Reckless

Chapter 24

“Salamat. Ikaw din. Enjoy your free day.” I smiled.

Umalis na siya at ako naman lumapit kila Brion dala dala ang nakita kong damit. Hindi naman na nagtanong si ate Reah about doon sa nakausap ko.

Hindi naman ganun kachismosa si ate. Plus, it’s not her business anymore. Kumuha pa ako ng mga kinakailangan ni Brion. Bumili pa ako ng mini bath tub para sakanya dahil nacutan ako.

Feeling ko mauubos ko lahat ng baby items dito pag tumagal pa ako. I just want to buy everything for Brion.

I earn a lot of money, but I don’t spend them. Hindi ako mahilig gumastos lalo na sa sarili ko. Mas gusto kong nagiipon at isahang bili lang ng gusto ko talaga.

I also do the one month rule. Pinagiisipan ko muna ng 1 month kung bibilhin ko ba ang isang bagay. Minsan kasi, hindi naman talaga kailangan ‘yon.

-

Three months after, I got really busy with work. Hindi ko na talaga naasikaso si Brion. Lumalaki na siya at every month may party kami for his monthly day.

Pumupunta si lola para magbigay ng regalo. Minsan kasama niya si tita, pero never pa si Louis. I don’t think he knows about Brion. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi nila sinsabi kay Louis, but that’s better.

Once he knows about it, I’m sure he’ll come running to me. He’ll do everything to make me come back to him and I don’t want that. I’m done with him.

“Did you think about it again, Hija?” Tanong ni lola.

“Ayaw ko po talaga, lola. Please let me live peacefully with my son.” I said.

Kapag wala si Brion sa piling ko, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko or magiging sitwasyon ko.

He’s the only one that makes my day better. Pagkatapos nun at parang kumbinsido na si lola na hindi ako papayag, lagi na siyang bumibisita dito para makita si Brion.

Brion’s familiar with his lola too pati na rin kay tita.

“Hindi pa po ba alam ni Louis ang tungkol kay Brion?” Tanong ko.

Tumango si lola.

“Nasa US kasi siya at nagtratrabaho sa kumpanya. Things are messy and hard in the company right now, so we can’t open this up. Once he knows about this, he’ll come back to the Philippines immediately.”

I see. Nakwento nga sa’kin yun noon ni Louis. Balak din niya mag trabaho sa US noon. Kaya hindi ko rin sinabi kaagad noon na buntis ako dahil ang dami niyang pangarap sa buhay at isang balita lang ang sisira doon.

I’m not saying that Brion will destroy his dreams, but that’s how I think before.

“He will surely be happy to know about Brion.” Lola said as she looks at Brion.

I don’t know. He might even get mad at me for hiding it from him for years now.

“Why don’t you guys try again?” Lola asked.

Hindi ako sumagot. I don’t want to and I’m not interested. As far as I want a happy and whole family for Brion, I just don’t think I can.

“Hayaan mo na sila, mama. Basta ang mahalaga maayos si Brion.” Sabi ni tita.

Pagkatapos nun ay hindi naman na ako kinulit ni lola about doon. I feel like I have my own family now too since they visit me often.

Hindi kasi namin close ang mga kamaganak namin. Dahil si mama hindi naman masyado nakikipagcommunicate sakanila.

We like to keep things private at kilala na kami doon kaya minsan lang kami naiinvite sa mga family gatherings.

It’s fine for me too. Less drama and problems. Our relatives are rich, so they have a lot of issues especially with the rankings.

I mean, lamangan kung sino mas mayaman and all. Basta. It’s complicated.

-

Brion’s finally turning a year old tomorrow and we’re gonna have a big party. Sinabi sa’kin ni lola na sinabi niya na kay Louis ang about kay Brion.

I wasn’t against it. I think it’s time for him to know about his child too.

Ang sabi sa’kin ni lola ay nag book kaagad ng flight si Louis papuntang pilipinas. Hindi ko lang alam kung kailan ang dating niya.

It’s a big party, but only few people will come. Mostly, ang bisita ay galing sa family ni Louis.

Ang inimbita ko lang ay kung sino ang mga nasa bahay. Ate Reah, kuya Nando (our security guard) basta lahat ng andito sa bahay.

Lahat naman sila ay malaki ang naging parte sa buhay ko.

I want to invite ate Danicah, but she’s currently not around. Umalis siya ng bansa. She told me that she’ll go to Japan with her best friend and even asked me for more money.

Of course, I still give her what he wants. Kapag hindi ko binigay ang gusto niya, susugod ‘yon dito sa bahay at gagawa ng eksena.

I don’t want Brion to see or hear this kind of stuffs. He’s growing too fast and he can understand some of the words I’m saying now.

“Can I host the party?” Tanong ni lola sa’kin sa kabilang linya ng telepono.

She called me first thing in the morning. Halos kakagising ko lang pero ‘yan na agad ang bungad niya sa’kin.

She’s really excited to celebrate Brion’s birthday.

“Sure, lola, but I want the venue to be at my house.”

“Sure, sure! I’ll take care of everything.” She said.

“Okay then,” I said and she ended the call.

I’m torn between being excited to Brion turning one, but also sad ‘cause he’s growing up. I don’t want him to grow up. I just want him to be my little baby. I pouted.

It’s not like I have the choice to keep him as a baby. He’ll surely grow up soon enough. It’s just sad ‘cause for sure at that time, he’ll have his own decision and thinking. He won’t be needing me anymore.

Now I understand how mom felt when I was in my teenage years. Gustong gusto niya na dumidikit sa’kin palagi at malaman kung anong nangyayari sa buhay ko which was a good idea.