ANG PROBINSIYANANG SI SNOW (ON-HOLD)

KABANATA 2

SNOW

I WAS awakened by the sounds of commotion. Kaya dali-dali akong nag-ayos sa sarili, doing my usual routine—brushing my hair, washing my face, and putting on some comfortable clothes. Bumaba ako sa grand staircase ng bahay namin, expecting to see the usual quiet morning scene, pero sa sobrang gulat ko, there were so many people gathered in the living room. My parents, my relatives, and a few unfamiliar faces were all there.

My heart skipped a beat, "Oh my gosh!" I whispered to myself. Kaya pala hindi sila pumunta sa graduation ko. Now it made sense—they were planning to surprise me, gaya ng sabi ni Tita Hanna na pupunta sila dito bukas. Napangiti ako nang napakalaki, and without thinking, I rushed toward my parents. Tinakbo ko ang distansya between us, and as soon as I reached them, I wrapped them both in a tight hug.

"Mom, Dad! I’m so happy you’re here! I thought you forgot my graduation day!" I said, my voice filled with excitement, while holding them tighter. I couldn’t believe it. The disappointment I felt yesterday, thinking they missed one of the most important days of my life, melted away instantly. But something felt off...

I loosened my hug, noticing something strange. Hindi nila ako niyayakap pabalik.

I blinked and slowly looked up to see their faces. Ang saya-saya ko kanina, but my joy slowly faded as I noticed the blank, emotionless look on their faces. They were not even looking at me. Instead, they stared somewhere else in the room, like I wasn’t even there, like I was invisible. Confusion swirled in my chest.

"Mom?" I called out, my voice shaking a little, but she didn’t respond. That’s when I noticed the police officers scattered around the house. I turned my head to look around and saw my titos and titas. Their faces were somber, halos umiiyak na ang iba. My Tita Hanna, who was quite close to me, was already in tears. I followed her gaze, curious and uneasy.

“Mom, what’s going on? Why are there police here?” I asked, my voice growing louder. I scanned the room anxiously and then my eyes landed on something—or someone—lying on the floor. A woman. She was wearing a university toga, with medals hanging around her neck. But there was something wrong, terribly wrong—she was lying motionless, lifeless. Blood had pooled around her.

My heart stopped. My knees went weak. That face—my face.

It was me.

The tears I had been holding back started to fall uncontrollably. Now everything made sense. That explains it—kanina pa ako nagtaka. Every time I touched something this morning, it felt different. Tumagos ang mga kamay ko sa bawat bagay na hinahawakan ko, and when I hugged my parents, they didn’t feel me. They couldn’t feel me.

I was dead.

I turned away from the crowd, unable to look at them any longer. My knees gave in, and I collapsed onto the soft, carpeted floor. I sobbed uncontrollably, my cries mingling with the mournful sounds of my relatives’ weeping.

I glanced over at my parents again. They stood there, still, as if nothing had happened. Wala man lang akong makitang kahit kunting lungkot sa kanilang mga mukha. No emotion. No tears. Was this how much they didn’t care for me? Ganito na ba nila ako kaayaw, na kahit patay na ako, hindi nila ako kayang ipakita man lang na mahal nila ako?

Yes. It was me lying there, cold and dead, at the young age of 20. Kahapon lang, it was the happiest day of my life—my graduation day. But today, I was gone. Just like that. What a life. I was unlucky, I guess.

Slowly, I stood up, though my body felt weak and heavy. I didn’t want to be there anymore. Walang lingon-lingon, I walked out of the house. My legs carried me instinctively to our garden, my mind too overwhelmed to process what was happening. Our garden was one of the most beautiful places in our home, filled with vibrant, blooming flowers of different colors and varieties. It used to bring me peace. But not today.

I stared at the flowers, at how they bloomed so beautifully despite everything. Napakaganda ng buhay ko. If only my parents had loved me. I lived like a princess, with all the luxuries in life. Everything was handed to me. But no matter what I did, they never showed me love. All I ever wanted was for them to love me, to notice me.

I was a good daughter. I did everything they wanted. I excelled in school. I followed all the rules. But in the end, ito pa rin ang nangyari. My tears continued to fall as I sat on the grass, hugging my knees close to my chest. What did I do wrong?

Hours passed, but I stayed in the garden, lost in my thoughts. And I was confused—why was I still here? Shouldn't I be in heaven by now? Don't tell me, pati si God ayaw akong tanggapin sa langit? Was I that unlucky, that even heaven rejected me?

I let out a deep sigh and decided to leave the garden. I walked through the back gate, the same gate I used to sneak out of whenever I wanted to escape the suffocating control of my parents. Noong bata pa ako, sobrang higpit nila sa akin. I was their only child, and they treated me like a delicate doll, never allowing me to go anywhere without supervision.

For days, I wandered aimlessly, walking through the streets. I had no destination in mind, no idea where to go. Minsan may nakakasalubong ako, pero tumatagos lang sila sa akin, as if I didn’t exist. I ignored it. Pero ang labis kong ipinagtataka, bakit hindi ko matandaan kung paano ako namatay? I was sure I just went to sleep last night. Did I commit suicide? But I wasn’t sure. And when I saw my body earlier, there was blood. Lots of blood.

I sighed again. What’s the point? Even if I found out how I died, would it bring me back to life? And if I did come back, it wouldn’t matter anyway. My parents didn’t love me. They never did.

ONE DAY, while wandering near a small, secluded waterfall, I heard a couple’s voices echoing through the trees. Napangiti ako as I watched them from a distance.

"Hon, dali dito ka!" I smiled while watching the couple who had been swimming near the falls for a while. The place was so beautiful—everything was refreshing. Mula sa berdeng tubig na napakalinis at linaw, to the point na kahit lagyan mo ng karayom, makikita't makikita mo pa rin ito. What makes this falls even more beautiful is how the water flows into a circular part of the river, para siyang natural swimming pool. Tapos, ang ibang tubig ay dumadaloy na sa ibang parte ng ilog.

"Hahaha" the woman laughed hard when her husband lifted her in a bridal style, tapos bigla silang nagpa-ikot-ikot. I couldn’t help but laugh with them. Grabe, they looked so happy. Based on their looks, masasabi kong nasa early 30s sila, at halata ang lahing banyaga. The woman looked like she was half-Arabian, while her husband seemed to be Fil-Am (Filipino-American). Kahit medyo may edad na, hindi maipagkakaila ang taglay nilang kagandahan at kagwapuhan.

After they finished swimming and got dressed, they left the area, but I stayed behind. Pinagmamasdan ang tubig at bigla kong nakita ang kumikislap na bagay—parang kwentas. Nilangoy ko ito at sinisid sa ilalim ng tubig, and tama nga ako, kwentas nga! Kinuha ko ito at pinagmasdan—it’s beautiful! Umupo ulit ako sa bato na kanina ko pa inuupuan.

"Hon, I'm sure dito ko siya naiwala" narinig kong sabi ng babae. Oh no, don’t tell me kanila itong kwentas. Kahit labag sa loob ko, nilagay ko ito sa tabi ng pwesto ko. Nakakapanghinayang! Ang ganda pa naman ng kwentas! They kept looking for the necklace hanggang sa mapadako ang tingin ng babae sa akin. She smiled, at bigla akong kinabahan. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napaawang ang mga labi—don’t tell me nakita niya ako?

"Hon, ayon sa may bato!" Sigh of relief. Akala ko nakita niya ako. Pero may na realized ako bakit hindi tumagos sa mga kamay ko yong necklace?

"Thank God, we found it! Tara na, hon, umuwi na tayo" sabi ng babae.

"Sure" he replied, then kissed her on the forehead. Magkahawak kamay silang naglakad. Out of curiosity, sinundan ko sila. Natuwa ako sa aking nakita—a wide rice field. On the right side, may mga palay, while on the left side, mais. This place was so refreshing! Ang sarap sigurong manirahan dito. And what made it even more beautiful was the view of the sunset. Papalubog na ang araw, kaya tanaw na tanaw ang golden light.

Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti habang sinusundan sila. They eventually stopped at a small, old house—parang bahay kubo. It reminded me of our garden noong hindi pa ako patay. It was the only house in the area, malayo sa kalsada at mga kapitbahay.

I stayed with the couple for a few days, and nalaman ko na matagal na pala nilang gustong magkaroon ng anak. Ilang taon na silang mag-asawa, pero wala pa rin silang anak. Ang unfair, kung sino pa ‘yung gusto ng anak, sila pa ang hindi binibiyayaan, samantalang yung ayaw, sila pa ang nagkakaroon.

One time, nakita ko ang babae na umiiyak, and it broke my heart. That’s when I decided to leave. Natatakot akong mapamahal sa kanila, kasi paano kung bigla na lang akong maglaho? I was just a wandering soul, in the end, masasaktan lang ako.

Ngayon, aalis na ako sa lugar na ito. For the last time, pinagmasdan ko sila. The woman was happily eating, while the man was watching her lovingly. Kitang-kita sa mga mata niya ang pagmamahal sa asawa niya.Tumalikod na ako at naglakad paalis, pero nakarinig ako ng sigaw.

"Hon! Gising!" Oh no, anong nangyari? Dali-dali akong pumasok sa maliit nilang bahay. The woman was lying on the bed, namumutla. Her husband didn’t know what to do or how to help her. Two hours passed, at nagising ang babae. She quickly ran to the kitchen. Nakita ko siyang nagsusuka. Wala ang asawa niya nasa palengke. Pagdating ng asawa niya, he bought medicine.

"Hon, ok ka lang ba? Saan ang masakit sa'yo?" tanong niya habang inalalayan ang asawa niya pabalik sa kama.

"Nahihilo ako, at masakit ang ulo ko" she said weakly.

"Ganon ba? Hindi ka ba nagugutom? Kumain ka muna para makainom ka ng gamot."

"Gusto kong kumain ng pinya" she said, and her husband was caught off guard.

"Sige, pupunta ako ng palengke ulit at bibili" he replied.

"No, I want the pineapple we planted" she insisted. What?! Hindi pwede! Ang kawawa kong pinya, inalagaan ko ‘yon!

"Huh? Sure ka, hon? Hindi pa hinog yun" sabi ng lalaki, medyo nag-aalangan.

"Oo, please, gustong-gusto ko" she exaggerated. Napasimangot ako. Oo, she planted it, pero kasama niya ako noong time na ‘yon. Ako ang nagbantay sa pinya.

I watched her husband as he picked the pineapple, and mas lalo akong napasimangot. Tumingin ulit ako sa babae, and the sadness I felt started to fade when I saw her smile. Napangiti na rin ako. But then, something terrifying happened. Biglang humangin nang malakas, and I felt like I was being pulled away. Lumutang ako sa ere, and nakita kong unti-unti nang naglalaho ang katawan ko. Then everything turned dark, wala na akong maalala or makita. Just darkness.