PROLOGUE
I CAN’T see anything but white. There are things bumping into my skin, but it doesn’t even bother me, para silang unan sa lambot na animo’y ulap na tinatangay ng hangin.
I started roaming my eyes around the place but I can’t recognize where I am or even see a single person to talk to.
“Where am I?” I asked myself before deciding to walk straight ahead.
Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako nandito o bakit ako napunta rito? Am I even walking? Hindi ko alam, but I feel like I am levitating na parang hindi naman ako nakatapak sa lupa.
As I was walking, things started getting better and clearer in my eyes. Nabuhayan ako ng loob noong may ibang kulay akong nakita maliban sa puro puti na nakabalot paligid. Unti-unti akong nakaaninag ng isang matingkad na kulay, isang dilaw na bulaklak. They were literally dancing in the air, and I enjoyed watching it while continuously walking wherever my feet took me.
“Happy birthday, my sunshine,” the voice was low, but I was certain that I knew it. I couldn't be mistaken; it was my mom’s voice.
“Soleil!” The voice became vivid, and I felt like she was just close to where I was standing.
“Mom? Is that you?” I blurted out, starting to feel excited.
“Soleil, I am here,” the voice repeated my name.
“Mom! Where are you? Is that you? It’s you, right, Mom?” I called out, my excitement growing as I started running toward the voice. I wore my widest smile while looking forward to the end of the alley.
“Mom! Where are you? I am here! It’s me! Your daughter, your Soleil! Mom!” I called out until I saw something not too far from where I was.
A girl with long, straight hair, her huge smile revealing two dimples, welcomed me with open arms, where I always felt safe.
“My sunshine, how are you? Did you enjoy your birthday?”
“Mom! Is that you, right? I am not dreaming, right?” I shouted while running as fast as I could toward her.
My knees melted when I finally rested my face on my favorite person’s shoulder. I started sobbing like a child, and Mom didn’t utter a word. Instead, she hugged me tightly and started caressing my hair.
“I’m sorry, Mom, I am very sorry. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. I deserve Father’s loathing. You died because of me; I was the reason we had to lose you. It was because of me that Dad turned that way. It was all my fault, Mom. It was all my fault!”
“Soleil, makinig ka. Maniwala ka. No one wants that to happen, anak, walang gustong mangyari ang nangyari at kahit ulitin man ang panahon at oras na ‘yon gagawin at gagawin ko pa rin ang kung anong dapat kung gawin. I am your mother, and no mother can bear it when they let their child be in danger. Your dad is just coping, matagal man pero huwag mong susukuan ang daddy mo. He loves you, and we both see that, right? Mahal na mahal n’ya tayong dalawa kahit si Kade. Stop blaming yourself, anak, wala kang kasalanan at hindi ikaw ang pumatay sa kin. It was all an accident, but I want you to promise your mom one thing,” she said bago ako kinalas sa pagkakayakap sa kan’ya. She put her hands on my shoulders and started caressing me.
“Whatever happens, stay alive. Protect yourself, your father and Kade. Parte na ng pamilya natin si Kade. He is now your brother, huwag mong hahayaang malulong ang daddy mo sa mali. Continue bringing success to our family, ikaw na lang ang inaasahan ng daddy mo.” I nodded.
“I love you, anak, remember that, whatever happens, you will always be my sunshine.”
I was about to reply to my mom’s statement when everything suddenly went black.
“SOLEIL! WATCH OUT! MAY SASAKYANG PAPUNTA!” huli kong dinig na sigaw ni mommy bago ako tumilapon sa kabilang parte ng kalsada kasunod noon ay ang narinig kong malakas na pagsalpok.
The next thing I knew, Mrs. Nerry was carrying me while running toward Dad, who was hugging my Mom’s body, bathing in her own blood.
“TULONG! TUMAWAG KAYO NG AMBULANSIYA NGAYON NA! SAVE MY WIFE! SAVE MY WIFE!” sigaw ni Daddy, and his men started coming to us. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari pero nakita kong binuhat ni Dad si Mommy papasok ng van namin habang ipinapasok naman ako ni Mrs. Nerry sa kotseng minamaneho ni Lorenzo.
Everything went black once again, and the next thing I knew, I found myself standing in front of a sliding door kung nasaan nakailaw ang bombilyang maliit na nasa ilalim ng mga katagang Operating Room. I saw myself silently crying na kahit nakakaramdam ako ng kirot sa iilang parte ng katawan ko ay mas naiiyak ako dahil alam kung nasa loob pa rin si mommy, hindi pa rin ligtas sa peligro.
Hindi na ako nagtagal sa naging posisyon ko na ‘yon dahil bigla akong hinila ni Mrs. Nerry papanhik sa kan’ya and the next thing I saw was my father standing in my place, waiting for the man covered in an all-blue uniform.
“Doc, I can pay you triple or even give whatever you want, just save my wife. Buhayin n’yo lang ang asawa ko, doc. Please!” rinig na palahaw ni daddy habang hawak-hawak nito ang kwelyo ng tinawag n’yang doctor.
Hindi nakasagot agad ang doctor kay Daddy at kasunod ng pag-iling n’ya ay ang malakas na palahaw ng mga taong nandoon kasama namin.
What does that mean? He can’t save my Mom?
“Don Alessandro, we did everything we could to save your wife. Believe me, I did all I could to save her, but only a miracle could have saved her. She was dead on arrival; everything was too late. Everything is in God’s hands now. Gustuhin ko man siyang ibalik sa inyo ng buhay, hanggang doon na lang din ang makakaya namin. My condolences to the entire family.”
Hindi sumagot si Daddy pero nakita naming lahat kung paano siya dumausdos at napaluhod sa harapan ng doctor. His hands started forming into fist. It was that moment that I pull myself para lapitan at yakapin sana si dad noong napaatras ako sa palakas n’yang pagtulak sa kin.
The next thing that happened caught me off guard. Isang malakas na sampal ang umalingaw-ngaw sa paligid na siyang natanggap ko mula kay Dad.
“Don Alessandro!” sita ni Mrs. Nerry matapos n’yang gawing pananggala ang sarili sa kasunod pa sanang sampal mula kay Daddy.
“Ilayo n’yo sa kin ang batang ‘yan. Nandidilim ang paningin ko, kung ayaw n’yong mas masaktan ko pa ‘yan. Huwag na huwag mong ipakita sa kin ‘yang alaga mo, Mrs. Nerry,” sambit ni Dad na animo’y lalamunin ako kahit na ano mang oras.
He was looking at me as if I were his greatest prey. Na para bang hindi n’ya na ako kilala, na hindi na n’ya ako anak.
“Don Alessandro, magiging malungkot ang asawa ninyo kapag nakita n’ya kayong ganito. Si Soleil pa rin ‘yan, anak ninyo,” pagpapaalala ni Lorenzo sa kan’ya.
“Wala akong anak na mamatay tao, Lorenzo. Inuulit ko ilayo ninyo sa akin ang batang ‘yan! PINATAY N’YA ANG ASAWA KO! PINATAY N’YA ANG SARILI N’YANG INA! MAMATAY TAO KA!”
“Daddy,” tawag ko sa kan’ya at akmang hahawakan ko siya noong si Mrs. Nerry na mismo ang humatak sa kin paatras mula kay Dad.
“Ayaw kong makita sa burol ang batang ‘yan, Lorenzo,” patapos nitong utos.
“Don Alessandro, hindi naman po siguro tama ‘yon,” angal agad ni Mrs. Nerry pero wala na itong naging imik pa noong tapunan na rin siya ng masamang tingin ni Daddy .
“NAHIHIYA AKONG IPAALAM SA MUNDONG BUHAY PA ANG ANAK KONG BABAE!”
Doon na ako napabalikwas while trying to catch my breath.
