Over the Mountain

CHAPTER 20: PAIN

CHAPTER 20: PAIN

I couldn’t contain my smile while Leo and I are spending our time in our backyard. He’s been bragging about my heroine act earlier. He keeps on complimenting me. Telling me that I am not a brat at all. Or that I am a brat with a heart. And I was smiling and laughing the whole time.

Since I was wet all over my body, we just decided to go home so I can change and won’t catch a cold. For me not to spoil we supposed to be a date, I just requested him to stay and just continue our date in our backyard.

And I guess, it’s more fun and tender to spend time with the mountain as our main view.

“Maayos na ang tuhod?” tanong ni Mama habang isinusuot ko ang aking itim na sapatos.

“Yes, Mom. I can run now,” I joke.

Natawa naman si Mama at tsaka ako mabilis na hinagkan. “Hay, dalaga na ang baby ko. Sa susunod ay mag-aasawa ka na.”

“Mom. I haven’t turned eighteen yet. Anong mag-aasawa,”

“I’m just kidding, darling!” aniya. “I know that you love him.”

“Mom!” I shouted because I was caught off-guard.

Mom winces at me. “Come on, darling. You can’t lie at your mom.”

I blushed and hid it by bowing my head. “Mom…”

“It’s okay, darling. There’s nothing wrong with what you are feeling. That’s a free feeling. And everyone can feel it. Kahit maliit na bata ay nakakaramdam ng ganiyan,” masuyo niyang sabi habang hinahaplos ang aking buhok. “I know that you truly love him, darling. But, if you can, please always expect the worst than the best. So, when worst come, you won’t get hurt too much,”

“Hindi ko naiintindihan, Mom,” totong sabi ko.

Masuyong ngumiti naman sa akin. “That feeling is the strongest one. Because it let us feel the best and the worst,” she explained. “At kadalasan, kapag nagmamahal ka, nasasaktan ka ng sobra. I am proud to know that you love someone true. But I’m scared that you’ll get hurt too much.”

“Do you think, Leo will hurt me?” hindi ko naiwasang maitanong.

“Leo is a good person. He is kind,” Mom started. “Pero lahat ng tao ay nakakasakit. Sinadya man o hindi. Because no one is perfect, darling. Always remember that. No one is perfect. At kung sakaling darating man ang araw na masasaktan, sana ay piliin mong manatiling mapagkumbaba ng hindi ka makapanakit pabalik kahit hindi mo pa ito sadya,”

“I get your point, Mom. At makaka-asa kang palagi kong tatandaan iyan,”

But I think, when you get hurt, you can’t control your emotion, your heart, and your mind.

Isang mahaba at malalim na buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko matapos makita ang mukha ni Irene at ng kaniyang mga kaibigan. Naglalakad lang naman kami ni Tin pabalik na sana sa pasilyo ng aming classroom ng bigla na lamang kaming kaladkarin ng mga kaibigan ni Irene. Akala ko noon ay tuluyan na siyang huminto ng dalawang linggo rin niya akong hindi ginalaw. Pero nagkamali ako. Dahil mukhang nagpahinga lamang siya.

Just like the old times, Irene once again warned me to stay from Leo. And every time I ask her why I have to follow her; she just clenches her jaw and tells me that it’s because she said so. But I know better. I know where I stand her words aren’t the ones I need to follow. She doesn’t hold my decision and she doesn’t hold my life.

I just listen to her as she talks and when she’s done, that’s when I only ourselves. But instead of letting us leave, she blocks our way, held me at my wrist, and looks at me with her signature black stare. Kaya ko siyang patulan. Kaya ko siyang labana. Pero mas pinili kong manahimik at huwag na lang pumatol pa. If she bullies me, I won’t bully her back. Because bullying is never good.

“You listen carefully, alright?” aniya. “Kung hindi ka nakikinig ka sa sinasabi kong layuan mo si Leo, then makinig ka sa sasabihin ko ngayon.”

“Sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mong sabihin, Irene. I have more important things to do,” mahinahon kong sabi kaya muling tumalim ang kaniyang titig.

“Leo never likes you,” aniya na ikinagulat ko pero hindi ko ipinahalata. “He’s just being nice because you are the granddaughter of his grandma. Mabait lang siya sa’yo. Pero hindi ka niya gusto. Huwag mong isipin na espesyal ka dahil sa mga ginagawa niya. Natural lang niyang gawain iyon. He’s just being nice to those he looks up as his younger sister,”

I couldn’t contain to hold my madness that’s why I only clench my jaw. I am on the verge on speaking back to her, but I held my temper. Hindi ako papatol sa kaniya. Hindi ko ibibigay ang gusto niya. I won’t exhaust myself just to satisfy her. She’s just doing this because she found thrilling. Siguro ay sa dami ng kaniyang inaway, ako lamang iyong nananatiling mahaba ang pasensya. I’m just a thrill to her. So, I won’t satisfy her by fighting back.

But the truth? Her words were sinking deep to mine. Sa lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin, ang bagay na ito lamang ang nakakapasok sa utak ko na unti-unting sinisira ang pasensya ko. Malalim na hininga ang pilit kong ginagawang pampakalma sa bawat katagang sinasabi niya. Kung paano niyang nalalaman ang lahat ng aktibidad namin ni Leo ay hindi ko alam. Totoo bang sinasabi ni Leo sa kaniya ang lahat? Or she’s just spying us all these times?

“I told him na baka iba na ang nagiging pakahulugan mo sa aksiyon niya ngunit ang sabi niya ay hindi niya alam kung paanong hihinto dahil ayaw niyang magsumbong ka sa iyong lola at tsaka makarating ang sumbong na iyon sa kaniyang lola. He’s just sticking around you because of his grandma. Because he doesn’t want her to get mad,” aniya ay ngumisi. “Leo doesn’t like you, Sierra. So, stop dreaming. At matuto ka na lamang dumistansya ng kusa.”

Before a lone tear could fall, I quickly pull back my hand, held Tin’s wrist, and left the fire exit corned. I don’t know. I don’t why I shed a tear because of her words. Those words weren’t true. I know Leo and everything is true. Irene is just lying just to discard me away from the photo. This is all she wants—to ruin Leo in my mind. And I shouldn’t let her win.

But…but why does everything she said feel true?

Mabilis akong niyakap ni Tin matapos i-lock ang pinto ng silid na basta-basta na lamang naming pinasok. Wala namang maingay kaya naman ay sigurado akong walang ibang tao sa silid. Kaya naman ay hindi ko na pinigilan pang umiyak. And I don’t exactly know why I am crying. Kung para saan ang pag-iyak ko. At bakit…bakit ako umiiyak ngayon.

“Kausapin mo na lamang si Leo, Era. I know that what Irene said bothers you. Maski ako. Alam kong totoo ang pinapakita ni Leo at ginagawa niya sa’yo, pero paanong alam lahat ni Irene?’

“I don’t know, Tin,” sabay hikbi ko.

“I know. And to answer your questions, talk to Leo. If he admits that he’s telling everything to Irene, then it’s up to you to decide on what to do. But if he calls it all a bluff, then I think, it’s time to let Irene know where she stands,”

I don’t know what to believe. Alam kong maaaring walang katotohanan ang sinasabi ni Irene ngunit hindi ko na rin maiwasang maisip na baka totoo ang lahat. She is very confident as she talks earlier. Everything. She knows everything. Even about the necklace that Leo gives me, but I never wear. Not even once because I just want to keep and protect it.

Para hindi na mabagabag ang isipan ko ay nagpasya na akong kausapin si Leo sa bagay na iyon ngayong araw mismo. Mamayang pauwi ay ipapaalam ko ang lahat ng sinabi ni Irene. Aalamin ko kung totoo ba iyon o hindi. I want peace of mind. Lalo na ngayong mas lalong lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko para kay Leo.

“Irene told me that…” at tsaka ko na inilahad ang kwento.

“That’s not true,” mabilis niyang sabi matapos kong magkwento. “Walang katotohanan ang sinasabi niya.”

“Pero…pero paano niyang alam ang lahat ng iyon?”

He glances at me. “Hindi ko alam. I never said anything to her. She’s, my friend. But those are only belonging to you and me. That’s a private matter between you and me. Kahit pa kaibigan ko siya ay hindi ko kailangang sabihin sa kaniya ang lahat.”

“How about being nice to me?”

“I’m being nice because I want to. Walang nag-uutos o nag-pipilit. Lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa’yo ay kusa lahat.”

“How about your…your feelings toward me?”

Matapos ang tanong ko ay bigla siyang napahinto kaya naman ay napahinto rin ako. Dalawang hakbang ang pagitan naming dalawa at nakatalikod siya sa akin sapagka’t nauuna siyang maglakad. Napa-kagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at hindi maintindihan ang kabang nararamdaman. Tsaka umalingawngaw sa aking pandinig ang sinabi ni Mama that it’s better to expect for the worst.

Marahang lumingon si Leo sa akin. “Are you still doubting my feelings for you, Sierra?”

Mabilis akong napatingala sa kaniya. “N-No. I’m just asking. I just want to assure.”

“Why, Sierra? Hindi pa ba sapat lahat ng sinabi, ginawa at pinakita ko para sa assurance na gusto mo?”

“Leo…I’m just asking. Because I want to let myself believe that Irene is just lying.”

“You believe that Irene is just lying without doubting my true feelings for you,”

“I’m not doubting your feelings, Leo. Naninawala ako sa’yo!”

Mapakla siyang tumawa. “I’m going home,” aniya at mabilis ng naglakad patungo sa kalye na magdadala sa kaniya sa b****a ng bundok.

Isang patak ng luha ang bigla na lang tumulo habang pinapanood ko si Leo na naglalakad palayo sa akin. I pursed my lips to contain my sobs until I arrived at hom. Ngunit ng nasa sarili ko na akong kwarto ay sunod-sunod ng pumatak ang aking mag luha at ni isa ay hindi ko napigilan pa.

Nang sumunod na araw ay hindi ko nakasabay pumasok si Leo. Maging sa tanghalian ay si Tin ang kasabay ko. Sa uwian ay si Tin ulit. At naulit pa iyon sa mga sumunod na araw. Hanggang sa sumapit ang byernes ay ganoon pa rin ang sitwasyon namin. I miss him. And I am starting to regret that I let Irene poisoned my head. I miss him so much and I wanted to see him. He’s ignoring me because I never see him in the school. As if he’s really avoiding having a contact with me. Kaya naman ay nagpasya na akong sa weekend at aakyat ako ng bundok para puntahan siya at personal na makahingi ng tawad. But he suddenly shows up in front of me while I was in the cafeteria.

“I will wait for you tomorrow in the mountain’s arc at nine in the morning,” he whispers. “I’ll show what I truly feel for you,” he added and then he immediately left.

Para akong uod na binudburan ng asin dahil hindi ako mapakali. Ala singko pa lang ng umaga pero handang-handa na akong magtungo sa bundok at makita siya. Ano man ang sabihin niya ay paniniwalaan ko siya. Hindi ko na hahayaan pang dumihan ni Irene ang utak ko. I will also be going to admit my true feelings for him. Siguro ay may ideya na siya sa totoong nararamdaman ko pero aamin pa rin ako ngayon. At kapag ayos na kami ni Leo ay hinding-hindi ko na papansinin ang ano mang sasabihin ni Irene.

I know. I believe that Leo truly likes me and everything he did and said was honest and true. It’s Irene who’s lying.

I started to walk away in our house going to the mountain’s arc with light feeling, positive emotion and determination to fix this argument with Leo. Minutes later, I finally reach the mountain’s arc. Pero ganoon na lang ang bilis kong magtago sa isang katawan ng puno ng makita sa hindi kalayuan si Leo at si Irene na papalapit sa kaniya. Sa distansya ko sa kanila ay hindi ko marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila. Muli pang tumingin si Leo sa bukas ng bundok bago muling humarap kay Irene.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply and gather all my strengths to come out and show up. Ngunit nang sa huling beses na sumilip ako ay natulos ako sa aking kinatatayuan. Leo is already walking away from the arc while Irene is clinging in his arms. Nakatalikod silang pareho sa aking gawi. At tsaka sila biglang huminto.

Irene smiled, she tiptoed and close her eyes as she gets closer to Leo then my feet voluntarily move to run away from the place.

To run away from the pain.