After My Death Tomorrow

Episode 10

It still happened.

The video scandal episode still happened.

And it was brought by me . . . again.

Fucking again.

Kung hindi sana ako nagpakain sa inis kagabi, I would've have stopped Vaeden. I would've made him realize everything.

Everything.

Everything now is a painful would've been.

Kailan ba ako magtatagumpay sa misyong ito?

O dapat ko bang itanong na magtatagumpay pa ba ako dito kung mismong tadhana na ang gumagalaw para mabigo ako?

Am I destined to fail this mission?

Does Marco still fated to die even if I try all of my hardest?

I shook my head as tears started to form a small dot on my eyes. No. It can never happen. Not on my universe. Nor on my lifetime. Never on my watch.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang may tumigil na kotse sa harap ko. Ngayon kasi ay nandito ako sa waiting shed malapit sa school namin. Naghihintay kay Marco. Kasi ewan ko. Out of guilt? I really don't know. I just found myself here. Sitting. Waiting for him for a reason that I can't decipher.

Bumukas ang bintana noong kotse. Sa kulay pa lang nito ay kilala ko na kung sino ang nasa loob noon. It's Magne. My best friend.

"Margot!" She is smiling with all of her perfect teeth. Ang kanyang buhok ay, as usual, ayos na ayos na aakalain mong may photo shoot siyang pupuntahan. Habang ang make-up naman sa kanyang mukha ay sakto lang. Well, hindi na naman niya kailangan iyon, maganda na naman talaga siya kahit wala pa iyon.

I wave at her. Smiling genuinely. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanya at sa kanyang driver na naka-close ko na rin dahil sa hindi mabilang na pag-gala namin ng kaibigan ko.

"Sinong hinihintay mo diyan?" Came by her loud voice. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napakalakas ng boses ng babaeng ito. Para bang nakalunok siya ng megaphone.

"Ah," I am trying to find my way out of the question. I resorted with, "Mom. May nakalimutan kasi ako sa bahay."

"Ano naman 'yon?" She squinted her eyes. Patay. Kilalang kilala ako ng babaeng ito. Alam niya kapag nagsisinungaling ako.

"Books." I roll my eyes. Hoping for her to freaking just believe me. Nauubusan na ako ng confidence para magsinungaling! "Physics. You know? Ma'amshie's rule? Alam mo namang may bawas sa grade kapag hindi natin iyon nadala."

"Really?!" She gasped.

I pokerface. As far as I know, araw-araw iyong pinapaalala ni Ma'amshie sa amin.

"I forgot mine!" She continued to cover her mouth.

Napangiwi ako. This girl is a hopeless case. Daig pa ang matanda sa pagka-makakalimutin, eh. Pero kahit ganiyan iyan, she still has something to be proud of. She is a loud advocate for r**e victims. Katunayan niyan, siya iyong Presidente ng club na nangangalaga sa mga karapatan ng mga babae. Mostly and especially, those rights that deal with s****l harrassment.

"But, it's okay. Hindi naman ako kagaya mo na masiyadong obsessed sa grades." Tumawa siya nang malala. Gusto ko siyang lapitan at sakalin. Gagang 'to.

I rolled my eyes for the second time. "Sige na. Umalis ka na at naririndi lang ako sa boses mo." I joked.

"Whatever," she laughed with her wide mouth before she directed her driver to go on.

Noong makaalis na ang best friend ko ay naiwan na naman akong mag-isa dito sa waiting shed. With nothing but my unreasonable act of waiting for Marco.

Nagpalinga-linga ako. In-enjoy na lang ang panonood sa mga dumadaang sasakyan. May mga oras pa ngang ini-imagine ko kung nakita ko na ba dati ang sasakyan na 'yon. Or what if, makasalamuha ko someday ang laman noon. What if I am fated to meet those people inside it? What if . . .

I stopped.

Marco.

I saw him.

Staring at the ground as he walks slowly.

His usual energy seems to leave him. Ni hindi niya nga ako napansin noong nadaanan niya ako.

Napalunok ako. I drag my feet towards him and chose to walk with him. Doon niya lang napansin na may Margot na nagmamasid sa kanya. Doon niya lang nalaman na may Margot pa palang nandiyan para hindi siya iwan. Para hindi siya pabayaan. Para sagipin siya laban sa kanyang tadhana.

"Margot." He coughed as he looks at me. Kitang-kita ang pagkawalang tulog sa lalim ng kanyang mga mata. But still, he still wore his smile that is hiding a million pain.

Nakarating na rin siguro sa kanya iyong private video niyang naka-post sa group ng school namin. The caption revealed his name. The comment section are too painful to read as it showed how rude and immature my schoolmates are. They are practically celebrating for that revelation. Saying that Marco is the second version of his father. That Marco will end up just like his father. Little did they know that if these events continue, we will all end up regretting as we watch his ending.

Later that night, that private video went viral. The whole Philippines saw Marco's private part. Some are disgusted but most are thrilled and are willing to molest him if chance may have given to them.

Toxic filipinos.

Kapag gwapo, pagnanasaan.

Kapag pangit, lalaitin.

"Sabay na tayo." I smile and I hope he saw a safe haven in me. I won't judge him for his private video because after all, that wasn't meant to go publicly. It was private for a reason. Reason that Vaeden failed to see because of his invalid anger towards him.

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. Pero patuloy pa rin ang kanyang pag-ngiti. "Is this real? The Fersiphina Margot Agassi, running with high honors, top 2 of our class, and an ace to all of the essay contests of our school, is trying to flirt with me?"

Napahampas ako sa kanyang braso. Natawa sa kanyang hindi inaasahang patutyada. "This ain't flirting, moron. I just happened to care for you." Rolling my eyes, I can't help but to smile.

He laughed. "Right." With a sense of . . . sadness?

Biglang naglaho ang aking ngiti.

Iniisip niya bang wala nang magkakagusto sa kanya after that public stunt of his private video?

Shit.

Yes.

That might be the reason.

Ilang segundo yata kaming tahimik lang. Iyong nakatayo lang habang pekeng nakangiti sa isa't isa. Iyong hindi alam ang gagawin. Iyong walang maisip na gawin.

"Let's go? Baka ma-late ka."

I blink and go back to myself. "Ako lang?"

He nods. Still smiling, now, playfully. "Wala namang tayo, eh."

Hindi inaasahang natawa ako. Wala talagang katapusan ang kalokohan ng isang 'to.

Noong makapasok na kami sa loob ng school, doon na nagsimula ang tunay na problema. He is walking ahead of me. Maybe, five feet away from me. Lumayo siya sa akin the moment na nakapasok na kami sa gate. And I don't like it. He should not isolate himself from me because I still see him as the Marco that I always knew. The Marco that is way far from what the world currently see him.

As we continue to walk, my schoolmates are whispering as they look at Marco. Their attention is with him. With a taste of insult and disgust, their eyes are making Marco belittle himself. Parang ako ang nanliliit sa kalagayan niya, eh. Sobra. Sobra na itong ginagawa nila sa kanya.

But, Marco stayed silent.

Kasi ano pa nga ba ang magagawa niya?

Na-post na.

Nakita na ng lahat.

Pinagpiyestahan na nila.

"Hi, Fafa Daks." Sabi noong haliparot na bakla. Siya iyong active advocate ng LGBT sa Grade 12. No one dares to deal with him because he's a b***h.

I stop my feet when I saw him walked towards us. No. Not towards us. Towards Marco. Then before I knew it, my eyes fully widened when he groped Marco's front without a warning. Nagtawanan ang lahat habang si Marco ay nanliliit na inaalis ang kamay noong bakla mula sa pagkakadakma sa kanyang harapan.

Right now, the painful view before eyes are flashing with me wanting to close my eyes. Wishing this is just a nightmare because this is too much for me to swallow.

Marco doesn't deserve this.

No one deserves this scenario.

Ngayon, mukhang nga demonyong nagtatawanan ang mga schoolmate ko sa aking mga mata. And that gay was the Satan.

From a person who firmly fight for gender equality, this is so idiotic of him. Ayaw niyang ma-discriminate just because he's situation is at advantage.

Pero ano itong ginagawa niya kay Marco ngayon?

He is discriminating Marco just because he is at his disadvantage.

He is using Marco's situation to be his advantage to have the upper hand. To grab ahold of the f*****g clout. To be superior with everyone. I am just glad that not all gays are like him.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. Balling my fist, I want to do something. I want to protect Marco. To save him from this misery. But how?

For the first time, I was afraid.

Ito siguro ang naranasan ng future self ko.

Ito siguro iyong naramdaman niya. Kaya wala siyang ginawa. Kaya tumahimik lang siya. Kaya nagpatuloy ang lahat sa dulo kung saan wala na si Marco.

No.

Hindi dapat magpatuloy ang lahat sa ganito.

Hindi maaring magpatuloy ang lahat sa ganito lang.

I began to walk towards that b***h. Ready to start a war with him. Careless of what's bound to happen after this because right now, I have nothing to lose but my regret for Marco's fated death. Pero bago ko pa siya mapigilan ay napahinto ako noong marinig ang bell.

Ang lahat ay natigilan. Tila walang nangyaring bumalik sa kanya-kanyang classroom. Iniwan si Marco na nakatayo sa harap ko. Nanginginig. Nanliliit. At ako? Naiiyak sa nakikita ko mula sa kanya.

Lumapit ako sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang alalayan. For a moment, I want to hug him. But he flinched after my touch. Tila bang na-trauma siya sa nangyari kanina. And I can't blame him. That was the worse.

Dire-diretso siyang naglakad papunta sa aming classroom. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sundan na lang siya.

Noong makapasok na kami sa classroom ay hindi inalis ng mga kaklase ko ang mapanuyang tingin kay Marco. Rude whipers can be heard everywhere. And I want to beat the worst out of them.

* * *

Lunch time.

Things really changed.

Nandito ako ngayon sa canteen. Si Magne kasi ay busy sa kanyang club kaya ako lang mag-isa ang kakain. Well, I am used to being alone. Gusto ko nga ito, kung tutuusin. Me time is one of my favorite things on Earth.

Agad akong napatingin kay Marco. Siya ang unang nakuha ng mga mata ko pagkatapos na pagkatapos kong makapasok dito sa loob.

Kung dati ay hindi magkamayaw ang gustong sumabay sa kanya, ngayon ay nilalayuan na siya ng mga tao. Para bang may nakakahawa siyang sakit. Tila bang nakakadiri siya. Iyong tipong ni tingin ay hindi nila magawa sa kanya.

Sobrang naaawa ako sa kanya.

Ang sakit niyang tignang kumain mag-isa.

Teka nga, nasaan ba si President Ben 10? Siya ang laging kasabay ni Marco, eh.

Ay . . .

Absent nga pala siya today.

I just heave a deep sigh and chose to deal with Marco at the moment. I was about to walk towards him when I was halted by a familiar physique. Tumayo siya sa harap ni Marco. His back is facing me.

I swallowed as I blink.

It's . . . Vaeden.