What Went Wrong

Ikawalo (New Light: Part 2)

Hindi ako tinanong ni tita or ni lola about sa nangyari. Alam siguro nila na wala rin naman akong sasabihin. Out of curiosity, I asked tita Beth about Matt.

"Anak sya ni mayor," sagot ni tita. Kaya pala parang malakas loob nya gawin lahat ng gusto nyang gawin. "Pero hindi talaga sya taga dito. 3 months pa lang sya dito. Balita ko nag-quit sya sa pinagtatrabahuan nyang ospital sa Manila," dagdag ni tita.

"Ospital? So nurse sya? Doctor?" Tanong ko.

"Surgical doctor sa pagkakaalam ko. Kaso nagkaroon ng problema kaya napilitan syang magresign."

I wonder what happened. Dapat pala di na ako nagtanong. I started to get curious about him and this is not a good sign.

Nagpunta ako sa Sentro kinagabihan para mamasyal. Balita ko kasi may tutugtog na live band doon. Gusto ko mamasyal at libutin ang buong isla bago man lang ako bumalik sa city. I want to make some nice memories to myself this time.

Maraming tao ang nakapalibot at naghihintay sa banda na tutugtog. I don't expect much pero sana magaling sila. Nagkasya na lang ako na maupo sa isang sulok hawak ang beer sa kanang kamay ko. One can of beer would be fine, I suppose. Maya-maya may naramdaman akong tumabi sa akin. Napalingon ako. It's Matt.

"Manonood ka?" Tanong nya na halatang gulat na makita ako doon.

Tumango ako. Napatingin sya sa hawak kong beer.

"Di naman nakakalasing ang beer, diba?" Biro ko.

"Basta ba isang lata lang," sagot nya na nakangiti.

Tumango ako.

"I need to excuse myself. Kailangan ako dun eh," sabi nya sabay turo sa banda na nagseset-up na ng instruments.

Bago pa ako makapagtanong ay nakaalis na sya.

Myembro sya nun?

They started playing after a while and the crowd immediately loves them. I can't help but admire Matt's voice. He has a raspy yet very soothing voice. I thought I was done with musicians. Bakit parang I'm starting to like them again?

He's singing 143 by Rivermaya. I look around and the people sings with them. I started humming, too. Just then I noticed Matt looking at me. I try to look away but his gaze holds mine. It feels as if he's singing for me.

Napansin ko ang iilang mata na napapatingin sa'kin. I know they're scanning me from head to toe. That made me feel very conscious, so I stood up and walked away. Baka gawan pa nila ako ng issue dahil doon.

Nagpunta ako sa seawall. Buti na lang hanggang doon ay rinig ko pa rin ang banda ni Matt na tumutugtog. The sea breeze is a bit cold the beer in my hand keeps me warm. May iilang couples at singles akong nakita sa paligid. I smiled. I also have a memory here, though a silly one. Muntik na kasi akong madapa noon dito nang maghabulan kaming magkakaklase. Fun times.

Lalagukin ko na sana yung hulip sip ng beer nang tabihan ako ni Matt. Di ko napansin na iba na pala ang boses ng kumakanta.

"Bakit ka umalis?" Tanong nya.

"Yung mga fans mo kasi ang sasama ng tingin sa akin eh," biro ko.

Natawa sya.

"Thanks for coming. I was actually hoping you'd come," sabi nya maya-maya.

"I didn't know you're playing, though. I just wanted to get some fresh air," sagot ko.

"Still, you came," sabi nya ulit.

Natahimik kaming pareho maya-maya.

"I heard you quit being a doctor," sabi ko to start a conversation but I regretted the topic I chose.

"You're starting to ask around about me now?" I sense amusement in his voice.

"Did something happen?" I don't mean to be nosy but the curiosity is killing me.

"Will you promise not to judge me if I tell you?" Tanong nya.

Tumango ako.

"I used to be a surgical doctor. I was having a surgery when vertigo attacked me. It almost caused the life of the patient I was operating," kwento nya.

"It wasn't your fault," sagot ko.

He smiled bittersweetly.

"But that moment it was. I was a doctor. I should be saving lives. In the end, I almost killed one of my patients," sagot nya.

"Don't you think of going back?" I can't help but ask.

"Minsan napapaisip ako. Being a doctor gives me a purpose in life. But that incident traumatized me. I don't feel like a competent doctor anymore," he sounded sad.

I lightly tap him on his shoulders. "Cheer up! Sorry, I shouldn't have ruined the night."

He started smiling before he asks something.

"Why did you cry that day?"

"You mean that day in the ocean?"

Tumango sya.

"I almost died 11 years ago. It was my fault. Di ako magaling lumangoy but I was very confident that time for a very stupid reason. It took them almost an hour to revive me. I can't say I'm traumatized by it kasi I love the ocean until now. Kaya lang, I don't to farther parts anymore. I panic pag walang natatapakan ang paa ko."

"I'm sorry it brought you back bad memories," sabi nya. He sounded sincere with his apologies.

"I didn't get to thank you for saving me. Naisip ko kasi na ikaw rin naman may kasalanan." Natawa kami pareho. "But, thank you," sabi ko maya-maya.

As the night deepens, nararamdman kong mas nakikilala ko sya. He isn't arrogant compared to my first impression of him. Masyado lang siguro akong judgmental.

"May I request something?" Sabi nya maya-maya.

"Uhm, okay."

"Is it okay if you spend your last two days with me?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya. I almost forgot I'm leaving soon. Somehow, parang ayoko nang umalis.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. He smiles widely. I really feel like the wall I put between us starts to collapse every time he smiles at me. Natatakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari once it completely shatters.