Reckless

Chapter 26

I was too pressured. Kahit na sinabihan ako ni mama na sabihin ito kay Louis, ayaw ko pa din.

Ilang beses niya ako pinilit pero ako ang may gusto na hindi gawin ‘yon kaya hinayaan niya nalang ako.

“I was scared.” I said and looked down.

“f**k. If you only told me about it at least sooner…” He said and I can see how sad he is.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“Can we just start over again?” He asked.

Tinignan ko siya. I can see the man I loved before, but I don’t feel anything to him right now.

Wala talaga. I think I’ve moved on after those years.

“Hindi ko alam, Louis. I don’t love you anymore…” I said and whispered the last five words.

Natigilan siya.

“I see. It’s fine. As long as I can still visit Brion every time I want.” He said, changing the topic.

“Of course,” I said.

I’m glad he didn’t force me to come back. He didn’t say anything after and just looked at me. He sighed. Binuksan nito muli ang balcony para makapasok sa kwarto.

Muli siyang lumapit kay Brion at tinabihan ito sa kama. Nakamulat na ang mga mat nito, pero hindi siya umiiyak. Usually pag bago sakanya yung muka o boses, umiiyak siya unless comportable siya. Just like when he met his lola before.

“Good morning little one,” Sabi ni Louis.

Ngumiti ito dahilan ng pag ngiti ko din. When Brion smiles, I don’t think anyone could resist their smile too. He’s too cute.

Brion giggled as his father play with him. I’m glad he’s comfortable. Medyo nangamba pa ako ng una dahil nga hindi niya pa nakita si Louis kahit sa picture.

I let them bond in my room and went outside to check what’s going on. Maganda ang design ng party.

As expected. I’m sure lola paid a lot for this. I looked around and I caught lola’s eyes.

”Did they meet already?” She asked.

“Yes. They’re at my room.”

Mamaya maya ay gugutumin na ‘yon si Brion. I’ll breast feed him again. Wala pa akong nalalagay sa bottle na breast feed milk niya.

“Good. How did it went?”

“Brion’s comfortable with Louis and Louis seems really happy to meet his son.” I said.

I don’t know if not telling him before was the right decision, but I did what I did. Hindi ko na din naman mababago ‘yon at tapos na ‘yon.

“That’s great…. Louis was nervous last night. Baka daw umiyak si Brion pag hinawakan niya.” Tawa ni lola.

I smiled. I thought too. Akala ko din ay iiyak si Brion at titingin sa’kin para kuhanin siya pero hindi. Ngumiti siya kay Louis at tinitigan pa ito.

Looking at the party, it seems like it’s a teenager’s debut. I mean, it’s too grand.

“Isn’t this a bit too much, lola?” I asked.

“Nothing’s too much for my apo. Gusto ko special ang first birthday niya.” Sabi nito. Sabagay. She has a point.

“Akyat lang po ulit ako. I’ll just check on Brion at baka gutom na ulit ‘yon.” Sabi ko.

“Sure, sure. Ako na ang bahala dito.”

“Thank you, lola.” I said.

Tumango lang ito at ngumiti. I walk upstairs and before I opened the door, I can hear giggles and Louis’s deep voice. I slowly opened the door so that I won’t disturb their moment.

Lumapit ako at umangat ang tingin ni Louis sa’kin.

“How is he?” I asked.

“He’s lively and really playful.”

“Hindi pa ba siya nagugutom?”

“How would I know if he is?”

“Once he cries or bite your hand.” His forehead wrinkled.

“Ah, he bit my hand earlier and was sucking it.” I nodded.

It means he’s hungry. He’s just distracted since he enjoys playing with his father.

I carried Brion and was about to breastfeed him. Inangat ko na ang damit ko nang mapansin kong nakatignin si Louis sa’kin.

“Ah. I’ll just breastfeed him. Can you go downstairs for a bit?” Sabi ko.

Ang awkward naman kasi pag nag breastfeed ako na nasa harapan ko lang siya. Kahit nga kapag si ate Reah hindi ko pinapatingin sa’kin eh.

”Okay.” He said, but still looking at Brion like he doesn’t want him to get out of his sight.

I looked at him and raised my eyebrows.

“How many minutes should I wait to come back up again?” Tanong niya.

“Maybe after thirty minutes,” I said.

He nodded and stood up. Habang naglalakad siya paalis, tumitingin tingin siya kay Brion.

He finally got out of the room.

“Did you enjoy your time with your father?” I asked Brion and smiled at him.

He’s just looking at me as he drink milk from me. I caressed his face. Such a precious small human being.

I just can’t help but to admire him every time I look at him. When he close his eyes, I suddenly felt a bit sleepy. I close my eyes and leaned on the headboard of my bed.

I woke up when I felt someone carry Brion away from me. Minulat ko ang mata ko at bumungad sa’kin si Louis na tinatanggal sa kamay ko si Brion.

I close my eyes again and let him do what he’s doing. Naramdaman ko na binaba niya ang damit ko at inayos.

I peek again to see what he’s doing. He’s just staring at Brion, caressing his face and fixing his clothes. I was wrong… even if he wasn’t ready to have a child before, I think he could adjust and be a better father.

I yawned and pretended that I just woke up.

“How are things downstairs?”

“They’re almost finished.” He said.

I nodded and stood up.

Pumunta ako ng banyo at inayos ulit ang buhok at make-up ko. Dapat pala ay mamaya na ako nag make-up.

“Ano oras ulit gigising si Brion?”

Nagulat ako at napalingon kay Louis na ngayon ay nasa pintuan na ng banyo. Nakabukas lang naman ang banyo dahil nag aayos lang naman ako ng mukha.

“Later. Depende pa sakanya kung ano oras siya magigising.”

I don’t usually count the hours of his sleep dahil busy din ako at parang ang bilis lang lagi ng oras kapag kasama ko siya.