Everything Started on New Year's Eve

My Downfall

“Ouch ang init! Val, walang hiya ka! Pinagpapraktisan mo lang ako eh!” I complained as she did the laser hair removal on my bikini line.

 “Oops, sorry!” she giggled. “Stop squirming kasi! It’s not like it’s the first time na makita ko singit mo!”

 “Tawagin mo nga si ate girl, mas magaling pa sya sa iyo, and she has a more pleasing personality!” she just laughed and continued to rub the hot probe on my skin after adding more gel.

 “Val, I swear kapag umitim yan singit ko..” I threatened her.

 “Okay lang yan. Just tell Jaxx to keep the lights off when he goes down on you.”

 “Okay, that’s it.” I quickly shut my legs and threw the sheet over my legs. I felt embarrassed at the thought of us doing anything s****l other than kissing, but I was more pissed that kailangan na naman ako paalalahanin ni Val na may taong nagngangalang Benedict Jackson sa buhay ko.

 “I told you I didn’t want to talk about him or anything remotely related to him. Bakit ka ba namimilit?”

 “Chill! Masyado ka naman triggered! Why are you so mad ba, babe?” she teased me some more.

 “Ewan ko sayo.” I got down the bed grabbed the small towel at the side to wipe off the gel.

 Hindi ko mapaliwanag kay Val why I was feeling that way without admitting that I’m actually jealous kasi kapag inamin ko na nagseselos ako, ibig sabihin nun, I have feelings for Jaxx. It’s not like she didn’t know pero hindi ko naman inaamin sa kanya na harap-harapan. Puro implied.

 And as long as I didn’t say it out loud, hindi sya totoo. Deny, deny until I die!

 “Cars, hindi ka pa tapos!”

 “I’ll just book another appointment with someone else. You’re not even supposed to be here!” I glared at her. We grabbed my shorts at the same time at nag tug-of-war kung sinong maka kuha nito.

 “Fine! I’m sorry! Stop being so pikon kasi!” tumatawa pa rin sya. “Come back to bed.” She tapped the bed and smoothed the sheets. I let out a growl but relented.

 She continued with the procedure quietly for five minutes before she broke the silence. Her voice was serious.

 “Cars, are you sure you’re okay?”

 “Why shouldn’t I be?” I was a bit confused with the question. I lifted my upper body and pushed it up with my elbows. “Meron bang something sa singit ko na nagsasabing hindi ako okay? May mass ba?”

 Natawa ng konti si Val. “No, stupid. I’m asking about you and your feelings for Jaxx.”

 She stood up and pinned my legs down quickly before I could react. Nakabukaka pa yung left leg ko, I felt so exposed!

 “Ops! Don’t even think of leaving. That’s what you always do, pag ayaw mo na, you flee. Harapin mo ako, if hindi mo kayang harapin sarili mo o si Jaxx.”

 “Bawal tong ginagawa mo e! This is harassment!” She rolled her eyes at me.

 “Cars, let me give you a piece of advice: he will be leaving in three weeks. Three weeks. If there is anything you should do, kung ayaw mo masaktan, don’t go out with him anymore.”

 “I know he’s leaving in three weeks. Ano naman? Bakit ba bigla kang nagwa-warning ng ganyan?” Defensive mode: ON.

 “Because I can see you’ve already fallen for him. Kahit hindi mo man aminin sa sarili mo, everyone else can see. Kahit si Chino.”

 “What? You guys talk about me behind my back?” my voice was a little louder than intended. How dare she judge me and tell me that I’ve fallen for whoever! Does she even know what I think? Or what I feel? Tapos pag-uusapan pa nila ako and decide for me kung ano dapat gawin ko?

 “Yes, the same way we talk about Ace or Seb when they’re not around. Don’t change the topic Cars. We only care about you. Get out while you still can.”

 “You know what? If there’s anywhere that I should get out from, it’s this clinic.” I stood up and wiped the gel again. This time Val didn’t stop me when I took my shorts from the chair beside her. She just sighed and shook her head.

 ~*~*~*~*~

“Eight… nine… ten! Knockdown!”

 I stood at the center of the mat as the referee raised my left hand to signify that I had won the match. After I bowed, I rushed to the girl who I just knocked out. She was slowly sitting up while her coach was holding her head. I saw her lip bleed.

 But before I could say anything, my teammate was already pulling me away.

 “Hey! I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”

 “She’ll be okay, Cars. Talk to her later.”

 I retreated to where the rest of the team was and sat beside Jasmine.

 “You’re so fired up today, Cars! 4-0 ka na. One more match for the gold!” puri ni Jas.

 “Yeah, sana nga Palaro to ‘no?” I chuckled as I loosened my headgear and drank my water. We were having a friendly meet with other academies para makapag yabang lang mga kwan jang nim namin.

I kept my eye on the girl I just knocked out. She seemed to be doing better, naglalakad na sya papunta sa team nya, pero may akay pa.

 “Hey, so I want to ask you about something.” She leaned forward and towards me, resting her elbows on her knees. I raised my brow at her while drinking. “Tapusin mo muna yang iniinom mo.”

 “Okay, done. What’s up?”

 “Uhm.” She blushed. She was blushing so hard, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this way. “Would you be okay if I…. went out with your friend?” she looked at me warily, before she closed her eyes, expecting an outburst from me.

 Natigilan ako ng saglit habang nag-iisip kung sinong friend ibig nyang sabihin. “Si Ace?”

 She nodded, her eyes still closed pero may ngiting namumuo sa labi nya, yung ngiti na nahihiya pero kinikilig. Natuwa naman ako at the same time natawa.

 “Oo naman! Bat ka ba nagpapaalam sakin? Ano ako gatekeeper?”

 “Respeto. You know, friend mo siya, friend kita. Girl code.” She shrugged then smiled widely. “Thanks.”

 “Kinikilig ka ba?”parang hindi ako makapaniwala na kinilig sya kay Ace. I mean, Ace was not ugly, in fact, far from it. Pero hindi naman kasi kinikilig si Jasmine e.

 “Hmmm, medyo.” Umiwas sya ng tingin, kunwaring hindi masyado pero sa totooo lang kilig na kilig sya kasi namumula na sya.

 “Wait, ano to, seryoso o laru-laro lang?”

 “Ano ba, we haven’t even agreed to anything. Nagpaalam muna ako sayo.” She laughed. “But is he the serious type or is he okay with just flings?”

 “You know, I don’t know. I think he’s okay with flings kasi parang wala pa akong nakilalang babae na tumagal sa kanya ng ilang buwan. Kayo na nga mag-usap about that. Just make sure malinaw ang usapan nyo. Please, ayoko maging bridge over troubled waters.” I rolled my eyes.

 “Have you guys done it?” I asked curiously.

 “What? No!” she couldn’t look at me and she was fiddling with her belt. Bistado!

 “Yes, you did. You’re lying.” I laughed. She denied it again and even went as far as to push me causing me to fall on my side.

 “Jas, ano ba, masakit!” I complained, still laughing. “Look, it’s okay, it’s your life, your relationship. I was just curious.”

 “He’s good, by the way.” she gushed. “No scratch that. He’s amazing!” There’s the Jasmine I know. It was my turn to cover my ears and blush.

 “Change topic! Change topic! I don’t want to hear first-hand reviews of how my friend is in bed. Kadiri!”

 Jasmine laughed at my unease but there was still a little blush about her cheeks. I think she was just deflecting and well, it worked.

 “So you and Vince. What’s the score?”

 “What? Vince? There is no me and Vince.” I chuckled.

 “Yeah, but there was something between the two of you nung birthday ni Val.” She wiggled her eyebrows. She has always been rooting for Vince. Maybe because they used to be classmates in college and she knew him, or maybe because he was her friend, but whatever the reason, it makes me think that Vince was really a good guy, a nice guy who was served to me with a seal of approval from Jasmine. Not that her seal matters. Because right now, the only thing that mattered was forgetting that stupid gray-eyed devil, who had everyone else’s seal of approval, including my own.

 Tinawag na si Jasmine for her fight kaya naputol na ang usapan namin.

 Pagkauwi ko, nandoon na sina Ace at Jaxx sa backyard namin, nagpapaypay ng uling sa griller.

 “Wala pang dinner?” I complained. Gutom na gutom na ako e!

 “Pasensya na po, kamahalan! Hindi kasi alam nitong conyotic nyong alipin anong gagawin sa uling e!” Ace said sarcastically. Sinamaan sya ng tingin ni Jaxx.

 “Walang kwentang alipin. Palibhasa anak-mayaman!” I placed my gears in the back porch and called Ate Tessie.

 “Ikaw ba hindi?” Jaxx challenged me. “At least I can cook in a proper kitchen to save my life.”

 “Uy sineseryoso mo? Sensitive?” I cackled. Pikon talaga to si Jaxx when it came to social status and money matters. “Oo, pero I know how to start a grill. Madali lang magluto.”

 I went up to shower and change and when I got down, Seb was already there with the beer and he was stuffing them in the freezer.

 It was a pleasant dinner with the guys. It was just a few more weeks before Jaxx would leave and after a few months, I’ll be doing my residency. I savored the moment because God knows when we will be able to do this again – just chilling without worry.

 “Anyone else wants a beer?” I asked our table as I stood up to get another bottle. They all raised their hands.

 I struggled with the coldness of the beers in my and dropped them immediately. Nagmagandang loob pa ako na pagbuksan ng beer guests ko pero masyado ko ‘atang na alog ang beer then when I opened the first one, bigla na lang umapaw ang tumapon ang beer sa akin. Ang masama pa, I was holding the bottle in between my legs when I did that.

 Napasigaw ako at tinawanan ako ni Seb. I expected nothing less from him. Para maka ganti. I shook the bottle again and sprayed the beer it at him. He had time to escape pero nabasa ko pa rin sya partially habang hinahabol sa garden namin.

 “Oh wow, that was really funny Cars.” Wiping an invisible tear from the corner of his eye. “Even though pinaliguan mo ako ng beer.. wait a minute. Speaking of getting drenched in alcohol…” he trailed off and looked at me curiously.

 I was mentally praying for Seb to just change his mind and wag nang ituloy ang topic. I hoped that Seb would not bring up Grace and last Saturday because that would really kill the mood. I looked away and took another sip from the near-empty beer. I saw Jaxx shift uncomfortably in his seat. He was giving Seb a murderous look but Seb was not paying attention. So the bomb was dropped.

 “What happened between you and Grace? Why were her claws suddenly all over you? In a mean kind of way.” He added thoughtfully.

 “I don’t know, man. I haven’t exactly had any encounter with her since I saw her in your office.” I said looking at Jaxx. “So I was just as surprised as everyone when it happened.”

 “Jaxx, you have anything to say about this?” Seb then shifted the grilling across the table. He was playing interrogator.

 “I have a theory but it’s just a theory. So I won’t say anything for now.” He stated plainly then pursed his lips. Seb nodded.

 Of course! Of course, he would not say anything that would incriminate Grace. I thought bitterly.

 “Cars, the kids told us what happened between you and Grace during our second set. Whatever she said, don’t believe her. She only did that to get to your head. You know how manipulative she is.” Ace took my hand and squeezed it as he spoke tenderly.

 “How do you know what she said?”

 “I don’t. We don’t. Nobody knows kasi walang nakarinig but you. But whatever it was, I’m 100% sure it was some made up bullshit and it is bothering you. That’s what she used to do Jaxx. And to Seb.”

 “Wait, what? What did she do to you, man?” Jaxx’s mood shifted from reserved to aggressive in 0.65 seconds.

 “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.” Seb just waved him off. Now Seb was getting antsy and I could see the wall coming up.

 “No! What the f**k Seb? What did she do to you? Why didn’t you tell me? When was this?”

 “Wala na nga, bakit ba napunta sakin ang usapan?”

 “Seb, don’t make me make you do it.” Jaxx threatened. He was dead serious, his jaw tensed.

Seb sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them he looked at Jaxx with resigned sadness.

 “You remember Chloe.”

 “Of course.” Jaxx nodded.

 Seb briefly retold his story to Jaxx, how they broke up because of a lot of infidelity allegations, most of which were unfounded, and how we found out that Grace was behind all of it.

 This was around the same time Vince was courting me. While I did feel something for him, I needed to help Seb more. Chino and I took turns helping Seb and each time I was free, I always checked on him kahit na pagod ako as post-duty clerk, I went out with him and Chino if he needed to go out.

 Val was one of the girls that were linked with Seb so she decided to make herself scarce to help the rumors die down. Someone took well-timed photos of them making one think that Seb was kissing her or that they were doing something malicious.

 “Why the f**k did you not tell me?! Tang ina naman, Seb!” Jaxx half-whispered, half-shouted. He was livid. I could see the veins popping at the side of his neck as he gripped the table. Natakot ako for a moment na baka balibagin nya ang table ala the Hulk.

 “Dude, you were a zombie that time and you were busy drowning yourself in alcohol and drugs. The last thing I needed was to get hooked on those things with you. Besides, you were so goddamned defensive pagkadating kay Grace. When Ace tried to stop her from showing up during practices, winasak mo auto niya sa galit mo. Oh, wag mong ideny.” He let a small laugh while pointing a finger at Jaxx.

 “I wasn’t going to,” Jaxx said quietly, looking both embarrassed and ashamed.

 “I did not want more drama in my life, man. One heartbreak at a time lang, mahina ang kalaban.” Seb laughed dispiritedly while playing idly with the condensation on his glass. Jaxx closed his eyes and tilted his head back while letting out a low groan.

 The atmosphere was heavy and no one spoke a word. I wanted to hug Seb and comfort him but I could see his walls were up. He was staring blankly at his glass, concentrating, as if that could bring back the past and we could resolve the problems in the present so that his future would be one with Chloe in it.

 “Seb, you d**k. Why did you let me do all that to you?” Jaxx leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, fingers interlaced while he stared at him imploringly. “Tang ina pare, I am so sorry.”

 He shrugged his shoulders and continued to stare at his glass. “Past is past. Let’s move on.”

 “Pero kung ako ikaw Ben, please lang get over her, for real.”

 “I am, I already am.”

 “No, I mean don’t have anything to do with her anymore.”

 “That’s not so easy to do, Seb. You know that.” Jaxx looked at Ace and Seb warily, not daring to look at me.

 Hearing Jaxx saying those words stung. But I could not help but feel that there was something the three of them were not telling me. There was a secret that they shared with the way Jaxx looked at them. Why would Seb tell Jaxx to have nothing to do with Grace anymore when he was over her?

 “She is going to be your downfall, man.” Ace sighed.

 And he is going to be mine.