CHAPTER 12
1400 Words
Chapter 12
IMPENDING DECISION
Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos buong gabi. Iniisip ko lang ang mga nangyari sa mga nakaraang mga araw. The battle between my mind and heart is too strong to handle. Yung parang na-overcome ko na ang inner and outer conflict ko sa sarili tapos may panibago na namang sumulpot na alalahanin.
Naputol ang pag muni-muni ko ng marinig ang ringtone ng cellphone ko. I face the right side table to get it. For how many months ngayon na lang ulit tumawag si mama.
“Kumusta, anak?” Sabi ng nanay ko nang sagutin ko ang tawag.
Huminga ako ng malalim. “Ayos lang naman ako dito, Ma. Napatawag ka? Kumusta kayo ni Papa?”
“Maayos lang din kami dito. Miss na miss ka na namin. Alam kong ginagawa mo ang makakaya mo upang may maipadala ka dito sa amin, ngunit isipin mo rin ang sarili mo. Magtira ka rin ng para sayo, kung may mga problema ka, mga desisyon na kailangan gawin. Isipin mo ang makakabuti sayo at kung saan ka sasaya. Hindi natin maiiwasan ang problema, ngunit tandaan mo na lilipas din ito. Humingi ka ng gabay sa Diyos.”
Pinunasan ko ang luhang dumaloy sa pisngi ko. “Salamat, Ma. Pag nagkaroon ako ng bakanteng araw, uuwi po ako diyan.”
“Sige, aasahan ko ‘yan.”
“Sige po, maghahanda na po ako. Kahit linggo ay may trabaho sa cafe.”
“Ganon ba? Mag-iingat ka diyan at huwag mong pagurin ang katawan mo.”
“Sige po.”
I ended the call and immediately get out of bed. Naligo na ako at nagbihis at umalis na ng condo. Bago ako pumunta ng coffee shop, since maaga pa dahil alas siete pa ng umaga ay dumaan muna ako ng simbahan.
Bumili ako ng kandila, iba’t ibang kulay ang naka-display. Lahat may ibig sabihin, kumuha ako ng tig tatlong kandila sa bawat kulay, pagdating sa kulay pink na sumisimbolo ng pag-ibig ay kumuha ako ng lima. Pumunta na ako sa kabilang side ng simbahan kung saan nagsisindi ng kandila.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, clasping my hands together with fingers interlaced, and then I began to pray. Asking Him to guide my decision and lead me to the man who is meant for me.
"Lord," I whispered. "Please give me the wisdom to choose between Jake and Liam. Help me to see clearly who will truly be the best partner for me, and let your guidance light my way. Amen."
I slowly opened my eyes, muntik na akong tumakbo palabas nang makitang may kasama akong babae na naka puti at mahabang belo. Sa itsura niya nasa late thirties na siya, di nagtagal ay nag sign of the cross siya at lumingon sa akin.
"Magandang umaga po." I smiled and slightly bowed.
"Magandang umaga rin sa'yo, hija," she replied, her smile warm and welcoming. "Napakagandang dalaga, alam mo, sa laro ng pag-ibig, mayroon talagang mananalo at matatalo. Pero tandaan mo, hindi laging tungkol sa panalo o pagkatalo." She paused, her eyes reflecting a depth of experience. Nagtaka ako kung bakit niya ako sinabihan ng ganon, nagkataon lang siguro pero mukhang may dapat akong marinig galing sa kanya. "Minsan, ang mahalaga ay ang mga aral na natutunan mo sa bawat hakbang. Ang pagmamahal ay hindi isang kompetisyon kundi isang paglalakbay. Sa bawat sugat at saya, mas lalo kang magiging matatag at handa."
Her words sank deep into my heart as she continued. "Kaya, hija, huwag kang matakot magkamali o masaktan. Ang mahalaga ay nagmamahal ka ng buong puso."
I nodded, feeling a sense of comfort and understanding wash over me. Her advice was not just about choosing between Jake and Liam, but about embracing the journey of love itself.
"Salamat po," I said, feeling grateful for her wise words. "Minsan po kasi, parang ang hirap intindihin kung sino ang tama at kung sino ang mali."
She nodded, understanding my confusion. "Totoo 'yan, hija. Pero minsan, ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay pakinggan ang puso mo. Sino ang nagpapasaya sa'yo ng totoo? Sino ang nagbibigay ng kapayapaan sa isip at puso mo?"
I looked down, thinking about Jake and Liam. "Pareho po silang mahalaga sa akin, pero may mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan."
"Normal 'yan," she reassured me. "Ang mahalaga, maging totoo ka sa sarili mo."
I sighed, feeling a bit relieved. "Paano po kung magkamali ako?"
She gave me a gentle smile. "Lahat tayo nagkakamali, hija. Pero ang mga pagkakamali ang magtuturo sa'yo ng tamang landas. Basta tandaan mo, sa bawat pagkakamali, may leksyon na makukuha. Huwag kang panghinaan ng loob."
"Salamat po. Malaking tulong po ang mga sinabi ninyo."
"Alam mo," she said, her voice softening, "ang pag-ibig ay hindi perpekto. Ang mahalaga ay nagmamahal ka ng totoo at buong puso. Sa huli, ang tamang tao ang mananatili sa tabi mo."
I nodded, feeling more at peace with my thoughts. "Maraming salamat po talaga. Napakalaking tulong po nito."
"Alagaan mo ang puso mo, hija," she said, giving me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
With that, I felt a renewed sense of hope and clarity, ready to make my decision between Liam and Jake later this evening with a more open heart and mind.
***
"Now what should I wear? Wala naman akong masyadong magandang damit," I muttered to myself as I stood in front of my closet, staring at the rows of clothes. "Too formal. Too casual. Too flashy. Bakit ba ang hirap?"
I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed, feeling the weight of the evening ahead. "This shouldn't be about what I'm wearing," I reminded myself, trying to calm the nerves fluttering in my stomach. "Jake and Liam... they both know me well enough. Dapat makita nila ang tunay na ako, di ba?"
Still, a part of me wanted to look my best, to feel special tonight. "Maybe something simple but elegant?" I stood up and went back to my closet, my fingers trailing over the fabrics. "Paano kaya yung navy blue dress na hindi ko pa nasusuot? Hindi siya masyadong fancy, pero maganda naman."
I pulled it out and held it up in front of the mirror. "Okay, this could work. It's comfortable, and I like how it fits." I placed it on the bed and started looking for accessories. "Ano naman ang sapatos? Ayoko naman magmukhang overdressed. Maybe those black flats? Yes, they’ll be perfect."
As I gathered the rest of my outfit, I couldn't help but think about the decision I had to make. "Jake and Liam... tonight will change everything. Kailangan ko lang sundin ang puso ko at maging totoo sa sarili ko."
I took a deep breath and gave myself one last look in the mirror. "Alright, Harmony. You've got this. No matter what happens tonight, remember who you are and what you want."
With that, I smiled at my reflection, feeling a bit more confident. "Okay, let's do this." Kinuha ko ang plaid pattern chain flap square bag na regalo sa akin ni Ma'am Naomi at umalis na.
Sumakay ako ng taxi, puno ng excitement at kaba habang papunta sa restaurant kung saan magdi-dinner kami ni Jake. Habang tinitingnan ko ang labas ng bintana, napapaisip ako sa gabing naghihintay. The navy blue dress I chose was perfect for the occasion, not too formal but elegant enough for the dinner at sa lugar na pinili ni Jake.
As I entered, I immediately saw Jake standing inside, a smile on his lips and in his eyes. "Harmony, you look beautiful," he said, bringing a smile to my face as well.
"Thank you," I replied, feeling a warmth spread through me at his compliment. "You look great too."
We exchanged pleasantries and settled into our seats, the cozy ambiance of the restaurant adding to the intimate atmosphere. The delicious food and the soothing background music set a relaxed tone for our conversation. However, amidst the laughter and easy conversation, a subtle tension lingered—a reminder of the impending decision that would shape our future.
As we ate, I couldn't help but notice the little differences in our perspectives and interests. Sa iilang araw na nagkasama kami, ngayon ko lang ito napansin sa kanya. Jake was engaging and charming, but there were moments when I found myself yearning for a deeper connection, a resonance that went beyond the surface.
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