Over the Mountain

CHAPTER 21: BIRTHDAY

CHAPTER 21: BIRTHDAY

I run without looking back at the mountain.

I run with a river of tears in my eyes.

I run with my heart being crushed into thousand pieces.

I run with my broken hopes.

I run with broken hearts.

I run without my heart because it was left to where I was standing earlier.

Is this how love truly works? Do I have to feel this when I only want to love? Why does he need to do this? Why does he need to hurt me right in my very own eyes? Why does he need to give me hope when in the end, he just crushed it?

Bakit kailangan niya pang ipakita sa akin ng harap-harapang…si Irene talaga at hindi…ako…

“Sierra,” Erik's voice echoed in my ears the moment I stop from running and just let myself kneels on the road. He immediately runs towards me and embraces me. “Why are you crying? What happened?” he asked one question after another.

I don’t have any strength to talk. I just shook my head and let myself cry inside Erik’s arms. We were not closed enough for me to let him see my crying, but I badly need to cry right now. I feel like my heart is being stabbed so many times. It also feels like my heart is being hammered. Being ripped.

Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. Gusto kong ilabas ang aking puso sa aking dibdib ng sa ganoon ay hindi ko na maramdaman ang sakit ngunit alam kong imposible iyon. Malakas kong hinampas ang aking dibdib ng paulit-ulit para mawala ang sakit. Ayaw ko nito. Hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman ko. But Erik stops me. He held my both hands tight and stops me from hurting myself. I don’t know what do. Bakit kailangang humantong sa ganito.

“Sierra!”

“Sierra…”

Sabay na tawag ng dalawang tinig at pareho iyong pamilyar sa akin. The first one that belongs to Tin and the second one that belongs to…Leo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ngunit kusang nahinto ang pagtulo ng aking mga luha ngunit ang sakit ay lalo lang lumakas. Narinig ko ang matinis na tinig ni Tin na paulit-ulit tinatanong si Erik kung ano ang ginawa niya sa akin. Paulit-ulit ding nagpaliwanag si Erik na wala siyang ginawa. Na nakasalubong na lamang niya akong umiiyak. At doon ko naramdaman ang marahan niyang pagbitaw mula sa pagkakahawak sa akin at biglang ang pamilyar na amoy ng isang tao ang sumakop sa aking pang-amoy. And that made me cry again.

I cried so hard. I cried aloud. I don’t care what I look like right now. All I just want is to cry. Burst out in crying because this is what I think can lessen the pain. But even if how hard I cry, the pain is still in my heart.

“Sierra, please, why are you crying?” Leo asks in his tender tone.

I bravely look at him with tears still in my eyes. “Kaya mo ba gusting makipag-kita sa akin para harap-harapang ipakita sa akin na si Irene ang tama? Na ang lahat ng sinabi ni Irene sa akin ay totoo?” dere-deretso kong tanong sa kabila ng aking paghikbi.

Confusion takes place in his face. “Anong pinagsasabi mo, Sierra?”

“Stop lying Leo!” sigaw ko. “You don’t have to act nice from this moment. You don’t have to fetch me and court me home! You don’t have to join me during lunch! You don’t have to climb with me on the mountain! You don’t have to say you like just to give me hope…”

“Sierra, I don’t get you,” frustration in his tone is now visible.

“I s-saw you, Leo. I saw you with Irene earlier.”

“Because she—”

“Because she clings in your arms! Because she kissed you!”

“Sierra!” he shouted, losing his temper. “Hear me first,”

“Wala na akong dapat pang pakinggan sa’yo, Leo.”

“Mali ang nakita mo,” aniya. “Please hear me, Sierra. Please. Mali ang nakita mo. Lahat ng sinabi ni Irene ay hindi totoo. Gusto kita. Gustong-gusto kita that I even fell in love with you,”

Ang sarap sanang pakinggan. Ang sarap sanang damhin ang katagang sinambit niya. Pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko magawang matuwa. Hindi ko magawang maging masaya. Hindi ko magawang kiligin. All I can feel is pain. Sobrang sakit. Sobra.

“Enough, Leo. Tama nang minsan mo akong napaniwala. Tama na, Leo. Tama na ang minsang naniwala akong parehas tayo ng nararamdaman,”

“Sierra! Please hear me first. You are just being too emotional right now,” aniya pero nagpumilit pa rin akong tumayo.

“Nakita ko ang nakita ko, Leo,”

“Sierra, mali ang nakita mo. Hindi ka pa rin ba naniniwala sa aking gusto kita? Na nahulog na nga ako sa’yo at mahal n akita? Sierra, please,”

Matigas akong umiling. “Ang sarap sanang paniwalaan, Leo. Pero hindi ko na magawang maniwala ngayon. Because I’m hurt. You hurt me. So, just let me go,”

Mapakla siyang natawa at dahan-dahan ng binitiwan ang aking kamay. “Bata ka pa nga. You’re still a kid. Dahil hindi mo pa rin kayang makinig sa iba at hayaan silang magpaliwanag. You’re still a kid because you just easily stick to your own thoughts and words,” aniyang walang kabuhay-buhay.

Muli pa siyang mapaklang tumawa at tsaka deretsyong tumingin sa aking mga mata. His eyes…were dull of bright emotion. “Believe whatever you want to believe,”

I clench my fist and close my eyes. Pero nang pumikit ako ay ang imahe nila Leo at Irene ang agad kong nakita. Mabilis akong napamulat at muling umalo ang sakit sa aking puso. Sinubukan kong tumingin kay Leo ngunit muli ko lang nakita ang pagkapit ni Irene sa kaniya. Napalayo ako ng tingin at tsaka naman umalingawgaw ang tinig niya.

I smiled bitterly. He said it himself. I’m still a kid. And maybe he is right. I’m just a kid. And a kid like should be enjoying her life in the fun. Not in pain.

Walang paalaman akong tumakbo. Narinig ko pa ang pagtawag ni Tin sa akin at maaaring paghabol pero hindi na ako lumingon pa sa kanila. Muli akong tumakbo habang mabigat ang aking puso. Nang makarating ako sa aking silid ay mabilis akong nagtalukbong ng kumot at tahimik na umiyak.

“Tin,” I said after I finally answer her call for the nth time.

“Era, why did you have to run alone? Bakit hindi mo ako hinayang samahan kang tumakbo?” tanong niya but I know what she means.

“It h-hurts, Tin. Ang sakit,”

“Era…”

“I just want to love, Tin. I just want to be loved back by him. But why I do I received is pain?”

“Era, stop crying, please. Nasasaktan din ako habang naririnig kang umiiyak,”

“H-Hindi ko alam kung paanong hihinto sa pag-iyak, Tin. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko…”

“Do you…do you really mean what you said to him?” biglang tanong niya. “He…he cried on us after you run away earlier,” she continued.

“I m-meant it, Tin. Hindi ko gusting maging martyr. You k-know my feelings for him…but Irene was r-right. He’s j-just nice at m-me but he doesn’t l-like me,”

“How come you believe in that? Ano ba ang nakita mo kanina para magka-ganiyan ka,”

“Tin…he t-told me to c-come in the m-mountain and meet him there. S-Sinabi niyang hihintayin niya ako. Pero…pero hindi niya ako nahintay,” malungkot na sabi ko at tsaka muling humikbi. “Irene came…and she immediately clings on Leo’s arm. Pagkatapos…p-pagkatapos ay naglakad na sila palayo at…at bigla silang huminto kung saan ay…tumingkayad si Irene para…para h-halikan si Leo,”

Silence. Isang mahabang katahimikan ang namayani sa pagitan namin ni Tin nang muli nanaman akong humagulgul. Hindi ko na alam kung naririnig na ba ako sa labas ng aking kwarto ngunit wala na akong pakealam. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ang aking puso kapag hindi ako umiyak. Kapag pinigil ko ang aking luha.

Tin stayed silent. She let me cry a river. She let me cry out my pain. She was just there, listening at me. She stayed and made her presence felt even she was not beside me.

“Leo told me that you misunderstood what you saw—”

“Misunderstood? Do he have to turn the tables and put the blame on me?”

“Sierra, no. He—”

“Hindi pa ako bulag, Tin. Nakita ko ang nakita ko. And you know how much I like him. Do you think that I create a fiction story about him and Irene?”

“Siera No—”

“Misunderstood? Do you think that I will let myself cry this hard with what I saw earlier?” tanong ko at marahas na pinunasan ang luha ko.

“I am not blaming you, Sierra. Hindi ko rin sinasabing mali ang nakita mo. I was just asking. Because he said that you just misunderstood what happened earlier,”

“No, Tin. I didn’t misunderstand anything,”

“He…he cried on us earlier,” Tin informed. “He told me that he likes you truly. That he truly fell for you. And he asks you to go there because…because he wants you to come with him in climbing the love rock in the north part of the mountain today because…” Tin pauses and sighs deeply. “Because it’s his birthday,”