Reckless

Chapter 13

"Seems like you're enjoying the night." I said.

I don't have to be afraid. Patigasan ng loob 'to.

"Oh!" He laughed.

"I enjoy them so much. They taste reallysweet, baby."

Tawa niya at uminom ulit ng isang shot. Pumatak ang luha kong pinipigilan pero hindi ko pinakita 'yon.

I wiped it like I'm just fixing my hair. I deserve this. I don't have the right to be mad at all. That's it Louis, enjoy what you're doing. You deserve to be happy.

"I'm pretty sure you've been waiting for this day.. full filling your thirst with hot girls." I scoffed.

Tinignan niya ako na parang hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinasabi ko. The angrier he is the better. In that way he will completely hate and forget me.

"Is that what you think, Katherine?"

"Bullshit! You know what? I regret loving you. I regret having a hope to someone that maybe someday she'd bring back the girl that I met years ago. Forget it. I'm happy you're out of my life. I'm happy you're gone."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang luha ko. pero umiwas lang ako ng tingin para hindi niya makita. I avoided an eye contact with him. In this way... He will think na ayaw ko lang siya kausapin.

"This is the last time I'll ever talk to you." He said and left.

Humagulgol na ako pagkaalis niya. Sobrang sakit ng mga sinabi niya but I deserve it all... Be happy Louis.

Forget me and find someone who will love you more than I do.

"Nasaan ang apo ko?"

Nagising ako sa isang malakas na sigaw. My head hurts... I drank too much last night. I fixed myself and went downstairs,

Bumungad sa'kin ang lola ni Louis. Ang dalawang maid ay nakayuko at tila natatakot sa kanya.

"L-Lola..."

"Katherine! Jusko ano ba ang nangyari sa'yo? I heard what happened... nasan ang apo ko? I want to see him."

How did she know? Pano niya nalaman? Wala ako nagawa kundi samahan siya kay Brion. I didn't get to see him these past few days since I was too addicted to alcohol. I don't want him to see me drunk.

"Oh my god... you're so cute." Lapit ni lola kay Brion.

Makikita mo ang saya sa mukha niya at basa ang kanyang mata sa sobrang saya. My mom named Brion.

Excited pa kami non nung malapit ng lumabas si Brion. We're happy, sobrang saya namin araw-araw until my mom permanently left our world.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko at wala na akong purpose sa buhay, wala na din akong motivation. My dad's gone, my mom's gone, ate Danicah's on abroad studying.

Hindi rin naman kami close ni ate Danicah.

"Lola... d-does Louis know?"

"Hindi pa, hija. I only heard about it on your mom's trusted friend. Nalaman ko rin ang nangyari kay Cecila. I'm so sorry for your loss, hija."

Lumapit siya sa'akin at niyakap ako. I cried so hard dahil parang bumalik lahat ng sakit.

"Lola please don't tell Louis about this."

"Bakit naman? I'm sure he will be happy about this. Hindi maganda ng sitwasyon niya this year."

"He deserves better... Ayoko na umikot lang ang mundo niya sa'kin, sa'min. He has a lot of dreams and I don't want to destroy it."

"Hija... you're the best thing that ever happened to him. Now that you're gone, he's getting worst each day." Natahimik ako.

"He deserves to know his son and Brion deserves to meet his father too."

I don't... want to be with him again. I've already pushed and hurt him enough. I'm too embarrassed to even face him.

"I have a condition." Umupo si lola sa sofa na malapit at umupo ako sa harapan niya.

"I'll leave Brion... sainyo lola. I can't take care of him, Wala akong kwentang ina and he deserves better just like his father. I'm a trash." Iyak ko.

"You never tried to hija kaya ganyan, you decide for yourself without considering other people and that's not good."

She’s right… I just gave up my child so easily. Hindi tama ‘yon.

After a week sumama ako kay lola umuwi sa kanila, I brought Brion at ang sabi ni lola ay nandun daw si Louis. My plan is to tell him everything and leave.

Nakaupo ako ngayon sa living room nila kasama si Brion. Lola went upstairs and tita's cooking in the kitchen sabi nila ay mag antay lang daw ako dito. Louis will be home soon.

Bumaba na ang araw pero walang Louis na nag pakita. He's probably out, partying. Nag play back sa isip ko yung nakita ko last week. I heard a small yawn from the couch. Binaba ko ang tingin ko kay Brion. Nagkatinginan kami ni lola, She smiled at me.

"Maybe you should stay here for a day... I'll escort you to the room."

"Sige po."

Brion's sleepy and he needs to rest. Sinamahan ako ni lola at umalis din siya dahil may kailangan daw siyang gawin. When Peter fell asleep bumaba ako at lumabas.

I reached for the cigarette in my pocket and light it up. I learned how to drink and smoke in the bar. It looks fun. Nakita ko lang sa mga nakakasama ko and they look happy.

Maybe... just maybe if I do it, I'll be happy too. Kahit hindi ko naman nararamdaman pero I'm still hoping I will be. Umakyat ako after at naglinis ng katawan. I will tell the maid to unpack Brion's things and I will leave after I talk to Brion.

I was drying my hair and I heard something unsual... something like pleasure moans. Binuksan ko ang pintuan at lumabas. Lumapit ako sa kwarto kung saan ko narinig 'yon. The door is a bit open and there I saw Louis f*****g a girl.

Napatingin siya sa banda ko pero hindi siya tumigil. Tumulo ng tuluyan ang luha ko, I went back to the room and grabbed my things. I need to get out of here. He brought a girl in their house and f****d her. How could he?--

Hindi lang ‘yon ang nangyari pero ayaw ko na muna ispin. We tried to fix our relationship pero wala.

The reason why I keep coming back every year is to get to know Brion and also to check on him.

Of course, I'm still his mother. I don't want my own son to forget me.

Kinabukasan maaga ako nagising at pumunta sa kwarto ni Brion, Louis is with him again.