Shattered Lanes

Embarassed

[Eve's POV]

Unti-unting nag-init ang buong mukha ko. Binalot ako ng hiya lalo pa nung maalala ko ang ekspresyon ko kanina habang naglalaro.

"I-ikaw lang nakakita?" Dinig na dinig ko ang malakas na pagbayo ng puso ko habang hinihintay ang sagot niya.

Hindi siya sumagot pero base sa mga mata niya na nagpapakita ng pagkamangha at tuwa ay alam ko na. Tinalikuran ko siya at tinakpan ang mukha ko gamit ang aking mga palad.

Nakakahiya! I was even lip-biting while waiting for the pins to drop. Panay din ang talon ko kanina na parang bata. Here I thought I was actually alone!

"You don't need to be embarass."

"Why shouldn't I? You might think I'm a child."

"Well... you are. You're still seventeen afterall." Walang himig ng panunukso ang kanyang boses. I looked at him through the tiny spaces between my fingers.

Nakapamulsa siya at seryoso akong pinagmamasdan. "Please, stop." I plead.

"What?"

"Stop staring," suway ko na nanginginig ang boses.

"You're seventeen and you acted like a child while playing... so what? That's who you are, no one gives a damn. Now, show me your face."

Binaba ko ang aking mga kamay pero mabilis akong yumuko para hindi magtama ang mga mata naming dalawan. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng mukha't leeg ko.

"Naiinis ako sa pagiging mahiyain mo, Eve. It's killing my patience. Why can't you just take the f*****g ball and play the way you want to?!" I was startled and my heart jumped when he cussed at me. Napahigpit din ang hawak ko sa edge ng bench dahil sa pagtaas ng boses niya.

He keeps tapping his right foot impatiently and I badly want to do what he orders me. Gusto ko ring tumayo, maglaro, at magkunwaring wala akong pakealam sa kung anong iniisip ng iba.

"Tss... is it that hard?!" Sir Caleb's voice echoed in anger.

I noticed from my peripheral vision that most employees stopped from what they were doing.

My teeth began to quiver in fear and anxiety starts to take over. Humina nang bahagya ang aking pandinig at naging mabigat na rin ang paghinga ko.

"We can't stay like this all day, Eve!" He still keeps on yelling at me. "And what's with that smell? Did you even shower?!"

"Please, Sir." I begged with trembling voice. "You're embarrassing me," sabi ko sa mahinang boses habang nakatitig sa sahig.

Tears started to pool in my eyes and the floor started to get wet. My fingers are trembling unstoppably, the devil inside me is screaming, telling me to run pero wala akong lakas. Ang magagawa ko na lang ay mabulok sa kinauupuan ko dahil sa pagkapahiya.

"Sir, can I please talk to you for a minute?" Lumapit sa amin si Sir Elcid at pumagitna sa aming dalawa.

Hindi sumagot si Sir Caleb pero tumalikod na ito at nagsimulang maglakad papalayo kasama si Sir Elcid.

Unti-unti ay inangat ko ang namumula kong mga mata at nakitang lumabas sila ng bowling alley.

Nanginginig man ang kalamnan at mga tuhod ay nagawa ko pa ring tumayo para kunin ang mga gamit ko.

I found myself running away from the Lighthouse passing through Sir Elcid and Sir Caleb who are talking in the parking lot. I heard multiple car brakes and honks as I crossed the street.

I was palpitating, almost dying from the exhaustion, embarassment, and anxiety. All at once.

Bowling used to help me heal from the things that keeps giving me scars. It used to be my key to escape reality but what happened today... made me feel scared and terrified to play, to enter a bowling alley ever again.

.

"Ikaw diyan, Eve? Kamusta ang first five days ng semestral break?" Pilit akong ngumiti habang mahigpit na niyayakap ang unan ko.

I cleared my throat. "I'm working sa company, part-time." Tipid na sagot ko sa mahinang boses.

"That's great!" Pierce replied enthusiastically. "By the way, napag-usapan namin ni Ron na pumunta sa sports fest bukas kasama ang barkada. You have work, we understand if hindi ka–"

"No, no! Free ako bukas." Pag-agap ko.

"Great, then! Kompleto na tayo!"

My call with Pierce eventually ended. Napatangla ako sa kisame nang nakapatong ang braso ko sa noo.

Pierce's invitation is just perfect. Ayoko nang pumunta ng Lighthouse... mukhang hindi na rin ako maglalaro. I need to unwind... it's not like I have somewhere else to go. Parang sinasakal din ako rito sa bahay dahil sa pang-iinsulto ng mga kapatid ko.

Tamad akong napabangon nang tumunog muli ang phone ko. I sighed when Ron's name flashed on the screen.

"Ba't napatawag–"

"Sabay na tayo bukas!" Mariin akong napapikit at napahilot sa sentido ko dahil sa tinis ng pambungad ni Ron.

"Sige, sige." I impatiently replied, wanting to end the call so badly.

"How are you there, Cordeliyaa?"

"I'm fine!"

"Wala kang pinagkakaabalahan ngayong sem-break?"

"Just working part-time in my Dad's office. Any questions?" Napamulat ako nang hindi siya sumagot. Humiga ako pabalik sa kama habang naghihintay pa rin na magsalita siya.

"We'll spend an entire day at the Miraya Sports Complex tomorrow. I know you're tired.. more like burnt out. Kaya maayos iyun para naman makapagpahinga ka." Huminga siya nang malalim bago pinagpatuloy ang pagsasalita.

"Among the three of you, you're the only one who doesn't talk too much. Kaya minsan hindi ko alam kung ang sagot mong 'I'm Fine' sa tuwing kinakamusta kita ay totoo o hindi. Hindi mo man sabihin o ikwento... I know you're going through a lot." Mariin kong kinagat ang dulo ng unan ko para pigilan ang sarili sa pagsinghot kahit na nag-uunahan na sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko.

"Ako palaging sumusundo diyan sayo, Eve. I know that I'm playful most of the time but I have keen observation too and based on what I've witnessed in your household, I know things are not going easy in your life." Ron said with sympathy. Just with those words, hindi ko pa nakukwento sa kanya ang mga pinagdadaanan ko ay naiintindihan na niya ako.

Without having to say anything, I feel understood. Parang piniga ang puso ko sa mga katagang binitawan niya. His voice also sounded so sincere, like an angel sent from above to make me feel that I'm not alone... that I was never alone.

"You like to smile all the time even though I'm sure you're struggling inside. If you choose to pretend and hide the pain, it's fine, Eve. It's truly fine. Just know that if pretending is not working out anymore, you can lean on me... on us, 'cause a friend's problem is never a burden."