Everything Started on New Year's Eve

The Visitor

“Hoy! Ano yang ginagawa nyo diyan? Bat nyo kina-crop yung pictures na lasing ako?”

 “Luh, bat gising ka na? Kala ko next week ka pa babangon?” Seb welcomed me.

 “Hoy babae, hindi pa kita pinapatawad sa kagagahan na ginawa mo kagabi! You almost got everyone killed by your dad!” Val still has not forgiven me, kahit na she was laughing just a while ago.

 “OA nito, my dad nga hindi masyado nagalit e. Slight lang!” I pouted.

 "Ano ba kasi nakain mo at naglasing ka? Jagged little jealousy pill?” Seb looked at me with a teasing smile while wiggling his eyebrows.

 “Jealousy pill? Hello, di no! Kanino naman ako magiging jealous?”

 “Oh come on! Talaga bang kailangan mo pang mag kunwari sa amin ni Val? Obvious naman na patay na patay ka kay Benedict e, ayaw mo lang aminin!”

 “That is not true! Lasing lang ako kaya ganyan!” I glared at Seb.

 “Pucha, ginawa mo pa kaming tanga. Wag mo kaming idamay ni Val sa katangahan mo, uy! Daming evidence kagabi, kahit nga si Fratboy nagsurrender na eh!”

 “Lasing nga lang ako nun.” I denied again.

 Deny and deny until I die! That’s my motto.

 “Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang aminin, kahit sa amin lang? We can help you, girl.” Pilit ni Val.

 “Help? I don’t need help. What I need is evidence diyan sa mga pinagsasasabi niyo!”

 At pinakitaan nga nila ako ng libu-libong pictures and videos, documentary evidences of my wanton acts of lasciviousness. I had to sit through their recollection of my being hammered and all the dumb things I said and did, not to mention my outrageous advances towards Jaxx. And ang pinakamasama nito was that Jaxx was sober all the while. But he never made a move nor did he take advantage of me.

 That was good right? At least alam kong safe ako sa kanya, that he would never take advantage of me… that he would never ravage me.. that he wasn’t really interested in me because I was like his little sister.

 Ouch. Darn it.

 He was the one who found me and soothed me when I was crying out of my wits kasi di ko mahanap car keys ko. He carried me inside the house at hinarap si Dad kasi I was dead as a frog na nasagasaan sa daan.

 “He even told your dad about the Gatorade.” Seb added to the long list of why Jaxx is the perfect boyfriend. “I mean, why aren’t you guys together anyway? The s****l tension between the two of you is so thick I can cut it with a knife.”

 “s****l tension agad?”

 “I don’t know what else it’s called, Cars, basta ang tense nyo dalawa lagi. One moment nagtatawanan, the next thing we see is both of you staring into each other like there was no one else in the room. Halikan mo na kasi.” Seb said.

 “Right? Like, get a room already!” Val laughed.

 Maybe my hidden desires for Jaxx were once again exposed because wala na akong inhibitions. And I was afraid that I’d end up kissing him again. Na-basted nya na kasi ako, diba?

 “Dude, hindi naman kasi namin iniisip ‘yon. And besides, he hasn’t made any move. Hirap naman nun, assuming.”

 “Talaga? I’m surprised. Torpe din pala to si Jackson minsan.” Val wondered out loud while browsing through the laptop.

 “Uy teka, so you’re saying that if he made the move, may pag-asa?” Seb’s eyes sparkled, na parang siya ang nangliligaw.

 I just shrugged my shoulders. Di ko sya sinagot kahit alam ko na ang sagot ko.

 “Look at you guys here, you’re so cute! This was before you went MIA.”

 “May landi ka din palang tinatago ano, Carabiner? Ay teka, hindi ka na Carabiner, Caraboner ka na!” Seb teased.

 Wala nang tao halos sa bar, I suppose closing time na yon. It was a video of me shamelessly wrapping my arms around Jaxx’s neck as he tentatively rested his hands on my hips. Lifehouse’s song was playing and we were swaying side to side, slowly turning around in place. He dipped his head and whispered something in my ear. Just as his face was about to be out of view, I saw him plant a kiss on my temple just before he rested his cheek on my head. The video ended and I blushed while staring at the screen. For a few moments, I sat there staring at the screen while Seb and Val stared at my face.

 “May kinikilig! Ayiieeee!!”

 “Seb ano ba…” I punched his shoulder lightly.

 “Oh come on, stop being a p*ssy, Cara! Do you like him or not? And don’t give me that ‘we’re just friends’ b**lsh*t.”

 “Cara, I know you like him. Clearly, CLEARLY, he likes you back. What’s the issue? Stop friend-zoning him. He isn’t going to make a move if you keep on telling him you’re only friends and you’re not ready. Ready na k*ke mo, ikaw lang hindi! ” She and Seb laughed again as I blushed furiously. Ready na nga ba k*ke ko?

 “Kadiri ka, Val! Ano ba, my virgin ears!” angal ni Seb, though he was laughing.

 “Wala nga kaming out of the ordinary feelings for each other okay? We’re friends. He sees me as his little sister. He said it himself.”

 “Whatever, dude. Baka kasi pakipot ka masyadyo. Of course, he’s also testing the waters to see kung meron bang pag-asa.” Seb conceded.

 “He isn’t gonna wait around for your indecisive a**, dude. He’s going to UPenn for his MBA and good luck na lang sayo if may kanang kakana-kana dun at mabingwit si Jaxx.” Seb mechanically closed his laptop and stuffed it back in the bag. He began packing the charging cable as well, while I was dumbstruck with what he just said.

 “He’s going where?”

 “To the University of Pennsylvania. Wharton. He didn’t tell you guys?” he looked between Val and I, as he continued to pack away his things. We looked at each other and shook our heads slowly.

 “Well, surprise! He’s going to the States for his MBA. He’ll be gone for two years, ‘ata. Not entirely sure but I think that’s the plan. So I guess getting together with him before he will leave will be also a downer unless you’re good with LDR.” He continued nonchalantly.

 “Kelan siya aalis?”

 “September ‘ata? Kelan ba nagsa-start and classes ng States, diba September? O before that.” he finally finished packing his things. He got up and got ready to go. “O ano, tulala ka dyan? Cheer up. Maybe it’s not a bad idea na hindi muna maging kayo. Forget about what I said earlier. Nakalimutan ko na aalis pala siya e.”

 I nodded wordlessly, trying to process what he said.

 “Anyway, I got to go. Hey, don’t forget may practice on Thursday, if the love of your life can make it out alive sa mga meetings niya.” He gave Val and me a kiss on the cheek before he left.

 I turned to Val who gave me a sad look and stroked my back.

 Why was I even devastated at the thought of him leaving for his MBA? I should be happy for him!

 “Hey, I’m sure he meant to tell you.”

 “What? No, I’m fine! I mean, it isn’t like he has to tell me his future plans, especially that we’re just, you know, friends.” I tried to sound cheerful and act like it was no big deal, but it was useless. My face was not cooperating and my true emotions were displayed like fish in an aquarium.

 “Think about what Seb said. Minsan that donkey actually makes sense and gives some insightful advice. I’m not sure how you feel about it, but it might save you from an inevitable heartbreak if you guys ever get together, then aalis din siya. Two years na LDR, magkaiba pa time zones. That’s a lot of work.”

 Nagbilang siya sa mga daliri niya, and stopped at four. “Four months, that’s all you guys have together physically if maging kayo by May. Which, by the looks of it, imposible based on what you guys are doing, which is wala.”

 “Bakit ba natin ito pinag-uusapan? Bakit ba kayo nag-aassume na magiging kami? Wala ngang ambisyon ni-isa sa amin na maging kami eh! Kayo lang kasi dyan, push ng push. Tama na, Let’s stop this nonsense.” I gave her a forced smile.

 She didn’t buy it pero hindi niya na ako pinilit pa.

 I wasn’t sure how I felt about the news that Jaxx was leaving for two years. Masaya ako na he got into the University of Pennsylvania; it had one of the best MBA programs and it would be such a waste to not go.

 And it was his chance to be with his Dad and his half-brother. He always mentioned them when we talked, how he wanted to be part of a family, of their family. He didn’t have much of a family here since his mother was always away and his dad was in the States.  He used to live with his grandparents but after they passed away during high school, he was basically alone.

  It was none of my business how he decided to spend his life. Hindi niya ako magulang, hindi niya ako girlfriend, at lalong hindi niya ako asawa.

 At kahit na girlfriend niya pa ako, hindi ko ipagkakait sa kanya ang ganyan ka gandang opportunity.  Because if he was my boyfriend, or kahit sino pa man boyfriend ko, ganyan din ineexpect ko: hindi niya rin ako pagbawalan kung ano ang gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko.

 Bakit ko ba iniisip na “if girlfriend niya ako”? Cara wake up! It’s not going to happen. He’s way out of your league. Models at artistahin lang pinapatos nun, diba? Friend lang tingin nya sa'yo. Little sister even. “Same page”, remember? I reminded myself.

 Leche.

 Besides, I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship ngayon na magre-residency pa ako. I think it’s a distraction, lalo na if the other person doesn’t understand the demands in the medical field. Residency is like having a master’s degree for the next half decade, even more. And hindi lang basta-bastang master’s degree. It’s a master’s degree that requires attention 24/7, at halos no weekends off. Then there’s fellowship.

I told myself as I tried harder to convince myself. I’m okay. He’s going to be okay. We will both be fine. We’ll see each other after two years or maybe after five. LDR is not going to work. So it should be fine, right?

Right?

~*~*~*~*~

 The last few weeks after Seb’s celebration passed by quickly. Hindi na kami masyado nag schedule ng practices or gigs kasi Jaxx and Ace were busy running their company. Jaxx had to meet with their Finance and Accounting Departments kasi may inaareglo silang mga problema.

 I still visited them regularly sa office nila. Lagi kami tumatambay ni Seb sa Green Room if hindi sya duty and wala akong Tae Kwon Do classes. Nakakatamad din pala maging bum na walang pera. Hindi ka basta-basta makagalaw at makagala. Mabuti na lang by October magpe-preresidency na ako kasi pagod na ako na walang ginagawa, sa totoo lang.

 The Green room was not actually green, ang pinto lang nito ang green. It was located on the same floor as the executive’s offices sa company nila Jaxx but at the other side of the building. It was their entertainment room, aka music room. It was soundproofed to avoid noise complaints from the other tenants and offices. Nilagyan nila yun ng TV, Xbox, fridge, na laging may laman na beer, softdrinks, and other cocktail essentials. Meron ding mini bar sa green room complete with whiskey, vodka, and wine. Kaya lagi kami ni Seb dito.

 Jaxx suddenly barged in the room and headed straight to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Hindi niya kami napansin nila Ace and Seb na nakaupo sa couch. He was about to take a swill when Ace stopped him.

 “Hey, no alcohol during working hours.”

 “P*ta Ace, you almost gave me a heart attack!” napahawak sya sa dibdib and spilled some beer on his shirt. “Aaaaw, look what you’ve done. Now I have to change before I go to the meeting and really, I’m so tired from all this s**t with accounting, Ace. Just one beer, man. Please.” He pleaded. Mukhang stressed na stressed sya and on the verge of a breakdown.

 Napabuntong hininga si Ace. “Just one. And just this once.”

 “F**k, thank you!”

 That’s when he noticed us in the room. Pero nakatitig lang sya sa amin, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Mukhang nag-hang ang utak nya nang makita kami ni Seb dun.

 “It’s open mic tonight in the Green Room and we have our first participant, Mr. Benedict Jackson, with his prose entitled, ‘Pano maging manhid’ – Aray ko naman! T**g inang to..” tinamaan si Sab ng tansan sa mukha.

 “Serves you right, you little fucker.” He smirked at Seb.

 Habang nag-usap si Jaxx and Ace about their company, kami naman ni Seb nagbubulungan.

 “Huy matunaw na si Jaxx katititig mo.”

 “Tiningnan ko lang yung polo nyang nabasa.”

 “Bakit, baktong ba? Na turn-on ka?”

 “P****eta ka, Miguel, hindi!” napasigaw ako at tumingin si Ace at Jaxx samin dalawa. Nahulog si Seb sa cajón drum katatawa.

 Good thing may tumawag kay Jaxx and before he could ask anything, he had to leave. Ace left not long after.

 Naglalaro kami ni Seb sa Xbox nang may pumasok sa Green Room. Hindi namin pinansin nung una but napalingon kami when she asked for Jaxx’s whereabouts.

 “Hindi ko alam.” I said shortly and returned to playing.

 It was his ex, and I hated that woman with a passion. Masyado niyang ginago si Jaxx at kahit tanga tong kaibigan namin, hindi naman baseless yung galit ko towards this creature from hell. At alam ni Seb na hindi kami pwedeng ipagsama sa isang kwarto ng matagal.

 “Grace, hi. He’s in a meeting now. Not sure what time it’ll finish. But you can wait in his office.” Seb smiled briefly.

 “Thanks Seb.” She was genuinely grateful to Seb.

 “Nice to see you, too, Cara.” she said sarcastically before leaving. I rolled my eyes when she shut the door.

 “Bitch.” Siniko ako ni Seb habang natatawa.

 As soon as I stepped out of the Green Room a few hours later, I bumped into someone.

 “Oops, sorry,” I said without looking at the person; I was texting Val.

 “It’s alright. Ingat pauwi.” I snapped up to see Jaxx side-stepping and looking ahead.

 “Ikaw pala yan, Jaxx. Just finished your meeting?”

“Yeah. It really drained me. I just want to crash.” he looked exhausted and tingin ko, konting push na lang sasabog na siya. I didn’t want to be there when that happened. I wanted to warn him pero nakakatakot istura niya.

 When I didn’t say anything more, he nodded and started to walk away.

 “Jaxx, wait!” I heard him sigh. When he turned around he put on a smile but really he looked like he wanted to strangle me if it wasn’t a crime.

 “Uh, may bisita ka. Just a heads up. Good luck.” Tumalikod na ako ang mabilisang umalis.