Reckless

Chapter 18

I wiped my tears up and looked at myself in the mirror.

My eyes are a bit puffy, but I have no choice but to face Louis again. I can see them from a far, and Louis is already eyeing on me. I walk towards them and I saw Brion pointing at me. I foced a smile and walk faster.

“Where did you go, mommy?”

“Mommy just talked with an old friend. Did you order food already?” I asked.

“I already ordered for us.” Louis said.

He’s looking at my face really closely, which makes me more awkward. I nodded and just faced Brion.

“What did he say?”

“Can we talk about this later? When it’s only the two of us?” I said.

He nodded and shut his mouth. I couldn’t open the topic especially when Brion is with us. I know he still can’t understand some words, but he might get a hint and I don’t want him to know that his family is f****d up.

I mean look at me? I’m a really bad mother and a lover.

Food finally came and Louis order for me was perfect. This is all my favorite. He never really forgets, huh?

“Yummy!”

We both looked at Brion who’s trying to eat his own food. I want to smile, but I couldn’t. Especially when he’s not looking at me.

I was silent the whole dinner, but I don’t think Brion realized that ‘cause he was talking the whole time. He’s also busy asking question to his dad like how the food was cooked and such.

He might even be a better cook than me. Well, no wonder. He watches his dad cook everyday and I’m sure Louis will teach him too when he’s older.

After we eat, we walk around the mall and buy toys for Brion. He has a lot of toys and Louis doesn’t even want to buy him some more, but of course gusto ko din makabawi kaya naman binilhan ko siya ng gusto niya.

Louis let me do what I want. I know this is spoiling our son, but what’s the point of having a lot of money when you can’t buy everything that your child wants?

As long as I have money, I’ll buy everything he needs and wants in this world. Syempre pag afford ko.

“It’s time to go home na,” I said to Brion.

His happy face turned sad. I smiled. Once he’s at the car, I’m sure he’ll pass out and sleep.

He’s been hyper the whole day. When Louis carried him up, he immediately fell asleep on his arms. I smiled. Such a cutie. I can’t believe he came from me.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t really know to be honest.”

I think everything’s just not sinking in my mind, but once it does, I’m afraid I’ll break down.

When I’m stressed, I keep everything inside and never tell anyone about it. Unlike before, I always open up to mom, but when she left me?

Parang gumuho yung mundo ko. I don’t think I could bring back the old Katherine again.

“What did he say?”

“The truth, of course. That I was a liar and a cheater.”

He didn’t say anything. Of course he won’t, ‘cause it’s the truth. I didn’t cheat on him though… but when I kissed Louis accidentally--I literally did. I can’t justify my reckless actions and decisions. It was completely wrong and I was a completely asshole.

“Why didn’t you come with him? Or run after him? That’s what you always do.”

“I choose to stay. I don’t want to leave Brion anymore.” He looked at me.

“That’s new.”

“I decided to choose Brion. I want to focus on our son now.” I said.

He was silent. It means he agrees to it. We we’re silent the whole drive since we can’t make much noise too. Brion is sleeping at the back. We arrived at the house and Louis carried Brion inside.

I watch them, but I didn’t follow. I walk to the beach and sat on the sand. I’m wearing dress so it’s a bit cold here outside. I looked up the sky.

I was too contented. I didn’t think of the consequences that might happen. Inabuso ko rin yung kabaitan niya.

“So what will happen?”

“I’ll stay here as what I’ve said. After my vacation is done, I’ll bring Brion to Manila so that I could introduce him to ate Danicah.”

I know me and ate Danicah are not in good terms, but I couldn’t bare that she’s the last one who would know about Brion.

He’s still my sister.

“How about Gio?”

“I don’t think we could fix it anymore.” I said. He didn’t say anything.

I know he’s already considering this a chance to get back to me, but I don’t think I could do it right now. I’m not ready to form another relationship again.

I’ve already cheated to Gio, so I should at least respect him by not having a relationship with anyone for now.

“How do you feel right now?”

“I feel anxious. I don’t know. I feel like a really bad person and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“I’m really glad you chose Brion over him now.”

“You know, I don’t really care kung hindi mo ako piliin. As long as you choose our child over anyone.”

I know… that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all this time.

“I know.”

“What if he tells you that he’s fine with Brion and he wants you back?”

I stopped for a bit. I didn’t think of that. I just think everything is destroyed now.

“I don’t know… I don’t think I can introduce him to Brion.”

If I introduce him to Brion, Brion would think that his family is broken. I don’t want that.

Not now, so I don’t think me and Gio will ever come back together again. Louis just sat there with me until midnight.

We didn’t talk or anything after that. Just look at the sky and listen to the sound of waves.