Brilliant Lies

B-Lies (Twelve)

“You can try electroconvulsive therapy. It would take seven months to complete it. There are five sessions in all,” saad ng doctor. Nandito kami ngayon sa clinic ng doctor na ipina-schedule ng mommy ni Nate.

“How many percent guarantee that she would regain her memory?” Nate asked.

“I can’t tell but studies show that it would help regain memory of retrograde amnesia. And majority of patients regained their memory,” tugon ng doctor.

“Majority? Not all?” paniniguro ni Nate. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Pinisil naman niya ito. Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti ng tipid.

“Yeah, not all. Others have disrupted memories while there are cases when patients don’t recover at all,” tugon nito.

“Are there side effects?” tanong ulit ni Nate. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa usapan nila. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin.

Persisting memory loss for information acquired only a few days before treatment can occur.” Napahinga nang malalim si Nate sa narinig. Ibig sabihin maaaring bumalik ang ala-ala ko pero makakalimutan ang kung anuman ang nangyayari ngayon?

“Are there other options?” Nate asked again. Nanatili lang akong tahimik.

“I’m afraid there’s none but there are cases when spontaneous memory recall happen,” positibong saad ng doctor. I looked at Nate. Nag-iisip ito ng malalim. Dumaan ang katahimikan.

“Thanks doctor. We’ll inform you if we’ve already decided if she’ll undergo the therapy,” saad niya at tumayo na.

“My pleasure!” saad naman ng doctor at nakipagkamay na.

Tahimik lang siya habang pabalik sa sasakyan. I know he is thinking deeply.

“Nate!” untag ko. Naka-concentrate siya sa pagdadrive.

“You won’t take the therapy,” seryoso niyang saad.

“You don’t want me to get healed??” I asked and looked at him in disbelief. He sighed.

“Hindi naman sa gano’n,” tugon niya. Huminga siya ng malalim. “You can’t stay here for seven months. Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa company mo kung wala ang CEO nila?” he said without throwing a glance at me.

“Mas importante pa sa’yo ang kompanya kesa sa paggaling ko?” I mumbled. Bigla naman siyang napahinto. Itinigil niya sa gilid ang sasakyan. “Di ba sabi mo pumunta tayo dito para malaman kung may paraan na gumaling ako? Ngayong meron na, ayaw mo naman,” dugtong ko. I heard him drew a deep breath.

“Didn’t you hear what the doctor said? It’s not a guarantee na babalik ang memory mo,” tugon nito nang may halong pagkainis at desperasyon.

“But there’s a chance na bumalik ang memory ko,” depensa ko. Tumitig siya sa akin. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko ayaw niyang bumalik ang alaala ko. May ginawa ba siya noon na hindi maganda at takot siyang maalala ko?

“Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Ang hirap gumising araw-araw na parang estranghero ka lagi. Hindi mo alam kung ‘yong taong kaharap mo ay kakilala mo. Lagi akong nangangapa, nakikiramdam sa lahat.” My tears rolled down. Kinabig naman niya ako at niyakap.

“I don’t want to take the risk. Paano kung may ibang epekto ang therapy? It’s electroconvulsive and it’s not yet fully recognized. I believe, it’s kindda experimental in nature,” he said calmly while caressing my hair. I tried to restraint myself from crying. He cupped my face. Ipinaharap niya ako sa kanya. He stared at me for a moment.

“Let’s just hope na babalik ang memory mo in no time. Pag hindi naman bumalik, then we will make better memories than the ones you can’t remember,” saad niya. He kissed me on the forehead and hugged me tighter. Yumakap na lang din ako. We stayed tucked in each other’s arms for a moment bago niya itinuloy ang pagda-drive.