Lightless Sunshine

Chapter 21

Mature content ahead. If you're uncomfortable to read this part, you can skip it. Below 18 must be warned. The author does not intended to trigger you in any means. If you are a sensitive and close minded person, this story isn't advisable for you.

Enjoy reading and stay warm!

Ps. If you're familiar to song below, please do read its lyrics para dama yung emo lol hahawabyu.

Chapter 21

I don't know how exactly I made Icarus nod his head and allowed me to stay with him him tonight. I'm thankful dahil pinayagan niya ako.

"You have faint bruises on your cheeks," pansin niya nang pareho na kaming makaupo sa sofa sa loob ng condo niya.

Napahawak ako sa aking pisngi. "Mayro'n?"

He nodded and his jaw clenched. Umusog siya palapit sa akin kaya nagdikit ang aming mga tuhod. Pinatong niya ang kaniyang isang hita sa sofa at humarap sa akin.

"Let me see it." he asked and lifted my chin gently through his forefinger. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya ngunit nang makitang sobrang seryoso ng kaniyang mukha ay napatikom nalang ako ng bibig.

My heart took a leap.

Sobrang lapit ng mga mukha namin. Ang kaniyang mainit at mabangong hininga ay tumatama sa aking mukha dahilan upang magsitaasan ang mga balahibo ko.

"It must be hurt..." nanghihinang aniya. Pinaglandas niya ang kaniyang mahahabang daliri sa pisngi ko. Para siyang nasasaktan habang nakatingin roon.

Umiling ako at bahagyang ngumiti. "Slight lang,"

"I'm sorry you got to suffer like this, Sunshine..." he sighed heavily. Nagtama ang mga mata namin at napailing siya.

"It's okay... I'm going to be fine. I think I deserve it naman." tawa ko.

Nagdilim ang mukha niya. "No one's deserve to be treated like this." he uttered.

Napapikit siya nang mariin.

"We have a lot of connections, Sunny. Puwede kitang ilayo sa bahay niyo. P'wede kitang bigyan ng matitirhan. Or you can just simply live with us in our house. I can do anything for you... if you just ask me to, I will." he suddenly said.

"Icarus..." maang kong usal.

"Tell me to do it and I will take you away from that house. You don't have to force yourself there, Sunny..." nanlulumong saad niya at tiningnan ako sa mata.

Nangilid ang luha ko.

I shook my head and held his hand on my cheeks. I caressed it a bit and smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you..." I whispered. "but you know I can't..."

I can't do it. They're only the family I have now. Hindi ko kayang pati sila mawala sa akin. Hindi ko kayang mawalan na naman ng pamilya. Ayaw kong maulila na naman...

He gritted his teeth.

"When are going to stop being so selfless, Sunny?"

Mahina akong natawa. "I am not selfless, Icarus. I am just plain stupid," I rolled my eyes jokingly.

Seryoso naman siyang nakatingin sa akin. His jaw was hardly clenching. Nakaisang linya ang manipis ngunit mapula niyang labi.

Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi.

"I'll get some ice pack."

Tumango ako at tumayo na siya. He got into his small kitchen. Pagbalik niya ay may dala na siyang ice pack. Ngumiti ako at pinagpag ang tabi, umupo naman siya roon ng paharap sa akin. Inayos ko rin ang posisyon ko upang hindi siya mahirapan.

Sinimulan na niyang idampi sa aking balat ang hawak na ice pack. Napapaatras ako dahil sa lamig nito.

"Stay still," he seriously said.

I pouted. "Malamig, Ica..."

"Because it's an ice. What do you expect from it?"

"Ang sarcastic mo."

"Then stop moving."

"Luh? Nagalaw raw ako? 'Di kaya, ikaw nga iyong nagagalaw eh."

"Because I'm holding the ice pack."

I rolled my eyes.

Pinagpatuloy niya ang ginagawa.

"Ica..." I whined.

His thick brows creased. "I said stop moving."

Ngumuso ako at hinila ang damit niya He was wearing a plain white shirt and khaki short. Nakapambahay na damit naman ako.

"Order tayo pizza?" I batted my eyelashes.

"Aren't you full?"

Umiling ako. "I'm craving for pizza. Eat tayo?"

Nagbuntong hininga siya at ibinaba ang icepack sa center table. Matapos iyon ay kinuha niya ang kaniyang phone na naroon lang din nakapatong at ibinigay sa akin.

"You order. I'll just take something,"

Malawak akong napangiti at tinanggap iyon. "Ano password?"

"None."

"Owkie... pwede damihan ko ang order? Please?"

"Sure," he finally broke smile. "Wait here, I'll be back."

"Oki pi."

He chuckled and bent down his head to kiss me on my forehead. I giggled. Matapos niya akong halikan ay pumasok siya sa kaniyang kwarto at ako naman ay nagsimula ng kulikutin ang phone niya. Sakto lang ang condo unit ni Icarus, studio type kaya malaya akong pagmasdan siya sa bawat galaw niya. Sa gilid ng aking mata, nakita ko siyang lumabas mula sa kaniyang silid.

Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil tutok na tutok ako sa paghahanap ng makakain. Good thing, may nagde-deliver kahit dis-oras na ng gabi.

Lumubog ang sofa sa tabi ko. His manly scent invaded my nostrils.

"What did you order?" he asked. Sumilip siya sa phone na hawak ko. "A bulalo? Seriously?" aniya.

Tumango ako. "May rice ka ba r'yan?"

"Wala. I don't do cooking since I moved here. Well, sometimes. Usually, I'll just go to restaurant and eat there. I'm kind of busy in acads," kaswal niyang kwento.

"Rich kid problems," irap ko. Umingos naman siya. "I'll order us rice nalang. Then isang bucket ng fried chicken then ano pa? Hmm, wala na akong maisip eh. Fries nalang kaya?" nilingon ko siya ngunit agad ding napatigil.

My eyes widened.

Pareho kaming natigalan sa sobrang lapit ng mga mukha namin. Our lips almost touched. My heart thumped so fast and loud as my mouth parted. Suddenly, the memories of that night when we shared a passionate kiss came rushing back in my head. Uminit ang pisngi ko at dali-dali akong lumayo sa kaniya.

"What do you think?" I managed to compose myself.

Napatitig siya sa mga mata ko ilang saglit bago siya tumango. "Anything you want."

Napangiti ako at tinapos na ang pag-order. We paid it through online and ready to deliver na rin ito. I'm so thankful na may twenty-four seven open na restaurant malapit dito.

"It will take an hour or two to get the food delivered, let's watch Netflix first," aniya at binuksan ang TV.

"Have you watched Squid Game?" tanong ko.

"I finished it yesterday," he calmly said. "Why, do you want to watch it?"

Iniling ko ang ulo ko. "I'm done with it," sagot ko. "Ano kayang magandang panoorin?"

"You? What do you like? Romance, fantasy, thriller, horror, psychological films. Name it," he said.

He sat on the carpeted floor which I mimicked. Magkatabi kaming naupo roon. Sandali kong inalala ang mga movie recommendation ng mga kaibigan ko.

"I'm really curious about the Fifty Shades of Grey. Can we watch it, Icarus?"

"What is that? A movie?" he started to find it until he stopped to a certain movie cover. "Oh, this..."

I turned my head to him. "Why? Is there any problem?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, let's go and watch it then."

Bumaling ako sa TV nang magsimula na ito. Icarus moved a bit until our distance are no longer existing. Inakbayan niya ako at pinasandal ang aking ulo sa kaniyang balikat. I smiled sweetly at his demeanour.

"You must be tired, so might as well rest for awhile," he kissed my temple.

"Thank you..." sinsero kong sabi.

Nagsimula na ang pelikula at tutok na tutok kami roon habang hinihintay ang mga pagkaing in-order. At first, I find this movie sort of comedy. Anastasia were so innocent and Grey was so hot. Very cliche but honestly, this movie is one of the best. I am not much of a book reader but I sort of familiarized those narratives and small details in the books. It was like watching a movie while reading a book. So detailed. May mga r18 scenes but it was okay for me. I'm not that too conservative to get uncomfortable and embarrassed with it...not until a certain scene showed up.

Napasinghap ako kasabay ng paghulog ng aking panga at pagkatulala sa kawalan.

Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng mukha.

"What the..." Icarus hissed. I saw looking him at me through my peripheral vision. Aligaga siyang nagpabalik-balik ang tingin sa akin at sa TV na nasa harapan.

"I-Icarus—" before I could even finish up my word, he suddenly covered my eyes through his hands, startling the s**t out of me.

"W-Wala lang nakita!" he exclaimed.

Napahawak ako sa kamay n'ya na nakatakip sa mga mata ko. "Icarus—" the doorbell suddenly rang, cutting me off.

He cursed under his breath. Narinig ko ang pagpatay niya sa TV. He finally let go of my eyes as he stood up abruptly, almost running towards the door.

Napakurap ako at napalunok.

What the hell was that...?

BDSM?

Tinapik ko ang mukha. Nakaramdam ako ng awkwardness sa katawan. We should've watched family-comedy movies instead. "Holy cow, Sunny..." I murmured.

I heard his footsteps coming back. Tumikhim ako at nagpanggap na hindi apektado sa napanood. It was awkward. "The food is here,"

He sat beside me again at doon inilapag ang mga pagkain sa harapan namin. Napangiti ako at nabaling doon ang atensyon.

"Oh, my gosh!" tili ko at binuksan iyon isa-isa.

"May sabaw r'yan, be careful." saway niya. "Let's go to the sink first to wash our hands,"

Nangingiting tumayo ako at halos takbuhin na ang kusina niya. Matapos kong maghugas ng kamay ay kumuha ako ng mga plato at kubyertos. Siya naman ay nasa may fridge at may hinahanap doon.

"Lemon juice?" aniya.

I nodded. "Sure,"

Magkasabay kaming bumalik sa sala. Sandali pa akong napahinto nang makitang may gitara roon. I shrugged my shoulders off. I didn't know Icarus do know how to play instrument.

We started eating. Halos kamayin ko na ang mga pagkain dahil ganadong-ganado ako. This is me whenever I'm stressed. Nag-s-stress eating. Mabuti nalang at may katandem ako kung kumain. Icarus will allow me to eat a lot but he's also a health conscious as well. He often feeds me with something healthier and we only drinks water.

After naming kainin iyong kanin at mga ulam ay iyong fast food naman ang sinunod namin. He was strumming on his guitar while I was listening to him.

"May I request a song?" I asked, my knees was bend together and my head was resting on it. He nodded his head at me. "Can you play 'At my worst' by Pink Sweats?"

His lips rose up. "Alright,"

I straightened my back as he began the intro. Excitement rush through me.

Can I call you baby?

Can you be my friend?

Can you be my lover up until the very end?

Let me show you love, oh, I don't pretend

Stick by my side even when the world is givin' in, yeah...

Umawang ang labi ko nang kumanta siya. His voice was cold and very manly. I suddenly got a gossebumps. My heart thumped fast while looking at him.

Oh, oh, oh, don't

Don't you worry

I'll be there, whenever you want me

He then looked at me straight in the eye and flashed a smirk. My jaw dropped... I think my heart, too.

I need somebody who can love me at my worst. No, I'm not perfect, but I hope you see my worth. 'Cause it's only you, nobody new, I put you first. And for you, girl, I swear I'll do the worst

Unti-unti, parang lumabo ang paligid at tanging siya nalang ang nakikita ko. We shared a passionate eye contact and neither the two of us look away.

If you stay forever, let me hold your hand. I can fill those places in your heart no else can. Let me show you love, oh, I don't pretend, yeah. I'll be right here, baby, you know I'll sink or swim..

I remember our childhood days when everything was still fine and happy. He witnessed it all.

I remember those times when I was at my worst and in the verge of giving up...and he was there for me.

Oh, oh, oh, don't

Don't you worry

I'll be there, whenever you want me

He didn't complained neither ask in return. He was just there for me, to listen and to comfort. He is like my Knight in shining armour. He always got my back. My mind began to question if do I really deserve such man like him. He's too good to be true.

I need somebody who can love me at my worst. No, I'm not perfect, but I hope you see my worth, yeah. 'Cause it's only you, nobody new, I put you first (put you first) And for you, girl, I swear I'll do the worst

I smiled sweetly at him while tears streaming down on my cheeks. My heart seems to explode with mixed emotions I feel right in the moment.

No, I'm not perfect, but I hope you see my worth. 'Cause it's only you, nobody new, I put you first. And for you, girl, I swear I'll do the worst...

The song ended and his voice slowly died down but our eyes remained staring into each other. My tears was pouring down like a raindrops. I don't know what to feel. The feeling was too overwhelming.

It was as if he said through singing the words he wanted me to hear. I can feel it. The way he looked at me reassuringly, genuinely and...lovingly. His hazel brown eyes were telling me to believe him.

"I'm always here..." he whispered, wholeheartedly.

____