Ms. Stand-In's Revenge

Mind Play I

HINDI malaman ni Alana kung paanong bigla na lang siyang nasa loob ng kwarto ng kanyang tiyuhin. Parang kanina ay nasa labas lang siya ng kwarto ng kanyang mga magulang habang inaalo ni Gavin pero heto nga siya ngayon at namalayan na lang niya ang sarili sa loob ng isang kwartong hindi sa kanya pamilyar.

The moment that Alana realized her current location, she was both stunned and amazed. Mula sa unang buhay niya hanggang ngayong pangalawang buhay na niya ay iyon ang unang beses na nakapasok siya sa kwartong ito. She might be spoiled by Gavin, but Alana knew her own limit so she never had been inside the room of her little uncle.

Pero hindi naman niya inasahan na ang unang beses na makapapasok siya sa loob ng kwarto ng tiyuhin ay ngayon din mismo. Ni sa alaala niya sa unang buhay niya ay hindi nangyari ang ganitong pagkakataon kaya naman magkahalong pagkagulat at pagkamangha ang naramdaman ni Alana pagka-realize niya na nasa kwarto nga siya ng tiyuhin.

Alana took this chance to look around the room. Katulad nang inaasahan niya ay masyadong malinis nga at minimalist lang ang disenyo ng kwarto. Ni walang kaarte-arte sa loob. It was very plain, as the only color you could spot in the room was black and white. Pero hindi naman masabi ni Alana na hindi maganda ang istilo noon.

Actually, Alana preferred simple things. Iba kasi ang dating sa kanya kapag simple lang. And to her, she didn’t want complicated things and the more those things were made extravagantly or more than simple and ordinary, the more they became complicated to her.

“Have a seat, Mi Cara.”

Natauhan si Alana nang marinig niyang muli ang boses ni Gavin. Mabilis siyang napaayos ng tayo bago naglakad papuntang kama kung saan ang tanging lugar na maaari siyang maupo.

Dahil siguro sa minsan na lang tumira kasama nila si Gavin, ay wala din namang dahilan para maghanda ng upuan sa loob ng kwarto niya. Isa pa’y katulad nang iyon pa lang ang unang beses na nakapasok si Alana sa kwarto ni Gavin, wala din siyang maalala na nakapasok sa kwartong iyon.

Dahil nga sa hindi na doon nakatira si Gavin at sa tuwing nasa mansyon naman siya ay sa office ng kanyang ama nag-uusap ang dalawa.

Thinking that she might be the first person to enter the room since Gavin lives separately gives Alana a little pleasure that she quickly ignores as she takes a seat on the edge of the big, soft bed.

“A-ahm…U-uncle Gavin, do you have something to tell me?” tanong ni Alana.

Hindi niya yata kakayanin ang manatili sa loob ng kwarto kasama si Gavin na puno ng katahimikan. It would really be awkward.

“It should be you who is supposed to tell me something, right, Mi Cara?” balik tanong sa kanya ni Gavin.

Nagtatakang napatingin lang si Alana sa tiyuhin. “Am I?”

“You see, I am really curious why your infatuation was transferred to me. After all, you have been liking that Kaede Esguerra for almost ten years now, am I right? It’s not that easy for you to fool me with your sweet nothings, Mi Cara.”

Sa sinabing iyon ni Gavin ay nanlaki ang mga mata ni Alana. Agad siyang dinaluhan ng hiya, kaba, at takot na baka ma-misinterpret siya ni Gavin at magalit sa kanya.

Nahihiya siya dahil maliban sa kahihiyang mahuli siya sa ginawa niya, nahiya din siya dahil nga sa may alam din pala si Gavin sa kabaliwan niya kay Kaede. At the same time, she’s also afraid and nervous about the consequences of her foolish act.

Natatakot siya at kinakabahan na baka imbes na magdulot ng kabutihan ang ginawa niyang katangahan ay masira lang lalo ang pamilyang gusto niyang pakaingatan.

But Alana couldn’t think of a better excuse that would make her uncle believe or at least let her go from lying.

Kung hindi lang dahil sa lugar ay baka kinastigo na ni Alana ang sarili. Bakit nga naman naisipan niyang pagsinungalingan ang tiyuhin niya. She already knew about his real identity. At hindi man niya nalaman ang tungkol doon pero nasisiguro ni Alana na hindi mararating ni Gavin ang ganoong posisyon kung ganitong mabilis nga siyang mauto at mapaniwala.

Sa ngayon ay wala nang pakialam si Alana kung magalit sa kanya si Gavin. What’s important to her now is to make sure that she cleared everything for him.

“I-I’m not trying to fool you, Uncle Gavin! W-well, maybe I was planning to use you, b-but I don’t plan on fooling you! Although, is there any difference among the two?” parang tangang tanong ni Alana sa sarili.

Sa sobrang taranta niyang makapagpaliwanag bago tuluyang magalit sa kanya si Gavin ay kung anu-ano na rin ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

When she realized that, she quickly calmed herself. Lalo lang gugulo kung mananatili siyang taranta habang nagpapaliwanag. Baka kung ano pang masabi niya na mas magpapalala lang ng sitwasyon.

“I’m sorry, Uncle Gavin. I’ll be honest, I promise. But please hear everything first before you get mad, okay?”

Pinagtaasan naman siya ni Gavin ng kilay. “So you are sure that I will be mad at what you are going to say?”

“Y-yes, but I want Uncle Gavin not to get mad. Alam kung imposibleng hindi ka magalit, but please let me explain everything, okay? Uncle Gavin? You have to promise me first.”

Imbes na mangako ay tinitigan lang ni Gavin ang pamangkin na naluluha na at halos magmakaawa na ang mga matang nakatingin sa kanya.

If one would just stare at him, they could see that his eyes had a glint of something intense and dangerous. Masyadong mabilis nga lang iyon na parang isang kisap-mata lang ay bumalik sa dati at parang walang nangyari.

"Fine, I promise.”

Hindi naman nakatagal ang ngiti ni Alana sa mukha dahil kaagad siyang nag-isip kung paano niya iyon ilulusot.

Now that she had learned the lesson of not taking her uncle lightly, Alana had to think and ponder the thought more before speaking it in front of Gavin.

Since he quickly realized some loopholes in her first lies, maybe she has to mix lies with a bit of truth. Hindi sa kasinungalingan lahat nang pinagsasabi niya noong una as they all came from her memories of the past and the feelings of her current self, who has the memory of the past.

And that created a loophole that her uncle had noticed despite the other being away for all those years.

Ngayon, ang magagawa niya ay pagsamahin ang lahat ng alaala niya at emosyon noong nakaraan sa kasalukuyan niya. In that way, the lie wouldn’t be obvious.

“What I said about liking Uncle is actually a lie,” Alana started.

Nang maalala ni Alana kung ano maaari ang magiging reaksyon ng tiyuhin sa sinabi niya ay mabilis siyang napaangat ng tingin at nagpaliwanag.

“It’s not completely a lie, Uncle Gavin! I really like Uncle since I was a child, but not a like that is more intimate than our uncle and nephew relationship.”

“Not the same as how you like that Esguerra kid, right?”

"I..." Bahagyang natigilan si Alana bago napayuko. "Yeah, something like that.”

Sinubukan ni Alana na iangat ang tingin para makita ang reaksyon ng tiyuhin. Pero katulad nang madalas nitong ekspresyon ay wala namang ipinagbago. Hindi nga lang ito nakatingin sa kanya katulad kanina.

“B-but Uncle Gavin, I-I don’t like Kaede anymore!” Alana wanted to explain to her Uncle Gavin. “Really! I no longer like him. In fact, I actually hate him now!”

Tutal naman ay plano ni Alana na linisin ang sarili sa harap ng kanyang tiyuhin ay mas maiging bigyan niya ito nang kaunting heads-up sa kung ano nga ba talaga ang plano niya.

Bahala na kung ano man ang magiging reaksyon ni Gavin sa sasabihin niya. At baka mahuli na naman siya ng tiyuhin kung magsisinungaling siya ay hahaluan na lang niya ng ilang katotohanan ang mga sasabihin nang sa gayon ay hindi na nito mahalata.

“Actually, Uncle Gavin, nalaman ko kasing ginagamit lang ako ni Kaede as a stand-in for the woman he truly loves. Hindi ko alam iyong full details but I am sure that I am not the one that he truly loves.”

Pagkasabi niya noon ay parang ilog na bumuhos muli ang emosyon niya na para bang bumalik siya sa araw na iyon kung saan nalaman niya ang tungkol sa lahat ng panloloko, panggagamit, at pantataksil ng mga iyon sa kanya.

Lahat ng sakit, pagkabigla, at ang mga tanong niya na hindi man lang nasagot ay dumagsa kaya kitang-kita iyon sa hilatsa ng kanyang mukha.

It took a few minutes for Alana to realize what happened and when she did, she quickly tried to smile at Gavin, who was silently watching her.

“I’m sorry about that, Uncle Gavin,” mabilis na paghingi niya ng tawad. “It’s just—”

“Why are you sorry?” Gavin asked, cutting her off from her words.

Muling natameme si Alana at hindi alam kung ano ang isasagot. Oo nga naman at bakit ba siya hingi nang hingi ng sorry. She already said enough for those mistakes but as for the current one, what’s there to ask for forgiveness when she didn’t do anything? Nadala lang naman siya ng sariling emosyon and it has nothing to do with Gavin at all.

Muling bumukas ang mga labi ni Alana para sana humingi ng sorry, pero mabilis niya iyong isinara nang mapagtantong hihingi na naman sana siya ng sorry. Bahagyang napanguso si Alana at napayuko. At muling binalutan ng katahimikan ang dalawa.

Na hindi rin naman nagtagal dahil muling nagsalita si Gavin. “Can you explain what this stand-in thing means?”

Mabilis na nag-angat si Alana ng kanyang mga mata at napatingin sa kanyang tiyuhin. When she saw the curious look on Gavin, Alana no longer hesitated to say everything she had to say.

“It means what it is supposed to mean, Uncle Gavin. Nalaman ko na may first love na si Kaede and that person is the daughter of their old housekeeper. The girl was still eight-years-old when their family separated from the Esguerra family. It was not long when me and my family decided to live here.”

“I was young and a fool that I never doubted how Kaede, whom I liked before we lived here but had never shown his attention to me, was now treating me like I was his first love. Sa halos twe-twelve years na pagkakagusto ko sa kanya, I was just a stand-in for someone whom he truly loves. All those sweet talks and gentle and loving gazes weren’t for me but for someone who came first.”

Pagkatapos ay binuntutan iyon ni Alana ng tawa. A laugh that is so full of self-pity and sadness that Alana could no longer pinpoint what it was for.

Maaaring kalungkutan para sa sarili, dahil sa katangahan niya ay nauwi sa ganoon ang lahat. Or maybe sadness was a remnant of the sadness she felt from being betrayed by the only person she had loved.

“When I learned the truth, I was so sad, ashamed, guilty, and hurt that I just wanted to get revenge. Before my birthday, I had told Kaede that I had a surprise for him. I was about to wish that Kaede and I would marry each other. Pero ayon nga at nalaman ko ang tungkol sa pangloloko niya. So out of my impulse, I had said those words at dinamay pa kita, Uncle Gavin. So I’m really sorry for that.”

Muling nalungkot si Alana nang maalala ang kinahinatnan nang desisyon niyang iyon lalo na sa kanyang ina na siyang pinaka naapektuhan.

Mas matinding pagsisisi at pagkadismaya sa sarili ang naramdaman ni Alana dahil doon.

“So now what? You no longer want to take revenge?” biglang tanong ni Gavin na nagpagulat kay Alana.

“W-what?” utal na tanong ni Alana.

“You want to use me and marry me in order for revenge. You wanted to make that kid regret it for using you. And you wanted to show him that you’re no longer the fool who will fall in love with those simple tricks. That you've moved on and can have someone who would love you and only you. Is that right?”

Parang isdang napadpad sa tuyong lupa na bumukas-sara ang bibig ni Alana. She’s both speechless and dumbfounded as she looks at Gavin.

Hindi din malaman ni Alana kung paano mag-react sa sinabi ni Gavin. Kung magugulat ba siya dahil sa hindi niya inasahang lalabas ang mga iyon mula sa bibig ng tiyuhin o mahihiya dahil nga sa talagang basang-basa na siya ng tiyuhin niya.

In the end, Alana could only bow her head in embarrassment after a hesitant nod. Hindi na niya magawang tingnan sa mga mata si Gavin.

“Going back to the question now, Mi Cara, do you regret your decision to take revenge?” pag-uulit ni Gavin sa tanong niya.

"Yes," pabulong na sagot ni Alana.

“Why? Are you guilty? Guilty for using me? Guilty because of the reaction of your mother? Or because you can’t stomach the thought of taking revenge on that Esguerra kid since you are still in love with hi—”

“No!” mabilis na tanggi ni Alana. “I said I no longer have feelings for that b*stard! I—”

Mabilis na itinikom ni Alana ang kanyang bibig sa takot na magalit sa kanya si Gavin dahil nga sa biglaang pagmumura niya.

Hindi niya lang kasi mapigilan ang makapagsalita nang ganoon dahil sa parehong frustration and exasperation na naramdaman dahil mukhang ma-misinterpret na rin siya ni Gavin.

“Sorry for saying that, Uncle Gavin, pero ikaw kasi. You are jumping to conclusions. I already told you that I no longer love or want Kaede and have no positive feelings for him aside from anger and resentment.”

“Then why are you hesitant to pursue your revenge? Aren’t I fine with it despite being your tool?”

“Uncle Gavin naman eh!” nakangusong himutok ni Alana. She could tell that her uncle is teasing her.

“What? Is it now a crime speaking of truth?” nakataas ang kilay na tanong ni Gavin.

“Uncle Gavin!”