Darkest Light

DL 20: Leave him?

Vile POV

Almost all sorcerers in our guild are training to make themselves stronger. I can also feel this danger before and it's one of my reasons why I welded a moon necklace for Zion.

It's the only thing that I can do to boost his power. I'm pretty sure that he will surpass the power of sorcerers from Ruvekha because of his moon necklace.

It will always protect him from any dark enchantments. I'm so excited to fight with him. I really want to fight on his side.

I'm just looking at my friends and other sorcerers who are really serious in training themselves in the training ground of Kreterra.

"Vile, apo..."

I looked back and I saw Lola Veron.

I smiled at her...

"Bakit po?" Nakangiti 'kong tanong.

"Nararamdaman ko na malapit na ang digmaan. Kailangan na nating magtago at bumalik sa probinsya. Hindi tayo pwedeng madamay. Babalik tayo kapag tapos na ang digmaan para pagalingin ang mga sugatan," sabi niya.

"Pe-pero... Nangako po ako kay Zion. Hindi ko siya pwedeng pabayaan," nag-aalala 'kong sabi.

She tap my head...

"Ikaw talaga, mahal na mahal mo talaga ang lalakeng 'yun. Mapapahamak ka lang kapag nanatili ka dito. Kaya na niya ang sarili niya, Vile. Welding a moon necklace for him is more than enough, ok? You gave your best to him. Isipin mo naman ang sarili mo," seryoso niyang sabi.

"What if he need me during the war?" I asked anxiously.

Umiling-iling na lang si Lola Veron...

She started walking away from me...

"Babalikan kita mamaya. Magdesisyon ka kung sasama ka sa akin pauwi. Ayokong malagasan na naman ng isa pang magaling na healer."

I feel bad... I know that she is really worried because of me. Hindi ko naman kasi pwedeng pabayaan si Zion. I should keep my promise to him.

After a second, I saw Jaren released a high pressure of water to Rex. Nasugatan sa braso si Rex at dinala siya sa isang room.

Sumunod naman kaagad ako para mapagaling ko na siya.

Bago ako pumasok sa room ay nadinig 'kong nag-uusap sila Zion. Hindi muna ako pumasok kasi baka ma-istorbo ko sila.

"Hindi talaga natin maiwasan na magkasakitan kapag may training," sabi ni Sandra.

"Don't worry, it's just a small wound compare to what I will get if there will be a war," Rex said.

"Where's Vile? He should heal your wound," Jester asked.

"You know what, Zion? You're so lucky that Vile loves you. Think of it... He gave you a moon necklace to assure your safety; he is happy for you that you are courting Sandra: he won't hesitate to sacrifice his life for you; he will always side with you in every battle and etc." Dexter said.

"Yeah... He is always assuring your safety. What would he get from being like that to you?" Wanda asked.

"What do you mean?" Zion asked.

"I mean... Seriously, is it possible that you're gonna love him the same way that he loves you? Is there a little chance?"

I heard Zion sigh...

"There's no chance even a little. I can't and I won't love a guy even him. Kaibigan ko lang siya at hanggang doon lang siya. I will never love like that, ok?"

Ang diin ng pagkakasabi niya. Parang diring-diri siya sa akin.

I felt that my chest tightened...

I can feel warm tears from my eyes. Ewan ko ba, 'yun naman talaga ang totoo pero nasaktan pa rin ako nang marinig ko. Iba pa rin pala kapag si Zion na ang nagsabi.

He will never love me. I don't have even a little space on his heart.

"Zion, natatakot ako na baka mamaya balang araw, ma-realize mo rin na mahal mo siya pero na-realize niya naman na hindi ka na niya dapat mahalin kasi ramdam ko na sa likod ng mga ngiti ni Vile ay nasasaktan siya ng sobra. I feel so bad for him. He's an angel with full of scars," Sandra said awfully.

"Guys, I just want to make it clear to all of you. I didn't ask for his love, ok? Kusa niya akong minamahal. Wala akong hinihingi sa kanya dahil kusa siyang nagbibigay. Now, it's not my intention to hurt him. Kung nasasaktan siya, kasalanan na niya 'yun. Hindi ko naman gusto na masaktan siya. Kung pwede nga lang sana, hindi na lang ako ang nagligtas sa kanya noon para hindi siya habol ng habol sa akin."

Para 'bang tinakasan ako ng kaluluwa ko dahil sa narinig ko kay Zion. Sobrang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko.

Ang sakit... Para 'bang nakakapaso...

I did not notice that my warm tears are falling...

He regret the day that we met? He regret the day that he saved my life?

I did not expect that I will hear those cruel words from him. It is breaking not only my heart but also my soul.

Kung pwede nga lang sana, hindi na lang ako ang nagligtas sa kanya noon para hindi siya habol ng habol sa akin.

Ang mabuti pa siguro, dumistansya na ako sa kanya. Feeling ko, nasasakal na siya dahil sa akin at nakakasagabal na ako sa buhay niya.

I will still love him but I should create walls in my heart. I should accept the fact that he never needed me.

I'm just a friend... A friend that he didn't need. We're just friends; not even bestfriends.

I wiped my tears using my hands...

I take a deep breathe. You can do it Vile! Just smile... Lagi mo namang pinipilit ang sarili mo na ngumiti kahit nasasaktan ka na.

I walked inside the room and they are all looking at me.

"Rex, I saw what happened. Let me heal your wound," I said.

I held his arm. I closed my eyes and I started releasing my magic energy to heal his wound. They are all quiet and I can feel that they are just looking at me.

After a second, I felt that he's healed. I opened my eyes and his wound vanished...

"Thank you Vile..." Rex said.

"No worries," I said quietly.

"Hey Sandra! What's happening to you?"

I look at Sandra and her eyes are glowing with a sky blue light. She is shaking in fear and she looks unconscious.

She started talking in a hoarse voice...

"Tears and blood will fall,

He's a friend but also a foe.

Everywhere he goes, darkness follows.

Merged by both light and darkness

He is an angel that is completely harmless

But he can be a devil who's totally heartless

His power surpassed all of his kind

Demigod of darkness, all of us will bind

Love will absolutely make him blind

He is a powerful ally but also an enemy

Accused by envy and jealousy

Destined to die helplessly..."

There's a dead silence in this room...

Sandra's eyes went back to normal. She looks drained and exhausted.

"Sandra... Are you fine?" Zion asked anxiously.

She nodded...

I can see it in his eyes. Alalang-alala si Zion. Mahal nga niya si Sandra.

Mag-aalala din kaya si Zion ng ganyan para sa akin? Siguro hindi... I'm not special for him.

"What happened?" Sandra asked.

"You stated again the prophecy that you've stated before," I said.

They all look nervous. They all look threatened. I can also feel fear because of what she stated but I'm ready for everything that will happen to me.

He don't need me. He needs Sandra to be with him. They are the strongest sorcerers here. I am nothing compared to their power.

Maybe, I should go... I'm here to heal my friend's wound and I'm done.

"I should go," I said anxiously.

"Hmmm... Why don't you stay in this room? We should talk. Lahat naman ng mga kaibigan natin ay nandito," sabi ni Zion.

I just look at him and after that, I look away...

It's so hard for me to conceal what I truly feel...

"I'm tired..." I said sadly.

"Hmmm... Are you ok, Vile? I think you're not fine," Sandra said worriedly.

"I'm fine, I should go..." I started walking outside the room.

"Is he ok? Ngayon ko lang nakitang tinanggihan ni Vile si Zion. Anong nangyari doon?" Rinig 'kong tanong ni Wanda.

Lumabas muna ako sa guild. I should have some peace... I transformed into a white dove and I fly away. Pumunta na lang ako dito sa beach.

I can feel the fresh air that is touching my face. My tears started falling...

Bakit ba ganito? Bakit ba kasi hindi ko mapigilan ang nararamdaman ko kay Zion?

Gusto 'kong kumawala sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya kasi habang tumatagal ay mas nasasaktan na ako pero hindi ko alam kung paano; hindi ko yata kaya na itigil ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Bakit sa dinami-rami ng mga tao sa mundo, sa kanya ako nakakaramdam ng ganito?

Ang sakit na... I don't want to love him anymore but I can't.

Para 'bang nakatali ng mga kadena ang puso ko para sa kanya. Hindi na ako makawala.

I started throwing some stones in the sea. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagluha.

Bakit ba kasi ganito ako? Bakit siya pa ang minahal ko?

"Vile..."

I'm so shock because I heard his voice. I quickly wiped my tears using my hands.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Hmmm... Wait, are you crying?" He asked.

I forced myself to smile at him...

"I'm fine... Gumagabi na, we should go back to the guild," malungkot 'kong sabi.

Maglalakad na sana ako pero hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang braso ko.

"You're avoiding me, aren't you?"

I'm shock because of what he asked. I can't lie to him. I don't know what I should answer.

"Nagtatampo ka ba sa akin?"

Yumuko na lang ako. Hindi ako makapagsalita... Umurong yata ang dila ko...

"Vile, you heard everything that I've said earlier, right? Sandra told me... I'm sorry if I-"

"No... Everything that you've said is true. I realized that I should keep myself away from you. You don't need me, right? You never needed me. Ako lang naman itong lapit ng lapit sa'yo. Kasalanan ko kung bakit ako nasasaktan," seryoso 'kong sabi.

"Vile please..." He said worriedly.

"Ako 'tong makulit at pabigat sa'yo. Alam ko na nasasakal ka dahil sa nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. I should keep myself away from you, Zion."

"Vile please... Don't say such things like that!"

"Bakit? Totoo naman, diba? Sabihin mo nga na hindi totoo ang mga sinabi ko. Diba pinagsisisihan mo nga na niligtas mo ako noon?"

He looks shocked and worried... My tears started falling from my eyes...

Ang sakit-sakit... Sana pala hindi na lang niya ako niligtas. Mas gusto siguro niya na namatay na lang ako noong araw na 'yun.

"Vile! Let us leave now!"

We saw Lola Veron on the other side of the beach...

"You're gonna leave? You're gonna leave me?"

I heard pain from his voice. I look into his eyes and he looks pained...

I sigh...

I can't leave him like this. I wanted to keep my promise to him.

I closed my eyes...

"Tell me that you need me and I will stay with you..." I said firmly.

Please Zion... Please say that you want me to stay, Please say that you need me. Kahit ngayon lang, gusto 'kong maramdaman na kailangan mo ako sa buhay mo.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbitaw ng kamay niya sa braso ko. Napadilat na lang ako bigla.

"Y-You want me to leave?" I asked with full of pain.

Yumuko lang siya at hindi siya nagsalita. Silence means yes...

Naglakad na ako palayo sa kanya. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko. Ang sakit... hindi niya gusto na manatili ako sa tabi niya.

Ang sikip ng dibdib ko. Sobrang sikip...

Tumakbo na lang ako ng mabilis palayo sa kanya...

Bumuhos na ang mga luha ko at niyakap ako ni Lola Veron ng mahigpit.

"Bakit? Bakit? Hinayaan niya na umalis na lang ako? Bakit ayaw niya na manatili ako sa tabi niya? Gusto 'kong manatili sa tabi niya! Bakit? Wala ba talaga akong halaga sa kanya?" Humhagulgol 'kong tanong.

"Shhh... Tama na apo. Umuwi na tayo..."

Ang sakit-sakit! Gusto 'kong protektahan siya sa digmaan pero ayaw naman niya.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay wala akong silbi! I turned into a healer just for him! Siya ang dahilan kaya naging healer ako! Tapos hindi niya ako kailangan?

"I promise... One day, I will become a healer. One day, I will be the one who will heal your wounds everytime that you will fight."

I really want to keep my promise to him but how? 

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang dapat 'kong gawin. Kasalanan ba na mahalin ko siya?

Mali ba na magmahal ng lalake dahil lalake din ako? Ang sakit... Ang hirap...

Hindi ko naman ginusto na mahalin siya eh. Sinubukan ko na pigilan ang sarili ko pero hindi ko kaya.

Hindi ba sapat lahat ng mga ginawa ko para magkaroon ako ng kahit na kaunting puwang sa puso niya?

What should I do? Is it enough for me to love him this bad? I don't really know how.

Lalo 'kong naramdaman na wala akong halaga sa kanya...