Savoring Pleasure

CHAPTER FOUR

UMABOT NG ISANG ARAW, DALAWA—ISANG LINGGO. Those days had passed by me without any happiness I felt. Buong linggo akong nakaramdaman ng sakit at lungkot. Even my work, it was affected. Rose told me to take my three-day leave but I refused.

That week was never an easy thing just to survive. I didn’t even eat on time. Madalas pa nga’y hindi ako kumakain. Ano bang bago sa mga lumipas na araw? Wala. Just plain with a touch of pain. I am so disappointed in myself. Ang tanga ko sa parteng hindi inisip kung anong mangyayari kapag binisita ko siya.

Frustration. This is what I felt by now as I still laid on my bed.

“Stupid, Mella!” I thundered loudly, not minding if someone could hear me outside.

Napapikit ako nang mariin nang may mamuong tubig sa aking mga mata. Then, a scene of me with Rose two days ago flashed on my mind.

“Grabe namang relationship n’yo ni Thero. So civil. Mabuti na lang nakakatiis ka,” komento ni Rose matapos kong sabihin na hindi kami legal with his side.

“Kung mahal mo, matitiis mo. Because love is not just about love itself, it’s about acceptance,” I sadly replied and controlled myself from breaking down.

“It’s uneven for your relationship that he hasn’t still introduced you. I mean…” She stopped and her face was crumpled slightly, showing me her confusion. “High school pa ba siya para itago ang relasyon n’yo? Other teens out there already have their legal relationship after they met each other’s family. E, kayo nga… bente cinco n’yo na, naka-keep pa,” she spoke, trying to make me understand fully her logic.

“He’s busy,” I reasoned out while moving my both shoulders up and down.

“Busy nga lang ba?” she suspected. She was about to open her mouth to add her phrase when she opted not to do so.

“What?” I asked curiously.

She shook her head and smiled a bit. “Nothing. He loves you,” she told me that lit up my mood in the moment.

“Yes, he does. I love him also… more than I d o to myself.”

LINGGO NANG MAISIPAN KUNG GUMAWA NG LOVE LETTER PARA KAY THERO. Naisipan kong gumawa nang maudyok ako ni Rose na gumawa noong tumawag ito kahapon sa akin upang kumustahin.

Chazey also called me a couple of hours ago that she will come over here in the apartment.

Nang matapos kong isulat ang apology letter at love letter para kay Thero ay agad ko itong itinago sa bag ko.

After a few minutes of looking over the window to see the trees that serve as the fence of this apartment, continuous knocks I heard from my door. Naglakad ako palapit doon at binuksan nang maluwag. Chazey’s big smile welcomed me as she yelled my name in excitement.

“Gosh, it’s been two weeks. Na-miss kita, Mella,” aniya at iminuwestra ang kamay paharap upang yakapin ako.

“Wow! Parang sampung taon tayong ‘di nagkita, ah,” I joked, laughing and I hugged her back.

Kumalas siya sa yakap at pinasadahan ng tingin ang buo kong katawan. Her happy face shifted back to normal I got used to see her. “I noticed something. Mukhang nangayayat ka, ah,” she seriously said while her brows arched.

Tumaas ang kanang kilay ko at pinasadahan din ng tingin ang aking buong katawan. “Hindi naman. Siguro nanibago ka lang,” I replied, making sure it was naturally delivered.

“Forget it. I have something for you.” She passed by me and walked inside.

I turned around only to discover that she’s holding paper bags with her both hands. “Masanay ako niyan, Chazey,” biro ko pa at naglakad na palapit sa kama kung saan niya ipinatong ang mga dala niya.

Bahagya siyang natawa. “I am the only person you got left, except for… you know,” she responded, not mentioning Thero’s name while her sight is in her presents. “Nabili ko ang mga ito sa Tagaytay,” dugtong niya at humarap na sa akin.

“Oh… have you been there?” taka kong tanong. Wala kasi akong balita sa kaniya mula noong nakaraang linggo. Minsan lang din kami magka-text sa tuwing magkikita kami.

“Stupid, Mella. Hindi mo ba nakita ‘yong plastik na pinaglagyan ng dress mo? Hindi na kita na-inform noon dahil mayroon akong ginagawa,” tugon niya.

“No, I didn’t,” I replied, low-pitch tone. The scenario between me and Thero came back into my mind. No matter how I tried to erase that from my mind if it’s still fresh and hurting me, I wouldn’t forget it.

“But have you already fitted on it?” she inquired, not noticing the changing of my mood.

“Yeah. Just once,” I answered. “Pinanggala,” dugtong ko pa.

“How was it?” nakangiting tanong niya na tila excited sa isasagot ko.

“So far so good,” I replied, not showing any bitterness in my voice.

KARARATING LANG NAMIN NI CHAZEY DITO sa Dream Cyber West Mall sakay ng kaniyang itim na kotse. As usual as ever, people were roaming around, chitchatting with their friends and family.

I suddenly remembered my mom and dad. Mula nang inilibing sila limang taon na ang nakararaan, hindi na ako nakabalik pa sa Benguet na hometown ko. Wala rin kasi akong kapatid na p’wede kong makasama. I’ve never visited them since then. Bumabalik lang kasi sa mga alaala ko kung paano ko sila iniwan para mag-aral dito sa Maynila. I got a scholarship in the University of Niño, that’s why it pushed my dream to study in the capital.

One more thing, my parents didn’t want me to go study outside the province, but I defied them. Mas pinili ko rito.

Para akong sinampal noon ng katotohanan. Repentance is ultimately fact in an end. Only I enjoyed being with them, I possibly taste the happiness I wanted. Sila na nga lang ‘yong nag-iisang pamilya ko, nawala pa.

“Natulala ka diyan, Mella. Any problem?” baling sa akin ni Chazey matapos i-check ng lady guard ang mga bags namin.

“I just remembered my parents. Bumalik ‘yong pakiramdam na regret,” I responded and looked around the place only to turn aside the feeling that was slowly killing me inside. I looked back at her when she commented nothing but a dismal apology stare.

She bit her lower lip before saying, “Sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. Kaya tayo nandito para mag-enjoy, ‘di ba? So what are we waiting for?” I rejoiced, trying to be more happy than later. I held her arms and motioned her to walk with me.

“By the way, Chazey, what did you do in Tagaytay? Hind ko pa naitatanong sa ‘yo dahil masyado kang apurado para makaligo ako,” I broke the deafening silence as we wander our sight in every boutiques that we passed by.

“Ah… shooting namin. May kumuha kasi sa akin. Isang shoe wear company,” tugon niya at tumigil sa paglalakad nang nasa tapat na kami ng isang Korean restaurant. She looked me in the eyes and curved out a smile.

“Umaasenso,” natatawang usal ko. “If you want to take me there inside…” pauna ko. “…. Sorry not sorry, but I’ll not eat in the Korean restaurant,” dugtong ko habang pakumpas-kumpas ang kaliwa kong kamay. “Kung napilit mo ako sa pagsuot ng dress noon, ‘wag lang sa place where I never eat in,” pagtatapos ko nang mabasa ko sa isip niya ang balak na kumain sa Korean restaurant.

She rolled her eyes and rubbed her hair due to frustration. “Tuturuan naman kitang gumamit ng chopstick, ah. Ang arte mo kasi,” asik niya na ikinatawa ko.

“Still, I do—”

I refrained from talking as her face turned to astonishment while her gaze was pointing directly right behind me.

“Mella, do you still remember Alexandria?” she inquired softly, not looking at me.

Alexandria…

“Alexandria, who?” I asked for clarification. May apat—lima akong kilalang may ‘Alexandria’ ang pangalan.

“Carrey,” she stammered and I saw her throat behave.

Natigilan ako at bahagyang kinabahan. “As far as I know, she’s in Los Angeles,” I presumed, it’s vague for her to be here.

“Yes, I know right. But… I am looking at her right now,” she answered that made my heart pound so fast.

The b***h is back.

I am walking across the edge of lagoon in the university. I used to pass through here for enjoyment and adventure. Kapag dumaraan kasi ako rito, nakakalimutan ko ang problema ko. Besides, I’ve never fell off the water. I am being careful to where my feet are heading.

But one time… someone captured my attention. It was Thero Moonvelt. Hindi ko pa siya kilala noon. School-apartment lang ang place setting ng buhay ko. He’s also a third-year college student like me. He was known for his sobriquet ‘fucker’.

I admitted he’s handsome—gorgeously as to affirm. Nabalitaan ko sa mga nakakakilala sa kaniya, lahat na yata ng mga babaeng nakasama niya ay iniiwan din sa araw ding ‘yon kung kailan niya ito nakilala. He was even the cause of all breakups of the couple in the university. Walang araw na hindi siya nakikitang nag-stick to one lang sa babae. He was once reported but never kicked out because of his family’s connection to the university.

He’s a womanizer. Who would refuse from his request to have f****d? His charm is undeniably admirable, and one more thing is that, he brought all girls he met in a certain time inside a cubicle and showed his manhood to them, as courtesy of those who told me. Even gays were attracted to him.

“Napaisip pa ako kung hindi siya nanghihina sa tuwing nakaka-tatlo siya sa isang araw,” sabi ng isang ka-blockmate ko.

But one day—like a story started ‘once upon a time’—all things have swiftly changed, did he also as he met a woman named Alexandria. She was gorgeous, sexy, smart, brave, self-oriented, kind, and I guess, all the positive characteristics could be described to her.

Minsan ko na nga lang ito makita ay sa library pa ng campus. Lagi kasi akong nagpupunta rito para magbasa ng tungkol sa business as I promised my family that I would build our own. Pero hindi na nangyari.

Like other women, Alexandria came into the scene of Thero who tried to allure her but he couldn’t succeed. Iba si Alexandria. Pero bakit ako naiinis sa kaniya? Wala naman siyang ginagawang masama. Oo, nagkapalagayan sila ng loob na siyang ikinainggit ko.

Call me b***h but I wished he could manage to invite me to s*x for him to taste my juice. A desperate woman I am. Ganoon ko kagustong makarelasyon si Thero noon.

“So gusto mo na siya?” tanong ni Chazey sa akin matapos naming gawin ang assignment sa major nang mapagkuwentuhan ang nararamdaman ko.

“Yes?” a doubtful tone I used.

“So fast. Hindi mo pa nga siya nakakausap, bumigay ka na. Lalo pa kaya kapag naging kayo, baka rumupok ka nang tuluyan,” aniya at pinagsalikop ang dalawang kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa.

“Basta gusto ko na siya,” I concluded.

“That’s not love. It’s infatuation,” she finished before heading to the shelves and put back the books we borrowed.

Habang dumaraan ang araw, linggo at buwan, pumanaw sina nanay at tatay dahil sa aksidente. Mabuti na lang ay fourth year college na ako at humigit pa ang perang itinabi nila mula sa pag-de-deliver ng mga gulay sa aming sakahan. Dahil sa nangyaring ‘yon, nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. Sa kabila niyon, nagawa ko pa ring makapagtapos ng pag-aaral at namuhay mag-isa. Akala ko noon, hindi ko kaya. Para hindi lubusang maubos ang perang itinabi ng mga magulang ko ay naging part-time waitress ako sa isang Filipino-dish restaurant.

Hanggang sa dumaan ang mga araw, linggo, buwan, at taon. Nakahanap ako ng trabaho bilang isang employee sa JSG Food Corp. Kasabay ng taong ‘yon ang pagtatagpo ng landas namin ni Thero.

Naging kami nang walang ligawang nangyayari. He just asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed at once, thinking out of the box the I once loved him. Ganoon ako karupok. Mahal ko siya… higit sa pag-aakala ng lahat. I can fight for him against all odds.

I was came back to the present when someone grabbed my right arm and pulled me.

“Let’s go. She’s coming towards us. As much as possible, hindi kayo puwedeng magkita lalo pa’t boyfriend mo ang minsang nagpatibok sa puso niya,” she spoke.

Nagpatianod naman ako at natigil kami sa isang cloth brand na kung saan endorser si Chazey.

“Chazey, can you do me a favor?” I asked, sounded pleading, and looked at her.

She first took a glance of the lane we walked through before looking at me. “Gosh, we were almost caught. Ano ‘yon, Mella?” tanong niya at inabot ang hininga.

“If it happens that you’ll see her by accident and have a talk with her, p’wede bang huwag mong sabihin kung nasaan si Thero kung mapag-usapan n’yo man. And the relationship we have. She possibly takes her way to get Thero back to hers,” I stated.

Suminghap siya. “Though I don’t like Thero for you, wala akong magagawa roon. What you wish is what I grant,” she agreed and smiled a little.