Everything Started on New Year's Eve

Define Love

I stared deliciously at his abs as he took his shirt off stretching his torso and exposing that sexy strip of hair on his lower abdomen leading to the tent in his jeans. His eyes were dark with desire and I was sure my eyes were the same.

 He was kneeling on the bed with me in between in legs. He hovered over me and started kissing my neck. His hand slipped under my shirt and I let out a moan when I felt his thumb graze my ribcage, slowly crawling up to my lace-covered chest.

 I should be stopping him, but his kisses felt so, so good. His tongue trailed lower to my collarbone as he slowly slid my bra strap off my shoulder. He went lower and lower, tugging my bra lower.

 “Jaxx..” I whispered throatily. The anticipation was killing me! I have never let anyone do this to me but the wonders it did to my body drove every sense in my body away. Suddenly the bed was shaking violently and I was bouncing on it.

 Was there an earthquake? Leche naman bad timing!

 “Punyeta, Val ang aga-aga. Sarap ng tulog ko eh!” I groaned. I was beyond frustrated. Akala ko totoo! I wanted to strangle her!

“Oh my God, Cara, were you having a wet dream?” she laughed, her eyes wide with surprise.

 “What? Ano ba pinagsasasabi mo diyan?” I had no recollection of what I was dreaming, everything was so fuzzy and I was still confused.

 “I heard you whisper Jaxx’s name and now pulang-pula cheeks mo!”

 “Val, shut up, you’re too loud.”

 “Oh my God, Cara, you were dreaming of f*****g Jaxx, weren’t you?” she was almost screaming.

 “NO! Val! Shhh!! Ano ba ang ingay mo!” nanlaki na mga mata ko and I was properly awake pagkarinig ko sa mga sinasabi niya.

 “I so knew it! Ang higpit ng yakap mo sa body pillow mo and you were whispering no, practically begging, for Jaxx! f**k I am so sorry!! Please tell me hindi ka na virgin kahit sa panaginip lang?”

 “Marge! Stop it!” I threw the body pillow at her. Alam kong pulang-pula na ako kasi ramdam ko ang init ng mukha ko, all the way to my neck! Pucha! Did I really just dream of Jaxx doing all those things to me?

 “Oh my God, Cars. You should really just f**k him. I think he is that good.” She wiped a tear from her eyes.

 Tingin ko din. Napabuntong-hininga ako. “What did you want, Val?”

 “Kakagaling ko lang kela Ace, nag jogging na kami. Anong oras ka umuwi kagabi? Why are you even home?” she continued to pester me.

 “Bahay ko to, Val. I’m allowed to be home.” I sat up and Val sat on my bed.

 “Yeah, but wasn’t it Tagaytay date night last night with Jaxx?”

 “Val, anong oras na? Bat ka ba nandito? And no, it wasn’t a date, ilang beses ko ba sabihin sa’yo.” Tiningnan ko ng masama si Val. Now that I’ve started to remember the rest of my dream, I felt the irrepressible urge to kick her off my bed.

 “Sure. Kayong dalawa lang dun sa secret resto niyo in Tagaytay. Sure, it’s not a date. Anyway, it’s seven-thirty—aray ko naman! What the f**k, Cara? Ah, ganyanan ha? Just because hindi ka na virgin?!” she launched at me with the throw pillow and pushed it against my face. “Malandi ka!”

 “Get off me! What the hell is wrong with you? Umagang-umaga e, punyeta ka!” Sana nga hindi na ako virgin kahit sa panaginip lang! Pero hindi ko na sinabi ‘yon. “Wala ka bang pasok?”

 “Nope. May pa-holiday si Chairman, have no idea why, to be honest.” She giggled. “Tamang tama, I can attend the party tonight, though I’ll have to leave by ten if I want to get some beauty sleep.”

 “Oh, no! Wala pa akong gift sa mom ni Seb!” I panicked and jumped out of bed. Maaga pa pero it will take me ages to find a gift for her because what do you give someone who doesn’t need anything?

 “And that’s why I’m here. Kasi wala pa rin ako regalo kay Tita Monique.” She laughed. “Let’s go girl!”

 We went over to Seb’s early para makapag bonding pa kami with the guys before Chino and Val would head back to Makati and Rockwell. Everything went well until dumating si Jaxx and Ace and hindi na ako mapakali.

 I couldn’t get over my dream of Jaxx and I felt really embarrassed whenever I looked at him. Sobrang guilty nakakahiya?! What was I even thinking bakit ganon panaginip ko! Iniwasan ko sya buong gabi for the fear that he might sense something or maamoy niya ang pagnanasa ko sa kanya. But it seems as though he always found me, and he almost didn’t leave my side!

 Tingin ko alam niya! Leche, sinabi kaya ni Val sa kanya when they were laughing earlier? Shucks, nakakapraning!

 “Hey, wait,” he caught my elbow when I was about to escape. “Are you avoiding me? Did I do something?” he was confused and worried at the same time. His eyes searched mine for answers pero umiwas agad ako ng tingin. Masyadong malapit mukha nya sa sa pisngi ko I could feel my cheeks start to burn.

 “Uh, no. I’m just—“ I’m overwhelmed with you and how hot you look and I can’t get over that I just had an inappropriate dream about you!

 “Why are you blushing? Do I have something on my face? In my teeth?” bigla syang naconscious pero natatawa sya sa reaksyo ko.

 “No! I need to go to the banyo. Naiihi na ako Jaxx, please.” I begged, lying through my teeth. He let me go. He wasn’t convinced pero di na siya sumunod.

 Naabutan ko sila na magkakumpol with the younger guests in the party, mga teenagers and yuppies na anak ng mga friends ng parents ni Seb. I went over and squeezed myself beside Val on the couch kahit na mas maluwag sa tabi ni Jaxx.

 “Benedict, I heard you were leaving for the States?” Tito Chet, Seb’s dad asked Jaxx. Tito Chet joined the young ones’ huddle in the sala as he laid another Johnny Walker Blue in the middle of the table.

 “Yes, tito. Will be doing my MBA.” He said, casually sipping on his drink.

 “Oh? Where will you study?” one of the female guests asked and looked at Jaxx with hearts for eyes and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Val pinched me.

 “Wharton.” He said simply.

 “Where is that?” the same girl asked, scrunching her nose.

 “It’s in Pennsylvania. The University of Pennsylvania.”

 “Oh. Why didn’t you take it in Yale or Harvard?” one of the guys asked. “My dad said an Ivy League school is better. He took his MBA in Harvard.”

 Okay, this is what I don’t like these sort of social gathering, pataasan na ‘to ng ihi. Jaxx was about to say something when Tito Chet interrupted.

 “Wharton is an Ivy League school and is actually one of the top schools for MBA for years. I think it even surpassed Harvard.” Tito Chet pointed out. “You know, not everything is Harvard or Yale or UCLA. There are a lot of other schools, both Ivy League and otherwise, that are good or even better but they’re just not getting as much media mileage. Blame it on the movies.” He chuckled.

 “That’s true.” Jaxx sniggered. “But the reason really is that my dad offered to pay for my MBA only if I took it in Wharton.”

 “Really? Why?” the same guy asked.

 “Maybe because it’s cheaper there than Harvard?” one of the other girls asked. Nasamid si Chino sa iniinom nyang beer and Jaxx just laughed.

 “I don’t know, maybe.” He shrugged still chuckling.

 “Yeah, by a few hundred dollars.” Chino retorted once he was able to breathe. “I mean, I’d definitely go to Wharton if I could save two hundred dollars a year.”

Seb clamped his lips between his teeth and looked away. Val and I had to suppress a laugh. Tiningnan ako ng masama nung babaeng nag-assume na cheaper sa Wharton at tinaasan ko lang sya na kilay.

 Jaxx cleared his throat addressed Tito Chet, “My dad’s an alumnus there, and so is my brother.”

 “You’re brother? You have a brother?” Tito Chet didn’t know much about Jaxx’s family. Not a lot of people do.

 “Yes, tito. A long story for another time.” He smiled politely and Tito Chet understood.

 “So when are you leaving?”

 “O, exact date and time ang sagot, please.” Seb interrupted and natawa kaming mga pumuntang Batangas. Jaxx, however, was laughing lightly when usually binabara nya na ang mga silly questions at mga pang-aasar ni Seb. He was in a good mood tonight, I wonder why?

 “August 3, 11:45 PM flight going to Seoul, then New York.  Two days after, I’ll fly to Pennsylvania. Happy?” He humored Seb when he repeated his answer verbatim.

 “That’s a little over a week from now! Have you packed?”

“Yes, tito. I’ve already sent a box ahead so I can travel light. I booked a flight with your airline, tito, but I guess it’s a fat chance that you’ll be flying, huh?”

 Kumirot ng konti ang puso ko when I heard him say that, but in the end, I was happy he was realizing his dream.

 Natawa si Tito Chet. He was a commercial pilot for Asiana airlines. “My airline talaga? But yeah, I’m not flying to the States anytime soon, if I remember correctly.”

 His bags were packed and he was happy to go. He should be! Maybe that’s why he is carefree and parang wala nang bumabagabag sa kanya. Buti naman natauhan sya na ituloy ang MBA niya sa States.

 Bigla akong kunurot ni Val.

 “Aray ko! Ano na naman?” I hissed at her.

 “You’re way to obvious! Mas malala pa yung googly eyes mo kesa sa mga ibang babae dito e!” she whispered, giggling.

“I wasn’t giving him googly eyes! Masaya lang ako na aalis sya.” Nanlaki mga mata ni Val when she heard this.

 “You’re happy? Are you sick?! Cara, let’s go. WE need to talk.” She suddenly stood up and dragged me across the room out to the garden while the others just watched us questioningly.

 “Again. What did you say?” pinaharp ako ni Val sa kanya habang nakahawak sa dalawang balikat ko.

 “I said I was happy na aalis sya. What’s wrong with that?”

 “Aren’t you sad or bothered or whatever?”

 “Oo naman, pero that’s his dream, to be with his family. Di mo ba nakita how happy he was?”

 “He was happy alright, but he was also not. Maybe you weren’t looking at him very well kasi you were busy making googly eyes at him.”

 “I wasn’t making googly eyes at him, ano ba?”

 “No, you just had a wet dream about him.” Val teased.

 “Val! I’m trying to forget about it!! Please let me live this one down!”

 I covered my burning face. Sobrang nakakahiya talaga! Buwisit ni Val na nakita nya, ang mas masama, kasi she interrupted it!

 “No f*****g way, sis.” She laughed. “But for what it’s worth, I’m happy that you’re happy. That you’re not hurt or moping or whatever. Sana ganoon din talaga pagka alis nya.”

 Hindi na kami bumalik sa loob and we just had our girl time until she left. After which, si Ace naman ang pumalit sa pwesto niya.

 “O, ano na balita sa inyo ng friend ko?” I asked as I took the beer he handed me.

 “Ayun, friends with benefits pa rin. Sayang.” He said regretfully.

 “Do you really like her more than that?”

 “I thought, yes. Well, yes. But she’s not into having a relationship. I asked. So di na.” he said.

 “Are you okay with being her fubu?”

 “I never thought I’d see the day I’d say this but no, I’m not.” He shook his head lightly. Kitang kita ang panghihinayang at lungkot sa mga mata nya. “I’m planning to 'break it off’ with her soon.”

 “Really? Wow, that was fast.” Nagulat ako sa bilis magdesisyon ni Ace and his honesty with himself. Sana ganun din ako.

 “I mean, there’s no point diba? I’m not happy, and she isn’t willing to move forward. Something’s gotta give. It’s not the end of the world, Cars.” He chuckled.

 “It’s gonna hurt you, though.”

 “Yeah, but mas masakit kapag pinatagal pa. I’ll be more attached to her. Come on, I don’t want to be another dumbass like Jaxx. Gusto mo bang magkaganoon din ako?” he raised his eyebrow at me.

 “Of course not! Bros before hoes!” pushed him lightly. “Pero bakit, mahal mo na ba siya?”

 “I don’t know, dude. Define love anyway.” Bigla akong natawa ng malakas, napakunot na lang ng noo si Ace.

 “Ano to, Slam book questions? Who is your crush? Most embarrassing moment? What is love?”

 “Love is like a mystery, full of, ay teka, potek mali! Love is like a rosary, full of mysteries!” sagot ni Ace.

 “Love is blind.”

“Love makes the world go round.”

 “Love is sweeter the second time around.” I winked at him. “Ayuuun namaaan!”

 “You have a point.” He looked at me meaningfully. “Your friend is hot and she’s fantastic in bed…” I groaned and rolled my eyes.

 “Let me finish. As I was saying, she’s hot and fantastic, but she’s not the only one, at least not yet, for me. So I’m leaving before it’s too late for me. Sad but true.”

 “And hope na may second chance kayo?”

 “Sana. I’m not gonna hope for it. But if it happens, sana nga, love is sweeter the second time around.”

 Kahit ba two years or five years later pa, ano? Wishing.

 “Cheers to that.” I raised my beer to him.

 “You’re such a sap, Cars.” Ace chuckled before he downed his beer.

 The party was winding down and nagpaalam na kaming umuwi. Val had left two hours ago but Chino decided to stay kasi late pa raw pasok niya bukas.

 Nakita kong papalapit na si Jaxx sa akin and, as much as I’d like to run again, more than half of me wanted to stay.

 “Are you okay now?” he asked

 “Yeah. I’m sorry about earlier. I really wasn’t avoiding you.” I managed to say.

 “Yeah, but you were being awkward. Are you sure everything’s fine between us?” he asked with a worried look on his face.

 “Of course, bakit naman hindi? We’re cool, Jaxx.” I smiled and he nodded.

 “You want to take the long route home? I didn’t bring a car.” He asked hopefully as he ran his hand through his hair. This was something he did when he was anxious or nervous. He’d run his hand through his hair or rub or scratch his eyebrow, or he’d pick on the hem of his shirt or the seam of his pants.

 Was he nervous I’d say ‘no’? Bakit parang kinakabahan sya? Pati tuloy ako kinakabahan.

 “You mean walk? Sure. Naka flats naman ako.” I smiled looking at my trusty ballet flats.

 Nagpaalam kami ng maayos sa parents ni Seb and said our less formal good byes to Ace, Seb, and Chino. Chino was also about to leave and offered to just drop me off. I told him I would just walk home. Di ko na sinabing kasama si Jaxx but I think he figured it out when Jaxx also declined his offer.

 As we walked out the gate, I felt the air suddenly become thick. Fresh air naman sana pero bakit ang hirap bigla huminga? Jaxx was still saying his goodbyes to the female guests na buong gabi ata siyang sinusundan. I rolled my eyes. I don’t have time for this jealousy.

 Teka, did I just say jealousy? Did I just admit na nagseselos ako??

 God. Dammit. Cara.

 When he was finally done, he walked quickly to my side. “Sorry about that.”

 “It’s alright hot stuff.” I winked playfully at him, my lame attempt to diffuse the tension.

 “Let’s go?”

 I nodded and he placed his hand on the small of my back. My heart started to race pero pinilit kong pa kalmahin sarili ko.

 We were just walking home. We did this all the time. Stop it Cara. He doesn’t know about your dream.

 s**t. I immediately blushed. Way to go, Cara!