Reckless

Chapter 25

I was able to tell her everything and not hide anything from her. Hindi ako nagrebelde.

I only hid the fact that I got pregnant, but I was old enough that time. I wasn’t ready though.

Hindi rin naman namin sinadya ni Louis na makabuo. We use condom before, but we tried it without the condom.

He got it out before he came, but I think some of it entered my body. It was scary. Most of the people are happy when they figure out they’re pregnant, but me?

I was devastated. I wasn’t happy with my pregnancy, obviously, but looking at Brion now?

I don’t regret anything. Imagine I gave birth to this cute and happy child. I was able to give him a life. The next morning, people started to come to our house.

Ang dami nilang dala pang set up. Hinayaan ko ang mga security guard at si ate Reah na umasikaso sakanila. Pumunta agad ako sa kwarto ni Brion. Umiiyak siya. Gutom na ‘to. Agad ko siyang binuhat at pina breast feed.

Binuksan ko ang aking cellphone para tumingin ng messages.

Louis:

We have a child? You didn’t tell me?

This is his old number since it’s still registered in my phone. He still has it? And he has my number too?

Louis:

Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you push me away?

Now that I’m receiving this texts, I’m sure he arrived at the Philippines. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. I’ll just wait for him to come so that I could tell everything in one talk.

After that, I won’t talk to him again. I sighed and looked at my social media accounts. Tinignan ko ang story ni ate Danicah.

She’s not in Japan. She’s in Paris. That woman. Travel in Paris is really expensive, plus her shopping. I’m sure she’ll shop a lot there.

Ang mamahal pa namn ng mga damit doon. Kaya pala nanghihingi pa siya ng extra.

Me:

I thought sa Japan lang kayo?

Ate Danicah:

Sudden change of plans.

Umirap ako at sineen lang ang message niya. She’s just living her life to the fullest, unlike me who’s stressed and my only reliever is my child.

Whatever. I’m contented to what I have right now and I don’t need anything anymore. I’ve got everything I need right beside me.

Natapos din ako magpa-breast feeed at tulog nanaman si Brion. I smiled and put him gently on my bed. I took him here since I’m gonna take a bath and change first.

I can see him from a far if my bathroom door is opened.

“Katherine? Saan daw sila pupwesto?”

“Sa garden, ate Reah. Sinabi na ‘yan ni lola.” Sabi ko.

Tumahimik na sa labas kaya sa tingin ko ay naintindihan niya naman sinabi ko. Si lola ay parating na dahil gusto niya daw na siya ang mag organize ng lahat.

I’m sure everything will turn out great Pagkatapos ko maligo ay binalikan ko si Brion na tulog padin. Napakacute talaga ng anak ko.

Simple lang ang dress na sinuot ko dahil hindi naman kailangan ng bonggang dress. It’s more like a formal children’s party. Hindi ko alam kung may mga bata ba na pupunta pero mas maganda ata ‘yon. Kahit hindi pa makalaro si Brion, mapapanood niya yung mga naglalaro.

Lumingon ako sa kumatok sa pintuan ko.

“Katherine, nandito na si lola. May kasama siyang lalaki.”

Lalaki? Wait is she talking about Louis? Tapos na ako mag ayos ng aking sarili at magpapalit nalang ng damit.

”Sige Ate, pakisabi nalang na baba na din ako--”

“Katherine.” Isang malalim at pamilyar na boses ang narinig ko.

“Sandali. Magbibihis lang ako.” Sabi ko.

Pagkatapos ko suotin yung dress ko ay binuksan ko ng unti unti ang pintuan. Nandoon si Louis. He looks the same as before, pero medyo lumaki ang katawan niya ngayon.

Sakto lang. It looks good on him. Tinignan niya ako at ramdam ko ang galit niya.

“Where is he?” Tanong nito.

”He’s sleeping in my bed.”

Agad siyang lumapit sa kama at tinitigan si Brion. Lumapit ako at tumabi kay Brion. Umangat ang tingin ko sakanya at nakatingin na siya sa’kin ngayon.

“Is he really mine?”

“What do you think of me, Louis?” I rolled my eyes.

He looks so happy to see Brion. Of course, he looks so much like him. Like a mini version of him.

“Can I?” I nodded. He carried him up.

Brion didn’t react, he’s still sleeping. He used to wake up whenever he’s touched, but I think he doesn’t have much energy today.

I can see how happy Louis is by looking at his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asked.

“How could I? You have a lot of dreams that time and I don’t want to destroy any of it.” I said. His forehead wrinkled.

“That’s your reason?” His voice raised that made Brion move a bit.

“Put him down first. Let’s talk outside.” I said.

He gently put Brion back to my bed and followed me at the balcony. I closed it up.

The glass and wall are sound proof so Brion wouldn’t be bothered.

“You weren’t ready too. I asked you countless time about us having a baby and you told me we have a lot of time in the world and not talk about it for now.” Sabi ko.

Ilang beses ako nag bigay ng sign at nagtanong kung sakaling ano ang magiging reaksyon niya or desisyon kapag nalaman niyang may anak kami.

“I only said that because that’s what I think--”

“Exactly. It means you weren’t really ready for it.” “That’s not it, Katherine. If you only told me about it, I’ll take responsibility. We did that together. How could I leave you? And let you do things alone?”

“Hindi mo naintindihan, Louis. Hindi ka pa handa noon at naka focus ka sa goal and dreams mo. I didn’t want to distract or destroy it.” He looked at me like he can’t believe what I just said. What? It’s the truth!

“That’s f****d up. I deserve to know about my child. You should’ve told me sooner. I could make my dream come true at alagaaan kayong dalawa.” Sabi niya.

Pero hindi ganoon ang takbo ng isip ko. I was too immature and I didn’t know what to do.