Everything Started on New Year's Eve

Migraine

“Okay, tama na muna yang titigan nyo because that’s how you get ants!” the crowd laughed and cheered, there were whistles and howls. I saw a lot of them look back and forth between Jaxx and me. Someone shouted, “Kiss! Kiss!” And before we knew it, almost the entire club was chanting, “Kiss! Kiss!”

 “Guys, guys! Let’s keep this PG-rated. Strict kasi parents ni Jaxx.” Ace pacified the crowd. “Cars, sorry, saka na lang ang kiss pagka –thrity na si Jaxx ha?” They howled in laughter and I laughed with them though I am sure I was red as a beet by this time. “Ok guys, mahaba pa ang gabi and we have a lot of songs on our list, so let’s continue this party, and let’s rock and roll!”

 Naglakad ako around the bar para hanapin si Val. I found her with the college kids who were in complete attendance. Unicorn girl was still in her talkative drunk state as Other girl and Val listened and laughed at her fanciful and senseless stories. Ginagatungan sya ni Isaw boy at pumapatol naman sa panggagago niya si Unicorn girl. Adidas guy had his arm around the back of the chair where Unicorn girl was sitting. He had a beer in his other hand, and he was laughing so hard he fell over. I arrived just in time to catch him, but some of his drink had spilled on me.

 “Oh! Dahan-dahan sa tawa, baka ma fracture ka pa” biro ko kay Adidas guy as I helped him up.

 “Uy, Cara! It’s nice to see you! Thanks ha, muntik na matapon beer ko.”

 “Actually…” I shook my hand and wiped my cheek with the back of my other hand.

 “Oh no! s**t, I am so sorry! Cara, sorry talaga!” na rattle sya at nagmadaling maghanap ng table napkins.

 Fratboy returned from wherever he went, came up to me, and offered me his handkerchief. Pero hindi siya mag-isa. The tall modelesque b***h had her arm around his. Her smile quickly vanished nang makita niya ako.

“Well, someone enjoyed the attention after getting a drink spilled on her, she decided to have it done again.”

 OH. HELL. She did not just say that.

 “Well, someone did not get the attention she wanted after deliberately spilling her drink on me, she decided to put her claws on someone else.” I glared back at her.

 Everyone at the table shut up and froze, even Unicorn girl, although I think she shut up because Val placed her hand over her mouth. Despite the loud music, the boisterous crowd, and the sea of people standing and walking around, it seemed like everything and everyone in the background faded, except for the people around the table: the college kids, Val, the b***h, and myself.

 I could see the shock in Fratboy’s face, he certainly did not expect na magkakilala kami ni dis-Gracia, more so that there was animosity between us. Ang hindi nya alam is that the animosity involved Val, Seb, and Chino as well. Did he even know who this crazy woman was?

 I moved to take the handkerchief Fratboy offered and proceeded to wipe my face, neck and décolletage area indifferently. Everybody then snapped out of their trance and tried to act collectedly. Okay na sana, except that Grace was not done yet.

 She let go of Fratboy and came closer to me her face was mere inches from mine. I had to lift my chin up literally because she was taller than me, almost sing height sila ni Jaxx with her heels. One hand was on her hip and she flipped her hair over her shoulder with the other.

 “Look, Cara, that was an accident. Too bad you couldn’t get over it. Besides, you got to wear his shirt. Isn’t that what you wanted, that somehow there is a semblance that you have his interest, no matter how fleeting?”

 “Hate to break it to you, Grace, but I was meant to borrow Chino’s shirt but Jaxx insisted for me to use his instead. And no, I did not want or need it, nor did I need his interest in me. But like his shirt, he freely gave it to me.”

 “Oh, and I did not have to open my legs for that, too,” I added in the most mocking tone I could. I gave her a once-over and turned to leave. But no! hindi pa rin sya tapos. She tugged my arm, her nails digging in my flesh. Val already had murder written on her face and konti na lang, she was going to start a war. 

Her voice was low and spiteful, making sure na ako lang makakarinig. “I don’t need to open my legs, he does that for me. He’s addicted to me and you know it. No matter how hard you try, he will always come back to me. He will always choose me.” She let go of me and smirked before walking away.

 I thought I had won but I did not see that word jab coming straight to my face. Now I can’t get what she said out of my head. It was true, it had been lingering at the back of my mind ever since Jaxx and I had been going out. Especially when he suddenly excuses himself to take a call from Grace, or when he’d suddenly cancel for some “emergency”. Maybe the emergency was Grace looking for him? f**k!

 Her words were like poison. It touched my heart and my brain and spread a venom-like bitterness that crushed my fragile heart, tearing me up.

 “What did she say to you?” Val was immediately beside me, shaking my shoulders. Galit na galit sya.

 “I need to change my shirt,” I mumbled. I was shaking in anger and frustration pero galit at frustrated ako sa sarili ko.

 “Your shirt is fine. Yung beer natapon on your face. We need to talk, now.” She dragged me across the room, leaving the college kids to stare at us but none made a move to follow.

 When we got out of the bar, she led us between Chino’s and someone else’s car. She made me lean against Chino’s pick-up, making sure I was stable before she crossed her arms in front of her chest and rested her back against the Pajero. We were completely hidden from the view of the people hanging out outside the bar and to passers-by who were coming from or going to the club. And unless one would really be searching for us or naka-park sya sa hilera nitong pick-up and Pajero, we would not be found.

 “Now talk.” She demanded.

 “Wait, before that, ikaw muna. What was that all about? You singing with them.” I needed an answer to that question first kasi hindi ako makabuo ng isang sentence sa mga pangyayari that was playing in my head.

 “Cars, it was for Ace’s birthday. Ang tagal ko nang di naki-jam with you guys so when he asked me if I wanted to sing with them, I said yes agad. Nothing wrong with that, right?” she defended rudely. She was still pissed, but the anger was not directed at me.

 “And the song?”

 “That was Ace’s choice.” She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. At least she was now calming down a bit. We both needed to be calm and collected when we were going to have the Grace conversation because Val might just lose her temper and really start World War III, lalo na na hindi na “masyadong maaga” para maghasik ng lagim.

 “You gotta admit, though, it was sneaky of him.” She winked and laughed, nudging my leg with hers. “Everybody was in on it, even Jaxx. Napilit namin sya. I told him I’d dedicate it to him, from you.”

 I just smiled and shook my head. I thought that would give me clarity but it made me even more confused. Ano ba talaga kami ni Jaxx? My shoulders sagged, bowed my head, and stared at my boots.

 “Cara, hey, what’s wrong? I thought kikiligin ka.” She asked softly, rubbing one of her hands on my arm.

 “Oo, kinilig ako. Sobra” I admitted quietly. “Pero Val, ano ba kasi kami?”

 “What? What do you think? Ano ka ba, dense? He’s been taking you out on several dates and di mo pa rin gets what he’s doing?” both her hands were now in front of her, palms open as if serving me the obvious answer to my question on a tray.

 “I did not want to assume!”

 “Oh my god! Assuming is different from being so goddamned dense. Ano ba gusto mo, a grand profession of love and devotion? Balloons and chocolates and all that high school drama? A room full of flowers and a romantic dinner where he would ask you if okay lang manligaw? Cars, matanda na tayo, doctor na nga tayo, di na uso yan!” her voice was rising as she spoke that by the end of her explanation, she was almost shouting at me.

 “Shhh! Ang ingay mo! Wag kang sumigaw, hindi ako bingi.”

 “But I feel that shouting would actually get the words into your head, eh!” she said, still almost shouting. “Parang I need to keep on shouting at you so you would understand what’s happening kasi obviously, hindi mo nage-gets kahit na actions are supposed to speak louder than words. Baka shouting the words would make it speak louder than actions.” She huffed in annoyance, but her mood quickly shifted and a smile was on her face once again as she remembered something. “Uy, pero by the way, nag romantic dinner na kayo diba? Anong nangyari? Spill!!”

 “What are you talking about? Anong romantic dinner pinagsasasabi mo?” I seriously did not know what she was talking about. Jaxx and I haven’t gone out to a romantic dinner. We usually hung out after dinner 'til late at night but never dinner.

 “Ugh. Hari ng katropehan talaga.” She mumbled under her breath as she leaned back and pounded her head lightly against the Pajero’s window. “Anyway, back to dis-Gracia. What did she tell you? God, I was really holding back right there, I wanted to scratch her eyes out! I was waiting for a sign from you!”

 “Did you hear what she said first when she saw that Quino gave me his hanky?”

 “No. Who’s Quino?”

 “Si Fratboy, ano ba!”

 “Call him by his given name kasi!”

 “’Quino’ is his given name!”

 “I don’t care about him, you can call him Mang Kanor for chrissake! What I want to know is what did Grace say!?” she was once again irate.

 So I told her about our exchange, trying to relay to her what Grace said verbatim. When I finished her eyes were so wide, it looked like they would pop out of the sockets soon. Her mouth was opened just as wide.

 “That b***h! I will have the last say in this!” Her hands were fisted and shaking, and she was back to her furious state. She started to storm back to the club to search for Grace pero hinila ko syang pabalik sa aming hiding place.

 “Stop it, Val, you’re not even part of this, whatever this is. It’s not worth it.”

 “Not worth it? Not worth it?! What the hell are you even saying? I am so mad right now, not just at her, but sayo na din!”

 “Listen! Totoo naman sinabi niya e, Jaxx is addicted to her. Kahit anong gawin niya, he’s back to being with her or getting it on with her, or whatever it is that they do or have, just like that.” I snapped my fingers to demonstrate how quickly Jaxx’s resolve crumbles every time. “And so let’s say, let’s just say, that nanliligaw nga si Jaxx and magiging kami, I’m not going to sleep with him just yet ---“

 “Gaaah! No one is asking you to sleep with him!” she threw her arms in the air.

 “No, but obviously he can’t keep his d**k in his pants and if Grace comes knocking in his door, can he actually say ‘no’ especially since I’m not giving him any?”

 Val looked at me intently but did not reply.

 “See? And he’s leaving for the States in three weeks, for two years. Two years. Do you think it’s fair for us to hold each other back? Do you think he can hold it in that long?” I continued to ask rhetorically.

 “Look, I know you think that s*x is a big deal but it seriously isn’t. If you love each other and you want to share that most intimate part of you with him, there’s nothing wrong with it. Cars, we’re twenty-five turning twenty-six this year, it’s the 21st century. Being a virgin is overrated.”

“Val, I know you have a liberated view on this thing and I’m a boring prude, but that’s how I was brought up and mahirap na bastang kalimutan yung mga ganyang bagay. I have no intention of giving myself to someone who is leaving after a few weeks. And especially not to someone who is still hung up on his ex. That’s just suicide. And fighting it… it’s just not worth it.

 “So you think Jaxx is not worth it?”

 “No. Fighting against Grace and what her hold on Jaxx is, is not worth it. Being with Jaxx is suicide.”

A few hours later, it was closing time and almost everyone was dead drunk. Thrice an akong sumuka; Seb’s battery was already running on low he could hardly open his mouth though I caught him giggling occasionally listening to Unicorn girl. Si Chino tulog na sa edge ng stage, curled into a ball. Adidas guy and Isaw boy just came back from the ladies’ room dala-dala si Other girl na wasted while Fratboy’s ears were probably bleeding from Unicorn girl’s endless chatter. Her eyes were closed and her head was on her shoulder. He was drinking water from a bottle and he occasionally held her head to keep it from falling.

 I was sitting by the bar waiting for Val to return when someone from behind the bar handed me a glass of water. It was Rachel. Ugh! I hated her but ngayon, not so much na. She’s been nothing but fantastic the entire night. She did not have to work by eleven so Seb invited her to join us. She was funny, pleasant, and she was almost always game.

 Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the back exit open and may dalawang taong pumasok. It was Jaxx and Grace. Jaxx looked a bit disheveled and he fixing his hair, but he was smiling. Grace saw me looking at them and she shamelessly fixed her top and pulled down her mini-skirt. She also intentionally combed her hair using her hands and gave Jaxx a flirty smile. She then grabbed his shirt and when he was facing her, wiped the corner of his mouth with her thumb, probably wiping off her lipstick. Jaxx jerked his head back and looked confused at this but she persisted.

 [Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo. Hanggan dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapasayo…]

 Ayos sa timing tong Migraine na to ah.

 They continued to walk towards where I was. Jaxx was now smiling brightly while looking at me. His smile turned into shock when Grace made a movement from behind him. He stopped on his tracks and turned around to see Grace opening a bottle of blue Gatorade and taking a sip. She replaced the cap and hooked her arm around Jaxx’s and dragged him with her to where Ace was. As Jaxx shook Mr. Magbanua’s hand and engaged him in a conversation, the b***h took the chance to glance back at me and give me a smug look.

 [Nahihilo, nalilito.. Asan ba ‘ko sayo?]

 Val finally returned and I immediately dragged her out of the bar without saying goodbye to anyone. She was there, she had him wrapped around her finger and just as I thought, he did not have the strength to reject her advances. I was so hurt by what just happened.

 Pero bakit nga ba? Asan nga ba ako sa kanya?

 Eto, umaasa. f**k.

 This was never going to work, Jaxx and I, not when he wasn’t over her. f**k. I want out. Stupid heart!

 Maybe it was better that way. I don’t remember being hurt this way when we were just friends.

 Putang ingang damdamin kasi! Damn! Damn-damn-in! Tears were already forming in my eyes when Val pulled me out of my thoughts.

 “Teka lang, Cars, bakit ka ba nagmamadali? We did not even say goodbye to the guys.” She said panting. “And we parked dun sa kabilang side.”

 “Hey Cara, wait up! Why are you guys leaving so soon?” Jaxx called, jogging to where we were.

 Oh for the love of god, what is he doing here? Bakit nya kailangan sumunod?

 I quickly wiped my eyes with my shirt before I turned around.

 “So soon? It’s three in the morning Jaxx, I think this is actually too late.” I tried to act normally, as I would when we were nothing but friends.

 “Yeah but you guys just left without saying goodbye?” He was now just a few feet away from me, his hands shoved in his pocket.

 “Does it matter? Magkikita pa naman tayo ulit e. Wag kang madrama dyan na parang wala nang bukas.” Pabiro kong sabi.

 “Babe! Are we going home? Can we drop by my friend’s place in BGC before calling it a night?” Grace strutted her way to us. I was surprised she lasted the entire night with her 4-inch heels. I wished she would trip and fall flat on her face, like, right now.

 Sige na naman, lord, one time lang!

 “Babe?” Jaxx and Val simultaneously asked, Val boring holes at Jaxx, and Jaxx looking at Grace, shocked. Grace walked slowly to a halt right beside Jaxx. I could hear crickets.

 “What? Was it something I said?” She asked with fake innocence. I had no words to say to her.

 “Val, tara na. Ingat kayo.”

 “Cara, wait!” Jaxx tried to grab my arm but Val swatted it.

 “Goodnight, Benedict. See you around.” It was Val who answered this time. The tears were already falling and I could not bear to turn around and say goodnight to him.