan ko na siya noon, makakalimutan ko uli siya ngayon. But wait? Nakalimutan ko na nga ba siya? O pinaniwala ko lang ang sarili kong nakalimutan ko na kahit na hindi pa?