Reckless

Chapter 56

“Are you mad at me for having a girlfriend?” Tanong nito.

“Of course I am damn mad! How could you ask if we can still be together when you have a girlfriend? Ano ako third party?”

It will look like I’m the one who’s trying to break a relationship. If he really wants to try it again with me, he would break up with his girlfriend first before asking me.

“No, of course no. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just--well I was shocked. You didn’t tell me that we have a child. The first thing that came into my mind is to fill up the years that I’ve lost and give my son a happy family.” Sabi nito.

Now it’s my fault. Kung gusto niya talaga mangyari ‘yan, he will take care of things first before making a move.

“I just can’t break up with my girlfriend that easy. We’ve been together for a year now. I don’t love him as much as I loved you, but it’s not that easy to let go of her.” Sabi nito.

I know he’s just saying the facts pero bakit parang naiinis ako. He can’t just leave the girl dahil hindi niya kayang basta iwan lang ito.

The hell is wrong with me? This is bad. I should really step back and never have a conversation with him. I don’t like where this is going.

“Still, you shouldn’t have asked me that.”

“I know. I was wrong, but you are too. You hid my child from me. I lost a lot of time with him.” Sabi nito.

I hate it that he’s right. Wala naman akong masasabi dyan dahil mali din naman talaga ko. I wasn’t using my brain right. Of course I was young, how can I make such decision?

Muntikan na ako magpalaglag dahil iniisip ko dati na hindi ko kaya pero buti nalang at nandyan si mommy. She was there the whole time to cheer me up.

She always checks on me making sure that I’m not crying. My emotions are heightened those days and she was there to comfort me.

That was supposed to be Louis’s duty.

“You weren’t ready. We talked about it and you didn’t want a child. I know you’re mind will change if I say those words to you, but then magiging labag pa din ‘yun sa loob mo.”

“Do you know how much I suffered just to survive?” Sabi ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita. Of course not. He never asked me. He never reached out to me after I pushed him away. He just left without knowing the real truth. To be honest, I wanted him to ask me and investigate further why I was acting like that, but he didn’t.

Umalis lang talaga siya ng bansa at hindi man lang nagsabi sa’kin. Syempre hindi ko na nakita ang dahilan para sabihin pa sakanya. He already left the country, bakit pa ako maghahabol.

“Mom died during my pregnancy. Do you know how hard that is? She was the only person I had.” Sabi ko.

“You never attempted to tell me the real truth?” Sabi nito.

“I did. But you left the country. How the hell would I contact you?”

“I’ve got social media accounts.”

“Yes, I didn’t saw the need for me to tell you about everything. I was mourning. I was taking care of the company, I was taking care of ate Danicah, I was taking care of myself. I was damn busy.” Sabi ko.

Sobrang pagod na pagod ako pero ni minsan hindi ako nagreklamo. Lalo na kay ate Dahicah na walang ginawa kung hindi mag waldas ng pera at gumala.

She never volunteered to help me in the company.

“If you left even a slight message, I would f*****g go back and help you. I was determined to be your boyfriend because I wanted to be with you the rest of my life.” Sabi niya.

“You wanted to be with me, pero bakit hindi mo sinubukan ng sinubukan bumalik sa’kin, Louis?” Tanong ko.

“Because you pushed me away--”

“Is that enough reason to leave?”

I never pushed him away nor break up with him ‘cause I love him that much and he knows that. Hindi kami nag brebreak or cool off dati.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I thought you fell out of love. I don’t want to force myself to someone who doesn’t even want to be with me.” Sabi nito.

Of course. Typical Louis. That’s what he believes in. Na kung ayaw mo, edi huwag. Hindi kita pipilitn o ipagpipilit ang sarili ko sa’yo.

“Hindi ka ba nagtaka? I never told you those words. I never left you without any reason. Bakit hindi mo inalam ang totoong rason, Louis.”

I was acti ng so damn sketchy. He was always observing pero nung mga oras na ‘yon, parang napakamanhid niya.

“No. I was going through something too.”

Now he’s going through something.

“What was going on with you that time? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa’kin kung ganoon?”

“You were acting cold. I don’t want to rant when you’re mad ‘cause you won’t care about it and just focus on what you feel.”

Sige, inaamin ko na kapag galit talaga ako ay kahit anong sabihin mo hindi ko papansinin. But, “If that was really important, I would adjust.” Sabi ko.

“It’s just the same to me. If you could’ve just told me, I would adjust. I would try to make things work.” Sabi nito.

“You haven’t told me about your problem yet, why are you jumping back to my issue?”

He sighed. Parehas na kaming nakatayo at nagbabatuhan ng mga salita. If there was a person outside this room, I’m sure he/she will hear it.

Sinabihan ko si ate Reah na wag hayaan umakyat si Gio, but of course not that obvious.

“The company was falling. I didn’t know what to do. I was studying, the both of us. My parents were stressed and they were fighting every night. The only time that I could breathe properly is when I talk to you, but then you turned into a cold person.”

“You know that you were the only one I can talk to with those things.”

What? How could be their company go through that? They have a strong foundation and not to mention strong board members.

Hindi ko naintinidihan ‘yun dati, pero ngayon ay malinaw na ang lahat sa’kin since I’m already in the business industry.

”I was busy trying to make a solution. I don’t know anything that much in business that time.”